This is a story that ive had on my computer, something that rattled around in my head for a bit.
Kind of a love letter to best friends, to those people in our lives that bring us back to life when we feel we will never be the same.
It is rated Mature, there is a lot of swearing, there is smut (not right away), bit of violence, anod a few other things that people may find triggering, so i should add that.
I obviosuly dont own the characters etc.
Chapter one – "the land of the living"
A busy, sweaty, loud night club was the last place Sansa wanted to be on her Friday night after a long week at work, but she had been guilted, convinced then guilted again by her sister/housemate Arya and her other housemate/friend Brienne being told by them that it was in fact time to join "the land of the living" informing her that her life of work and Netflix was not a healthy existence for a 22 year old women and was more suited to a 55 year old women who lived at home with her 20 cats.
So it was here she found herself, in the line with countless drunk, fun loving people who were all ready to let their hair down and enjoy a night of unknown adventures, prowling for lovers, having a laugh or taking various substances to escape, they were all here.
Sansa knew that this definitely wasn't her scene, it never had been, she wasn't a casual fling girl or the kind that took drugs to escape, she had slept with 2 men her entire life, the first being a huge mistake, him taking advantage of her naivety and her false impressions on what she thought the world of love was.
Joffrey was his name and he was a monster, she was lucky to have broken away from him when she did, shuddering to think what would have become of her if she hadn't broken it off after the first time they had sex, that night she had seen something in his eyes that was cruel, repulsive and evil, he was only interested in himself and it was no surprise to her when he died of an over dose just months later, she didn't feel one spec of sorrow when she heard the news, her only thought being of relief and that the world was in fact a better place without him in it.
Then there was the other guy. It was her 20th Birthday when she had first laid eyes on Sandor Clegane he was the tallest man she had ever seen, a tower of muscles, strength and other worldly god sex appeal, she knew instantly that he must have been older than her ( 14 years in fact she would later discover), but she hadn't been able to break away from the imaginary magnet that seemed to pull her to him, getting to know him was hard and at times exhausting, he was heavily guarded with emotional walls a hundred feet high all around him due to the scars that took up half his face, but Sansa didn't mind them, it was something about his eyes, grey, gentle yet smoldering, he looked at her when she spoke and actually listened, it had taken a few encounters with him before she finally got tired of waiting for him to ask her out and asked him out instead, she had never been so forward in her life but she couldn't help it, she was so drawn to him it was this incredible feeling she had never experienced before.
Sansa and Sandor had dated for 8 months before they finally had sex. It had been 8 months of dates, getting to know one another, sharing things with each other they had never told anyone, she had told him about Joffrey, about her brothers and sisters, shared her inner most thoughts and anxieties, he had in turn, with encouragement from her, done the same telling her about his brother, his childhood and the many difficulties and hardships he had faced in life. Sandor had always been fine with taking it slow and Sansa had fallen in love with him, she had fallen hard, she thought at the time that he had loved her too or at the very least cared for her very much.
The night itself had been so special he had taken her to her favorite restaurant up the coast, they had had an amazing evening and at the end when they were walking to the car she had told him she would like to go home with him, he had looked at her and smiled, then kissed her so passionately it was if he was trying to tell her exactly how he felt about her through that one kiss, as they made love that night it had been slow and sensual, she knew Sandor was taking his time to make it special and Sansa never knew it could be like that, so mind blowing, so special, so utterly intense. The second time that same night, had been quicker, rougher and passionate. Sandor had made her feel like the most desired women in the world and although she remembers wondering how she would walk the next day, she knew she was addicted to him, loved him and wanted him to be hers and only hers forever.
When she left the next day, she had been on cloud nine, beyond happy, if she had been a cartoon character she would have had heart emoji's as eyes, she was so in love, she had gone home and told Arya and Brienne about it and despite the fact that neither one of them were romantics at heart they were happy for her.
When she didn't hear from him that day, she didn't think too much of it because she knew he said he was going to do some work that afternoon and figured he just got on a roll with it. Then the next day she messaged him to say hi and see if he wanted to do something this week, to which he had replied that he was crazy busy at work and that he would contact her later in the week, it had been Friday when Sansa finally messaged him again to ask him if he was busy on the weekend as they usually always did something on the weekends together, then he had sent back that he didn't think this was going to work, that he was sorry and wished her the best, she tried to call him, he didn't answer, she messaged back saying she wanted to see him to talk, he didn't reply.
Sansa had cried for days, then those days had turned to weeks, she barely ate, barely slept at night, then slept all though the day, she didn't leave the house unless it was to go to work, and she only went back to work after she had used all her possible sick leave and any holiday days owing to her.
Brienne and Arya had been beyond worried for her, she knew they were only trying to help her and be there for her but she hadn't been able to see it or stand it, she didn't want to see anyone, she felt stupid, angry and heartbroken, she didn't understand any of it, she knew Sandor, she knew despite his gruff exterior he cared for her, she even believed he loved her somewhere deep in there, so why didn't he want her? That was the question that kept her up most nights. What did she do wrong?
As time went on she started to feel stronger and life started to feel more tolerable, one day she laughed at something funny Arya had said and both girls had just steered at her before they threw themselves at her giving her a huge group hug, which in itself was so unlike them, so that gave her some insight at just how worried they had been for her. She hadn't seen or heard from Sandor since, it was like he just up and disappeared from her life, leaving her in the dust.
So here she was just over a year later finally as the girls said rejoining the land of the living, lined up to get into some new club that Brienne's friend and crush Jamie Lannister managed downtown in the trendy up and coming neighborhood. She had known Jamie for a long time he happened to be Joffrey's uncle, but he was always kind and caring towards her, Sansa had always liked him and his brother Tyrion, they were different from their sister Cersei, Joffrey's horrid mother, that had always been apparent.
Jamie and Sansa had even had lunch a few times, they were friends it was nothing beyond that for either of them, recently she had suspected that Jamie was in fact very interested in Brienne also, so she had been enjoying watching that unfold, knowing Brienne was stubborn and insecure so it would take some push and pull before the two would come together, but she hoped they could get it together they both deserved love.
Feeling her phone buzz she pulled it out of her clutch purse.
Boyfriend – Have a good night
SS – yeah ok (that was said in a sarcastic tone by the way)
Boyfriend – it will do you good to get out and let that red hair of yours down, don't be a party pooper.
SS – well if it would do me so good, why aren't you here too?
Boyfriend – early morning ahead, can't work hung over like I used to
SS – now look who's the party pooper (its you by the way)
Boyfriend – ha ha ha, have a good night San, see you over the weekend
SS – ok x
Sansa felt her hand being tugged by Arya, looking up she saw Jamie standing there " Well hello beautiful ladies, let's get you out of this line and inside, I have a booth reserved for you and drinks are on the house" he smiled then unashamedly looked Brienne up and down before winking at her, he lead the way passed the crowds and into the club. The dim lighting gave way to crowded tables, lounges, booths and bar areas, being the new and hottest club in town it was packed out with people celebrating the fact that it was Friyay!
Sitting in the booth Arya was dancing to the music in her black doc martins, black mini dress that hugged her cute bod, before grabbing Jamie's arm to get his attention "ok so I'm going to need shots, a lot of shots, Sansa is out and we are celebrating the fact that my sister is hot, young and free to do as she pleases, with whoever the fuck she pleases" Brienne then raising her arms and cheering with Arya, Sansa couldn't help but laugh and join in, thinking how lucky she was to have them in her life, Jamie started laughing bringing Sansa in for a quick hug then a high five "Ok ladies shots are on the way and some cocktails to wash them down with, sound good?" he raised his eyebrows laughing when all three girls cheered, clapping their hands wildly for the man, with one last smirk in Brienne's direction he left to organize their drinks.
"Brienne when are you going to finally do something about the fact that Jamie Lannister has the biggest boner for you" Arya laughed watching Brienne blush furiously "He does not, stop it Arya you don't know what you're talking about" Sansa smiled reaching over to place her hand on Brienne's "Oh my beautiful friend trust me, that man only has eyes for you" Brienne looked her briefly in the eye and then turned her eyes to Gendry who was carrying a tray filled with shots and brightly colored drinks towards them.
"Babe you have never looked so damn sexy" Arya cooed when she saw her boyfriend at the table handing out the drinks, getting up to kiss him then whisper something which based on Gendry's eyes popping out of his head was incredibly raunchy. "Hello ladies, have a great night and Arya DO NOT leave without me tonight" he said pulling her back in for a kiss so passionate that Sansa and Brienne averted their eyes from the couple who looked as though they were about to devour each other. "What can I say he just gets me" Arya smirked sitting down distributing the shots out evenly "2 shots and 2 cocktails each, I like Jamie Lannister" she laughed as they all raised their first shot of tequila and downed it followed by the second.
Sansa was having a good time, it felt good to be out laughing and just being with her girls having a good time, no drama just fun, she also knew she was getting very drunk now on her third cocktail she was watching Arya dancing that girl seemed to have unlimited confidence, Brienne and Jamie were shamelessly flirting by the bar when all of a sudden she noticed Arya come racing over to Brienne and whisper something in her ear that made Brienne's body language change completely, whatever it was Jamie had heard it and his eyes had shot to Sansa with an odd look, what was it...worry? Concern?
Before she really knew what was happening Arya came over to her "I'm not feeling well, I need to go home, come on let's go" she said grabbing Sansa by the hand. Sansa stood quickly feeling thankful she had worn her skinny jeans and her ankle boots tonight instead of a short dress and heels, when her legs felt slightly wobbly from the alcohol. Brienne appeared next to her with a strained look on her face "ok let's go chicks" and they headed towards the door, Sansa quickly remembered that she should thank Jamie quickly and turned to look for him and that's when all the breath in her lungs left her.
He was tall, the tallest man she had ever seen, the tallest man in the club by far and usually the tallest man when he went anywhere, he stood out, she watched him take a seat, sitting on a chair talking to another man who she immediately recognized was his friend Bronn she had met him many times, she had always liked his humorous nature, there was a women sitting on the arm of Sandor's chair, she was beautiful, long brown hair, gorgeous figure wearing a navy dress that hugged her in all the right places, she had her hand on his shoulder while he chatted.
She felt a hand on her arm " Sansa come on lets go Arya isn't" Brienne looked in the direction Sansa was "shit ARYA" was all she heard Brienne yell, as Sansa yanked her arm free of Briennesand begun to march towards him, twisting and weaving through the crowd, until she was standing right in front of him, just looking at him, trying to determine if this was one of the many scenarios she had made up in her mind of what she would do should she ever see him again.
Not once in those scenarios had she been drunk, or had he been with another women.
Bronn must have alerted him to her presence, she saw him give the man a confused look before turning to see her standing there steering at him, his grey eyes met her blue ones, his eyes were searching hers as if she were a computer and he was trying to download her thoughts, his eyes looked sad, vulnerable and something else she couldn't place, her gaze briefly flittered to the women sitting on the chair with her hand on his shoulder, he looked at the women briefly then turned back to her, looking as if he was about to get up and approach her, she went to step back, then she felt the anger it begun taking over her body like a volcano erupting, all the sadness, stupidity and heartbreak she had felt turned to molten fury as she stepped forward picking up a drink from the table in front of him throwing it in his face, before she began yelling like a crazy possessed person
" You bastard, you fucking bastard, how could you do that to me, I thought I meant something to you, I thought you were different, how could you do that, treat me like I was nothing but a fling, someone who didn't even deserve a face to face break up, I meant so little, I was nothing to you, you never cared" she felt the heat of the tears running down her face, then she felt arms, strong arms around her waist lifting her away from him.
"San, San calm down, its ok" she heard in her ear, the voice of Jamie, then Brienne was standing in front of her speaking calmly "Its ok, look at me, come on its ok, let's get you home" she was looking at her, but Sansa eyes were still on him, he was looking at her, making no attempt to wipe the drink from his face.
Sansa watched Bronn put his hand on his shoulder and say something Sandor nodded and stood up and that's when she saw it Arya come flying through the crowd and jumping on him beating her fists on his chest, his face anywhere she could reach screaming at him like a lunatic probably getting in a few good shots too before Gendry was there yanking her off him, her legs kicking and arms punching in absolute rage, Sandor pushed her away turning to look at Sansa again before he headed towards the exit. At which she felt her legs give way and felt Jamie lifting her up and heading towards the exit also.
The cold air outside hit her like a bucket of Icey water to her face, she took a deep breath and felt it sobering her instantly, Jamie put her down and she moved into Brienne's arms, she heard shouting and turned to see Arya over Gendry's shoulder still in a fit of rage.
"That fucking cunt I can't believe he was there, FUCK!" she screamed so angry
"Babe you got to calm down, its ok babe" Gendry tried to diffuse his girlfriend
"Fuck! No, I won't calm down, after what Sansa went through after that cunt just treated her like she was nothing, mother fucker" she yelled back at him.
The only thing that seemed to get her to stop was when she heard Sansa's sob, allowing Gendry to put her down, she turned and wrapped her arms around Sansa "oh sissy I'm so sorry, we tried to get you out of there before you saw that fucker, I'm so sorry"
It all made sense then Arya wasn't sick she had seen Sandor and her and Brienne were trying to get her out of there before the night was ruined, well that had turned to shit when she had seen him, he was like a magnet she was pulled to him.
She sighed out loud feeling the two girls arms around her "ok girls, let's go home, I'm ok, I'm sorry for what happened in there I don't know what happened, I just felt so mad" she whispered and then turning to Jamie
"I'm so sorry Jamie, oh my gosh making a big scene like that in your club, I'm so sorry" she said looking down shaking her head feeling embarrassed, he turned to her grinning
"Sansa Stark doesn't take shit from no one, when you threw that drink in his face he looked like you stabbed him in the heart" laughed Jamie pulling her in for another hug,
"Don't apologize, I'm just sorry it ruined your night". She looked up with a faint smile and then heard "You threw a drink? YES, THAT IS MY SISTER BAD ASS" Arya cheered,
"I'm pretty sure I also managed to smack him in the head a couple times too" she added with a grin.
Sansa smiled at them, knowing that it should make her feel better, but knowing it didn't, the pit in her stomach was still there and it felt so deep that if she wasn't careful she would fall in again and she couldn't allow herself to do that, Sandor Clegane couldn't send her on a spiral of depression again, so she decided she would bury that pit, she was strong she could do it, she would push it all away, the love she still felt, the need and pull towards him, she would push it all away, it would only bring her more hurt, so push it away she would.
"Let's go" she said, as everyone started saying goodnight, that's when she heard it
" Little Bird" a deep rasp, a voice that used to make her heart swell with love, a voice she could pick anywhere, she turned and there he stood to the side of the clubs exit door wearing dark denim jeans, a black button up shirt with the top two buttons undone. looking at her with those eyes that could touch her soul, everyone froze and looked at him standing there then they turned to her.
Sansa took a deep breath, pushing away the need to go to him, to feel his arms around her, to hold him, she repeated herself this time slightly louder with more authority "Let's go", she walked towards the uber Jamie had ordered for them, fighting the need to look back she sat down in the car and as it drove away tears flowed down her face in the dark, as she quietly said her goodbyes to Sandor Clegane.