Chapter 10
Azula was sweating slightly. Breath coming in hurried gasps that she stifled quickly in the darkness. So far it seemed that the incompetent night guard was taking his usual midnight snooze and had not been alerted to the activity in the cell.
She'd been practicing every night for nearly three weeks, except on ice days. During those times she would bury herself in her sheets and the blanket Ty Lee had brought her. She always slept with the red side up, so it was like she was wrapped in gold. For whatever reason, that comforted her.
The freezings were shockingly tolerable now. She had experienced seven of them. But with the blanket, her regular eating habits, and increased muscle strength from training, she found she could simply take them as rest days. Periods spent in bed scattered throughout the schedule she'd made for herself in this place.
She didn't want Kai to find a pattern in the days she chose to freeze, so most of the time she selected them at random. Burn one day, burns are discovered the following day with ice coming soon after. Most weeknights she used exclusively for training. Sleep was usually for only five or so hours per night, and nightmares still swept her away sometimes. During the day she made sure to request three meals and ate everything they gave her.
The weekend was when Ty Lee visited. She usually brought some gifts to spruce up the cell or to just try to cheer Azula up. New teas, sugary sweet snacks, two pillows, a longer pair of red pants, and Azula's personal favorite: a spa quality shampoo. She pestered Kai until he let her take more frequent baths to use it. Even though there was no privacy, the tub was tiny, and the water came out of the tap ice cold, massaging the rich rose and fire lily scented liquid into her scalp was something new she could look forward to. Something to provide the illusion, if only for ten minutes, of a normal life. Though without servants doing it for her, it never felt quite right.
Ty Lee had succeeded somewhat in persuading Kai to let them have moments alone. Unfortunately, he capped their time at about five minutes. Much, much shorter than Azula had hoped for initially, but then again, it had only been three weeks. She would make sure Ty Lee kept trying to increase that time. The longer it got, the more Kai would trust her, the more he trusted her, the more favors she could ask.
Azula now knew that Kai had a soft spot for her. Her long established hatred of him had faded quite a bit after she realized a few things: he had never pushed particularly hard for answers to his questions, she could get away with ordering the guards to get her food whenever she wanted, and he allowed Ty Lee to bring her all of those items. She suspected he wanted to do more to help bring her back to her previous status of health, but she still wasn't exactly a cooperative patient.
The only negative thing he'd done was begin the freezings. And she supposed being under the constant watch of guards was annoying too. But both of those things were ordered by someone else. Yes, the real problem, the real man obstructing her, was her brother.
Zuko still hadn't been to see her, not that she wanted him to. It must have been a year since she saw him last. He seemed to have thrown her in here with the hope that she was insane beyond repair and that that would be it. She would live out the rest of her crazy days in a little cell under the watch of strange men at all times, while he drove the Fire Nation into the ground. That's what she assumed was happening. After all, how could her brother, who had only been to a handful of war and council meetings, who had been banished for Agni's sake, rule more effectively than she could? She with her soaring academic success, prodigious bending talent, command experience, and extensive knowledge of international and historical tactics.
The longer she thought about Zuko, the more she felt gutted by his place on the throne. It was hers. She earned it. Certainly more than Zuko had. Ruling over a nation he had switched sides from, how many times? The fact that the number wasn't zero spoke for itself. If only she hadn't lost her mind, perhaps she wouldn't have lost the crown.
She breathed deeply, pushing those maddening thoughts away for now, and refocused on progressing smoothly from one form to the next. Space was limited down here, and it was difficult to complete the more advanced positions. Not to mention how unnatural it felt to be doing them without blue flame blossoming from her hands and feet. But she did them regardless. All of them, multiple times, every night. She found that her vision adjusted quickly in the dark and she became even better at keeping her movements silent. The repetitive nature of the task cleared her mind and exhausted her enough that she fell asleep relatively easily.
Still though, there was something eating away at the pit of her stomach every day. More so than Zuko, more than her harebrained scheme for getting out of here. What bothered her most was Ty Lee. Traitorous, tempting Ty Lee and the awful feelings that bubbled inside of her during her visits.
No matter how much she tried, Azula couldn't completely cut those feelings out. She found herself looking forward to the visits, wondering what new amenity Ty Lee would bring, daydreaming of those five minute hormone fueled, fully clothed, not at all fulfilling make out sessions. Azula was ashamed at how often she pictured Ty Lee doing other things, not fully clothed. Her mind drifted back countless times to after Ba Sing Se, the handful of nights the two had been completely united. Probably the only times in her life that Azula felt she knew what happiness outside of conquering might be.
But it was wrong, right? To have these feelings for someone who cast you aside like an old doll. To want to slap her across the face but then kiss the mark. Ever since the Boiling Rock, Azula felt justified at seeing Ty Lee sweat with guilt or tear up with emotional pain as a result of her manipulations. But then the days of childhood or soft caresses would march into her mind and she wasn't so sure. A constant game of tug-of-war was waging inside of Azula. Team Discard Ty Lee and Team Maybe Care for Ty Lee. Azula had no idea which side would win out. For now, she supposed the weekend visits were acceptable. Purely to convince Kai of my progress, of course.
Her hands moved through the darkness, outstretched in a simplified adaptation of a black dragon form. How apt, black dragon in the pitch black. She slowly reached above her head, bending backwards into a bridge on the floor, now just kick the legs up to follow and…
"Your forms are weak."
Azula's eyes were well adjusted to the darkness, but even if they weren't she would recognize that voice anywhere. She kicked her legs up too hard and overshot where they were supposed to land by her hands, instead stubbing her toes hard into the floor.
She hissed in pain, listening for any motion of the guard. The idiot slept like a rock.
"Father. Wonderful of you to stop by, it's been so long," and so nice not seeing you.
"Save your flattery. Why are you still in this place?"
Azula sighed, she rubbed her throbbing feet and stood to continue more stances. "I'm working on it." She exhaled through her nose, "I don't even know why I respond, you aren't real. I suppose I'm just that polite." She flashed a grin at a non-existent person in a room absent of light and felt like a fool.
"I'm real enough. And very confused as to why you're squandering your spare time away on that girl."
Azula paused in her motions, but quickly disguised the movement and continued without responding.
"Yes, I know she's gotten to you. She's wormed her way back into that walled-up heart of yours. What is it you want from her? Physical satisfaction? I assure you, a beautiful princess like yourself could get that from anyone."
She shuddered, suddenly feeling the chill in the room. She could see the form of her father's hulking figure pacing near her. It was unnerving, a shadow in the dark.
"Or perhaps you want what you've lacked your entire life: someone to care for and love you. Is that right?" Ozai circled her like a predator swooping in on its prey. He's not here, he can't hurt you here. She closed her eyes and continued.
The self-proclaimed Phoenix King barked out a harsh laugh, "She's the closest thing you've ever had to that, hmm? But then she—"
"I know what she did. I'll never forget what she did, so shut up about it," the words left Azula's mouth and her eyes snapped open in shock. For a moment her heart stopped, she had never spoken to her father like that. But then, this man wasn't her father. He wasn't even a real man. So why was her heart racing uncontrollably?
Ozai spoke in a voice that Azula hadn't heard since she was fourteen. The tone she'd learned to wield herself, deadly calm and laced with poison. A voice to be used when someone had done something terribly, irreparably wrong.
"What did you say to me?"
The voice knocked Azula back to childhood. She could feel the burns from his scorching hands on her wrists, the flames that licked at her sides as she barely had time to dodge, the lightning that exploded a foot to her left. She was shaking and speechless. He isn't here. He can't do that anymore...
Azula was baffled. She knew, she knew Ozai was just an illusion. A hallucination created by her mind, a part of her that wanted to indulge in inflicting pain and hurt. Something that showed up whenever she considered her feelings for Ty Lee. A manifestation of her insecurities about weakness. But she was stunned into silence, unable to move as his figure approached her through the dense black curtain, arms behind his back. Two gold eyes glinted.
"I said, what did you say to me?"
She backed away until she hit the metal wall next to her bed. Her voice was shaking, "I'm sorry Father, I didn't mean it. It slipped out, it won't happen ag—"
The back of Azula's skull collided with the wall as her father struck her hard across the face. A flash of white blinded her open eyes for a moment at the impact. H-how?
Ozai did not stop. He pinned one of his daughter's arms against the wall and used his free hand to clasp her neck, squeezing his fingers. Azula choked out a cough and blinked rapidly, mind racing as to how this was possible. Pressure increased on her windpipe and her vision soon clouded with tiny spots. Can you be killed by a hallucination? The princess was horrified she was about to find out.
As soon as she started making frightening gurgling sounds, the fingers relaxed and Azula sucked in the cool air of the room. Still bewildered by what was happening, she raised her eyes to the man, not man, not her father, in front of her. She could still feel his loosened grip around her neck, but quickly noticed something sinister about his other hand. Two fingers outstretched in an all too familiar signal of what was to come.
From not being able to breathe at all a few seconds ago, Azula was sure she was hyperventilating now. Utter panic set in, her heart beat much too fast in her chest.
He can't, it won't work. He can't, he's too close. He can't, I'll die.
The arm holding Azula's neck withdrew and her mind went blank. She shut her eyes and made to jump to her right, aiming for her bed, arms circling in front of her. Before her left foot could leave the floor, she saw a white-blue flash through her eyelids. Heard the loud crack. Sensed the static charge in the air. And felt a surge of electricity shoot up through the toes still touching the floor. She screamed and fell onto her bed, blue charges spreading up through her leg.
The guard apparently couldn't sleep through that and as Azula lay writhing in lightning on her bed, he didn't shout for help, choosing to run out the door instead. Through the pain, Azula vaguely realized that in order to have left so quickly, the night guard must leave the door unlocked. That would have been nice to know a long time ago. She grimaced, her left leg twitching uncontrollably having taken the brunt of the strike.
Cracking her eyes open, Azula saw that the entire room was covered in snakes of lightning. They crawled over the bars, the walls, the floor, everything. Of course they did, it was made of metal. The light flashed irregularly, outlining the form of her father.
"Why would you d-do this?" Azula choked out through clenched teeth. The pain was constant and intense.
"You needed to know your place. Wake up, Azula. You don't need that silly girl."
Azula bit back tears as she heard the footsteps of Kai and the guard rush towards her room. They halted outside in the hallway, watching until the snakes slithered back into darkness and the room could be entered safely.
Kai bolted into her room and knelt by her bed, checking her pulse, calling to ready the healer, wiping her sweating brow, asking her questions, so many questions. But Azula could only mumble one thing as her tears fell and she recalled a memory stowed deep in her mind.
Three years old, she was in her father's arms as he placed a tiny royal crest in her hair. He held her cheek and kissed her forehead, "My little princess."
"D-daddy…"
Then she passed out.