Chapter 14
Kai rose from his chair and immediately proceeded to the patient care room, where he was pleased to find Azula sipping what by now must be some very chilly tea. Until he noticed a thin trail of steam curling up from the brim of the cup and instantly was on guard: she was no longer in the cooler, her bending must be back up to speed. Never underestimate this woman. Azula only looked at him once he reached the foot of her bed.
"Ready to talk?"
She rolled her eyes, "I guess I can't avoid this disaster forever, so go ahead. Ask away." Azula punctuated her words with a flick of her hand. Despite having been here for so long, she had yet to lose her haughty princess demeanor.
Kai sat in the chair recently vacated by Ty Lee. He had no paper or ink this time, choosing instead to simply observe Azula with his own two eyes.
"Well, I'd like you to tell me about the hallucination. It featured your father, yes?"
Azula licked her lips, deciding to tread down a rarely traveled path of honesty, "Yes. He appeared late, when I couldn't fall asleep. Harassing me about Ty Lee." Well… partial honesty. She was not going to reveal her training routine, nor how her father scolded her for not having escaped yet. Somehow she thought that would set off alarm bells in her doctor's mind.
"I see. What did he say?" Kai was looking at her thoughtfully.
"That I shouldn't bother myself with her because of what she did to me. So I told him I knew that already and then he attacked me."
Azula's eyes grew vacant while she envisioned what happened last night for the tenth time since she awoke that morning.
"He slammed my head against the wall, then he choked me. Just before I might black out, he loosened his grip and aimed his fingers at me. And I knew... I knew what he was going to do, so I jumped to my bed to try and avoid the lightning, but I guess being cooped up for so long has slowed me down," she gestured to her injury.
For such a harrowing experience, Azula spoke very matter-of-factly. It was always a little unnerving for Kai to see a patient relive such vividly violent images.
"Then you all burst in and I…" she paused. I had a very sweet memory slap me in the face.
She only just remembered it now. It was some random day of her not yet tainted childhood. Father took her out to walk around the gardens. Her hair had finally grown long enough to pull back, so he'd just had the palace metalworkers fashion a new crest for her. And that was when he took her in his arms and placed it in her hair. "My little princess," what a load of b—
"And you what?" Kai's voice rang through the room. Azula had zoned out, thinking about that day. She absentmindedly smoothed her hair back, heart hurting because she no longer had a royal crest of any kind, princess or Fire Lord, to wear in her hair. Kai's eyes never wavered from her face, and Azula suddenly found herself feeling terribly uncomfortable.
"And I passed out," she watched his expression while schooling her own into one of detachment. His muddy eyes blinked and he rubbed his chin in thought.
"What did he say about Ty Lee?" Kai spoke gently, like one might to soothe a child on the verge of a tantrum. This tone of voice did the opposite for Azula, she bristled at the sound.
"He wondered why I waste my time thinking about fucking her and if I just want to be coddled and loved. Idiot, he knows I don't—"
"How do you feel towards Ty Lee? Is it solely physical attraction? Do you like when she visits?" For possibly the first time, Kai had interrupted Azula. She glared at him, absolutely not wanting to answer those questions.
But she bit her tongue and cooperated for once, "I suppose it is somewhat pleasant when she visits. Since nobody else does."
He shot her a look, "Do you love her?"
"No." The response left her mouth instantly, surprising them both. She laughed madly, "How could I possibly after what she did? No."
Dr. Liu continued, despite Azula's gradually rising temper, "Have you ever thought that it is precisely because of what she did, that makes it so hard to accept your feelings for her?"
"I hate her for what she did," she maintained eye contact with Kai to make sure he understood how truthful her words were.
"But you are clearly conflicted over these emotions, judging by your father's appearance last night. I suspect part of you, a part of you that you are adamantly suppressing, does care for Ty Lee and does want those feelings to be returned. Otherwise, why would he show up to discourage those thoughts? Why would you allow her to continue visiting? However, you are still deeply hurt by the Boiling Rock incident and I'm afraid until you forgive her for that, you can't begin to address those feelings."
Forgive her? Is he stupid?
She cackled again, overpowering a strange pain that had arisen in her chest, "Never in my life will I forgive her."
Kai sighed and wrinkled his brow in sadness, "Then I don't think you'll be able to make the progress you desire. This inner turmoil is taking its toll on you. To accept what has happened and move forward is something you struggle with daily. I suggest you occupy some of your free time to meditation. If you start thinking critically about the things you are so desperate to avoid, I think you'll find that the hallucinations will fade."
Azula hated herself for asking, but maintained her glare to keep the illusion of disinterest, "What about the nightmares?"
The doctor stood and stretched, "All of your symptoms are connected. Straightening out your feelings will no doubt help abate the nightmares as well." He ran a hand through his dark gray hair and looked down at Azula, "Now, how is it you were able to conjure lightning last night?"
A chill of excitement spread down her spine as she remembered what she had accomplished. She was even more excited to deduce that the doctor had little knowledge of how firebending, and probably bending in general, worked. He doesn't know that firebending and lightning generation are completely separate techniques. Freeze the room as much as you want, Zuko, I can still bend cold-blooded fire.
She put on a mask of confusion, "I've been thinking about that too. It shouldn't have worked. I don't know why it worked." Her voice faded into silence as she pretended to ponder that which she already knew.
Kai clicked his tongue and spoke in a barely audible tone, "Hm. Well, we know it was done subconsciously. Perhaps it was a misfiring of signals in the brain caused by her hallucination." Suddenly he looked at her again, "You haven't tried doing this in your quarters before yesterday?"
Azula shook her head.
"Odd. So odd," he paced at the foot of the bed, finger running along his bottom lip in thought. Azula had to stifle another laugh. How did a man who knows nothing of bending get put in charge of me? It's absurd.
After a minute, Kai stopped and faced Azula, "Anything else about last night that you'd like to talk about?"
My training ritual? My escape plan?
"No."
"Alright, then I suppose it's time to go back downstairs. Can you put weight on your foot?"
Azula hadn't gotten the chance to try yet, but judging by the sharp pains shooting up her leg just from swinging it over the side of the bed, she had a feeling the answer was no.
She put all of her weight on her right foot and gingerly touched her left foot to the ground. She winced, trying the block the pain by blinking rapidly. Azula stumbled and reached out to grasp the chair in front of her to catch herself from falling to the floor.
She gasped, "I don't think so." Even without taking the full blast, it hurts this much. She could imagine tiny residual charges in her leg, activating upon movement or contact, shooting up her nerves in a white hot flash. Hopping backwards, she sat on the bed again while Kai walked across the hall.
He returned shortly with crutches and Azula clenched her jaw at having to use them. They were terribly uncomfortable and jabbed deep into her armpits.
"You really should invest in a wheelchair," she muttered through her teeth.
Kai smiled and walked beside her as she slowly made her way out of the room.
They entered the hallway and Azula got a look around at the ground floor for the first time since she entered the building over four years ago. A depressing thought to say the least, but she quickly focused her mind to pick up on other details.
They turned left out of the door, away from what she presumed was the front entrance. Behind her, she could see a woman sitting at a front desk. A door with the healer's name on it was slightly ajar. Azula guessed that was where Kai got the crutches. On this level, it seemed the metal was only exposed on the walls; a drab carpet lined the floor. A little ways down the hallway and she glimpsed a large padded room through a glass paned door. There were several people inside eating and playing what looked like Pai Sho.
She frowned and inexplicably felt a pain in her chest.
I'm not even allowed board games.
The pair slowly progressed to the end of the hallway towards a door labeled with a staircase. Once they reached it, something Ty Lee said suddenly came to Azula's mind. "There's only like two guards on this whole floor." She seemed to be right; Azula looked around and had yet to see even one. There were one or two staff members bustling around, but no guards. The security up here was lax. Sweetly, wonderfully lax.
Kai's voice jolted her back from her thoughts, "Do you think you can manage down the stairs?"
"No elevator either? Are we in ancient times?"
The doctor chuckled, "Clearly we need to make some upgrades. I can send for a guard to help—"
"No. I will do it," Azula would never stoop so low to be carried down the stairs. She wished she still had access to her palanquin. That was an acceptable form of being carried. But alas, there were no royal perks in this place.
Kai held the metal door open for her and Azula slowly, carefully descended down the stairs. Thankfully, they weren't too narrow and the dim recessed lights overhead worked well enough. Though twice, the crutches slipped on the metal surface and Kai had to yank her back by her shirt to prevent a nasty fall. Each time, the collar cut painfully into the tender bruises that crawled around her neck. She cursed under her breath, gripping the crutches firmly.
Glancing around, Azula noticed there were no guards patrolling through the staircase either. It seemed like their presence was maxed out on her floor. She still had no idea of the situation outside and made a mental note to wheedle that information out of Ty Lee sometime soon.
Progress down the stairs was slow, but eventually they made it to the very bottom. Kai again held the door open as Azula hobbled over the threshold. Her eyes raked over every surface of the hallway leading to her room. Entirely metal. The same recessed lights in the ceiling. Two guards were posted outside what she assumed was her room, situated halfway down the hall. At the opposite end, she saw another door with a staircase label. Two staircases, and I bet that one comes out right near that front desk. Right near the entrance.
Her breath fogged in front of her and she stuck her lip out slightly. The consistent warmth of the last twenty or so hours was gone. Orange flames again. The thought irked her.
They reached her door and as she passed through it, she raised an eyebrow at the sight of the room. It was completely changed.
This time, the walls were not coated in an icy crystalline sheen. White, flexible padding had been bolted to them, while the floor was covered in a thick dark red carpet. The same stuff she glimpsed in that large room on the ground floor. Her bed was made and fitted with Ty Lee's blanket and pillows. Azula glanced quickly to the tiny bathroom and found that it too had been fixed with the padding, though there was still no sign of a door. The iron bars spanning the middle of the room remained exposed, much to her delight.
"I thought a few changes were in order, after last night," Kai's voice sounded from behind her. "On the off chance that a repeat of yesterday happens, I think a far less conductive cell will keep any more serious injuries at bay. Though it's still capable of cooling."
She spun awkwardly on the crutches to face him, hair swishing in front of her face, "Zuko would never agree to this."
Kai stepped forward with the little key to the bars in hand, unlocking it with a soft clinking sound, "Perhaps not, which is why I did not inform him."
Before she could stifle it, Azula's lips twitched into a smirk. Against Zuko's wishes? Maybe he isn't so worthless after all. She crossed over the vastly softened floor and sat on her bed, crutches balancing against the wall. Turning the key, Kai locked her inside.
"Minah will be back tomorrow for another healing treatment. You may keep the crutches, in case you want to move around. But don't overexert yourself."
At the mention of the healer, Azula stiffened. She was reminded of the overwhelming panic she felt earlier and blurted a question out before Kai left, "Could… I be sedated for the healing?"
He turned and offered her a quizzical expression, but after some consideration he nodded.
"Let the guard know if you would like some dinner," the doctor walked briskly out of the room, leaving Azula back in the regular company of her ever watchful companions. This time though, one guard remained inside, while the other stayed in the hallway.
She stretched out gently on the mattress, careful not to rustle the gauze on her leg too much, and swept her eyes around the room again. She smiled a little, feeling quite good for the first time in a while, despite the random jolts of pain in her leg.
A/N: Just a shout out and thanks to the few reviewers out there :) I really enjoy reading your comments! Have a great weekend everybody.