Chapter 15: The Lies We Tell Ourselves
The window is ajar and the breeze slowly enters and engulfs the room, filling it with a hint of sea salt air. He misses his home by the sea, and yet he can not blame his sleepless night on the nostalgia that plagues him. Emma is the true culprit of his current sleeplessness.
Killian tosses and turns; he is anxious and that scares him. He knows he needs to tell Emma the true nature of his trip to Arendelle, but he is crippled with fear by the thought of her once again seeing him as she did when they first met. That thought makes him second guess his decision more than once.
The truth is simple; they are going to be married soon and although they are not marrying because they are madly in love, he still needs to start this relationship with a clean slate. He has no idea if her father is aware of his involvement and to avoid her hearing the sordid tale from another source, he prefers for her to hear it from his lips. He feels he owes her this much, at the very least.
That's his decision and he is sticking to it. It is settled he will tell Emma the truth. Although he had no prior knowledge of the connection between the owner of Nolan Shipping and Exporting and the Nolan's in town when the business had first been targeted, he knows this surely will not absolve him of guilt.
The influential people that were known to use Nolan's services had painted a target on the business, if it hadn't been him it would have been another. He knew that the strong room in the cellar would surely be filled with treasure. He had no doubt that his talented nimble fingers would be able to crack the lock. It was supposed to have been an easy score for someone of his skills.
Finally, with the decision made to tell her the truth, his eyes begin to feel heavy, he can barely keep them open and he succumbs to sleep.
The next morning Killian wakes and sets out in search of Emma. He finds her outside picking flowers in the garden.
He approaches her and once he is close enough he clears his throat to capture her attention. Emma finally looks up and smiles brightly at him.
"Good morning, love. You look stunning," Killian says while he is slowly approaching her. He looks down at the flowers in her basket and gently picks one up and tucks it in behind her ear along the loose strand of her golden hair.
She blinks dazedly at the contact and without knowing holds her breath as she turns her eyes to Killian. She tilts her head and smiles as she offers her reply, "Good morning, sleep well?"
Killian's demeanor changes quickly and he looks around, anywhere but at her. "Love, I have something I need to speak to you about, and I believe it to be important." He scratches behind his ear while he waits for a response.
"Oh, of course, should we head back inside and go to the office?" Emma asks as she takes a step toward the house.
He shakes his head, quickly dismissing the idea and guides her back to the lovely little patch of flowers she was at seconds before. "I would prefer to continue to enjoy the lovely scenery with you a bit longer, we can talk here," he says. Killian takes off his long coat and lays it on the ground for her to sit upon.
She smiles as she takes his hand and he helps her lower herself to sit on his coat. The fabric is so much softer than it looks, she thinks as she caresses the coat. Looking at him as he slowly sits down next to her she can tell he is nervous, but why?
"Emma, I will just get this over with. I hope you understand how difficult this is for me, and although that should not sway you into forgiveness, know that I am doing to this to give us our best chance. As you know, I have led a life of crime all my adult life and I have done a variety of questionable things I am not proud of, but what I'm about to tell you may change your mind regarding our upcoming nuptials. Months ago, when my relationship with Milah was in full bloom, I went to Arendelle on what was meant to be a very lucrative job for my associates and myself. It is safe to say it was not a lawful endeavor and I was caught by the Arendelle Navy. I was put in prison on charges of piracy against a shipping and exporting company there. That business was your father's," Killian says and looks at her carefully.
Emma studies him for a moment, she ponders what he's told her, and why he is telling her. "You are telling me that you were going to rob my father's company. Why would you simply be released without a trial? I don't understand."
"Yes, Emma, I was there to steal from your father's' business. I admit it. At the time I had no idea of the connection between him and Milah, much less you. I was released not because of my innocence but because my long lost brother felt mercy for me. I would have most likely met my death there. Arendelle shows no leniency when it comes to pirates. I could have easily kept this from you and hoped you would have never become the wiser, but I made the choice to share this tale with you. I solemnly believe I would not have pursued the job had I known of the familial connection you share with David Nolan. I only made the connection between you and the business during my conversation with Archie yesterday."
"Your brother let you go, just like that? Doesn't that affect his job?"
"Aye, it could. I suspect he was only doing it because I mentioned I wanted to get back to my love that I was to marry," Killian says.
"The job was unfinished, correct?" she asks.
"Aye, I was in jail and the rest of the crew was either killed during the capture or in a cell not far from my own," Killian says. "Emma, I know this is a lot to take in. I will give you time to take into consideration what I have just shared with you. If you choose to cancel the wedding, I will understand," Killian says, "but please know that is not what I want, I just needed us to start our life with no secrets between us." He gets up and offers her his hand.
Emma looks at him and takes his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. "I appreciate your honesty. I don't believe this changes anything, at least not for me. I'm disappointed, but I understand that was your life then and this will be your life now. I am going to choose to see the best in you, you are a good man that has made mistakes in his past. You are very good to the workers; a man that feels such empathy for those less fortunate cannot be a lost cause."
"Are you sure? I must insist you think it over, I would hate for you to leave me at the altar if you had a last minute change of heart like your cousin. I have some business back in town, before I go I will go check on Mr. Thomas and maybe check in with Archie on some things."
"I will not keep you any longer, and if you would like we can talk some more once you return," she says with a smile that lets him know her decision has already been made.
Killian returns her smile with one of his own and brings her hand that he is still holding to his lips for a gentle kiss, then he makes his way to the little hut Michael Thomas resides in. His knock greeted with a muffled come in.
"Good morning, Mr. Thomas. I hope you are feeling better," Killian says to the older man as he walks into the tiny room.
"I am, thanks to you and the lovely angel, Miss Emma." Mr. Thomas hesitates as he scrutinizes Killian. "Are you here to fire me, too? I have heard that you have fired most of the older workers." The thought that seems to linger in his mind is how much the younger man reminds him of his old boss, Brennan Booth.
"Of course not, actually I would like to offer you employment that may be safer for a man your age. As for the other older employees that have been let go, that was not on my order. Now about the employment, it will have to wait until you are completely healthy seeing as the lovely Miss Emma would sooner cut off my hand than let me encourage you to start working before you are truly healed from your injuries and sickness." Killian arched an eyebrow and grinned at the old man as he spoke. "I have some business back in town, upon my return I will surely get to the bottom of the firing of our older workers."
The man smiled as he saw Killian close the door shut on his way out. He truly had a remarkable likeness to Brennan Booth - and it was not just physical, he shared a good heart too.
Killian is finally away from the Booth Estate. He misses his simple life and yet all the eyes on him say his life will no longer be simple. It seems the rumors have not died out. The curious glances and the hushed whispers he keeps getting from the simple commoners to the rich and noble are an indication that it will not happen anytime soon.
He is walking towards his new office at Tiny's Golden Goose Tavern where his old friend has allowed him to rent one of the rooms as an office, at least until he finds something more suitable. He hopes Smee is in there assisting Archie as he was previously instructed to do so.
He walks in and greets his friend with a cordial nod then heads up the stairs to the modest room he is renting. He opens the door and is met by the sleeping forms of Smee and a couple of Tiny's workers. No doubt in his mind the men had entertained themselves the prior night with some libations from the bar.
"Rise and shine, you bilge rats! No offense, Mr. Smee," Killian says loudly, even though Smee does remind him of a rat from time to time.
The other men in the room scurry away, but Smee just stretches lazily as his chair shakes and rattles slightly out of balance. He sleepily replies, "None taken, Captain. For some reason, I keep dreaming of cheese."
Killian laughs at his first mate's comment, perhaps he had lived as a rat in a previous life. "Smee, there is no need to report on the town's gossip since I got the gist of it on my way here. Are you not going to congratulate your Captain? It appears I'm in the market for an engagement ring," Killian says as he shuffles some of the papers thrown on the desk.
"Sir, does the engagement ring be for Miss Milah?" Smee asks.
"Of course not! For my bride to be, Miss Emma Nolan," Killian answers as he tries not to lose his temper.
"I don't understand, sir, the plan was for you to get Miss Milah back, alongside the considerable Booth fortune," Smee tells his longtime boss.
"Are you questioning my actions, Mr. Smee?" Killian asks as he crowds the portly man and waits for a response.
"No, of course not sir, it's just... I cannot help but mention that you seemed different on my last visit to the Booth's. I believe it is because of her." Smee's voice gets higher and higher as he cowers from Killian's piercing glare.
"Smee, don't misunderstand my actions, it is all part of the ruse I have concocted in order for my plan to succeed. I'm only entering into this marriage to cover up the little dalliance I had with Milah so her rich new family will not be suspect of her misdeeds. You see if I'm part of the family, my presence will not be questioned or unwanted and in order for the plan to be successful, I have to act like I want to be a better man. Finally, if with my marriage to Emma, Milah is to experience half of what I felt on my return from Arendelle, then who am I to question my good luck? Milah hates her cousin and if my revenge is provided by her lovely cousin, I will allow it," Killian says as he looks around.
In the heat of the conversation, they both had missed Archie entering the room and subsequently overhearing their conversation. The look of disappointment on his face was enough of a warning to Killian of the lashing that was about to be directed at him. Killian clenched his jaw in frustration as he made his order known. "Smee, go get me something to eat from Tiny's kitchen and take your time. I have some things to discuss with Archie."
"Yes, sir," Smee scurried out of the room as fast as humanly possible.
"There was no need to dismiss him. I will just say this to you, Emma deserves better than to be used and lied to. She has a good heart and she seems to see the same thing in you as I do. She was devastated by August's actions and now you are using her too. Killian, don't you see how lucky you are?" Archie asks shaking his head.
"Are you going to tell her what you heard?" Killian asks. His stomach drops and he cannot admit to anyone, much less himself, that he cares so much more than he should.
"Killian, I should tell her so she can call off this wedding, but I won't. I will give you the chance to do the right thing, to do the honorable thing. I came to tell you that I had found a lovely house that would be perfect for you two. Mrs. Lucas is selling her home because of her deteriorating health, and since she will be moving in with her granddaughter, Ruby Whale, she has no need for the furniture. Earlier today I went to Dr. Whale's home to finalize the deal on your behalf and the house is available to move in as soon as possible," Archie says and looks at Killian as he waits for a response.
"Is there anything else you need to add?" Killian asks stubbornly. He hates seeing the disappointment on Archie's face, but he will not fold on this matter. He will marry Emma because she is the means to an end. Killian is back to feeling angry and he was a fool to ever think that he would ever be seen as anything other than the worthless, womanizing, selfish scoundrel that he will undoubtedly always be.
He will not give up Emma as she will surely lead him to his happy ending, whether he deserves it or not. He thought for a brief second that he could join her and be a part of something special but alas, that is not in the cards for him, at least not with someone like her. Milah, on the other hand, is someone like him, one of the worst humans around.
He doesn't deserve light, he only is worthy of darkness. The truth is, he lied to Smee, he said those words because Smee made him feel weak and not in control of his feelings. He had felt a shift in his core because of Emma, but he will not lie to himself and think that there is a possibility that she could possibly feel as he does. He will not be made a fool by another Nolan woman.
Emma finally walks into the house after regaining her composure. She understands who Killian Jones was and she knows who he can evolve into. She cannot deny the fact that she had been upset about his story but at the time he didn't owe her anything. She hopes that tidbit stays in the past.
She hears her name and turns to meet the source. "Good morning," Emma says to Cora, cordially.
"Good morning It seems congratulations are in order," Cora says.
"Oh?" Emma responds. "Your mother informed me of the upcoming nuptials between you and the Captain," Cora says.
"Let me guess, my mother came to you in hopes you would be able to talk me out of it," Emma says, rolling her eyes at her mother's antics.
"Yes, she did, but I will do no such thing. I'm actually happy you two are to wed. I can now relax, since I'm assuming the two of you will leave once you have married, and subsequently he will forget about whatever brought him here. Thank you, you are a savior," Cora says as she smiles and walks away.
Emma doesn't see the triumphant smile on Cora's face as she leaves her standing in the long hall, mulling over her actions. The only reason she is marrying Killian is to save her family, not because she sees a happy future with him.
Snow is walking aimlessly in her room and she glances out the window. Her daughter cannot marry that man. Earlier she had seen them interact outside among the flowers. It had been a highly romantic setting and she could not help but notice that there were no advances on his part.
She knew of his reputation with women and her fear was that he would not be able to show her daughter the respect she deserves.
Maybe she could agree to meet him and cautiously get to know him. She could request for Emma to not rush into the marriage. Emma has barely recovered from her previous heartbreak, and she is afraid of what could become of her Emma if this relationship fails as well.
She needs David to help her convince Emma to wait. Sadly, her daughter seems to be set on marrying soon. There is no time to lose, so she writes a quick message to David letting him know of the situation. She needs someone to go into town to deliver her message to Archie who will then send the telegraph to Arendelle. Her maids are gone, so the only option left is to send Enith and she seems to dislike taking orders from anyone that is not the lady of the house.
Snow calls for Enith who surprisingly quick to answer her call.
"Enith, I need to send you on an errand. Please take this to Mr. Hopper; he will know what to do. Oh, and you don't need to wait for a reply." Snow smiles warmly as she hands the letter to Enith sends her on her way with hopes there will be enough time to delay Emma's wedding.
Unfortunately, when Enith finally returns, it is to tell Snow that Archie has already left for Arendelle according to the man in the red hat. Snow thanks her and is left alone once more to ponder her next move.