Disclaimers: As much as I may want to claim ownership of this famous series, I can't because both Harry Potter and GATE: Thus the JSDF Fought There belongs to a whole lot of different companies that I can't remember the names of at the moment. Any characters that appear in this fic that is not a part of the original series, belong to me so don't take them without asking first.

Word Count: 559

Marriage Law Rejection Letters
Letter #291
Submitted by: Quatermass
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Dear Ministry of Morons,

*sigh* Really? You're going to try and pull this crap? Okay, let me tell you why this is what is known as a Spectacularly Bad Idea.

The first is that I am currently wed to Sergeant-Major Shino Kuribayashi of the Japanese Self-Defence Forces. Yes, I know, you're thinking she's just another Muggle, but she is actually a Muggle with a lot of combat experience. You might think I'm exaggerating when I say she's a one-woman army, but frankly, I am not. She's tough, feisty, and doesn't have that great an opinion of wizards and witches, myself, Hermione, and a few others excepted. When she read your letter, her exact response to it was 'over my dead body'.

The second is that we are currently on deployment through the Gate that you must have heard of, the one that appeared in Tokyo and disgorged all those soldiers and ogres and dragons that killed or captured a bunch of people. Given that the Japanese Ministry has jurisdiction where the Muggle authorities don't, well, good luck coming here to enforce that.

The third, related to the first two, is that we have another woman in the relationship, an adorable High Elf by the name of Tuka Luna Marceau. She may be a rather sweet and peaceful girl, but she can also put an arrow through your eye before you even know she's there.

Fourthly, we have the allegiance of Rory Mercury. You probably didn't see that footage of her chewing out that politician in the Japanese Diet, as you're allergic to TV, or any kind of technology, so let's put it this way: she's a 900 year old demigoddess with the body of a girl in her early teens, dressed in Gothic Lolita finery (look it up), and wielding one hell of a large halberd. Oh, and did I mention that she's immortal? And that she likes me enough to kill anyone who threatens me?

If you want to press the issue, fine. Just know that the Japanese Ministry, the JSDF, and Rory Mercury will take umbrage with whoever threatens our relationship. So...be smart for a change. Don't press the issue.

Yours sincerely,

Harry Potter, civilian contractor for the Japanese Self-Defence Force expedition to the Special Region.

Author's Notes:
This latest Marriage Law Rejection Letter update was recently submitted to my review box by Quatermass. Thanks for the submission. If anyone else has any letters they want to submit, feel free to send them in. lol

Notes from Quatermass: Okay, so, I've got a couple of more letters for you to post. The first is a shameless plug for my "GATE: Thus the JSDF Fought There" crossover, "Another Fine Mess".