STOP! Before you read this, have you read chapter 23? I didn't realize at first it wasn't posted and just put the journal entry up. I'm sorry! Go back and read it! Or you're missing the rest of Halloween night!
"Hey Dad," I jump the last few stairs and head over to the kitchen where he is having breakfast.
"Tori, another early morning?"
"Yeah, uh I was hoping to catch you before you left for work." Sitting down across from him I start messing with a water bottle that has been left on the table.
"Tori?" My dad asks after a few minutes of awkward silence.
"Yeah? Oh..um." I push the hair back from my face and continue, "Why did you and mom stop going to counseling?"
He set his spoon down and sits back. "Counseling is great, if you want help. If you aren't committed to dealing with why you're there, then you are just wasting your time and theirs. You're mom," He sighs, "She wasn't ready to face the problems so she stopped." Getting up, he moves to the seat next to me and I hold my breath. He reaches out his hand and I slowly put mine in his. He opens his mouth, but I cut him off before he can say anything else.
"You said Mom stopped. Does that mean you still go?"
"Caught that did you? I do."
"Why?"
"There's a few reasons. Work, your mother, Trina...is there something you'd like to talk to a therapist about?"
Eyes glued to our hands, I answer, "Yes."
"Does it have to do with the nightmares?"
Taking a shaky intake of breath, I nod.
"Can you tell me?" I shake my head and can't stop the smallest whine that escapes. "Tor," He kneels down besides me and pulls me into a hug. "Let it out Tori, you're okay." A sob escapes before I can stop it, and then another. Clutching tighter to my dad I finally stop trying to hold it in and cry.
It feels like hours before I finally calm down. Pulling back, I wipe the tears off my face. "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, I have a feeling that has been long overdue." He runs his hand over my head. "I'm not sure my therapist sees kids but I can find one for you today."
I pull out the crumpled card Cat gave me and hold it out to him.
"You've really done your research."
"Cat gave it to me."
"Well," He puts the card into his pocket. "I can call but they might need more information. I'll give them your number in case they need to ask you anything. Tori? I love you, no matter what. You know that right?"
"Yeah, dad." He pulls me into another hug and I take a deep breath. "Can you drop me off at a friends? I'll catch a ride into school with them."
Standing up, he nods, "Sure, go get your backpack."
I quietly open the door and step into Beck's RV. Between last night's Halloween party and this morning's melt down I'm drained. I was worried that on the drive to the beach house that things would become weird. Kept waiting for Jade to tell Beck to stop and leave me on the side of the road but it never happened.
We got there and someone had already pulled every cushion, pillow and some blankets down in front of the giant t.v. Beck headed straight to the kitchen and it was only a few seconds before I heard the microwave. He came back with a big bowl of popcorn and some waters and Gatorade. I tried sitting off to the side, but Jade pulled me right into the middle and hit play on the remote. I tried focusing on the movie but couldn't stop replaying the night over and over in my head. My foot started tapping and after the third glare from Jade I excused myself, grabbing my journal and sneaking into the kitchen.
By the time I got back, Jade was in my spot and the bowl of popcorn was almost gone. Sitting next to Jade I carefully leaned into her side, still scared she was going to yell at me. She linked her fingers into mine but otherwise ignored me. Once the credits started rolling we stretched and Beck commented about how late it was getting. We cleaned up and headed for home.
Now looking at them curled up on his bed, I kind of wish I had taken their offer to stay the night, but I know if I waited to talk to my dad, I'd probably chicken out again.
"Take a picture, it lasts longer." I blink at Jade's sleep filled voice. She curls away from Beck facing the wall. "Well?" She questions after I still don't move. I slide my shoes off and crawl up the bed between her and the wall. Beck turns looping his arm around Jade's waist and pulls her closer.
"Morning." He mumbles. Eyes still closed, he nudges his nose into Jade's hair. She swats at his hand but smiles at me.
"You're up early."
"Yeah, I wanted to catch my dad before he left for work." Jade stiffens a bit but I ignore it. "I asked him about counseling.
Beck lets out a loud breath I didn't even know he was holding, "That's good." He smiles looking over Jade 's head to me.
I smile back and look to Jade; who has a small smile on her face.
"Come here." Holding open her arms and I scoot into her hug. She wraps her arms tightly around me and Beck's hand rests on my waist. "I'm proud of you."
A few more tears slip out, and I groan. "I'm tired of crying." I swipe at my face. Jade pushes my hand away, gently wiping the tears from my face.
"I have to admit. After you asked to be dropped off last night, I was worried you were going to freak out and try and avoid us."
"No freaking out." I feel my cheek color a bit, "At least, not after I realized you weren't going to drop me off in the middle of no where."
"What? Why would I do that?" My eyes skirt past her and I feel my blush deepening. She scoffs and rolls her eyes. Before she can say anything else Beck's alarm goes off. "Ugh, can't we just stay here this morning?"
"I can't." Sighing I pull away and sit up. "I have Gradstein." Jade and Beck both groan and Beck rolls out of bed.
"I'll be out in a few minutes." Beck leans down and kisses Jades forehead. Glancing at me he smiles and goes to get ready.
"Come here Vega." I let Jade tug me back down and I relax as she curls up next to me.
"Who knew you were such a cuddlier?"
"Breath a word of it and I'll cut you." She wraps an arm around my waist, fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. "So, no bad dreams last night?"
I take a deep breath holding it in for a minute before letting go, "No but, I heard him last night." Jade's fingers freeze.
"He was at the party?"
"No," I rush to answer. "I mean in my head. I-I hear him sometimes."
"Like the night at the beach." Jade says thoughtfully. I nod taking another breath. "What did he say?"
Biting my lip, I'm unsure if I want to answer. "He just called me names again. Mocked me for kissing Beck."
"That was hot" She shakes her head, "Sorry, not the time. What do you think?" She asks turning to see my face.
"What do you mean?"
"About what he called you?"
I'm quiet as the same slew of names run through my head. "He's wrong," I whisper.
"What was that?" I miss the smile on her face as I stare at the ceiling.
"He's wrong." I say louder.
"Damn straight he is." We're quiet for a few minutes and I feel Jade rolls onto her stomach to look at me better. "So," her tone is mischievous, "About that kiss.."
I tense, I knew this was coming. "Wh-what about it?" I feel her staring at me but I refuse to meet her glare.
"Did you like it?" I blink. That was not what I was expecting. I chance a glance at her and I'm surprised to see her smiling at me. She raises an eyebrow when she catches my eye.
Pinching my lips together I fight to smile, "It was all right."
"Hey!" We both jump, neither of us hearing Beck come out of the bathroom. Beck raises his hand to his chest, "You wound me." He winks at me as he walks over to grab one of his plaid shirts.
Jade smirks and rolls her eyes, "You done in there?" She rolls off the bed and heads into the bathroom not waiting for an answer.
Beck comes over and sits near my feet. Running his hand through his hair he opens his mouth and closes it again.
"Beck," I sit up but stop talking as he raises a finger.
"It's okay if you don't want to kiss or anything. I told you before I'm happy with just spending time with you and I meant it. I'm sorry about last night."
Grabbing his arm I stop him, "Beck, look at me. I liked it." I feel heat rising on my cheeks but push on, "I just said that to tease Jade. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"You liked it?"
"Maybe more then liked it." I bite my lip and look at my lap.
He smiles and sighs, "Good but I mean it, I don't want to push you."
"You're not." I shift a bit still looking at my lap. "I wanted to kiss you. I knew what you two were up to the moment I saw you walking towards the back. I-I wanted to go with you but I'm not ready for that. Besides, I was having fun with Cat. I can't think of the last time I was relaxed enough to just dance. I miss that."
"Me too."
"You know, if you ever want to do it again.."
"I'll be sure to let you know." I smile and he squeezes my hand before getting up to put his socks and shoes on.
"Outta bed Vega, you're the reason we're up and you're the one still in bed." Jade brushes past Beck to get her backpack.
"Hey! I was ready to go before I even got here."
"Yeah, check your bed head."
*RING*
I jump as my phone rings and smile apologetically at Sikowitz, "Sorry!" Grabbing it I step to the back of the room. "Hello?"
"Hi, this is Michelle with Dr. Grahm's office. Is this Tori?"
"It is, umm hold on." I glance at Sikowitz but he is engrossed in the scene on stage and slip out into the hallway. "Yes?" I ask nervously.
"You're dad called saying you were wanting to speak to someone but he didn't know why."
"I-"I look around the hall and quickly make my way to the janitors closet. "Yeah, I need help." I say after the door closes.
"Okay, can you tell me anything else?"
I squeeze my eyes closed and count to five.
"Miss?"
"I was raped." It doesn't get easier saying it
"I'm sorry. Have you been-"
"I've had tests done. I just, I need to talk to talk to someone. It's effecting my school work and my friendships. I can't sleep and I'm freaking out whenever someone touches me. Except Jade or Beck and that's a whole nother slue of problems."
"Okay, I went ahead and ran the insurance before calling you. We have an opening tomorrow at five pm or the next day at eleven am."
"Tomorrow works. Can-can my friend come?"
"They can come with you to the visit but I'm not sure if the therapist will let them come into the room with you. You'll need to show up thirty minutes before hand to fill out paperwork and there will be a $20 co-pay."
"Oh, okay. Thank you." The bell rings and I jump.
"You're welcome. Have a good day."
She hangs up and I stare at the phone for a minute. Shooting a text to my dad, I thank him for setting up the appointment and let him know what she said.
The door opens and I hear Cat holler, "She's in here!" Stepping in, she holds the door open and it's not long before Beck and Jade come in.
"Who was that?" Jade asks looking at my phone.
"The therapist's office. I have an appointment tomorrow."
"That's great news." Beck says as Cat squeals.
"Yay! You listened to me." She claps her hands together.
"Um..yeah." Pushing some hair behind my ear I give her a nervous smile, "Thank you."
The bell rings and Jade looks over to Cat, "Cat, you better hurry if you don't want to be late."
"But I wanna stay."
"Go." Jade folds her arms and stares at the red head.
"Fine." Cat huffs and walks out the door Beck opened for her. I try to follow but Jade stops me with a hand on my arm.
"Jade, I don't want to be late either."
"You'll get over it." The raven haired girl responds with a smile. "What time tomorrow?"
"Five," pulling on the sleeve of my shirt I ask, "Will you come with me?"
"Like we'd be anywhere else."
"Even if you have to sit in the waiting room?"
"Even if we have to sit in the waiting room." Beck confirms.
"I say, we skip the rest of the day and go get smoothies."
"That sounds like a good idea." I reach for my bag, which Beck brought with him.
"What, no I can't possibly miss my class?" Jade playfully snarks in her southern voice.
"I don't talk like that. Besides," shooting a look at Beck, "I might need a break from all the real life." I sing.
He smiles as Jades looks back and forth between us. "Whatever, let's go before she changes her mind.