It sits in the family

by Flagarach

Though luck, will and sheer determination Kusanagi Shizuka managed to slay a deity, becoming the eighth godslayer in the process. Now she is forced to deal with mages, heretic gods and fellow Campione. But most importantly, can she keep her new-found powers a secret from her totally not also a Campione brother?

11. Arc 4-2:

Bacchus... who would've thought that he would turn on Shizuka like this? Damn it, just when she hoped that her holiday could be calm and peaceful this guy had to ruin it!

"Oh fire, descend form the heavens!" But if it's a fight he wants, then it's a fight he gets. Shizuka won't let herself be rolled over!

Bacchus too summons his authority, his domain of power: "Fair Bacchantes, bear cymbals, flutes and thyrses! Wild from Naxian groves and Zante's vineyards, sing delirious verses!"

As Bacchus sings these verses the air around him corrupts, twisted malignantly until it became harsh and abnormal. The humans who were applauding Bacchus just a minute ago are now unconscious, poisoned from the very air they breathe. Even Shizuka finds her breathing slightly inconvenienced, though she can manage.

However, it's not exactly poisoning the air. The only ones fainting here are humans. A domestic parakeet, just a few meters away from Shizuka, seems fine. It isn't affected at al-

Skraaa!

The parakeet lets out a loud roar, louder than should be naturally possible. Its body expands, hulks out. Shizuka isn't sure how, but the parakeet is… transforming? The feathers look more like razor-sharp blades, and why does that beak have teeth in it?

The steel cage that used to hold this beast stretches a bit before shattering under the new-found size of this monster bird. It quickly grows several meters, settling down when it's the size of a large car. It's also quite angry, rushing at Shizuka in a violent frenzy. Shizuka can only barely avoid getting hit by one of the beast's pecks, which seems to have developed a lust for the young king's blood.

An authority that turns normal animals into wild monsters. What kind of absurd authority is this?

Well, time to negate the effects of this authority. "Fire of sanctity, hereby I command you: purify evil, nullify the wicked!" Different from nullifying magic like [Disaster purification] or [Fairy's blessing], this makeshift spell of Shizuka means to burns away evil while keeping the just intact. To do so Shizuka used about half of her stone of fire, a sacrifice well worth it if it prevents the creation of these monstrous divine beasts.

Blue fire surrounds the giant bird, which stopped to hunt Shizuka to deal with this strange situation. It tries to flap with its wings, or swipe with its tail, but nothing seems to extinguish these weird flames.

Suddenly the parakeet cries out in pain, proof that this technique of Shizuka is working. The bird shrinks down, and the fire increases in size the more the bird turns back to normal.

Hang on… the fire grows? That was not what Shizuka planned to do. Why would this authority suddenly do that? Shizuka's eyes go wide, suddenly realizing that she made a big mistake! Quickly she changes [Fire] for the more defensive earth, as now she must defend herself from her own authority:

"As the sovereign of earth, grant upon me a shield to resist all flames!" Quickly a multi-layered wall of earth surrounds Shizuka, and not too soon as the blue fire turns into a loud explosion.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could Shizuka forget the most important part of her authority! The elemental chain! This authority of Bacchus that poisons and maddens the air, it's equal to Shizuka's [Wood]. This wood feeds Shizuka's fire, increasing its power but also destabilizing it! That caused the explosion, her fire went berserk by Bacchus' power! It's a small wonder Shizuka didn't have any mayor problems with this before.

Dismissing the earth wall Shizuka sees what exactly her flames caused: The humans who fell unconscious on the ground are now either dead, on fire or dead and on fire. The parakeet is long gone too.

Her father… Shizuka cannot find him. Is he simply not here? Did he get burned beyond recognition? What happened to dad?! What happened to him! "Dad? Dad!"

Shizuka screams it out, trying to hope if there is any contact. She has basically forgotten about her fight, only keeping half an eye on that god. Now she just wants her family to be okay. To have caused her father's own death, along with these other people… Shizuka doesn't even want to think about it.

Frantically she searches around for an answer, hoping to hear any plea of live. Dad… someone… anyone would do! Just don't die here!

Shizuka isn't even hearing Bacchus speak his next chants, words of arrogance and dominance:

"Hades! Is this one not Bacchus, the twice-born, he who came back from the dead? Fear the liberator, for he took his mother back from the underworld! Fear the ever prevailing, for he restored the honor of his wife by descending to you, Hades! Fear this lord, for once more he will prove his dominance over death's domain. Those souls are my proof of glory!"

As the last words flows out of Bacchus' mouth the dead bodies start to regain form, the burned tissue restoring. The dead people are standing up, quickly being restored to its former glory. The humans are looking around, wondering what just happened. Some are a bit panicking, others still dazed, but they're certainly alive.

Shizuka too looks around in wonder, amazed at this miracle. The thing that snaps her out of it is one word of a very dear person:

"Shizuka-chan!" Her father, who she had presumed dead, is standing there, running towards Shizuka. "Is everything okay with my dearest daughter?!"

Her father is alive. Kusanagi Genzou, along with the rest of the humans, is fully okay. The parakeet though seems to be still dead, as one of the women is currently crying about the loss of her pet.

Shizuka doesn't care about the life of just one animal when her father returned from the underworld. With tears flowing she runs towards her father, ready to fall into his arms… until all humans suddenly stand perfectly still and turn away from Shizuka, causing her to stop in her tracks.

"Hey king, you surely didn't forget about little ol' me, did you? We still have a battle going on right here!"

"N-No, of course I did not forget." She did. She completely forgot about Bacchus' existence. Looking around her Shizuka does have another question for the god: "That aside, were you the one who resurrected all these people?"

"Of course, it was none other than me!" the god of wine talks with wild vigor, speaking in bright colors about his deeds. "Who else is capable of such a feat? Who else can create such miracles? Humans, what is the name of the great god who did all this?"

"Bacchus! Bacchus! Bacchus!" As one the populace cheers, once more being controlled by the Roman god. He revels in it, clearly enjoying all the attention he is getting.

"Indeed! It is I, Bacchus! Sing praises for the glorious me!"

As much of an attention whore Bacchus is, Shizuka must admit that for once he did a good job. Shizuka politely bows in front of Bacchus, thanking him for his actions: "I'm very grateful to you for resurrecting everyone here. Please, accept my heartfelt gratitude."

"Uhm… well, it's nothing." For the first time since Shizuka met him Bacchus looks visibly shaken, as if he did not expect such a compliment from his opponent. "I just wanted to get myself an audience. What is a god without those who follow him? Humans, show your allegiance once more!"

Bacchus raises a fist in the air as he speaks these words, making the humans erupt in a mass of clapping and cheering. Everyone, including Genzou and the woman who lost her bird, forgets about their past and praise this god into the high heavens.

"Even so, you did resurrect all these people, including my own father. It's a magnificent act of kindness you performed here." If the only thing that makes Bacchus lose his cool is being nice and kind, then Shizuka sees no reason to stop. She is Japanese after all, and this is just the thing her people are good at. "Truly, I owe you for this feat."

"N-Now, don't confuse this with anything else!" Bacchus starts to visibly sweat, not liking the direction of this conversation. It starts to remind him a bit too much of speaking with any of the Olympians… well, except for Ares, that brute could barely make full sentences. "This was a purely selfish motivation. I didn't try to help you or anything."

"Now now, don't sell yourself short, Bacchus." Putting on her best fabricated smile Shizuka does her best to unsettle this god. "You did an amazing job and should actually be rewarded for it. I'm afraid that I've nothing at hand, but surely something can be arranged for you."

Bacchus' face starts to contort a bit, and the cheering of the humans has died down. He isn't angry at all; all he feels is a combination of annoyance and reluctance. This cannot continue at all.

"Urgh… enough!" Bacchus shouts out loudly, showing clear dislike on his face. "This is boring. I thought that a grandiose battle would lift my spirit a bit, but this is no fun at all…" He jumps off his gaudy chariot, walking towards Shizuka. "Perhaps if it was that idiot from home it would be fun, but you're way too polite and stuff to have a full-out fight with. It's… look, can we end this battle here?"

Bacchus summons a small olive branch, and hands it out to Shizuka. In ancient times this was a sign of peace, of acceptance. Shizuka accepts this offer eagerly, almost too eagerly for her own liking. With that action the duel is to an end, with a total victim count of one parakeet. His death will not be mourned.

And so, for the first time in history, politeness triumphs over war! It's a surprisingly nice change of pace for Shizuka.

"So, do we part now as friends?" A bit anticlimactically, yes, but a good enough ending if you ask Shizuka.

"Eh?" Bacchus looks puzzled. He doesn't seem to understand the words that come out of Shizuka's mouth. "Part? Why should we part? We may have stopped fighting, but we're not done dueling!"

We're not? Now it is Shizuka who doesn't understand what this god of wine is saying, so all she can let out is a flat "What?".

"You're right that we're done with fighting. It was short and without doubt bothersome, so we quit with that. However, that doesn't mean that I don't want to defeat you!"

Out of the frying pan, and into the fire. Shizuka's problems don't seem to be over yet. "And how do you want to defeat me if you don't want to fight?"

Bacchus gives a smug smirk of superiority, as if he is looking down on the silly little godslayer. "Then how do humans settle duels? If the only thing they did was fighting, a god like me wouldn't even exist!" That, and those Greeks would like Ares a lot more other than his role as a total joke. Hah, even though he became the Roman's favorite god, it's still fun to make laugh at Mars' past!

"Ugh, do we really have to do that?" As happy and jovial Bacchus is, Shizuka is the exact opposite. Can't the gods just leave her alone for a while? She wanted calm and peace for a trip to the Caribbean. Gods usually only spawn in their (former) domain of influence, and the Caribbean isn't exactly known for its myth and folklore. This should be a god-free zone, not a place to meet the Roman god of wine and madness!

"Truly, I owe you for this feat." Bacchus says, imitating Shizuka's tone and mannerisms. "Your words, not mine."

Tsk. Shizuka must admit that Bacchus has a point. Her flattery, however effective it may be, did leave her with a bit of a debt, and that god is willing to exploit that fact.

The young godslayer cuts her losses and concede defeat on this matter. "Fine then. How do you want to fight it out?"

Bacchus starts to smile, a cue for Shizuka that someone is going to speak in his over-the-top persona: "Of course, the only way we can duel is with the most honorable, most manly, most awesome, most spectacular way possible!"

Shizuka makes a small quip that's she's a female, but it seems to be ignored by Bacchus, and drowned out by the cheers of the humans and satyrs when Bacchus makes the proposal:

"The only way we can decide who is the better of us two… is a drinking competition!"

…

Really? Is he serious?

"I think that a drinking match against the god of wine sounds hardly fair. Besides, I'm fifteen. I don't think it's good for me to drink more than three glasses of alcohol per day." In general, it isn't allowed for any Japanese below the age of twenty to drink alcohol. However, Shizuka considers herself to be somewhat of an exception to this rule. If she did follow the rules that often she wouldn't be a godslayer to begin with.

"Hey missy, you're a godslayer. You've probably already got murder, deicide and mass destruction behind you. Public intoxication won't influence your record by that much." Damn, for a god of madness he's surprisingly eloquent! Can't he stop making up good points for a drinking match? "Besides, our bodies don't exactly get damaged from overexposure to alcohol. We'll feel a bit sick tomorrow at worst, but there's no permanent damage done."

No, it seems that Bacchus can't stop bringing up good points. Even so, even so… "Isn't there anything else we can do? No matter how you persuade me, I think that a drinking contest against the god of wine is a bit slanted towards you."

"Well, you do have a point there. In that case, since both battles and drinking contests are out, how about we settle it with my third and final idea:" Bacchus raises his hand in the air, and one of the satyrs manages to throws some stick-shaped item at its lord. Without moving Bacchus catches the stick, causing him to… transform, for lack of a better word:

His blond mane is covered by a blue baseball cap and a black bandana, a bunch of golden chains hang around his neck over his still naked torso, golden rings, oversized sunglasses and a single large earring on his right ear. What's more, the stick changed into a microphone.

Okay, the hell just happened?

"Let us settle our differences with an awesome rap battle! This god be pimping! I'll show ya how I take the dimes by the dozen with my ars, and send you crying home to ya momma!"

"On second thought, that drinking contest doesn't sound so bad after all." Because it is better than this absurdity. The rap battle sounds way too ridiculous for Shizuka's taste.

Bacchus doesn't even seem sad as Shizuka rejects his third idea in favor of the second. This was probably his goal all along, and that's why he exaggerated his third idea so much. Yeah, Shizuka's been duped here. Bacchus clearly got the favorable deal out of this conversation.

The god of wine is now preparing the chant for his most famous and well-known authority: "Bring me wine, but wine that never grew in the belly of the grape / Or wine, whose tap-roots suffer no savor of the earth to scape!"

With singing voice Bacchus speaks this incantation, causing large wooden barrels to surround the area. Shizuka doesn't even need to guess what's inside of it.

"Let its grapes salute dawn from a nocturnal root/ which feeds the acrid juice from Styx and Erebus / And turn the woe of night, by its own craft, to a more rich delight!"

In total around ten barrels stand here, each one containing the standard amount of wine: 225 liters. More than enough for this competition.

Looking to the side Shizuka sees that the satyrs have made a table and chairs out of sand, with pillows and a blanket to keep everything clean. Bacchus invites Shizuka to the table, which would be somewhat romantic were it not for the fact that it's done by a god who seeks a drinking challenge. The humans and satyrs follow but keep a bit of distance of this duo. They're not to intervene here.

Both contestants take their seats, and Bacchus explains the rules to Shizuka: "Now, as you can see, these barrels here contain the crème de la crème, a work of art that stands at the pinnacle of winemaking. It's also one of the few wines that can make even me drunk. It has the same effect on gods and godslayers, so there's no need to worry about this battle being unfair. Such a victory wouldn't feel right to me."

Shizuka has no reason to put doubt on that claim. Bacchus is a glory hound. He's not the type who would obtain victory by cheating, such a thing would make him the "evil" guy people are not supposed to root for. If he did that then he would find neither fame nor joy in such a shallow victory.

No, this battle will be completely fair. Shizuka or Bacchus? Who can best hold their liquor?

"Now, the satyrs will stay sober for this, so they can function as the judges: you pass out, you lose; you puke, you lose; You stop drinking, you lose; Spill your drink, you lose; You hinder the other's ability to drink, you lose. Clear?"

Crystal. Shizuka is ready for this contest. While there's nothing but pride at stake her nature does not allow her to lose here.

Both parties are handed a wine-drinking cup with a broad body and two horizontal handles. It's the traditional cup of the ancient Mediterranean people, a kylix. One of the Satyrs bottles wine from the larger barrels, and these bottles are used to pour the drinks. They're on the small side for bottles, and the content of one of these is just enough to fill a drinking cup. It's an ingenious system that ensures both sides of an equal amount of wine.

"I suppose we should say cheers, then." Shizuka lifts her glass, waiting to toast glasses with Bacchus.

"Yes, we should. It's only appropriate, right?" Bacchus accepts this gesture, lifting his glass in response to Shizuka.

A loud clink signifies the toast, and with a loud "Cheers!" both drink their first glass of wine.

It's chugged quickly by both sides, which is a real shame if you ask Shizuka. This is some prime quality wine, it's almost a shame it's used for a contest like this!

Before Shizuka can have more of these thoughts, her glass is filled again, forcing her to drink again.

They both drink cup after cup, fighting to see which one of the two will stand at the top.

-x-

22nd of December, Unknown time, Unknown location

Ugh… As Shizuka regains consciousness she can feel a killer headache coming up. A dim light shines above her as she tries to view the world around her.

Vague memories rise in her mind. She had a drinking contest with Bacchus, lots and lots of glasses were consumed, and then the memories got… muddy. So, this must be the resulting hangover. At least she's not dead, though this takes a distant second of worst feelings ever experienced.

She looks around with eyes adjusting to the morning light, trying to figure out just where she has ended up. She was sleeping in a large, comfy bed, large enough to let a whole family sleep. The walls are luxuriously decorated, with a large television hanging on the wall. The sparse amount of decorations tells Shizuka that she's in a hotel room, a pretty expensive one too if the size is any indication. Still groggy she steps out of bed, walking to the only window of the room. If she's lucky she might recognize one of the famous landmarks of St Lucia to have some idea of where she ended. Well, time to glance out of the window-

Is that the Hollywood Sign {1}?

Impossible! If she's seeing that then she's not in St Lucia anymore! What is she doing hundreds of kilometers from her original location? Shizuka's intrigue begins to grow more and more.

A sudden chill snaps Shizuka awake, making her realize another key problem: she is not wearing any clothes. While there might be some people who like to sleep like that it is Shizuka's preference to sleep in a nice and comfortable onesie, or at the very least a good set of pajamas.

Although, naked is not the correct word. There is one accessory still on Shizuka's body: on the ring finger of her right hand is a beautiful ring, made from a material with even greater luster than gold.

No, it can't be? Shizuka has seen enough movies to know where this is going, and fearfully she looks at the bed behind her, containing what must be the worst possible thing that could happen to her:

Something, or most likely someone, is covered in blankets and lying on the other side of the bed. Is this one of those so-called shotgun weddings, where two drunk people are married after a night of heavy drinking? Hang on, does that mean she got married to Bacchus? Does that mean she slept with Bacchus?!

Nononono. Please don't let that be what happened! Anxiously she walks over to the bed, grabbing the covers and pulling them of. With this single sweep the bed is laid bare, giving Shizuka a good look of her bedfellow:

Lying inside of the bed is a woman that Shizuka doesn't know at all. A woman of Caucasian origin with vibrant red hair in a bob cut, equally naked, who is currently sleeping in a fetal position. Estimating by age she's in her early twenties, maybe a bit less. Going by beauty standards she's easily on the attractive side. Compared to Erica and Liliana this mystery beauty can equal or perhaps surpass that of her two senpais.

Well, at least that is one thing on the bright side: Sure, Shizuka slept with someone, but at least she didn't share her bed with Bacchus. Some less bright news is that this woman has the same ring on her ring finger as the young Campione. Great. Married off to a woman at the age of fifteen. It might be the only story even more unbelievable than becoming a god-slaying warrior at age fourteen.

Sigh… let's try to salvage what can be salvaged. The first issue that needs to be addressed is her current state of undress. Looking around the room she finds two piles of clothing: The first is a business suit that is a size or two too big for Shizuka. Most likely this belongs to the mystery woman still sleeping. The other pile has a wet white shirt, some short pants and a very familiar purple bikini, one that Shizuka recognizes as her own. Picking up the clothes she gives them a small sniff before throwing them back on the ground in disgust. Yeesh, it smells like they've been drenched in wine for hours!

Normally she wouldn't have any choice but to wear this until she finds new clothes, but that was before she became a Campione. It might be petty but using her authority to summon clothes is very justified in this situation!

A quick feel of her power tells Shizuka that only the stone of [Water] and [Metal] are still completely full. [Fire] and [Earth] are filled a little, but the other are completely empty. Disregarding the stones used during the battle with Bacchus that means Shizuka has used an authority without her knowledge. [Wood]… what did she do last night with those powers? That's something that needs to be solved later.

With a simple chant Shizuka summons a new set of clothing with the remains of [Fire], using its connection to flowers to summon some simple underwear and a dress, all made from cotton and colored as white as the flower itself.

Quickly changing clothes it's time to sleuth the truth, starting with whom she exactly shared the bed. Searching through the business outfit (that equally smells of wine and booze) she finds a simple green wallet. Opening it up she finds several passes and cards that tell her who the red-headed woman is:

Annie Charlton. 27 years old. American. Doctoral student at Samantha University, probably in Archeology. She does possess a membership card of some magazine about that subject. Annie's a native of Los Angeles, given by the LA transit card. The rest are some simple filler, like which bank she uses or a stamp coupon from a local hairdresser Shizuka doesn't know.

In other words, Shizuka married an ordinary archeologist who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The soft moan of Annie makes Shizuka concentrate once more on the bed. Someone is awakening, so it's time to prepare for the eventual shock.

Annie sits up, using one hand to keep the bedsheet from covering her private parts. Seeing that she's not alone she stares at Shizuka. Perhaps Annie is still groggy, she doesn't let out any sign of surprise at being naked and in the same room as an unknown teenager. Instead she asks only one question:

"What happened?"

"Honestly, I would like to know as well. You wouldn't perhaps have memories of what happened last night?"

Groaning Annie wrecks her brain, but nothing comes up. Instead she complains about a headache. Figures that this woman doesn't know anything as well.

Realizing Shizuka's frown meaning a lack of information on both sides, Annie decides to play open card and start introductions:

"The name is Annie Charlton."

"Kusanagi Shizuka. Now, you don't have an idea why we're both wearing the same ring?"

Annie alternates her gaze between the two rings and comes up with a similar conclusion as Shizuka. "The situation seems like those shotgun weddings you see in film dramas. Even so, it is unlikely that two drunk women can hold a wedding in a single night, making it more likely that we just claimed our marriage and somehow obtained these rings for our unofficial bonding."

Okay, that's one of Shizuka's fears assuaged. At least there won't be any legal documents claiming that she got married, allowing her to forget this event purely with time. Annie however has different problems:

"However, are you not a bit young to be drinking, let alone get drunk?"

"Perhaps I'm a bit too young to drink, but I don't think anyone should want to end up drunk."

On the latter Annie completely agrees, rubbing the temple of her head to decrease her headache. "In that case I'm more concerned whether or not we slept together." If she did, then Annie is ready to never ever touch a single drop of alcohol ever again. She can already see it, Annie the pedophile ends up in jail due to a drunken escapade.

"No, you didn't." A third unfamiliar voice echoes through Shizuka's mind, and from the looks of it also through Annie's, even though there's no one there. "I got between you last night."

"Where are you?" Annie asked, still looking around to find the location of this new person.

"Me? I'm up here!" Shizuka looks at the ceiling, but there's no person there. The only noticeable thing is the spider web in the corner. No way, can it be…

"Are you… a spider?"

"Yes, I'm a spider! I made a web between you two and caught this tasty mosquito. It was delicious!"

Annie and Shizuka look at each other, both unbelieving that they're taking to a spider. Still, this gift is not one Shizuka will misuse:

"Then can you tell what you saw last night, mister… spider?"

"Of course! I'm a good spider, after all!" The spider is more then happy to explain: "There was this big guy with a weird face that looked like my sister and long flowy skin carrying the brown one inside. Then the big guy changed into that red one there, who took off all her skin and went to sleep. Some time later the brown one removed her skin and went to sleep. Then I caught a mosquito. It was a good mosquito!"

While the spider's words seem weird, when put through the filter of an animal it makes sense. A caped guy in a bug mask and long cape carried Shizuka into this room, transformed into Annie, and took of her clothes before going to sleep.

Warily Shizuka glances at Annie, whose stoic expression had not changed. If Shizuka's estimate is correct, then she isn't dealing with just an ordinary person anymore.

"O water, descend from the heavens!" The stone of water appears next to Shizuka, making Annie glare with surprise and annoyance. In a flash Annie transforms, showing her true colors: A man dressed like an early modern aristocrat, with a flowing cape and bug mask, there stands the superhero of Los Angeles. From the pressure that he emanates and the fight-or-flight response he triggers in Shizuka there is only one possibility:

"To think that I would be meeting my peer here, sleeping next to me in the same bed. Really, this is too absurd for words."

"I cannot help but agree there, my fellow Campione." Annie's tone shifted dramatically, the posh and royal tone from this man being completely different to that of Annie's stoic form. "I have gotten to know you a bit from hearsay: Youngest of the current devil kings after slaying Nu Wa, Kusanagi Shizuka. Though I wish our meeting was under different circumstances, I still bid you a warm welcome to my city."

"Nice to meet you, then. Considering your true status, I assume you were also aware of Bacchus' descend down at St Lucia?"

"Correct indeed. As the lord of America, it was my duty to figure out a way to bring back peace to that island nation. Admittingly, they are also the last memories I can remember:"

-x-

21st of December, St Lucia's jalousie Beach, afternoon.

John Pluto Smith. Fifth of the devil kings in the world, he's the superhero of Los Angeles. However, this does not mean that he does not help with divine problems outside of his city. So long as the god descended somewhere in North- or Middle-America he would make some time free to help with the slaying or repelling of that god. So too this time, when he heard of reports that a god had descended in the Caribbean.

Of course, to simply stroll in and fight the enemy is not Smith's style. No, he would wait for the opportune moment, the climax, and then drop in like a superhero. He would always be late but never too late.

When he heard news of another king being in that spot for the holidays, he was quite happy that the situation would likely not need his help. If there's no direct need for a godslayer to arrive, then perhaps he should first do some recon as his "follower" Annie Charlton. If the situation took a turn for the worse, then Smith could always suddenly appear and fight against evil.

However, when she arrived Annie did not expect the fight between god and Campione causing this type of magical disturbance: A lot of humanoid beasts called satyrs are currently setting up makeshift benches, places in a large circle around a single podium. In fact, it looks a lot like a Greco-Roman amphitheater is being built here.

The humans at the scene, who from the looks of it are clearly hypnotized, are all taking seats on the benches, and those who don't have seats yet simply wait until some are constructed for them.

Annie approaches one of the satyrs, one that looks like all the others but is clearly giving orders to some his kin. "Excuse me, could you tell me what exactly is going on here?"

To simply approach a supernatural beast is quite foolish for a human mage, something that might make Annie's guise of normalcy less plausible, but these seem rather friendly compared to those she usually deals with.

"Ah, miss, to not be affected, I assume you are a mage then?" Annie nods without expressing any form of emotion, so the satyr simply continues. "Our god Bacchus is currently in battle with one of those devil kings, but he would like for a good audience to watch the show. We were ordered to build a few stadia for the populace to be seated and watch as we display the full fight in all its glory to the citizens."

"I see. I assume those big screens are for showing the battle?" Annie points to a nearby screen, easily 160 feet diagonally and big enough to show off anything for large masses of people.

"Correct." The satyr whistles and calls over two other people, who hand Annie a large foam finger with "Bacchus #1" on it as well a large bottle of wine. Annie takes a seat on one of the nearby benches, trying to estimate who is battling with Bacchus.

Kusanagi Godou and Luo Hao are the two unlikeliest people to be fighting here. Neither of them should currently be outside of their home countries, being very isolationist when it comes to fighting deities outside their home turf. Madame Aisha… Annie doesn't know enough about her to make a conclusion. Alexandre might be possible, but that workaholic would only leave England during the winter days for a mission to retrieve something from a foreign country. Since the spies of the Sorcerous Sacrilege Institution didn't bring such a message it's unlikely to be him. That leaves Voban and Doni, both battle-hungry kings who willingly track long distances to fight worthy opponents. Doni especially is likely, given that half a year ago he trekked to South America to fight a deity and has an authority obtained from Bacchus. It does seem likely. Though, there was also news of an eighth king rising in the far east, perhaps she is Bacchus opponent…

The screen suddenly lights up, as the true match gets show in the screen: Not a fight of authorities, but instead Bacchus facing an unknown girl in a drinking contest. The satyr at the table announces that they're at their thirteenth glass, and with a clink both chug away their next glass.

As one they put it down, swaying slightly as they grin madly at one another.

"Not bad, missy! Don't think I've ever seen a youngster keep up with me like that. But you're gonna-you gonna fail. Look at those blushy cheeks!"

"Hah!" The girl scoffs at the notion, all the while swaying in place. "I'ma-I'ma looking at you and I could say the same!"

A few glasses later and the duo are even more drunk, with Bacchus rambling on and on about his past:

"And then I was told: 'No, Dionysus, we don't need your epics and your moments of intelligence. We Romans just want an excuse to party.' I used to be a nomadic father of the skies! I used to be Sabazios, ruling god of the Phrygians and the Thracians! But now? Now I'm a divine comedy, a joke of the lowest level!"

In all her ten years of being a Campione this is the first time Annie saw a god burst out in tears, drowning his sorrows with another glass of alcohol. His enemy gives a wry and sympathetic smile, commiserating with Bacchus.

"There, there. It's not like it's so great being a king like me."

"Oi, what are you talking about!" Bacchus suddenly became angry, throwing off the sympathetic words of the Campione. "You're a king! You're basically a ruler of humanity! You can basically do whatever you want!"

"And you think I want that?!" The godslayer shouts back just as hard at Bacchus. "I just wanted to live normally before I ascended to kingship, becoming something important through standard means. I would learn, study, work, become successful, and eventually settle with a family. It would've been a perfectly normal great life. I used to be the most ordinary member of my family. But, but look at me now! I had to kill a god, and now I have these freaky powers and a duty to protect my country!"

Bacchus answered slowly, his speech somewhat slurred from the wine: "Oh… sorry. I didn't know you felt that way." The king's speech still made no sense to the ego of a god, it's something he truly doesn't understand. Someone who does not want to be well-known, how can that be? "But what's so bad about becoming famous through unordinary ways?"

"Because no matter what I do, I will always be recognized as 'that Campione'. A fool who got lucky enough to slay a god. That's all. I could become the richest person on the world, and I would probably achieve it through slaying some god of greed. Even if I didn't people would think I pressured companies out of their cash by using my power. What kind of ordinary accomplishments can someone like me do?"

Bacchus did not comfort her. He did not scold her. He did not argue with her. He simply heard it, threw his head back and laughed like there is no tomorrow.

The king, angered by this display of her opponent, is ready to give a scolding, but lord Bacchus explains his actions: "Then what about me? I am a god. If I want to do something you humans find ordinary, is that then wrong? Are my creations less great because they were made by a god? No, of course not! The only thing that matters is that I do whatever the hell I want to do!"

"Yeah…" That young king looked in awe at her opponent, though no longer seeing him as an enemy. "Bacchus… nobody understands me but you."

Bacchus is moved once again to tears, unused to hear people say that. Opening his arms wide he hugs the Campione, who hugs her in return.

"You're the best damn friend I've ever had."

"You too, Bacchus… you too."

Really, what a sad display. Annie cannot help but wonder if this is how other people see her after drinking a drop too many.

Talking about alcohol, she did get a big bottle of wine from that Satyr. Being a drinker herself, it is admittingly not every day you get something coming from the literal god of wine himself. Upon asking one of the satyrs is willing to offer her a wine glass and even pour in the drink. Swirling the red liquid in its glass Annie lets the smell of the wine tickle her nostrils before taking a sip.

Holy-This is good wine! No, this is amazing wine! In all her life Annie has never had wine quite on this level. The glass is emptied before she knew it, and by that time the glass is refilled again.

Well, another one can't hurt, right? Or another one? Or another one? Or another one? Or another one…

-x-

"In other words, you got drunk as well after one glass to many." It's not hard for Shizuka to predict how that ended. Yep, both devil kings ended up completely smashed.

"Regrettably so. It pains me to admit, but I too got caught up in the revelry. Though, should a king not join its people in its festivities? Hmm, to stay at the sidelines and have a result of zero, such actions are certainly not the style of John Pluto Smith."

Shizuka rolls her eyes at her peer's opinion. She has no interest in discussing such unimportant trivialities. Rather, there is a bigger problem to solve: What happened after both devil kings got drunk? That is what they need to discuss.

Shizuka brings up this point and Smith agrees. The older king has an idea with how to start, offering access to the headquarters of his magic organization, the Sorcerous Sacrilegious Institution. With that Smith jumps into a blue portal underneath his feat, disappearing from the hotel room entirely. Before Shizuka can fully understand if Smith just left her Annie walks out of the bathroom, dressed in a grey suit.

But-when… how? If Annie is John Pluto Smith, no, not if, since Annie is John Pluto Smith, how did she get dressed and teleport and make such a casual entrance? It's probably some authority, but even then, to be used for such mundane purposes… truly absurd.

Smith's offer is taken up by the younger Campione, and both devil kings take the metro to get to their destination. Realizing that the metro is not the best place to discuss serious matter Shizuka tries to shift the talk to more ordinary stuff. Rather then getting to know John Pluto Smith, Shizuka gets to know the person behind the mask.

From the data that streamed out of Annie's mouth Shizuka can surmise that she's got an interesting life: Her studies in ancient Latin-American languages essentially make her a specialized Indiana Jones {2}, on top of her work as a detective of magic for the SSI, and the human identity of a god-slaying superhero. When you say it like that it sounds amazing… so how did Annie's stiff way of speech manage to make even that sound boring?

This is the other identity of that pompous, posh Campione? If Shizuka didn't see Annie transform firsthand she would laugh at the idea. This cold and rational beauty has such social awkwardness that Shizuka cannot believe it isn't faked.

It is now impossible for Shizuka not to satisfy her urge for knowledge. "Annie, why do you talk so differently compared to when you spoke as, well, him?" They're still in the metro with other people, after all, so offhanded speech is necessary to prevent a further leak of Smith's identity.

Annie thinks for a few seconds, but it doesn't take long for her to give her answer. "Such a pompous way of speech is fitting for an arrogant king, but it isn't fitting for an ordinary human. Because I appear to be normal, what I do and say should fit within the boundaries of normal."

Yeah, except such repressed and emotionless speech is not considered ordinary at all. Shizuka doesn't say it out loud, but Annie's thinking is far removed from common consensus. Perhaps that's why she's a Campione in the first place.

The subject shifts to Shizuka, who is telling a bit about her ordinary school life. Being quite literally half the age of her fellow peer does cause a bit of an age gap between the queens, but at the very least Annie does give some rational feedback on Shizuka's story. At the end of the metro ride Annie has but a single question left.

"By any chance, are there any Kusanagi family members with a history of, ahem, sexual deviancy?" Annie looks a bit flustered as she speaks out the last words, an abnormality for those who know her well. Shizuka is also somewhat surprised with the question, wondering if Annie is familiar with her family. Though, how to answer that question.

"Hmm. It is absolutely undeniable that my grandfather has severe problems when it comes to women."

"Perhaps also people of a younger generation?"

Annie's way of questioning makes her think of Godou. Godou, the womanizer. Or at least, the former womanizer. Whatever cured him of that affliction is unknown, but Shizuka can't call her brother a problem anymore. "No, the only issue in our family is him. I am glad to say that I do not have any other problems to deal with."

Annie understands. At the very least, Shizuka is not related to that super sex maniac, completely unsuitable to Annie's tastes. Though, maybe there is a magic bond between the two of them…

Shaking off the thoughts of Kusanagi Godou, Annie steps out of the metro together with her fellow peer. They've arrived at her workplace, as well as her magic association's base of operations: Samantha university. Most of the university is just that, an ordinary university. A place for students to get a bachelor's degree or a graduate degree. However, in most of the faculty there are floors or rooms not used by the university themselves. For example, floors two and three of the humanities faculty is used by the foreign languages department. However, all professors and students working on the third floor are in fact part of the SSI, including Annie herself.

The duo enters the third floor and notice the relative quietness. For a university there is literally nobody around. There's also a magic energy of repulsion that can be felt in the air. Probably someone erected a barrier to keep all non-mages away. When they arrive at the office of a certain Joe West. They can hear talking going on inside, quite frantic talking to be honest. The door gets opened to reveal a group of around ten mages sitting around a table, led by an elderly African-American male. The mages see the intrusion as well, as the leader speak up to the newcomers:

"Annie! Good to see you. I was just explaining the situation after the devastation that happened yesterday." Devastation? Boy, that does not sound good in Shizuka's eyes. "By the way, who is the girl next to you?"

"Hello, professor West. This girl is Kusanagi Shizuka, the youngest Campione." Annie replies, getting some gasps and wary looks from several of the mages. "I managed to contact the eighth king this morning. She is willing to provide us assistance in the matters of yesterday."

"Greetings." Building forth on Annie's introduction Shizuka introduces herself to the main team of the SSI. "I am Kusanagi Shizuka, the eighth Campione. I recently was in battle with heretic Bacchus but due to… circumstances the both of us ended up drunk and rampaging. Though I am currently sober I do not remember much of yesterday's rampage. I would like to offer my help in solving the problems I have caused."

"I don't think I've ever heard Annie make a joke before, so I will believe you." One of the mages bows before Shizuka, offering her a seat at the table. "Please join us in this discussion."

Shizuka does so, and Joe recaps a bit of the story:

Apparently, yesterday evening several events occurred in Los Angeles. Going in chronological order the first event was when Smith and Shizuka broke into the SSI headquarters here together with a handsome blonde man radiating divine energy. The deity immediately gets recognized as Bacchus by the two kings, who update the association with this knowledge. With this they give an accurate recount of what happened:

-x-

21st of December, late afternoon, humanities department:

It all seemed so simple today. In the morning a few lectures about Mayan civilization, the midday he had to attack one of his graduate student's thesis, and the afternoon was entirely free to spend on his hobbies. Professor Joe West's day would be a calm and boring one, exactly as the elderly gentleman likes it.

The first hick-up came in the morning when Smith arrived in his office, bringing the news that a heretic god has been sighted in St. Lucia. Even though it isn't part of the USA, Los Angeles' king does tend to fight divine sources over the entire continent if the situation is severe enough.

The plan was quickly made. Annie Charlton would travel to the island nation to perform surveillance on the god, while the Campione would come afterwards to save the day if necessary. Meanwhile Smith's unofficial sidekick, Jack Milburn, would serve as communications relay back in LA. In West's opinion it was the best plan they could come up with, and to make things even better this even allowed him to go back home unless an emergency would come up.

It does not take a genius to know that the emergency did came up, if you observe the fact that West is still in his office instead of back at home. Sigh, that ancient Mayan relic isn't going to restore itself!

No, instead he is here with Jack, who does not have good news for the SSI: "I've lost contact with both our king and Annie Charlton." While the former is not such an uncommon occurrence at the SSI, it's the latter that came as a surprise to Jack. "I've tried multiple times to reach either of them, but I got no contact. In Annie's case I'm certain that her phone got totaled, given that it doesn't even recognize the number anymore."

"Hmm…" While the broken phone is a bit worrisome, in general this is a false alarm. "If this is all the problems, I would hardly consider it worth my time. The likelihood of Smith being in combat with this deity is high."

"O-Of course." If that was all of Jack's problems he wouldn't be here right now. "We've also confirmed that the eighth of the devil kings has been sighted in St. Lucia. Furthermore, while one would expect high amount of divine energy in a place with three of such beings around, the measured traces are all almost nil. It's like they, well, disappeared!"

Okay, this is indeed trouble. "So, we have one missing god and two missing kings. Do we have any idea where they could be right now?"

As if the world wants to answer that question the ceiling of West's office collapses, dust rising as two shocked mages try to make heads or tails out of the situation. Witch coughs and hacks they squint their eyes to look around, before a shadowy figure descends behind Jack.

Before Jack can turn around the figure chops down on the mage's neck, instantly knocking him unconscious. When the dust settles West gets a good look at the target: A blonde man wearing nothing but a pair of leopard-spotted swimming trunks. It would look quite ridiculous if it were not for the waves of divine energy flowing from his body.

A god. A god is just a few meters from the professor. It takes all of West's willpower not to piss himself. If only Smith was here, but he disappeared some time ago. Drat, what could've happened.

But instead of focusing on West the god just gives a glazed look at the one he knocked unconscious. "Ey, this is the one, right?" The words came out of his mouth in a slurred fashion, not completely focused on the world around him.

"Indeed. That is the enemy of all womankind!" Dropping down from the ceiling is none other than their king himself, John Pluto Smith. Toying with an innocent maiden, I believe that he should be taught the consequences of his actions!"

"I cannot agree more." A third person drops down, her voice younger and female, a prepubescent oriental maiden dressed in a simple white shirt and short pants. Based on the company she's hanging around she is probably the final Campione. "To think that I believed to have seen the worst of this evil in the world… o, my very thoughts were wrong!"

The trio are quite intent on turning Jack into some ultimate scapegoat. In fact, the god is kicking Jack and none of the kings are doing anything about it. Two devil kings and a god acting completely abnormal. There is nothing that West can think of to create this absurd situation. Well, nothing except for one thing. Though the possibility is absurd, it is the most likely cause of this scenario:

"Though I admit that you've made some progress with your drinking problem in that you're finally drowning your sorrows with others, I am afraid that I don't recommend your choice of drinking partners."

"Your words are meaningless, West." Smith points out, still speaking in his pompous tone even though he's drunk. "Though I consider you a close friend you're not my dad. I have the full right to decide when I drink and when I don't!"

Yep. Drunk without a doubt. While it's true that Annie does have a bit of a drinking problem it has never been as severe as now. Really, what is West supposed to do about this?

"Could you at least tell me what you're planning to do with Jack?"

"I'm afraid what happens next is classified to beings of a certain power level and above." Bacchus says, grabbing the unconscious mage and dropping him over his shoulder. "Thus we say, so long!"

The god of wine snaps his fingers, awaiting a dramatic retreat for the superpowered beings. When it doesn't come in time, he snaps his fingers twice more, and three large vines drop down from the ceiling. Each of the kings and god grabs one, and with Jack on the god's shoulders they jump up through the roof of the office. Joe West is just dumbly staring at where the kings stood, still unable to belief the events that just transpired.

Yeah, this is most certainly an emergency.

-x-

Back to the present:

"Ungh…" Shizuka groans as she hears just what exactly she has done. How very embarrassing, to think that she's such a maniac when under influence of alcohol. While it's unlikely that Shizuka will never drink a beverage ever again, this was and will be the only time she ever gets drunk!

"As you can see, our first course of action is to obtain the location of Jack Milburn. O queen of Japan, we ask of you to please help us out here."

Joe's plea does not fall on deaf ears, as Shizuka is feeling guilty about her role in this mess. "Of course, I don't have a reason to refuse."

The mages thank Shizuka for her cooperation and give her the orders for their plan. Shizuka would help with locating Smith and heretic Bacchus, and in case they're up to something nefarious help with stopping them. Annie would serve Shizuka as the contact from inside the association. From the way professor West is looking at Annie and she in return it's quite clear that the two of them know the truth about the fifth king.

Shizuka will play along for now. Annie will complete the debriefing, a private matter that is only for members of the organization. Without reason to disobey Shizuka steps out of the room, out of the building, and onto the campus of the university, resting on a nearby bench. For a minute or so she just enjoys the view, before a shiny blue portal opens in front of her.

A portal? One of those mysterious gates that you see in those Isekai novels {3}? Nonono, being a Campione is enough abnormal business to begin with, becoming the hero for another dimension is too much!

Then again… the portal is there for a reason. And though she doesn't want to admit it, it would be nice if Shizuka could just forget about her troubles here on earth. It was the reason she went on vacation, and it only got worse ever since the Bacchus incident.

Curiosity beats caution, and Shizuka steps into the portal. After some vertigo she steps out into a typical fantasy world:

A wide sprawling plain, with different supernatural landmarks in all directions: Ancient castles, A tree the size of mountains, waterfalls flowing for thousands of feet, floating isles; It's exactly what you expect from fantasy.

The creatures are the same. In front of Shizuka is none other than a unicorn.

"Man, what is he thinking?" The unicorn's speech is very different, sounding more like one of those gal girls she sometimes meets in school. "Like, just because I'm a unicorn I can, like, sense if someone is a virgin? Yeah, but I only like'm if they're a virgin and pure! This girl's, like, a murderer and godslayer or something!"

"Well, that's a rude way to greet someone." To think that this is how you meet a unicorn, with the beast completely dissing you. Really, is there any form of fantasy still as fantastic as presented in fiction? "Insinuating such things about me, I really should not accept that."

The beast looks shocked at Shizuka, looking surprised that the Campione can understand her. "Uhm… Whiney?"

"And no, that's just pretending to be a horse." It's a rather bad simile considering both are equestrian species. One would expect better.

"O my gosh, like, fine! For some reason you can, like, suddenly understand me as well. Well, I suppose I should be polite." The unicorn rambles a string of niceties and titles for Shizuka, but it's easy to tell it's forced. Interrupting the beast half-way Shizuka wants her to get to the point. The less bad she makes a unicorn sound out to be, the better.

"I'm, like, your escort. Smith wants to see you." The beast leads the way, trotting along as Shizuka follows. The settings come and fade every so often. From the fantasy world, to a renaissance-style city, to a grey desert, and finally ending in a white throne room. There Smith sits on the throne as the ruler, having an audience of several supernatural creatures. Gnomes, elves, fairies, there's too many to name.

Shizuka gets greeted by her fellow king, who amiably asks how Shizuka's trip through his domain was. The younger king has no right of complaining, though she does wonder why this unicorn was sent to pick her up when she clearly didn't want to. Smith does have an answer for that:

"Of course, considering the compromised position from where we met this morning, it would be best to figure out if anything inappropriate for someone of our stature happened. Though my escort can have some personality problems, she is quite capable for this task. Wouldn't you agree to that?"

Smith turns to the animal, expecting her to answer the question. The beast answers in a callous tone, annoyed to be used for such a task. "Yeah yeah, she's a virgin, just like you. Can I, like, go now?"

Shizuka is witness to a rare scene, as the lord of Los Angeles is looking rather flustered by this revelation. A few muffled snickers occur here and there amongst the fay, who seem rather surprised by that news. Smith orders the fay to leave, so that the kings can speak alone.

When no one is left around in the room Shizuka answers her fellow peer: "Though I don't know if I can say the same for you, I'm glad to know that I didn't throw away my virginity because I was drunk."

"Undeniably. It would look rather bad on me if my first conquest was a prepubescent of the same gender." Smith stands up and walks up to Shizuka. "Now, I believe we should be on our way. I've finished my business here in this realm, and we're still on the case of the missing Jack Milburn."

Shizuka agrees, but she does wonder what business Smith had in this realm. "Of course, but I doubt we entered here just to be checked by a unicorn."

"Indeed. My reasons for coming here were threefold." Smith begins to explain why he came here.

First was to check whether they did something inappropriate while drunk. The results of that are clear to them both, so Smith skips to the next part.

He also searched for information on the wedding rings the two of them have been carrying around. Having noticed traces of magical energy in them Smith went around his archivists to determine their true nature. A quick study found that the inside of the rings was made from coagulated dragon blood. Due to the slain dragon being of Norse origin the blood of the rings allows the wearer to understand animal language so long as they're wearing the ring.

And finally, with the help of some other fay he managed to track down locations where a large amount of magic energy was converted to keep up the masquerade. Most like the place that has a lot of these conversions will be the place where the drunken trio would've done something ridiculous. It would make for a good starting point to search.

Shizuka is quite impressed with the amount of work done by Smith. It also answers a few questions about why Shizuka can suddenly talk to animals or where they were yesterday, though where the rings came from is still a mystery. It needs to be solved at a later moment.

The current path of action starts with Smith opening a new portal in the room. He steps into the swirly blue void, and beckons for Shizuka to follow. She does, and after some vertigo the kings step out of the portal created by [Lord of the Elves] and into the district of Mid-Wilshire. A part of Los Angeles also known as the midtown, it consists out of many small conclaves like Little Ethiopia and Koreatown.

The building the kings are standing in front of is an old wedding chapel, looking as vintage as the rest of the neighborhood. It is strangely abandoned, even though one would expect that weddings would be a bit more commonplace that there would be preparations going on for one right now. According to Smith this is the building that they can most likely find Jack in, so the duo enters the chapel.

The first thing they notice is that the place retches of alcohol. If this was one of the sites where the drunken kings caused havoc it wouldn't surprise Shizuka. Looking around she sees that the walls once covered in white flowered now have patches soiled with liquid, as well as some furniture has been overturned. It isn't even a guess anymore, Shizuka and co have been here before.

When they arrive in the hall the duo finds what they're looking for. Looking up to the ceiling from which the voice originates they see a man hanging on the ceiling, attached to it by many vines plunging into the top of the room.

"Smith?" The man answers, looking distraught, weary and tired at the same time. "Is that you?"

"Good, it's pleasing to see that you're still in good health. I would say that I prefer for you to have the role of Dick Grayson over Jason Todd {4}."

"Though I have no intention of settling for the title of sidekick, I can only feel glad that your current behavior is normal." Jack takes a few seconds to take in what he just said, before revising it: "…by your standards."

"While I am a whimsical man with capricious reasoning, I do agree that yesterday's behavior way out of line for someone like me. I'm afraid that my memory is failing me, as I cannot remember anything about it. Care to enlighten me, my friend?"

Jack has no such problems, and begins to explain:

-x-

Twenty-first of December, evening, Mid-Shire wedding chapel

When Jack woke up the first thing that went through his mind was how he had a killer headache. The second thing that went through his mind is that he's been bound to the ceiling, looking down on what appears to be a wedding chapel. The chapel is filled with people, some familiar, some not: A handsome blonde who gives off a divine appearance, many satyrs, an Asian teenage girl who is acting way too casual for those she surrounds herself with, and, well:

"Smith? What's happening? Where am I?" The follower has so many questions for the king, but he gets silenced immediately by his lord. The king of Los Angeles looks pissed, and is not afraid to tell his opinions as is:

"Jack, I am greatly displeased with your debauchery. What you did is unacceptable!"

Debauchery? The mage has no idea what he's done wrong, trying to remember what Smith could possibly be talking about. He can't come up with anything as he racks the deepest corners of his brain and tells that as such to those in the room. This seems to anger the handsome blonde, who considers the lack of admittance worse than the actual debauchery.

"Such insolence! If I were to cheat on Ariadne, I would man up and admit it!" Ah, the blonde is heretic Bacchus. Jack keeps that in mind, but from Smith's next words he realizes that he's in trouble:

"To think this two-timing bastard is who I once considered my friend…" Such a display of anger is unheard of from America's king, and Jack wonders which god he insulted to get such horrendous luck.

"Hang on, two-timing? I have no idea what you're talking about!" There's no women in the world for Jack other than his dear Allison. "My king, what kind of baseless accusation is this?"

"They're all the same." The only girl of the group mutters, fists shaking from anger. "Why can guys like you never admit what they did!"

Wit that speech the girl grabbed the attention of the mage. What is a girl like that doing here… unless, is the double-timing they're talking about this girl?

Nonono, that would be very wrong! "Okay, Smith, I think I might've been drunk or controlled," Considering he doesn't have a clue how he got here, it might be true that he did something bad against his will, "but I promise that I'll repay whatever I did wrong to this girl here fourfold!"

The trio blink, looking at Jack and each other in confusion. Smith answers to his (former) friend that no, Shizuka is not involved in this spat. It only raises further questions:

"Then why is she here?"

"Smith offered to show me around LA, to see the works of a fellow godslayer."

Jack looks suspiciously at Shizuka, understanding the meaning behind 'fellow godslayer'. "Are you try to say that you ar-"

Before Jack can finish Shizuka decides to show by example:

"O metal, descend from the heavens!" A blue stone as large appears next to the girl, as tall as she is. From the power the artifact radiates, as well as the ease of summoning, it's easy to understand who she is. Jack's now in trouble with a god and two godslayers.

"Right, the rumored eight Campione, I get it. No need to use your authority here!" Partial destruction of Los Angeles is something he would rather avoid, thank you very much! "Though I wished to meet under different circumstances" or rather not meet at all, "I greet you as a member of the Sorcerous Sacrilege Institution. I can understand that I had no relations with you, miss Campione. In that case, who did I cheat with while I have Allison?"

"Jack do you still not understand that Allison is the one you cheated with instead of the one you cheated on? To not realize the bond between the two of us, it saddens me that you thought we could be so easily separated."

What? What is Smith talking about? Is he… does he think… Jack knew the guy to be selfish and arrogant, but this is taking it to a new level! He's normally never as bad as this!

Hang on, now that Jack takes a closer look, there's a few things wrong with everyone's behavior: The trio's speech is a bit slurred, they've got flushed faces, sometimes there's unstable movement, the heretic god is the Roman god of wine; yeah, it's all becoming clear to Jack. "You're all drunk, aren't you?"

"A devil king is never drunk, nor is he ever sober." Though Smith says that his gait is unstable, having needed to catch a nearby railing to prevent falling over. "Whether inebriated with the toxics of liquor or of battle, we're beings who are always overflowing with spirit."

In other words, he's drunk. Jack has spent enough time with his lord to decipher such words. Keeping the state of mind of his lord in mind the member of the SSI continues what Jack was talking about:

"Look, Smith, I'm sorry for not being there for you all of the time, but even you must understand that your subjects have lives of their ow-" Then it dawns on Jack, just why Smith is so… possessive of Jack. Can it be that his king is in love… with him?

Okay, no. Jack can't accept that!

"Smith, while I understand your feelings, I'm sorry to say that I'm just not into guys."

…

The room falls silent for a moment, everyone staring in confusion at Los Angeles' protector.

"W-What?!" The word is stuttered out by Smith in a pitch one or two notes higher than usual. Okay, wow, if seeing Smith flustered is an uncommon appearance then seeing him like this is pretty much unheard of! "I'm not gay! I mean, I like… I am… you see… argh!"

A frustrated Smith paces back and forth, for the first time in ever at a loss of what to do next. Jack tries to console him, telling him that there's nothing wrong with such feelings

"Look, my lord, some people just have romantic feelings for those of the same gender. There's nothing wrong with that."

Smith tries to collect himself but is still flustered by the accusations. "Jack, stop insinuating that I'm interested in my own gender. I've many hobbies and professions one would describe as abnormal, but that's not one of them."

Right. Jack rolls his eyes at Smith's words, not believing them at all. "Sure you are. Look, Smith, why don't you find a nice guy, and settle down? Even though most don't have the same orientation there's enough of them left. This city alone probably has thousands of potential bachelors for you."

"Jack, I am not gay! Please don't make me repeat this again."

Though Jack's currently poking at a king and two companions of Smith's caliber, he can't stop but help to tease his lord. "Understood. In that case, why not prove me wrong? Find yourself a nice girl and settle down with her. It's all the same to me.

"Fine! Perhaps I will!"

Good. With this discussion over it's time to get out of this situation: "Smith, can you remove these vines no-"

"Kusanagi Shizuka!" Before Jack can finish Smith has turned towards his younger peer. "Do you want to marry me?"

Jack looks flabbergasted, unable to form coherent speech at that idea. Shizuka on the other hand thinks it over, weighing the pros and cons:

"Well, you do dislike two-timers a lot. I think we'll get along, so yes, I accept." As Jack looks surprised that she accepted so easily Bacchus is cheering, planning to start up a wedding immediately. Considering they're in an old wedding chapel this is the perfect chance to start up a wedding here according to the god.

Jack however looks less than impressed with the engagement. To manipulate a drunk underage girl into marriage? How low can he sink! "Smith, I'm going to assume that this pedophilia is stemming from being drunk. She looks to be, like, twelve!"

"I'm fifteen, you jerk!" Shizuka shouts out, unhappy that she's made out to be younger than she really is. Still could've fooled Jack.

"Such insolence to us kings and deities…" The blonde diety looks equally pissed, like he's ready to punish a stubborn mortal. Jack gulps realizing that this might just be his end. "That's it! You may be Smith's friend, but you're not invited to their wedding!"

Eh?

A baffled Jack looks at Bacchus, who is ordering a few of his satyr to stand before him. One of them, A rather muscular one, bows before his lord, accepting any order his lord would give:

"Aurelius, you're on Twack duty."

The satyr named Aurelius rubs his hands in glee, as he grabs a large broom that was leaning against the wall. Jack is about to find out what Twack duty is, Aurelius aiming the broom straight at Jack's head.

"N-Now hang on just a minu-"

*Twack*

-x-

Upon hearing Jack's side of the story both kings wince slightly at the idea. Trying marriage for such a frivolous reason? Truly, the levels of drunkenness Shizuka displayed must have set a record for human history. Apologizing to Jack she hopes that he's willing to forgive the youngest king for her drunk actions.

Smith instead laughs off his own mistakes, speaking in his usual capricious tone: "Hahaha, though some do call me a mean drunk this is the first time I've ever seen such results of my actions. Though becoming a prohibitionist is going too far I do agree that I should take it down a notch."

"Considering how little you listen to other people, I'm not sure you would take your own advice." The amount of trust that Smith gets from Jack is seemingly nonexistent to Shizuka, but the way both Jack and Smith snort at that line is enough to tell about the bond between those two. "So, is yesterday going to change anything about the two of us working together?"

"Jack, did I not tell you? You are my one and only partner. The Watson to my Holmes, the Robin to my Batman and the Companion to my Doctor. I admit that I would rather have you working at my side than be with Allison, but I have come to accept that no actor can live for only a single play. If you keep standing at my side, then letting you be with Allison every once in a while is an acceptable reward."

At that Jack can only let out a satisfied laugh. "Truly, this is the arrogance of our king. These orders I can accept. Now, can you help me get out of these vines?"

The two kings willingly help, and with the help of a stepladder and some tools they cut the mage out of his bindings. Smith orders his subject to go back to the SSI and tell them that the rescue was a success. The two kings will continue their hunt for Bacchus. Jack does as he is told, and the two kings are alone once more. Before Shizuka noticed it her fellow king switches personas once more. Shizuka is walking next to Annie, and in a nearby park they discuss their next move.

"Though there's enough I don't know about yesterday I think that finding Bacchus should be our next lead."

That's an idea that Shizuka can get behind. However, "We don't know anything about where he is. You can't be proposing that we're going to search at random?"

"I doubt that running around without further clues gives us an idea of what to do. It's unlikely that the next lead will strike us like a bolt out of the blue."

Lightning erupts right in front of the two women, making them both jolt back. The sky's clear and empty, meaning that its origins are of a more mystical nature. Where the lightning struck now stands a fashionable young man, one that Shizuka recognizes from her battle with Guinevere and Karna.

"Alexandre Gascoigne!"

The black prince is standing there, looking quite tired. His hair is not styled, his clothes a bit rumpled, and there are massive bags under his eyes. It's as if he's been up for an entire night, busily working on something important. Worst of all, he's looking livid.

Yeah, that isn't good. Shizuka "orders" Annie to retreat and get Smith, who understand the cue to get her superhero persona out. Now alone with the black prince she politely asks why Alec needs her.

The British king points his mechanical hand at the younger king, still looking tired but not relenting. "Give. It. Back." The words are slow and heavily emphasized. Whatever triggers the Brit's anger has probably been activated multiple times, as he seems to have lost patience because Shizuka didn't talk so quickly.

"While I would like to comply if this is related to yesterday, I'm afraid that I've no memories of what transpired back then. If you can help me remember what I did I don't mind returning back what I took."

Alec gives a look of something between tiredness and disappointment. With a sigh he raises his magical power, fully intending to make this quick and painless.

Damn! Shizuka's down to only two attacks with her stones, giving herself a major disadvantage! Summoning [Water] by her side, she braces herself for her fellow king's attack.

"O my, Alexandre, are you preferring force over talking? What kind of mad world did I stumble into?"

A newcomer has arrived on the scene, and from the femininity of the voice it certainly isn't Smith. Standing there is a Caucasian adult woman with beautiful platinum blonde hair reaching her waist. Speaking to a king like this, one cannot help but wonder who she is.

Upon seeing her Alec clicks his tongue, unhappy to see her. "For once I would discommend to stir up trouble. The situation is already problematic to begin with."

With a calming smile the woman explains her purpose: "Of course not, I'm only here to help." Turning to Shizuka she bows politely, giving the king the respect, one would deserve. "Greetings, second king of Japan. I am Alice of Navarre, a special consultant of the Whitengamot. To prevent a devil-king war here in the city of another king, I'm fully willing to explain the deeds you committed yesterday. Though it was not at our headquarters, our data gathering specialists are more than capable of finding the truth."

The British king snorts at that idea, claiming that any such thing will be heavily slandered against him. With no other option Alec starts to explain what happened yesterday:

-x-

Twenty-first of December, late evening, London, Royal Arsenal headquarters

The headquarters of Royal Arsenal are relatively ordinary compared to those of other, older organizations. A single large apartment building is enough to house all the members of the organization, with a few basement levels to store the treasure Alec stole from all over the world. It's not an impenetrable fortress or an architectural marvel, but just a practical building that fulfills all his needs.

Compared to other organizations it lacks the secrecy to keep it hidden from scrying eyes nor the security to handle large numbers of enemies. Even so, it is enough for Alec. If the enemy is a powerful group of humans, then there is always a Campione to deal with them. If the enemy is of Alec's level, then there is no point in humans trying to defend. Therefore, when the black prince learned that his organization has been emptied due to an attack by multiple divine-level threats it meant that there was nothing to be surprised about. Just a mess for him to sort out.

Using the power of his first authority he shifts into lightning, wielding divine speed to swiftly investigate the cause. Entering from the top of the building he checks each floor one by one. Deserted, deserted, deserted, associate member still playing video games and needs a scolding later, deserted, deserted… the floors above ground reveal nothing, so they must be in his cellars. Considering that that's where the vault is, perhaps these deities are looking for a very specific item he once stole before?

Whatever it is, they weren't invited. Besides, Alec is a gentleman thief. Some of these treasures he needs to give back after he's done researching them, so it is unacceptable to lose them! His pride depends on it!

Upon reaching the vault he switches off his godspeed, looking at the door that should guard its access. It's a massive concrete and steel blast door, like those used by Fort Knox and the New York Federal Reserve Vault. Twenty tons stand between anyone wanting to open this depot. Voice recognition, 2 magic keys that only work if fueled with the divine lightning from his authority, walls that can withstand an atomic bomb. Nothing human can penetrate this place, and even gods need to strain themselves to enter.

But no, there's not even a scratch on the door. It's like nobody entered this place. Then again, it's the only place they can be, his subordinates wouldn't cry wolf about something this important. Can a god really enter this place without leaving evidence? If that's true, then Alec needs to up his security.

Well, only one way to find out. Going through the process of opening the door he hears the gears locking into place. With a heave he opens the door, ready to meet his intruders.

"It seems my assessment that I was the only sane king proved true after all." Three intruders are rummaging in his fault, searching for something that Alec doesn't know yet. One of them he doesn't recognize, but the other two are quite surprising.

One intruder is John Pluto Smith. Though childish and obsessed with being a superhero, he does have a voice of reason when his problematic sources aren't influencing him. And the other is Kusanagi Shizuka. The youngest king, and though somewhat self-absorbed she proved quite the capable team player during the battle with Guinevere. The only two kings that Gascoigne has some modicum of respect for are now invading his vault.

Well, lets get this over with. The English king grabs the attention of the three kings by raising his magical energy, letting them know that someone powerful is about to challenge them. Slowly they turn around, allowing Alec to make his declaration:

"Though I have no idea what is going on, I am certain that you two kings should know better then to invade my home. I suggest you get out now or I'm afraid I will have to remove you from the premises."

The three intruders look at one another, unsure what to do. Is there perhaps hope that this can be finished without conflict? Shizuka takes a step forward, making her own declaration:

"Well, I'm gonna… I'm gonna remove your mom from the premises!" Huh. Alec did not expect the youngest king to speak so crudely, nor to look so proud upon her crude speech. Her fellow conspirators look equally proud at their friend. Yeah, something's up.

Gascoigne asks the god who the hell he is, and upon receiving the answer of Bacchus the gears click in the black prince's head. From the evidence given he deduces that the other kings are drunk, and the god is probably equally smashed.

Ugh, this complicates matters. Alec would go all out if he were fighting the other kings at their best, but when they're in such a defenseless position he can't really go all the way to fight villainously. The only option is to knock the kings out, kill Bacchus and have these two alcoholics clean up this mess as punishment for failing to repel Bacchus.

Smith is about to turn into lightning once more. However, he stops that idea when his instincts warn him to shift to the defensive, seeing the youngest king summon the stone of wood at her side. Worse, she's chanting spell words for an authority: "North, East, West, South. Fourfold directions of the wind, gone berserk, bellowing power upon my enemies!"

Tsk. Annoyedly Alec notes that even while drunk the instincts of a Campione don't dull, their power still as dangerous as ever. Strong winds blow, carrying up dust to turn them into microscopic bullets and blocking sight. It would be enough to knock normal people out, but to Alec this is child's play. Raising the magical energy in his body even further he stands unaffected, wary of any possible follow-up. It doesn't come. When the winds die down the black prince is ready to give a short lecture about his enemies.

"Was that supposed to harm me? Really, I-"

Alec stops talking as he realizes something important: The enemies are gone. A blue portal, one that Alec recognizes as Smith's [Lord of the Faerie], closes, putting an entire realm between himself and his intruders.

But that's not the worst problem: Those winds may not have affected the king himself, but the vault is a different story. Treasures have been scattered by the wind, flown through all corners of the world. Bookcases have their content emptied; entire cabinets have their glass scattered. The only advantage is that anything of worth here has such levels of magic in it that falling won't damage it.

Alec can feel his annoyance rising, but before he can do so something lands on his foot: It's a jeweled box, one he recognized from an old adventure in Japan where it was used to seal a divine beast. If it's open, then…

A loud roar makes Alec turn to the side. There stands a monster of twenty feet tall, his lower body that of a spider and upper body of a minotaur. In his hand is a large polearm, and his gaze is distorted with madness. He will rampage if nothing is done about him and destroy this entire vault, possibly even more if things go haywire.

Alec is certain now: He's going to kill those drunk bastards.

-x-

As Alec finishes his speech Shizuka can only groan in annoyance. So not only did she cause trouble in St. Lucia and Los Angeles, but also in London itself? Ugh, this is turning into a multi-continental disaster!

"Now that you know what you did, I expect to reclaim what is mine." Alec holds out his hands, his wants clear to the other Campione. To be fair, Shizuka has no attachments to the ring, especially when she learned it was stolen. She slides the ring off her finger and throws the accessory to the black prince. Her American counterpart does the same, tossing the magical artifact to its owner.

Alec catches the two rings, inspecting them closely to see if they're real. After a second or three he's seen enough to deem the rings real, meaning that the purpose of his trip to America is complete. With a humph Alec turns around and disappears as quickly as he appeared. Alice's gives a final wave at the two kings before her form glows green and shimmers into nonexistence. With the British people gone it is time to inventory the events:

Almost everything about yesterday has been cleared up. The fifth king's involvement. How they got in Los Angeles. The reason for marriage. Where the marriage was held. How they obtained the magic rings. Yesterday has almost completely been solved, except for one question:

Where the hell is the cause of this all, where is Bacchus?

The answer should not have surprised Shizuka. When the SSI informed them that the god of wine has been sighted at Long Beach Waterfront similarities to St Lucia could be drawn immediately. The two kings quickly went over to the beach, where a blond deity was enjoying a rich lunch served by his satyrs. The area around him is completely empty and feeling the mana in the air Shizuka notices another barrier of repulsion around Bacchus.

Bacchus greets the kings amiably upon noticing their arrival: "If it isn't the Smith couple! Would you two newlyweds like to join me for lunch?"

Under normal circumstances Shizuka would object, but the rumblings of her stomach say otherwise. Thinking about it, it's around noon and she hasn't had any food for a full day. Determining the hunger to be more important than her dislike of Bacchus she sits down next to the god, with Smith on the other side. "As long as you're not serving anything with alcohol, I don't have a problem with eating."

The satyrs seem to have no problem serving for three instead of one, as a luxurious array of dishes is presented for the two kings: Coconut curry, mango salsa with poached merengue, salmon gravlax with gin, Peking duck salad with almonds and black truffle, and much more. There's a lot of good dishes to choose from, and Shizuka takes large heaps of almost everything. Smith does the same, seemingly equally hungry as his fellow king, food entering through a gap dilating in his mask.

The two enjoy their meal, as a jovial god is interested in hearing the wacky drunk adventures of the Campione couple. Shizuka groans at the thought and makes one thing clear to Bacchus: "I have absolutely no interest in being the wife of this masked superhero. If anything, I refuse to accept any and call claims of this wedding being official."

"Hey, you've got this god here as witness! While I may not be the goddess of marriage, I think I still command enough authority to authorize such an important event." Bacchus snaps his fingers, and orders one of his satyrs to come over. This one is dressed in a suit and hand the two kings a double-sided sheet of paper. "Of course, if you want a divorce, then you just need to sign these. A pity, I thought the two of you looked nice together."

Shizuka rolls her eyes, before giving the divorce paper a thorough reading. You never know with gods, but for all you know they might trick you in some magically binding contract.

Having read it thrice over Shizuka can't find a single abnormal thing. In fact, it's one of the most straightforward contracts she's ever read. All it does is annul the previous contract, and nothing else. Looking at Smith Shizuka finds him agreeing with this statement, also unable to find anything wrong.

With no reason not to both kings sign the contract. A small bit of magic shifts within their bodies, before it almost completely disappears. Bacchus looks a bit saddened, though it's somewhat faked. "Aww, and that's the end of the first Campione couple in, well, ever. Such a shame, such a shame."

Shizuka doesn't respond and continues to eat. After a minute or two of eating she begins to wonder something. Turning to Smith she asks a rather important question:

"So, Smith, what are we doing about Bacchus here?" In Shizuka's opinion this god is rather… benign. Compared to Nu Wa or Karna he's not all that harmful to humanity. Furthermore, the eighth king has no interest in starting a fight out here again a god. Therefore, what to do with this guy?

Smith doesn't have a solution available either. Seeing no reason to kill Bacchus for any crimes, he would rather face his attention on the problems that are a threat to the populace, like the mystic divine ancestor cults roaming through the city. "A god affects the area around him with his nature. A sun god causes droughts, a war god causes strife… Even something like a monkey god transforms the humans around him into monkeys. Therefore, as for the god of wine, would you not cause revelry and chaos where you go?"

Bacchus doesn't deny it, claiming he's guilty as charged.

"A god of revelry protecting the city of revelry. Though the city needs to cycle between the calm and the chaotic, Los Angeles is big enough for both a superhero and a guardian deity. I'm certain that we can work this out, Bacchus."

"Oh no, don't worry about such little details. As for my future, you've just made sure that I've got it covered." Bacchus can't contain his glee, puling out the original marriage contract and pointing at section 8. Unlike the divorce paper, this one neither of the kings has read through.

Smith and Shizuka inspect the section, reading just what kind of trick they've fallen for:

If the first party and second party, as decreed in Section 1 , both agree to the nullification of this contract they agree to participate in the creation of a piece of cinematographic art directed by the third party, as decreed in Section 1. Hostilities between the first party, second party, and third party are magically negated until the piece of cinematographic art is completed and has obtained an audience of a million people.

What? This, is this? Shizuka looks aghast at the god, who grins wildly. "And since your marriage got annulled, well… it's a pleasure to be making a film with you two. I'm certain you'll be wonderful actors for my newest project!"

O you have got to be kidding.

-x-

{1} Hollywood Sign: Nine gigantic letters of thirty feet wide and fifty feet tall spelling "HOLLYWOOD" that adorn Mount Lee in Los Angeles. Erected in 1923, this sign was originally meant to promote a new housing area but soon deteriorated. After 1978 they were restored and became the LA cultural icon.

{2} Indiana Jones: The title character and protagonist of the Indiana Jones series. An adventuring archeologist characterized by his fedora, bullwhip, satchel and leather jacket, who is usually trying to put famous relics in a museum.

{3} Isekai: The portal subgenre of Japanese culture. A normal person somehow ends up in a parallel universe, usually a fantasy world.

{4} Dick Grayson and Jason Todd: The first and second incarnation of Robin, the sidekick of the superhero Batman. Smith refers to the comic book "A Death in the Family", where Jason Todd dies at the hands of Batman's archnemesis.