I Need to Know
Sabrina leaned against the wall in the Baxter High gymnasium observing the scene before her. It was festooned with colorful balloons, arches of paper flowers and glittering cardboard spirals descending from the ceiling. There were folding tables with a spread of punch, plates and finger foods along one of the walls where the bleachers folded out of during basketball games. Students milled around the tables between songs, but many were on the makeshift dance floor with their partners. The season was in full force now and the expected shift towards warmer weather brought about couples who had found their love stumbling through winter.
Naturally this was all celebrated in the traditional high school manner. A dance. The Spring Fling dance to be precise. Sabrina hadn't been certain she'd come, especially given her current relationship status among her mortal friends. Harvey with Roz, Theo with Robin, and Sabrina… with herself. She was comfortable on her own, even as a fifth wheel to the Fright Club. However, the whole situation had her thinking about the last time she was in the Baxter High gymnasium.
Valentines. Lupercalia?
Whatever you wanted to call it, either way, made Sabrina nostalgic for a time in her life that was a little surer of itself. She'd be lying if she didn't also have a pang of feelings that resurfaced for a certain warlock. Burning away her emotions with that candle didn't burn away the memories she had with him. In fact, it was easy for Sabrina to relive many of them in her mind.
She averted her eyes downward and brushed the non-existent wrinkles from her dress to avoid taking her back to those thoughts. She wore a gray, knee-length satin dress with thick sleeve-less straps. She briefly entertained the idea of wearing other outfits, however many of the formal dresses she owned had feelings attached to them.
Sabrina looked up at the dance floor again. She had been determined to have a good time tonight. She couldn't let her mind drag her down the rabbit hole. She had started out the night dancing between her friends. Roz and Theo, not unlike her sixteenth birthday, obliged in taking turns with her. She even partnered with Harvey briefly, forgetting her troubles for a moment.
Time marched forward, propelling the dance steadily on deeper into the night, and quick-paced tunes took a backseat to slower ones. Then, as was her luck, that song came on again…
"You got a pretty face, I got this broken heart,
"Two starlit lovers, we were destined to be torn apart"
"The first time it played in the background of Dr. Cerberus' on the radio she caught a couple lyrics but didn't really pay attention. The next time she heard it, it felt almost like a personal attack. Then the song just seemed to become more popular, following her, permeating her mind with thoughts she actively tried to squash.
It seemed like a strange song to be playing at a dance, but it was popular and had a gentle beat that was excellent for slow dancing. The couples all started to change their tempo of dance to match the song in an instant. With that Sabrina caught sight of her friends, swaying easily together in lockstep among the crowd. Picture perfect.
"You said you needed space, I got a couple scars,
"Guess you're the reason for the tears, I left them where you are"
Sabrina closed her eyes and a memory flooded in… "Then, I'll give it all up. I'll give it all up for you, Nick." The words lingered in her mind. She had never meant it more. "…I'll only slow you down," were the only words that had filtered through the alarm bells of panic that started to overtake her mind.
"I never wanted to own you
"I never wanted to hold you down"
"You're chasing something right now. Power… being Queen. And I… I'll only slow you down" Sabrina's heart broke through the rest of that conversation. Her emotions paralyzed by the sudden loss of the one person who meant more than anything. By burning the double-wick candle she taken the edge off her loss, helping Sabrina center herself. In addition, time, personal healing, and much awkwardness between Nick and Sabrina helped her to move forward. Returning to her mortal life, reconstructing the coven yet again, and settling back into a new normal had distracted her.
Her feelings never stayed away though. Love is more complicated than the typical lust between witches. Sabrina began to think, that if strong enough between individuals, it could never be fully erased. Regardless, the trauma Nick had endured, left her helpless. He was the only one who could help himself at this point, process what happened… and maybe, just maybe, he was better off without her.
"Maybe another place, maybe another time
Till then let's say goodbye, I'll see you in another life"
Nick placed his head down on the counter of Dorian's Gray Room bar. No one was here, but it was better than being anywhere else. He spent much of his free time minding the establishment for Dorian these days, while Dorian was off doing Heaven knows what.
Nick pressed his head into the marble, taking in the soothing coolness of the counter on his forehead. He spent a large portion of the last months wrestling with his inner turmoil. Things finally started to make sense, and he felt like his time away from much of humanity assisted in his ability to come to terms with what he had endured in his relatively short warlock existence. One of the last nagging feelings was resounding in his loneliness though.
He hadn't helped his relationship with Sabrina. They had agreed to be friends, which was true, Nick and Sabrina were friends. They were cordial with one another when they inhabited the same space, but neither went out of their way to communicate. It was always painfully uncomfortable when either tried to say more than a few sentences. There was a gulf between them that needed to be bridged, but neither had any idea how to start.
"It always feels like we're out here alone
We're searching for new life, but how could we know?"
Nick pushed back from the bar suddenly and stood up, barely registering the faint music filtering from somewhere nearby. "This is enough!" Nick exclaimed loudly to the emptiness, as if declaring it would solve his problems. He let out a long sigh and rubbed his face in his hands, knowing what he needed to do.
Sabrina would probably be at that mortal dance tonight. He was sure of it. Thunder rumbled faintly in the distance, gently shaking the glass of the bar's windows. Nick grabbed his signature leather jacket and donned it before teleporting out into the night.
"And when the night times calling and the rain starts falling
"Will you still remember my name?"
Sabrina opened her eyes, deciding to excuse herself from the rest of the dance. She and Roz exchanged looks briefly, and Sabrina motioned for the door. She turned quickly so that Roz didn't have much of a chance to question her. Either way, Roz would understand. So would the others.
"And when you're out till morning and the drinks keep pouring
Do you think you'll feel the same?"
The loud music carried down the main hallway, all the way out of Baxter High, almost so deafening she was surprised by the storm brewing outside. She had seen the thick gray clouds on the horizon early in the afternoon, but inside the gymnasium it was like she had walked into another dimension and now she was emerging back into the reality of Greendale.
Sabrina's eyes fell from the clouds above to the landing below the entrance steps. She almost lost her balance. "…Nick?"
Nick stood with his hands shoved into his jean pockets, gaze now fixed on his shoes. His initial confidence in actions upon teleporting had morphed into a hybrid of pain and nerves, plainly apparent on his face. He squeezed his eyes shut, reopening them and attempting to maintain composure.
"Nick?" Sabrina took a step forward, moving down towards him. "What are you doing here?"
He tilted his head up to her. "Sabrina," Nick stated plainly, keeping his expression neutral. "I… don't…" He began to choke on his words, unsure of where to begin.
"I need to know, I need to know
Do you feel the same? Do you feel the same?"
Music mingled with the sound of light rain that began to fall from above. The physical distance between them began to close as Sabrina deliberately descended, however the emotional expanse between them stretched vastly. "You don't… what? Do you need something?" Sabrina asked, concern growing on her face.
Nick's eyes suddenly welled up, unable to keep himself level. "I just… I can't… I can't stop thinking about us. I feel awful, even though I needed time to figure myself out- I needed time. But I keep feeling things for you Sabrina. I meant it when I said I loved you before we broke up." He took a deep breath before quickly continuing. "I know you probably moved on, but I miss you. Even if we are only friends. I want to talk. I need to talk. I just… don't know where to start."
"You are my universe, I was your falling star
"There were no others, and we knew it from the very start"
Sabrina's heart skipped a beat, as she reached him. "Oh… Nick." Her internal voice wanted to scream, dance, kick, and shout all at once. None of which were appropriate. Instead, she tentatively placed her hands his shoulders unsure of how to respond- not wanting to overstep boundaries. "I miss you too."
"Really?"
Sabrina locked eyes with him. "Really. I… I must confess I followed Prudence's advice. I tried to rid myself of feelings for you but, wasn't able to. Either the spell failed, or maybe… I fell in love with my memories of you again. It's been painful, trying to give you the space you need. But I still think I love you."
The rain began falling harder, the storm finally beginning to let loose. Neither witch nor warlock aware of their surroundings at this point.
Nick pulled his hands out of his pockets and placed them on Sabrina's forearms. "I kept thinking you were better off without me. You probably are. I'm fundamentally broken I think."
"I am not!" Sabrina exclaimed. "You are not." She moved to take his face in her hands. "To exist is to be perfectly imperfect. I myself am evidence of that." Months had passed since the collapse of the world they had known less than a year ago, but with that so did a progression of maturity.
"You said you wanted love, the kind that made you real
I gave you everything that anyone could ever feel"
Sabrina inhaled, continuing, "I think you're right. We need to talk. Talk about everything that's happened, everything that can happen. But I love you Nick, despite everything I still love you. I need to know you feel the same."
Nick pressed his forehead into hers. "I do Spellman. I love you." He leaned in and kissed her gently as he desperately had wanted to, what seemed like forever ago.
It wasn't over. There was a lot of work that needed to bet done in their relationship, but it was a start. As the rain poured around them dampening the sounds of life and song inside Baxter High, the gulf between the two began to close.
"I need to know, I need to know
Will you feel the same? Will you call my name?"
Author's Note: I basically haven't written anything since before 2010, so forgive my rustiness. The song is I Need to Know by Sleeping with Sirens. I liked this song before, and when it came on again recently, I immediately knew I needed to do something with it for Nick/Sabrina. I wanted more Nabrina in the world, so I figured I needed to make it happen. A combination of a weird dream and reading other fiction led to this. A somewhat fix-it from Season 3. Enjoy?