A/N: This story can be considered as a continuation of my previous stories "A Little Bit Longer" & "Unspoken Rules and Boundaries"
The sound of keys rattling and doorknob turning woke Jill up from her slumber. She quickly stands up from the couch, takes a quick glance at the clock then fixes her sight on who would enter the door. Almost noon and anticipation filled her mind. Barely remembering what time she fell asleep. All she knows is that there was already sunrise before she dozed off. Too immersed in her laptop and radio scattered on Chris's coffee table and keeping up with the updates about his mission in China. Relief washed over her after finding out that he was rescued by their helicopter but she couldn't fully feel happy after knowing his partner Piers died. Soon she was more worried for Chris, for how he is holding on rather than relieved. She was planning to go to their headquarters the moment the news broke out but exhaustion from days of continuous follow up about his mission, months of wondering where he is and overwhelming emotion must have made her pass out on their couch.
He was gone for half a year for goodness sake but never once did she assume that he won't be back in his apartment. Their unofficial apartment. When the door opened and her speculations were confirmed. Their eyes lock as he closes the door.
She wanted to hit him, hoping it would knock some sense to him. Reprimand him about the fact that he went AWOL for half a year, missing the holiday season and Valentine's Day with her. Lecture him, remind him that they shouldn't do trivial things like disappearing without a word. Tell him how lonely, hurt, worried she is, that she almost lost her mind. It must have been what he felt when she was taken away and presumed dead for roughly three years. She wanted to just let her emotions explode and continuously jab her fist on his chest until hers doesn't hurt anymore.
She couldn't. She runs to him and wraps her arms around him as she hooks her legs on his waist. The mere sight of the tiredness and guilt in his eyes melted all the negative emotions in her heart. He holds on to her, burying his face in her chest, hands shaking as he pulls her closer as humanly as possible. He heaves out a deep breath he wasn't aware he was holding. Both of their eyes are closed in an attempt to fight back the tears.
"Chris." He presses his face further onto her skin as she utters his name. Her hands run along his hair and she assumes their shower room at BSAA didn't do him justice again. She was asleep for approximately 3 hours and he could only do so much within that time before arriving at their apartment.
She slowly puts her feet back on the floor but her man still didn't let another inch separate them, moving his face from her chest to the crook of her neck. She allows him to lean to her as she continues to roam the tips of her fingers on his scalp.
Only when he needed to breathe, he moved his face away but cupped her face. Cherishing the woman before his eyes before placing a deep kiss on her lips. She gratefully returns the kiss, softly placing her hands on his cheeks, careful not to put any unwanted pressure on the bruises on his face. She slowly pulled her face away but kept her eyes on his. Her heart aches as her fingers linger closely to his cuts and swollen skin. She takes a deep breath as her hands slide down from his ears to his shoulders.
"Let's get you cleaned up. Hmmm?" She held both his hands and checked the wounds on his arms as well before walking towards the bathroom. Clasping their together while taking small steps.
Chris doesn't talk. And she ain't gonna ask for anything. Not an update about his last mission, not an explanation for what he did or even an apology. She's been with him long enough both in and out of the battlefield to have an idea what it feels like and what he might be going through. Despite the fact that she is the verge of breaking down in tears, she has to get a grip and be strong for him.
They enter the bathroom and she looks up at him, lightly squeezing his hand before letting it go and walking over to the tub. She turns on the faucet and watches the water fill up the tub. The sound of water splashing on the porcelain tub feels deafening. They are used to silence but this type of silence when they both know they should be talking about something important is what she hates the most. She dipped the ends of her fingers in the water, testing the temperature. One of her bath bombs caught her sight. She always teased him that she'll let him use one every time he would grumble about how she buys too many of it. Eventually, he stopped when she was able to convince him to use the mint one and ended up liking it. A small smile forms on her lips as she drops it in the water.
"Do you want a shave?" She turns and asks him after closing the faucet. He was stoic but he managed to give a slow nod. "I'll do it. Get in. I'll get your stuff." She walks past him and catches a glance as he starts removing his clothes from the reflection of the medicine cabinet. She opens the cabinet and takes the shaving cream and razor. She waits until she hears the sloshing sound of water before turning around. Dragging a stool closer to the end of the tub, she places a towel on her lap and gestures to him to recline back. She stares down at his weary as he looks back up at her. Slowly, she leans down and plants a soft kiss on his forehead before applying the shaving cream on his jaw.
Chris wonders why he deserves such a welcome from her. Not after what he just did. Still, he continues to watch her with awe. His heart felt like it's gonna burst out of his chest anytime soon. All his pent up anger and disgrace almost felt like it's being swept away by her actions. If only he will gladly allow her to do so. But no, in his mind, he doesn't deserve this kind of treatment from her. He closes his eyes as the razor glides on his skin. He is a mess. But this woman can effortlessly give him a clean state of mind. It wasn't the first time she gave him a shave, it always feels more relaxing whenever she does it for him. He loves how her fingers would always trail after the cold metal glides on his skin, trying to sense if it's trimmed short enough for her liking.
She wipes the remaining cream off his face. He is not a mess and he needs to know that. She was mad but now she is just overjoyed to have him back. She wants him to make the first move like curse, cry or scream because of what happened. What he doesn't need to know is that there is a lingering pain in her chest at the very sight of him. She knows very well that he is suffering and trying to hold it together no matter how much he is breaking inside. But she won't add any insult to injury. Now, he just has her. "I'll just get your clothes from our bedroom."
Her strides were slow, her hands touch the walls for support and her breaths are starting to be shaky as she tries to contain her feelings. She entered their bedroom and opened the closet. Tears trickled down her cheeks, she gasped. Startled as her own unchecked emotion flooded her system. Soon she started sobbing.
It was unfair. Chris has lost so many men and women even before he became a captain in BSAA. He even lost her for years. She couldn't imagine how she would handle it if she lost him, that's why she launched herself and dive head first into danger to save his life. Maybe because she believed she wasn't strong like him. The mere thought of him gone is too unbearable for her. They thought it's over after the incident in Africa. It was for a few years. But then he was sent to Singapore, then Edonia and then China. Part of her wants him to just reject all these types of missions but she is in no place to stop him from doing what's right because it's what she would do as well. She almost forgot how long she was crying. The sound of the door opening and closing woke her back to reality. She wiped her tears away before grabbing the first boxers and white tank top she could get ahold of. Taking a deep breath before turning around to face him again.
"Done already? You should have taken your time." She steps closer to him and hands over his clothes. His grip on the towel around his waist tightens as he notices she just cried. His jaw clenches as he takes the clothes from her. "You must be tired. You should take a nap."
He watches her rearrange the pillows on the bed and dust off the mattress, trying to make it as tidy as possible. After putting on his clothes, he takes a seat at the edge of the bed. Grabbing her wrist, he pulls her to him and embraces her again. He scoots into the middle of the bed and leaned his back on the headboard while she climbs onto his lap as well. Back in almost the same position the moment they met today. Once again, he buried his face in her chest while her fingers were caressing his scalp.
Not a minute passes by, Chris quietly begins to weep. She closes her eyes and bit her lower lip while sitting on his lap, letting her shirt get drenched in his sorrowful tears.
"I'm sorry, Jill. I'm so sorry. They all died. . . They all died and it's my fault." The sobbing and sniffing sound starts to be more audible. She rests her head on his as she hugs him tighter.
"Shhhh, don't blame yourself for everything."
How could he not? He couldn't save his entire team at Edonia, left the woman he dearly loves then the only survivor in this platoon who has the best potential to be his marksman successor died.
"Chris. Look at me." She cups his face and leaned her forehead on his. "You have me. You saved me. Plenty of times. Now how could I ever thank you for that?" She brushes his tears away while her thumbs as he closes his eyes. "You have us. Barry, Rebecca. You saved Rebecca, remember? At the mansion?"
He tries to move his face away, still ashamed about how disappointing he is. She doesn't allow it and holds on to his face.
Jill couldn't hold back her tears either and let her tears trickle down her face, still she continued. "Chris. Look at me. You have Claire. You saved her on that island. Your own sister. Don't forget that. We are here."
He flutters his eyes open again. Again, he questions what he did for him to have such a wonderful person with him during burdensome times like this. Someone he can hold on to when he reaches breaking point. He'd give up his own life for this woman. No, he would kill for this woman. He somehow did. Always wanting the best version of himself for her.
"Chris. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
She just didn't say anything else. He knows he has a lot of things to say and he can never be more grateful for her. She respects the space and time he never knew he needed. She gave assurance and care that he unconsciously deprived himself. All he wants is to do is to love her even more than he already does right now.
His breaths are starting to be at ease but his tears remain to fall one by one. It felt like exhaustion finally caught up to him. Burying his face in her chest and hugging her closely, he closes his eyes and hopes to get a short slumber beside her.
She slowly lifts her weight off of him and shifts to lie down on her side while still holding on to him. Careful not to wake him up as he clings to her like a lost kid. She loves him. All of him. Flaws, imperfections and all. Everything that makes him her Chris.
Finally letting out a sigh of relief, she kisses the top of his head. Sleeping next to him and hoping that he will soon heal from this nightmare once again. For now, she is going to be dreaming alongside him.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. I rarely write angst genre so I really appreciate a feedback for me to know what you like about the story and what I can still improve on. Again, thanks.