Chapter 7: Invasion

After burning down the church, Rein and Lyn decided to find somewhere to rest for the night. They approached a town on the border of Sacae. Soon they would be in Elibe, the country Caelin was located in.

"Hey, do you have any money?" Lyn asked, as she looked in her bag, realising she had none of her own.

"Oh damn, I forgot to take that bishop's wallet", he said. "No, I got nothing."

"How are we going to rent a room, then?"

"You're the Princess of Caelin. Just claim this town in the name of Caelin, and they'll have to let us do whatever we want."

"Great idea!" Lyn replied, with a happy smile. She rode up to the town's gate, bow in hand. "You there! I am Lyndis, Princess of Caelin! Your town is being annexed by Caelin! Surrender immediately, or I'll... uh...". She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Hey, what's a good threat?" After Rein whispered something to her, she returned to addressing the people. "Or I'll kill then men, rape the women, and work the children to death in the mines!"

"Hey, isn't that a bit too much?" she added, to Reinhardt.

"You have to go hard, or otherwise they won't take you seriously", he answered, with a shrug.

Quickly, the honourable mayor of the town, Migal stepped forwards to negotiate with the invading force, backed by the local militia. "So you're the Princess of Caelin?" he asked, quickly noticing Lyn's distinct lack of an army. "So where's your army? You hiding them inside that overgrown hair of yours?"

"Like I need them to subdue worthless peasants, like you!" she answered, clearly intoxicated by the imagined power she now commanded. "Tactician, tell this fool what we will do to him and his men, should he continue to refuse our occupation."

"Well, you see that bow she's holding there", Reinhardt began. "I'm sure she could shoot you, and every single member of your militia in the balls with it, and then you'd be stuck, lying on the ground, while we subjugate your town. Is that really how you want to go out?"

"Better than letting tyrants like you two have your way with our town! Attack!"

The militia charged Lyn, but they were poorly equipped to deal with her, and her broken bow. One by one, they fell, until eventually, Migal and the remaining three closed in.

"Let's just ride away from them", Rein laughed, as he and Lyn quickly circled around the militia, and made their way past them, taunting them as they got out of breath chasing them.

However, while Lyn and Rein were mocking the militia, two more fighters from within the village came out to approach them.

"H-Hey, that's Lyn..." stuttered a nervous looking Pegasus Knight. "She was the school bully, at Sacae High. She used to make fun of me every day for being flat-chested..."

"I've heard of her", said the other, an archer. "My friends on Reddit said she made fun of them for being pedophiles. Let's make her pay."

Lyn was so distracted by making fun of the militia, she didn't notice the archer pull his bowstring, and shoot her horse in the leg. She fell to the ground from its back, but luckily, her giant tits cushioned her fall. Before she could get up, the Pegasus Knight descended towards her, pointing a lance at her throat.

"P-Prepare to die!" she stuttered, intending to sound threatening, but instead just sounding like a pissed off hamster or something.

"Hahaha, is that Flat Florina?" Lyn laughed. "Oh my god, it is! Hahahaha!"

"D-Don't call me that!"

"Hey, Flat Florina, Halloween was last month, why don't you take off the Lucina costume?"

"Sh-Shut up!"

"I think I've figured out her weakness", Reinhardt said.

"What's that?" Lyn asked.

Rein moved closer to Florina, and yelled "boo!" in a mildly loud voice. Florina immediately dropped her lance, fell off her pegasus, and curled up in the fetal position, before promptly dying of a heart attack. However, as he did this, the archer pulled his bowstring back, his arrow aimed at the now completely exposed Reinhardt's head.

"Look out!" Lyn cried in horror.

Reinhardt noticed the archer too late, and didn't have time to get out of the way. But just before the shot was fired, a Hand Axe flew threw the air, smashing the archer's head to pieces. Their eyes followed the axe, as it returned to the hand of its owner. To their horror, it belonged to Batta! The beastly brigand began approaching them, while from the other side, Migal and his militia flanked them. With Lyn's horse wounded, they had no way to escape.

"Out of the frying pan, and into the fire, huh", Rein said, with a sigh. "Hey, why did you save me from that archer?" he asked Batta, assuming him the more reasonable of the two to negotiate with.

"I heard what you two did to Glass. Came here to finish the job myself. But then I learned that she's actually the Princess of Caelin. That explains everything. Why she's so strong. Why she looks like an actual woman, and not a fucking washboard with acne. She's not a brony. She was just adopted by them. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I want in. You're going to Caelin, to swindle your inheritance out of the king, right?"

"Maybe?" Lyn said coyly.

"Well. Cut me in, and I'll take care of those faggots over there for you."

"It might be a good idea to take Batta up on his offer", Rein suggested. "We could do with another fighter, and not having him sending hitmen after us every day would be nice too."

"Alright, you're in", Lyn said. "This town is ours!"

She pulled back her bowstring, while Batta reeled back his arm. Lyn's arrow pierced Migal's head with such force, it sent him flying back into the fighter behind him, piercing his head on the same arrow. Batta's axe flew threw the other two, like a wrecking ball, before landing in his hand.

"So, what does this town have, that you'd want to invade it anyway?" Batta asked.

"Oh, we just wanted a place to sleep for the night", Lyn answered, as she kicked down the door of a random house.

"Nice", Batta said, with an approving smile.