Chapter 11: Caelin

Hours after Lyn and her party had sacked Araphen, Batta and the remnants of his bandit gang arrived to find the city already looted and destroyed.

"Lundgren..." Batta growled, his hands tensing around the hilt of his axe, as his breathing got heavier.

"No, this was most likely the work of Lyn and Reinhardt", one of the brigands told him.

"LUNDGREN!" Batta roared, his newfound Berserker rage leading him to charge through the city, as he called out the name of the hated usurper. He had been like this, almost ever since using the Ocean Seal. Perhaps he just needed time to adapt to his new class, or perhaps he just needed to eat a Snickers. Only time would tell.

Before long, a Knight intercepted their group. "Excuse me, gentlemen, but you can't be here", he told the Brigands.

"Oh yeah, and who are you?" asked the brigand who seemed to be functioning as the group's speaker, now that their leader was consumed by berserker rage.

"My name is Bool, good sir. I was supposed to be the level boss on the last chapter, but I guess they really wanted to make fun of Rath and his green bow instead, so my part kind of got skipped over."

"Bool?" asked the brigand. "More like, uh... Faggot! Haha yeah, I got him! I got him good!"

The other brigands stared at him blankly, as crickets began chirping. "We really need Batta to turn back to normal soon, so we can actually stand a chance in these verbal exchanges."

"Yes, about that", Bool told them. "We're not really doing the whole Brigand thing anymore. You gentleman are, how do I put it... earlygame enemies. I heard they're doing auditions for disposable earlygame fodder over in Fodlan, so maybe you could go and apply there? Now, I must be off. Perhaps Lord Lundgren can find a role for me in this chapter. I'm not expecting as big of a story role as Zugu or Carjiga or anything, but maybe I can get in a memorable line or..."

"LUNDGREN!" Batta screamed. "LUNDGREN! LUNDGREN! LUNDGREN!" All of a sudden, he reached out, his powerful Berserker hand cupping around Bool's head. "LUNDGREN! LUNDGREN LUNDGREN!" he roared, before crushing the Knight's head like a grape.

Meanwhile, the object of Batta's rage was making his way back to Caelin, in order to warn his brother that he had failed to gain Araphen's support. King Hausen, the ruler of Caelin was currently snorting cocaine, with two of his generals, Yogi and Eagler.

"Yogi, it has come to my attention that snorting cocaine off of a hooker's ass like this is not behaviour fit for a king", Hausen told his general. "No, a king should be snorting cocaine off a solid gold ass! Raise the taxes again!"

"Already done, sir", Yogi reported, with a proud smile. "Now the disgusting fucking poor people are being taxed 110% of their earnings! You will have all the solid gold things you could possibly want."

"Very good, Yogi. And Eagler, I trust that you have been doing a good job training the men."

"Yes, Your Majesty", Eagler confirmed, as he did another line of coke. "I gave them a briefing on just how to smoke out all of those damn endangered species you love to fill your royal banquets with, so much. After that, we are going to give the Thought Police more psychic training, so they can identify criminals, before they even act on anything."

"Excellent work! You two are my finest generals. And as thanks for your good service, I permit the both of you to abduct anyone in all of Caelin, to use as your personal sex slave!"

All of a sudden, a messenger came in. "Sorry to interrupt such important business, King Hausen, but we just received word that your brother will be coming back to see you soon."

"Oh shit, that fucking retard is coming back?" Hausen said, with a slight look of concern. "Quick, uh... hide all the cocaine and hookers and pretend we're just doing good, honest stuff, until he leaves again. That retarded fuck and his loyalty are the only reasons this kingdom hasn't come crashing down yet."

The room was cleared, and Lundgren was shown in.

"Greetings, faggot... uh, I mean brother!" Hausen said, with the two lackeys surpressing smirks. "I hear you've been taking care of really important business, eh? Going to Araphen, man, I bet that was real fruitful, and not just an excuse to get you to fuck off for a bit. They were always known for their generosity, right?"

"Uh, actually no. The Marquess didn't seem to want to help us, but it doesn't matter anyway, since your granddaughter already layed waste to his entire army, along with the city, which she looted clean."

"Oh no, that's... awful", Hausen said, barely able to hide his sarcasm. "Our greatest ally too, man, that bites!

"Anyway, I came to warn you that she is on the way, likely intending to illegitimately seize control of Caelin."

"Well, I'm sure things are in capable hands, right? You're going to handle it, aren't you Lundgren?"

"Of course, brother. I know how hard you work to keep this kingdom prosperous, so it's the least I could do, to deter any threats to your life."

"Great. Now could you fuck off... I mean, be on your way. I have a lot of important kingly business to attend to.

After Lundgren had left, Hausen took out his phonebook. "Seems like the doctors were wrong about my daughter, after all. Obviously, she's a chip off the old block. Which means, I'd expect her to run rings around a halfwit like Lundgren. Better call some hitmen to have her taken care of, before she gets anywhere near here." He began dialing a number. "Hello, is this the Black Fang? Yes, I'd like to call a hitman to clobber that there Lyn! Great! And how long before my hitman arrives? 45 minutes, or I get a full refund? Perfect!"