Sickbay isn't far away. I'm beginning to think that I could walk this entire ship, from front to stern, in less than an hour. I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not.

The sickbay itself looks like it used to be a storage area, hastily turned into a medical centre. The room is cramped, with patchy walls and makeshift partitions to give the simple cots some privacy. Here and there are stacks of crates, haphazardly pushed to the sides. All but a few of the beds are filled, though the people close to the door seem to have relatively minor injuries. I see a man with a bandaged leg and next to him a woman is being treated for a phaser wound to the shoulder. But as I follow Mora deeper into the room, the injuries become more serious, and more gruesome. A phaser wound can easily happen in the middle of a rescue, but other hurts look more malicious. Torture.

My steps falter as I wonder what state the Captain will be in. I'm not sure if I want to know. I'm afraid to see what the Cardassians have done to him. What I failed to protect him from.

I can feel my stomach rebel as I realise that while I was having a pleasant meal, the Admiral could have been suffering untold miseries. I have to stop and swallow away the guilt of that thought.

Mora has noticed my inability to move and turned back to me. My expression must be easy to read, because she grimaces and then her expression turns sympathetic. I'm too focussed on keeping my composure and pushing away the sickening thoughts to respond to her. I'm relieved when she leaves, but it seems only a moment before she returns. She takes my arm and guides me further into the room and I haven't the will to resist her. And then I see the Admiral and I stumble the last few steps. He looks alright. The bruise on his temple is already gone and I scan his body carefully but can't find anything else wrong with him. But he can't simply be sleeping… can he? Hesitantly, half afraid of what I'll find, I reach out my hand to breach the last few inches between us. His hand is a bit cold to the touch, or is that my imagination? I grip it tightly, but he doesn't respond. I begin to say 'Captain', but stop myself just in time and whisper 'Dad?' instead. No reaction. 'Dad?' I say a bit louder. He might not recognize my voice, but I know he has at least one teenage daughter. She visited the Al-Batani with her mother before we left. Perhaps if I pitch my voice higher, I'll sound more like her. 'Dad?' I try again. I can hear my own fear. Not the slightest twitch. I let go of his hand and lean forward. What if I shake him? A hand on my shoulder startles me before I can try. Looking behind me, I stare right into the eyes of the betazoid doctor. I just manage to stifle a shriek.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,' the Doctor says.

I don't know what to feel. I'm already reeling from seeing sickbay and the Captain. Having the Betazoid doctor there, making me doubt and scrutinize every thought and feeling I have, wondering if it will betray me – betray us – is more than I can process. I'm edging away from her, along the edge of the Captain's cot. I'm grateful when the doctor takes the initiative. She gives me a sympathetic smile before walking away. Mora follows her. Once they're a few strides away, I manage to tear my eyes away from them and turn back to the Captain. I grip the edge of his cot tight enough to whiten my knuckles and let out a strained breath. For the next few minutes, I try to draw strength from his familiar presence and authority. I'm not very successful.

Mora returns. Her footsteps are slightly louder than they were before, I assume to make me away of her presence. She stops at my elbow and waits for me to acknowledge her. I glance at her, then past her shoulder but the doctor isn't with her. A glance around shows her tending to a teenage boy on a cot against the opposite wall. I'm fairly sure it's not a coincidence. They noticed my discomfort with the betazoid doctor. I wonder what they make of it.

Mora seems to sense my thoughts. 'Quite a few people we rescued respond that way to Azai,' she says gently. 'It's not easy to face someone who can read you, when you've fought so hard to keep your secrets hidden from the Cardassians.'

A wave of relief hits me at her words. My reaction hasn't betrayed us.

Mora continues. 'Azai can sense your feelings, that's true, but she can't read your thoughts. She's only half Betazoid. And she's a good doctor. Do you want to know your father's condition?'

My apprehension of the doctor eased, I'm eager to know how the Captain's doing. Even so, I'm relieved when at my nod, Mora doesn't wave her over but tells me his condition herself.

As far as they can tell, the Captain suffered a head trauma, but they don't have the specialized medical scanners to determine the extent of the damage, nor the medication to treat him. He's in a coma and all we can do is wait, let him rest and hope he comes out of it on his own. It's not a very encouraging diagnoses and I wish there was more to be done, but at least he's alive. Aside from the head trauma, he has injuries all over his body, but they're not serious and the Maquis have already cleaned and bandaged those. Right now, there's nothing I can do for him. I'm not sure what to do now.

Mora seems to sense my indecision, because she gives me a friendly smile, suggests that a good night's sleep will make all the difference and offers me the use of her quarters. She won't need them in the next few hours anyway, because she has a long shift here in sickbay. I don't want to go back to the mattress room and possibly get stuck there, so I accept her kind offer. Before I leave the makeshift sickbay, she shows me how to call up a map of the ship on one of the screens and tells me the way to her quarters. I only take a short look, enough to memorise the route. I'm sure the map will be useful to me later though, when I'm away from prying eyes.

XXX

With the map in mind, it's not difficult to find Mora's quarters. I type in the access code she gave me and am granted entrance. A few steps inside the door, I stop. Chakotay is still on the couch, fast asleep. Though his position has shifted quite a bit from when Mora and I left, so he either woke up at some point or he's a very restless sleeper. The question is answered almost immediately as he begins to shift, muttering something under his breath that I can't make out. I'm not sure what to do. Should I wake him? I would like to get some sleep, and I'm not sure if I can with a Maquis in the room. My mind is made up when Chakotay starts tossing furiously, muttering words in a language I don't understand. He's clearly having a nightmare. Resolutely, I crouch down beside him and call his name. He stops mumbling, but he's still fidgeting wildly and panting and he shows no sign of hearing me, even when I call again, louder. Changing tactics, I reach out with my good hand and give his nearest shoulder a firm shake. His reaction is instantaneous; he shoots straight up with a roar and a mean right hook right at my face. Only my reflexes prevent me from colliding with it.

Instinctively, I let myself fall backwards and away from his fist. It does seem to have woken him up though. He's breathing heavily and his eyes are still a bit wild, but they are open and after a moment he seems to come to his senses. He looks around franticly and when he notices me on the ground next to the couch, he calms down. He lowers his fist, running his hand across his face. When he looks back at me, there's an apology in his eyes.

'I'm sorry, Kate, I didn't mean to scare you.' I shoot him a smile, to show him I'm fine, though it probably comes out more than a bit uncertain. I scramble back upright and accept the hand he extents to pull me up. I don't resist when he pulls me next to him on the couch.

The moment I'm seated, he pulls back his hand. His eyes drop and he starts to wring his hands nervously. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I just…'

'Had a nightmare,' I finish for him when he trails off. 'It's all right.'

'It's not all right!' he spits out, suddenly venomous. 'I could have hurt you! I could have…' He buries his face in his hands, clearly unable to continue the thought. He looks distraught and I feel a wave of sympathy for him. Still a bit apprehensive, I reach out my hand and gently place it on his shoulder. At my touch, he shudders and lets out something close to a sigh. Or is it a sob? I realise he's perilously close to a breakdown. After what I just saw, the thought alarms me.

'But you didn't,' I try to comfort him, infusing the words with as much warmth as I can. 'You won't.'

My words seem to reach him, because slowly his hands drop away from his face. I'm almost surprised when I don't see tear tracks. His eyes are closed, but after a second or two more he opens them and looks me in the eye. For a moment, the anguish in his gaze takes my breath away. What happened to this man? As he stares at me, the anguish slowly seeps away and is replaced by deadly earnest. 'I promise that I'll protect you, Kate. I won't let anything hurt you.'

There's such sincerity in his voice and his gaze, it renders me speechless. But there's also guilt. A deep guilt, far more profound than this scene warrants. There's more to this than I know, far more. I don't think his vow is really meant for me. Or about me. I think it's some kind of atonement, for something or someone else. Either way, I accept it.

'You already have. You saved my life, Chakotay.' His eyes lighten at my words and it feels as if he's finally looking at me, instead of captured by a nightmare or memory. It's nice and I feel myself smiling back at him and putting my hand lightly on his arm. However, it soon becomes awkward and I glance away, trying to think of a way to get him out of here without offending him. He beats me to it.

'I guess I should go. You probably want to get some sleep,' he says and I'm glad to hear in his voice the humour that originally put me at ease. I murmur something in the affirmative and he gets up. I watch him leave and wait for the door to close behind him. Only then do I get off the couch.

The bed is comfortable enough, but it still takes me a long time to get to sleep. Every time I almost drift off, I see Chakotay's anguished eyes and I hear once again the promise he made me. What does it mean?