"Rose"

Kanaya's already losing her composure. It's evident in the way her eyes latch onto her former wife, in the slant of her brows, in the way her hands fidget with the straps of her jetpack.

She knows she's going to fail. She knows she has already failed.

Rosebot flies over and lands on the ground about as gracefully as a soul-housing android can. Her unblinking eyes are glossy and metallic and devoid of life. They bore into Kanaya's with robotic impassivity. Kanaya gazes back for as long as she can bear it (which isn't for very long), then blinks hard and stares at the reddish ground.

"Im Sorry" she finally manages, her voice quavering.

Rosebot, by contrast, doesn't betray a hint of emotion. "For abandoning me for a month while I was near the point of death? You're going to have to do better than that."

Kanaya reels as if she was punched in the gut. "But You Know That Wasnt All Me!"

"That is true, but it wasn't all Dirk, either."

Kanaya takes a long, shuddering breath.

"Dirk took care of me when no one else did," Rosebot continues. "He empathised with my pain. He assuaged my fears. He even constructed this new form for me. He knows how hard it is to ascend. It's hard and nobody understands. At least, nobody but him."

"You Know I Could Never Do What Dirk Is Capable Of Doing For You… But Hes Manipulated Us! How Could You Still Trust Him If You Know What Hes Done?"

Rosebot stands unmoving. Her voice is cold and tinny. "In response to your first statement, you could at least have put in an effort to assist me. But you didn't.

"In response to the latter ones, Dirk has done nothing harmful to me. And if I were to mistrust all those who have performed questionable actions, there would be no one for me to trust. Least of all you, Kanaya. You sawed a thirteen-year-old boy in half. You set out to hunt down and murder another one. You enabled my alcoholism. You've slit your own wrists many a time. I daresay all that you've done is worse than is mental manipulation and illicit use of tranquiliser guns."

Holy schist.

I couldn't have put it better myself. I suppose it's true that nobody knows how to hurt you more than those who are closest to you.

"But… But Cant You Forgive Me?"

Rosebot doesn't react.

"Rose Dont You Have An Ounce Of Compassion Left In You?"

Rosebot stares long and hard at Kanaya. Even after all this time, all the long hours of working into her psyche, all the reliving of bad memories, over and over and over, the android retains an ounce of compassion. I didn't quite finish the job. A rough patch remains, primed for exploitation.

It appears as though I'll need to jerry-rig a quick fix before anything problematic can arise.

She's already 98% there. I just need to give her one final push over the edge.

"I do not. At least, not for you."

These words prove to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Kanaya sinks into anguished sobs. The machine that was once her wife takes off, never to confront her again.

She has failed.

And now for something completely different.

Dave and Karkat see me fly from the top of my rocket to face them. They draw their respective weapons, even though my katana is sheathed. I have come to parley with them, not to duke it out.

I bid them hello. "Good afternoon, bro. I apologise for my tardiness; I was a bit preoccupied with something."

Dave furrows his brow. "your cape sucks"

"Thank you. So do both of yours."

Karkat, who has been riding piggyback on Dave, adjusts his grip self-consciously. "DIRK, YOU LOUSY AXEWIPE DAUGHTERFORKER…"

Dave winces.

Okay, what the fork even gave Karkat that idea? First of all, I'm gay. Second of all, Rose was gay and married. Third of all, Rosebot is a robot. Fourth of all, I'm literally her father.

"THERE WILL BE HAIL TO PAY FOR YOUR FORKING MENTAL MANIPULATION SCHIST. IF YOU'RE GONNA ACT LIKE A Z-GRADE SISSY HUMAN ANIME VILLAIN, YOU'RE GONNA BE BEATEN THE SCHIST OUT OF LIKE ONE, YOU FORKING WEEB. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HAIL THAT MEANS, BUT IT SURE AS FORK DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A NICETY."

I chuckle. Karkat's empty threats don't so much as annoy me. "You've bagged yourself a spirited fellow, Dave. I'm happy for you."

"you pressured us into kissing and you know it"

"But you know you wanted to, all the same. I was just expediting the process. Think of me as your wingman, Dave. Isn't that what bros are for?"

Dave's grip on his sword tightens. "not if its nonconsensual"

"Oh, I'm sure Rosebot would have a forking field day with that comment."

"rosebot?" Dave's expression becomes one of dawning horror. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Rosebot, now just a dot of silver and black in the distance. The android is off to check on the cyberbunnies and their ectobiological process.

"what did you do to my sister"

He's upset. I can't have this. I don't want him to be mad at me.

"Please, Dave, don't be mad at me."

"its a little late for that now isnt it?" Dave grits his teeth and slowly encroaches on me.

My hand instinctively goes to my sword. But the last thing I want to do right now is fight my bro. I need to talk him down.

"Dave, bro, the last thing I want to do is fight you. You're so much like me. You understand me, better than anyone else ever has. I can't bring myself to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I would kill anyone else in this world but not you, Dave. Not you.

"And I know you don't want to fight me, either. You already have my blood on your hands. You don't want that to happen again. You don't want me to be hurt, because you care about me, no matter how schisty I've been.

"I'm your counterpart, Dave. Your best friend. Your bro. And yet you let me become a monster. How could you do this to me? And how could you bring yourself to do it to me again?"

It's working. Dave gives a sigh of defeat and slouches over. "youre right

"i dont want to fight you dirk

"i just want you to give it up

"give up the mad jaunts through narrative and spacetime

"give up your role as villain

"dont hurt us or anyone else"

I have to be the villain. It's what needs to transpire. It's my destiny. But does that mean Dave and I can't be bros any longer? It doesn't. Didn't Professor X and Magneto still try and remain friends despite their opposing viewpoints? Can't Rangers and Astros fans get along?

"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

Karkat vaults over Dave's shoulders. "WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ATTACK HIM, I WILL!"

Dave grabs him by the collar to make sure he doesn't fall. He would have missed the jump, anyhow. I'm like twenty feet away from them, and Karkat can't even beat Jane in an arm-wrestling match.

"then i guess where doing this man"

Dave deposits Karkat on his back, readies his katana, and solemnly charges at me.

I dodge his first swing. I know exactly what he's going to do because I can see his thoughts. For example, right now, he's thinking, "okay remember to lock your elbows"

I don't even need to pull out my katana. I'm practically flying circles around Dave, as encumbered as he is. Hail, I could go on the offensive without a weapon, I'm sure.

Quick as a flash, I dart in and grab at Dave's hair. Unfortunately, his god hood is pulled over his head. It's tight enough that I can't get a good grip on it. It gives Dave just enough time to swing back around and give me a cut on the arm as I pull away.

I guess there's one plus side to Dave's stupid knight costume; for him, at the very least.

Dave swallows and looks at the blood on his sword. He recalls the day, about seven and a half years ago, on which he had to behead me for the greater good. He wonders if he can bring himself to replicate the feat.

I take advantage of his lapse in concentration to swing my fist at his head. Dave ducks in time, and the blow misses him by a couple of inches.

The thing is, I wasn't aiming for Dave.

A stunned Karkat loses his grip and falls.

He plummets to the earth, a throaty shriek issuing from his overworked voicebox.

Kanaya turns her head at the cry and dries her eyes. When she sees her dearest male companion dropping like a stone, she leaps into action. She sprints across the rocky terrain as quickly as her supernaturally-enhanced legs can carry her and fumbles for the on switch to her wingpack.

She trips over a loose stone and slams into the ground. She hauls herself to her feet, brushing grit from her skinned palms, and hurries forward. But she slows to a stop and sinks to her knees and bows her head. She knows she can't reach Karkat in time. She knows she has already failed.

You've failed so many times. You've failed the troll race. You've failed your friends. You've failed your wife. That's all that you are, Kanaya: a failure. Testaments to yourself, thirty-three of them, live on, etched into your skin.

I wish I had your raw determination. I wish I had more excuses to hate myself, the way you do. I wish I could be whole, the way you somehow still are. So I'll break you. I'll drive a sword through your heart.

It sure as hail hasn't been easy.

Dave is frozen with shock, staring at his falling inamorato. Every nerve in his body is firing a panic signal, every adrenaline gland working overtime. But it leaves him stuck in place, unable to do anything but watch his boyfriend fall.

I feel bad for the poor guy. He has to watch while the love of his life smashes into the solid red surface of the planet and dies on impact. It'll… he'll… oh.

I can't let Karkat die, can I. Not if I want Dave to come out of this ordeal unbroken.

Change of plans.

Dave snaps out of his trance and streaks towards the ground, going as fast as, no, faster than he can possibly fly. He thinks adrenaline's giving him a supernatural burst of speed, but no, it's me, warping physics slightly to allow this event to transpire. (I mean, if Calliope is allowed to do so, why can't I?)

Karkat's hardly ten feet above the ground when Dave swoops and catches him like a crow snatching a breadcrumb from midair.

Karkat stares at him with wide eyes.

"THANKS"

Dave kisses him and ruffles his hair affectionately. A small smile comes to his thin lips. "dont mention it"

Repeat after me: Awwwwww.

The rabbits continue to advance on Roxy's position.

Okay, what the hail? I'm narrating here. Where the fork is this metatextual interference coming from?

Anyhow, yes, I suppose we can talk about that briefly. The rabbits are advancing on Roxy. She SDFKJSD1FNFDSJF1RQF3FKS4

Fork this. I'm going to fix this interference properly. Give me roughly a week, your time. Then we'll resume the epic showdown.