A/N: Well, whaddaya know? Actually got this one out in less than a month!
Zettel motioned in one of his author's notes the characters in his stories are fallible human beings, prone to mistakes in judgement and not omniscient. (At least that's the gist of what I recall. Hope I'm not too far off.) I'll borrow those thoughts to say the same for the characters in this story, especially the Sarah in this chapter.
A big thank you to Zettel and Grayroc for their insightful suggestions.
And, of course, the same to michaelfmx, my stalwart beta.
Any errors you see are the responsibility of the writer.
Don't own Chuck, et al.
—
SECOND CHANCES
She tilts her head back a little so can look in his eyes, then quietly, but firmly says, "Chuck Bartowski, I believe I'm falling in love with you."
"And I with you, Sarah Walker."
She looks at the monitor again.
"Does this guy have a name?"
"Yeah. Goes by Daniel Shaw."
Chapter Ten: A Step Back?
Sarah sits, staring at her laptop screen, unable to escape the feeling that her life is nothing but a cruel joke perpetrated by the spy gods. That she's receiving her just reward for daring to think that she deserved some actual happiness in this life.
How could it be explained otherwise?
Within minutes of finally understanding and accepting where her future truly lays, her past has reared its ugly head, threatening to take it all away.
When Casey had told her the chances were one in three, she'd had to stop herself from laughing bitterly. The fates had never been that kind to Sarah Walker. She'd known with a weary, bone-deep certainty than Daniel Shaw was heading her way.
And what she's just read has simply confirmed it. Despite the tightening of security after Shaw's violent appropriation of Graham's secret files, two hours ago, someone (she has no doubt who) had gained access (electronically, this time) to her current file and now knew the particulars of her present assignment.
Shaw knows about Chuck Bartowski. Fortunately, only the bare facts.
The file wouldn't tell him how, in the past two days, the man had gone from being a simple babysitting assignment to the most precious thing on earth to her.
But if Shaw somehow finds that out…
Whatever the reasons are for his vendetta against her, she's almost certain his vengeance won't stop with just her. He'll go after anyone who means anything to her as well. Preferably eliminating them while they're in her presence. To make her suffering that much worse and make his revenge that much sweeter.
She knows because that's what Agent Walker would do.
If someone took Chuck's life, she would, at that very instant, become a relentless, vengeful fury, scorching the earth and salting the ground of the person who'd dared to take him away from her. She would never rest until that person was moldering in the grave.
But only after ripping away everything that person valued.
She shakes her head to push the thought away. Glances down at the file open on her laptop.
Agent Daniel Shaw.
The man is some sort of machine. Never in his entire career has he failed to accomplish his mission. Solid, if not flashy, successes, one after the other. But unlike Bryce, he seems to have been content to stay in the background, to let others reap whatever glory the missions had accrued.
I guess that's why I've never heard of him.
Everything indicates that he's a meticulous, methodical planner, which is good in one sense, as it'll take him some time to scout out the situation. All of which will give her some time, probably a day or two, she figures, before he tries anything.
But it's bad, terrifyingly bad, in another sense. He won't try some glaringly obvious frontal assault, one which she would have a good chance of stopping.
No, she's almost certain he'll be much craftier than that. Maybe use a long-range sniper rifle to take out anyone that he discovers is of value to her. Then, and only then, will he move in to make it close and personal.
She's not overly concerned about those few people outside of Burbank that are important to her. Her mother is so well hidden, even the CIA doesn't where she is. As for her father, the various law enforcement agencies had never been able to keep track of him since his release from jail. And Carina's so deep in her undercover assignment, that Sarah would have almost no hope of finding out where her friend currently is even if she tried.
No, it's the people here she has to worry about.
The big question is will he be able to find out about Chuck and me? Can I keep it under wraps? Keep Chuck safe?
After all, the only people who know she cares for him are Ellie and Devon. She doubts they've told anyone else. And won't, if asked not to, especially if Chuck's safety is at stake.
Morgan.
Maybe Chuck's already told him about us. We did agree that was OK.
Either way, the chances are that Morgan's already told people at the Buy More about Chuck and his new blonde girlfriend.
Twenty or thirty people might already know that Chuck and I have some sort of relationship, the depth of which has been, perhaps, exaggerated by the short bearded man.
How can I possibly contain that?
Her heart lurches as the answer comes to her.
I'll have to break up with him, messily and in public. Tonight, or tomorrow at the latest. And I can't let him, or Ellie, in on it. Otherwise, they might give themselves away. Shaw might see that, realize they mean something to me.
She feels herself spiraling.
I'll have to play the heartless bitch, laugh in his face as I tell him that I was just stringing him along for my personal amusement. That I'd made a bet with Forrest that I could entrap him in less than a week. That everything I told him was an elaborate fiction. Humiliate him. Tell him that he was a gullible fool to think that I could ever even begin to love a man like him. Push him forcibly away, make sure everyone knows that he means less than nothing to me.
In her mind's eye, she can visualize him looking at her as she lies to his face. First, the bewilderment, then the absolute, soul-crushing dejection when he realizes he's been betrayed once again.
How can I possibly do that to him?
I have to.
That act, Sarah fears, will finally kill that part of him she loves so much. Stop that hopeful, open, loving, beautiful heart he's managed to keep beating despite all the crap this life has thrown his way.
But at least he'll be alive.
Sort of.
After, I'll have to get as far away from Burbank as possible. As quickly as possible. But leave enough clues to draw Shaw after me, away from here.
As she thinks about what her immediate future might hold, the threat of losing her life isn't paramount in her mind. No, it's the overwhelming burden of sadness that she'll have to leave behind the first and, almost certainly, the only chance she'll ever have for something real, something beyond the hollowness of her crimson-stained existence.
Can't think of that right now. I have to get ready.
To that end, she grabs her suitcase, throws it on the bed and opens it. Sees her pajamas on top.
Ellie.
Sarah chokes back a sob. Ellie will hate her. Will curse her, wish her dead.
And I will be. Even if Shaw doesn't kill me, I'll be dead inside.
Second death.
No chance of another resurrection.
But as long as I know that Chuck is safe, I can live…exist...with that.
And if not, maybe I'll have the chance to take Shaw with me into Hell.
Her vision of a bloodied Shaw is dispelled by a knock on her door.
Shaw? Already?
It's very unlikely, but she picks up her S&W anyway. Standing off to one side, she calls out, "Who is it?"
"It's me, Sarah."
Even though it's muffled by the door, she has no trouble recognizing Chuck's voice.
Damnit! How can I possibly find the needed courage if I see his face?
Perhaps I can start the ball rolling now, tell him to go away, that I have no desire to talk to him?
He speaks again. "Let me in, Sarah. Please."
You'll only wind up getting hurt if I do.
There's a pause. "Casey told me about Shaw."
Damn.
She walks to the door, opens it, her pistol hanging in her free hand. It looks like he's come straight from his bed, his curls a little squished on one side.
He notices the pistol. Glances from it back to her face. She sees him look over her shoulder, towards the bed. Notices the flicker in his eyes when he sees the suitcase.
"May I come in?"
Sarah opens the door a bit more, backs away so he can enter, waves him through.
After closing the door behind him, she turns to see him standing beside the bed.
She's curt. "Casey should've let you sleep."
He shrugs his shoulders. "He thought it was important for me to know."
Holding in her annoyance, she asks, "How much did he tell you?"
"Not much. Just that some vengeance-minded rogue agent might be coming after you. Possibly over some blown mission or…someone you may have taken out.
"Casey's worried about you, Sarah."
She can't keep the surprise out of her reply, "Why would he be worried about me? I've only known the man for a couple of days."
"Where does it stipulate that a certain amount of time must pass before you're allowed to care for somebody?"
She doesn't argue.
Guilty as charged.
"He respects you. And he likes you, and that's only partially because he can see how much happier I've been since you came here.
"He's noticed how…close we've become."
"How did he figure that out?"
He grins, briefly, ruefully. "Well, we weren't exactly discreet about that kiss in the courtyard. Casey saw in through the window. As did Ellie, I'm pretty sure. But she's going out of her way to pretend she didn't."
"Yeah, I guess it was a little obvious, wasn't it?"
"You can say that again. If Morgan ever finds out about it, I expect he'll tell me he felt a disturbance in the Force at that very moment."
He shakes his head. "Sorry, another Nerdism. They seem to slip out."
She gives him a weak smile, but doesn't comment.
After a few moments of awkward silence, he glances once more toward her open suitcase, then takes a sudden, deep breath. "Sarah, what are your intentions?" His tone is, for him, a little blunt.
"I ask because it appears you're preparing to leave Burbank.
"And me."
She tries to make her voice firm, businesslike. "Chuck, my job is to protect you, not to bring danger down on your head. If I stay here, Shaw will likely come after you. To get back at me, for whatever I did to him."
"And just how were you planning to make sure he wouldn't have any interest in me?"
She breaks his gaze, looks off to one side. Doesn't reply.
"OK. I assume it's something you'd prefer not to tell me.
"If I had to guess, I'd say you'd planned to break up with me, publicly and nastily, in order to convince everyone that I don't mean anything to you. So that when Shaw looked into matters, there wouldn't be any reason for him to go after me or Ellie. Was that close?"
She gapes up at him, then nods reluctantly.
"But I have to ask one thing." His eyes bore into hers. "Were you planning to let me in on it?"
She turns away, eyes down, gives her head an almost imperceptible shake.
His voice is low, sad, a little hoarse. "Sarah, you do know that would pretty much destroy me, don't you?"
Her head still down, she quietly replies, stammering, "Ye...yes. I do. But I…I thought if you didn't believe it was real, you might somehow give yourself away. That Shaw might see that." She chokes on her words. "And use that to his advantage.
"And it would be all my fault."
"Sarah—"
She brings her eyes to his, cuts him off. "Don't you see, Chuck? I'm toxic. I leave nothing but pain and misery in my wake. Me being in your life has only served to endanger you."
"Sarah—"
"I'll never really escape my bloody past. The Daniel Shaws of my world are the price I pay for foolishly thinking I could. Even if I can somehow fix this situation, there will always be another ghost waiting in the wings for an opportunity."
"Sarah—"
"I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me. I can't."
He nods, grimly. His voice is harsh. "So, to stop me from being hurt, you'd planned to make me believe that it'd all been a sham. Sorta like killing me to save me?"
She doesn't reply.
"And I assume the next part of the plan would be to draw Shaw away, pinning the target on your back. Is that right?"
"Yes. That's my job."
"And if, while you're out there," he makes a vague, waving gesture, "by yourself, with no backup, he manages to catch up with you and kill you, I'm supposed to be thankful that you've saved my life at the cost of yours. Is that right?"
"Yes."
"And I'm expected to go my merry way, living the life that you sacrificed yourself for?"
"Chuck, you'd be alive and that's all that counts."
"Is it, Sarah?"
"What do you mean?"
"What sort of life would I have without you in it?"
No sort of life at all.
"I'll tell you. No sort of life at all."
His words precisely echo her own thoughts, but she can't admit she feels the same. Not now, when his safety is on the line. Instead, she tries to inject a tone of dismissiveness into her voice. "You've only known me for short while. I can't be that important to you. You'd move on. Find someone else."
He shakes his head, sadly. "Is that how you feel? About me?"
I have to be strong.
"I care for you, Chuck. I do. But we've only known each other for such a short time. Hardly enough time to get past the first stages of acquaintance, let alone build anything of permanence."
"You didn't answer the question. Do you view me as someone of little importance? Someone you'll be able to forget with the passage of a few weeks or months?
She can hear his despair in the almost whispered question. "Are you telling me that those words you spoke after our kiss meant…nothing?"
Drive home the dagger, Sarah! You're doing it for him. And Ellie.
She makes the mistake of looking into his eyes, sees the burgeoning pain within them.
"I...I..."
How could I ever leave him?
And just like that, any ability to articulate a complete sentence or even a single word abandons her. She stands before him, mute, her arms hanging limply at her sides. The pistol slips from her hand, thumping onto the carpet. Sudden tears flow freely.
He steps closer, gently cups her face in his large hands, softly wipes away the tears with his thumbs.
Bringing his face near hers, he asks, softly, "You really do love me, don't you?"
She sniffles, then nods slowly, looking into his eyes.
He kisses her, ever so tenderly.
"And I love you, Sarah Walker.
"And before you ask, I'm not exactly sure how it happened so quickly, either.
"All I know is that there was this huge…void in my life.
"Then you were there...and it wasn't."
He doesn't add anything further, just patiently waits upon her.
A few, long moments pass before she's able to speak. "When you smiled at me, that first time in the Buy More, you made me feel…alive…again. That there was something…someone worth living for.
"You were…are…this gift. One I didn't even know I wanted—no, I needed so badly."
He shakes his head. "Maybe we've been searching for each other all this time without even knowing it."
"Maybe, Chuck. This is all new to me. I have no real idea how love is supposed to work."
He's surprised. "You've never been in love before?"
"No. I thought I was…for a while…with Bryce, but no." She shakes her head. "Not quite sure exactly what it was, but definitely not love."
"I thought Jill was The One. We'd planned—no, that's wrong—I'd planned out this whole life for us in my head. But I never really knew her. Or loved her. Only this…fantasy woman I'd cobbled together in my mind.
"We never had conversations like you and I have had, not even close. I've learned more about you in two days than I learned about her in all the time she and I were together."
"That's what so confusing, Chuck. I don't do that. Tell people about myself. Not with Bryce. Not with anyone."
"Didn't do that.
"What?"
"Past tense."
She blushes. "Yes, of course. Didn't do that."
"Why tell me?"
"I was so sick of lying. Pretending to be anyone but myself."
His reply is gentle. "I get that, Sarah. But why me? Why Chuck Bartowski?"
She doesn't have to think. "I trusted you." Pause. "Do trust you."
He absorbs that silently for a few seconds, then quietly asks, "Why?"
She shakes her head. "I'm not sure. You just seemed so…worthy…of trust, so I took a leap. Of faith, you might say." She reaches up, smiling, as she gently strokes his cheek. "And I've had no cause to regret that decision."
Taking her hand, he kisses her palm. "Thank you. That's the best gift anyone's ever given me."
But then, as she looks up into his eyes, it all comes rushing down on her again. All this talk of love and trust has done nothing to solve the dilemma they're facing. Rather, it's simply made what she must do all the more unbearable.
She drops his hand, steps back. Taking a deep breath, she manages to keep her voice from wavering as she tells him, "It's because I love you that I have to leave."
He blinks, surprised. "What are you saying?"
She grabs his hand. "Chuck, listen to me. Shaw's read my file, so he knows Agent Walker doesn't form attachments. Not real ones, anyway. He'll probably never even begin to suspect that I've fallen in love with a curly-haired nerd from the Buy More."
"So why would you leave if he wouldn't think there's anything going on between us?"
"Because if he sees us together I believe he'll realize there is something between us."
He sounds desperate. "I can do it, Sarah. It'll be hard, but I can pretend I don't care for you. I pretended with Forrest and I can do the same here."
She fidgets for a few seconds. "It's not you I'm worried about.
"It's me."
He gapes at her. "You?"
"Ever since we met, I've been finding it increasingly…difficult…to hold in my emotions.
"And I'm terrified those feelings would betray me…us…if he observes us in each other's company."
"Then don't spend any time with me until after he's dealt with."
"I can't do that, either. He knows I was sent here to watch over you. If I stay in Burbank, but keep away from you, he would find that suspicious.
"Besides, if he is here, I have to be close by to protect you, just in case he already has some reason to try and hurt you. And that's when I might give things away."
"So you're saying you're damned if you do and damned if you don't?"
"Yes."
"So your plan is to run away."
She flinches at his choice of words. "Yes."
"Don't you think he might find that problematic? Abandoning your post and all that? Might he not think you're deliberately trying to draw him after you?"
"I'm hoping that he'll just be so intent on tracking me down that he won't think about it. Or if he does, he'll conclude that I'm simply a coward, running to save my own life."
He's dubious, both in expression and word. "Come on, Sarah. Casey told me Shaw had your file. After reading it, do you really think he'd ever believe that you're a coward?"
She flushes a bit, warmed by his belief in her.
"The truth is that for the last two years, I have been a coward."
He shakes his head. "No-"
"No, Chuck. I was. Timidly accepting my fate instead of fighting to keep who I was alive. Content to stay in my own little prison cell instead of making every effort to escape."
I was dead.
Until we met.
And now I have to leave you.
"And Shaw knows the state I'd been reduced to back in Langley. It's likely he won't find it hard to believe that I've lost my edge."
Because I did.
He studies her face for a few long, silent seconds. "You honestly believe that running is the best course of action?"
"Yes. The safest for you. Casey can watch over you."
She looks away. "Until I return."
"You mean if you return, don't you, Sarah?"
She flushes. Again, she's unable to find words.
"Because, to me, it sounds like you might not come back even if you do manage to deal with Shaw. That you maybe feel, in the long run, it's too dangerous for me to be near you."
She stares at him, caught off guard, once again, by his perceptiveness.
"Don't bother to answer. I can see it in your eyes."
He pauses. "And I can also see you're determined to go."
His shoulders slump as he takes a couple of steps back. His voice is flat, weary, defeated.
"So, Agent Walker, when and where did you plan to do the breakup thing?"
His reversion to that impersonal form of address is a punch to her gut.
I deserve that.
It takes all her strength to stop herself from breaking down on the spot, but, somehow, she gathers herself and replies, "I wasn't thinking clearly. If I stage a public break-up, that'll only draw his attention to you. Make him re-evaluate.
"And I can't risk that.
"I'll just slip away, quietly."
It appears he's about to acquiesce, but then he straightens up, puts his shoulders back and closes the distance between them until his face is only a few inches away from hers.
He towers over her. It's intimidating, almost frightening.
"No."
Her first impulse is to back away, but he puts his hands on her shoulders. Not roughly, but it's enough to stop her instinctive reaction.
"No." He shakes his head, vehemently. "I've meekly stood by and watched as the people I cared for walked out of my life. My parents. Jill. Bryce. I've let life kick me in the teeth over and over again.
"I won't do that anymore. I'm not gonna just sit back and let you do this."
Desperation tinges her voice. "Don't you see? I don't want to go, but it's the only way."
"No, Sarah. I will not let you walk away. From me. From us."
"You have to."
His response is to wrap his arms around her and pull her close.
She pleads. "Please, Chuck, just let me go."
Although she knows at least a dozen ways to easily extricate herself from her present position, she can't bring herself to use even a single one of them. Instead, she only half-heartedly tries to escape his embrace.
Then, completely unexpectedly, she starts to cry, great heaving, racking, but almost silent sobs.
He gently strokes her hair, murmurs in her ear, "Shh, baby. We'll find another way."
And just like that, her anxiety flees. She stops struggling, puts her arms around him and rests her head against his chest. Her tears soak his shirtfront.
She's only been called baby once before, had hated the endearment the moment it came from Bryce's mouth. She'd made it abundantly clear that he wasn't to repeat it.
But, somehow, when Chuck says it, she likes the sound of it. And, crazily enough, she believes in him when he says they'll find a way.
Why? I have no idea. I just do.
How long they stand like that, she's unsure. A few minutes she supposes. Eventually, he releases her from their prolonged hug, but holds on to her hand as he sits on the edge of the bed, tugging her gently down to sit beside him. He uses his free hand to grab some tissues from her bedside table and hands them to her.
She dabs at her eyes, then noisily blows her nose.
"We need to talk about this, Sarah."
"Yes, Chuck. We do. But you need to know I'm not good at it."
He raises an eyebrow, silently asking.
She replies, "I'm accustomed to solving problems on my own. Even when I was teamed with Bryce, it was much the same. Which led to problems when we weren't exactly on the same page."
"My brains, Casey's strength, your steel."
"Excuse me? What are you talking about?"
"It's a paraphrase from one of the greatest movies ever made."
She gives him an exasperated look.
"Sorry, three of the heroes are discussing what assets they possess in their fight against the bad guys."
"So you're saying…"
He goes on, earnestly, "That you don't have to do this on your own, Sarah. We can be a team. We can come up with a plan to deal with Shaw."
She tries not to be swayed by the emotion in his voice, to consider his idea objectively. After a few moment's thought, she replies, "I'm willing to try, but I won't lie to you. If we don't come up with anything better, we'll have to go with my plan."
He starts to object.
She tries to sound stern. "Non-negotiable."
Please don't fight me on this, Chuck. If you do, I know I'll cave.
He sighs. "Alright, Sarah. I understand."
She lets out a breath. "Promise?"
He nods, solemnly. "Promise. But only if you promise to give our ideas a fair shot."
"Yes, I promise."
He stands. "Good, now that we've settled that, we need to get a move on."
He offers her his hand. She takes it and stands.
"First thing we need to do is get back to Echo Park."
"Why not Castle?"
"Casey told me it's already well on the way to being deactivated. However, the security measures at the apartment are still in place, minus the interior cameras. He was going to double-check things while I came to see you. We should be safe enough while we put our heads together."
He looks around her room, a faint look of disgust on his face. "Anything you need here?"
"Just a few last things in the bathroom. The rest of my stuff is still packed. It'll only take a couple of minutes, then we can go."
"Good. Hopefully, this is the last time I'll ever see this place."
"Amen to that."
…
As she pulls her vehicle out onto the street, he looks her way and asks, "Sarah, how would you handle Shaw if I wasn't in the picture?"
Her response is automatic. "I'd go after the bastard. Take the fight to him."
"So why not now?"
She doesn't look his way, takes a few seconds before she answers.
"I've got so much more to lose now. You. Ellie. A life."
"I've made you cautious. Hesitant." Statement, not a question.
She firmly grips the wheel, looks straight ahead. "Yes."
"I'm sorry."
They come to a stop at a red light, so she's able to turn to him and say, with some force, "Don't ever apologize for being you, Chuck Bartowski. I can honestly say that these last few days with you have been the best ones of my entire life."
He's surprised. "Really?"
"Yes, really."
The light changes so she's unable to closely watch him think about her words.
When he does speak again, he sounds puzzled.
"Sarah, you say you've got much more to lose now and I understand that. I feel the same way." He pauses, "But…"
She glances at him. "But what?"
"I'm confused. It almost seems you're unwilling to fight for the chance you've been given."
His words hurt, but she can see where's he coming from.
"Chuck, before I came here, I had nothing to lose, not really. I haven't seen or heard from either of my parents for years. If I died, they'd miss me, but I've had so little impact on their lives for the past few years that they'd find a way to go on living. Much as they're doing now. Besides, there's a decent chance they wouldn't even find out."
"And Carina?"
"Carina knows that careers in our line of work are usually short ones. She's always understood that it's quite likely the odds would finally catch up with me one day.
"Sure, she'd cry for a while, probably lock herself away for a few days, but, in the end, she'd bounce back. Not because she's heartless or unfeeling. It's just the way we have to be in our business to survive."
"I'm still not sure I understand."
She's mildly exasperated that he can't seem to grasp her point, but bites her tongue. "My parents and Carina are safe. So if Shaw had come after me before I was sent here, the only thing I would be risking by going after him would be my own life.
"But now I've got you. And as much as I care for my parents and Carina, you mean so much more to me. If I don't do this right, if I trip up, you might get hurt…or worse."
"I want a future here, with you, but I can't risk your life by aggressively going after him and failing."
"Then don't fail."
His bald statement catches her by surprise.
She quickly pulls her vehicle to the side of the road.
"What did you say?"
"You heard me, Sarah."
He pauses. "Let me ask you this. Have you ever failed to accomplish a mission?"
"Chuck, that's not the point."
"Yes or no. Have you ever failed a mission?"
"No, I haven't. Except the one to be here two years ago."
"You never really got a chance to start that one. If you had, I'm sure you wouldn't have blown it."
He takes her hand. "Look, I have no desire to be hurt and I sure as hell don't want Ellie to be hurt either.
"But this passive, running away thing, isn't you. It isn't the Sarah Walker I've come to know.
"The Sarah Walker I know kicks butt and takes names. Even when the odds are stacked against her."
She opens her mouth to object, but he doesn't give her the chance.
"And yes, I understand that you feel the past few years have weakened your resolve, but I firmly believe that courage is still there, strong as ever."
"Furthermore—"
He doesn't have a chance to finish his sentence because she abruptly leans closer, places her hand on the back of his head and pulls him close.
Then soundly kisses him.
She pulls back after a few seconds, sees the stunned look on his face.
She smiles. "I can see the ad. 'Chuck Bartowski. Motivational speaker. Coming to your city. Sign up now.'"
He blushes. "Too much?"
"No. I needed the reminder. Thank you."
Looking relieved, he replies, "You're welcome."
She quirks an eyebrow. "But I have to ask. What's with the whole, 'Sarah Walker I've come to know' thing?"
He flushes a little, scratches the back of his head. "Well, while I wouldn't exactly call you an open book, you didn't seem to have too much trouble expressing your thoughts and feelings. You kinda made it easy for me."
"You're serious?"
He nods. "Are you trying to tell me that you weren't always like this?"
She's dumbfounded by his words, until she remembers he's only known her for such a brief time. "No, Chuck, I definitely was not. I was known as the Ice Queen for good reasons."
"They actually called you that?"
"Yes. Behind my back. Except for Carina. She said it to my face."
He leans in closer. "Clearly, anyone who used that term didn't know you."
"In all fairness, I didn't make that easy. For anyone."
"Anyone?"
"Anyone."
"Except me?"
"Except you."
She looks at him coyly. "I guess you might say that you were my first."
It takes a second or two for that to sink in. When it finally does, he blushes furiously, suddenly finding something out the passenger window quite fascinating.
Chuckling gently, she does a shoulder check, then pulls her vehicle back onto the road and resumes the drive to Echo Park.
…
After Sarah puts the vehicle in park and kills the engine, she turns to him. "Chuck, before we go in, there's a couple of favors I'd like to ask of you."
"What kind of favors?" He sounds somewhat wary.
Given all that's happened this day, she can't say she blames him.
She reaches over and takes his hand. "Nothing big." She pauses. "Well, maybe sorta big."
He waits on her.
"It's to do with a couple of…names…you used earlier."
"What do you mean?"
"Chuck, when you held me, you called me baby."
His words tumble out in a hurried almost-jumble. "That was too soon, wasn't it? I knew it but it kinda just slipped out. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again."
She almost laughs at him, but stops herself knowing it would probably hurt his feelings.
The man is such an endearing contradiction. It wasn't more than a few minutes ago that he'd been very firm with her. Calling her out, brooking no-nonsense. But here he is, practically tripping over his tongue in his rush to apologize for something of relatively minor consequence.
Just another one of the reasons I love him.
She looks at him, sitting there, all red-faced. Struggles again to hold in her amusement.
Time to let him off the hook.
"No. No. It's alright. I…liked…hearing it from you." She squeezes his hand. "But maybe not in public. Not yet, anyway.
She asks, with just a touch of anxiousness in her voice, "Is that OK with you?"
Relieved, he nods, smiles. "Duly noted."
"Good."
When she doesn't go on immediately, he asks, "And the other name?"
She holds back for a few moments. "It's when you called me Agent Walker."
"I did?"
"Yes. When you were upset with me."
"Yes. I remember now."
"I'm used to rest of the world calling me that. Used to people thinking I'm nothing but a CIA Agent with a violent, ugly past. A heartless, soulless enforcer. It doesn't bother me."
"But it hurts, really hurts that maybe you think of me that way, too."
The contriteness he'd displayed over the 'baby' thing pales in comparison to his abject wretchedness at this moment.
The anguish in his voice is glaringly apparent. "I don't think of you like that, Sarah. I don't. I know it's no excuse, but I was just so angry and disappointed that it just came out of my mouth.
He smacks himself in the forehead, hard. "God, I'm such an idiot!"
"Chuck! Don't! I gave you ample reason to be disappointed with me."
"I'm sorry. So sorry."
"It's water under the bridge. All I'm asking is that, no matter how upset you might get with me in the future, you won't call me that again."
His reply is earnest, heartfelt. "I won't, Sarah. Never again. You have my promise."
"I believe you.
"As far as I'm concerned, Agent Walker never made it back last night. She got lost in the maze of those twisted trees, never to be heard from again. However, Sarah Walker, the girlfriend, despite all the obstacles in her path, did find her way."
She caresses his cheek. "To you."
He takes her hand, kisses the palm. He chuckles lightly. "Thank goodness for your sense of direction."
"You were the beacon, Chuck. Once I recognized that it was pretty easy to find the direction I needed to go."
He grins. "One advantage of being tall, I suppose. Easy to spot me in a crowd."
She smiles back. "Yes, that's certainly true."
She drops the smile. "Over the next little while, I may have to act like Agent Walker. To do the things that are needed to protect Ellie, you…us. But I'll never be her again.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes, Sarah, I do."
"No matter what happens, from now on, I'd like you to think of me as Sarah. The girlfriend. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes, as long as you can think of me as something other than an idiot who keeps sticking his foot in his mouth."
She grins. "I believe I can manage that, boyfriend Chuck."
"Do you think we should kiss now?"
"Yes, I think that would be appropriate."
"Oddly enough, I feel the same way."
…
Casey opens his door before she has a chance to knock.
After looking back and forth between her and Chuck, he bluntly asks, "You in, Walker?"
"Yes. Chuck's convinced me to give it a shot."
"Good." The big man backs off to give them room. "We've got a lot to talk about."
They file into his apartment. Casey closes and locks the door behind them.
"The perimeter alarms are set. No one can get within fifty feet of this place without me knowing about it. By the way, you should know the cameras cover the parking lot. Just in case you were planning to engage in any more the activity I witnessed a few minutes ago."
Sarah blushes, but is surprised by Chuck's mild reaction.
"Just kissing, Casey. Nothing more. Can we get down to business now?"
Casey, seemingly a bit taken aback by Chuck's aplomb, mutters, "OK."
"I think the first thing we need to know is why Shaw is coming after Sarah. Would you agree?"
Both agents nod.
Chuck gestures to Casey's laptop. "May I take a look at Shaw's file?"
"Go right ahead. I couldn't find anything. Fresh eyes might help."
"I might need to do some hacking as well."
"Sorry, my deaf ear must be acting up. Couldn't hear what you just said."
Chuck grins as he sits down at the table. His face a study in concentration, he starts to rapidly read the information.
Casey murmurs, "When he's in the zone, it's best to leave him be."
They withdraw into the living room and sit down. Sarah listens closely as Casey lays out the security arrangements for the apartment complex. She makes a few suggestions, which Casey takes note of. But, even as they converse, Sarah finds her eyes are constantly being drawn back to Chuck. It's fascinating and enlightening to see him in his element, the bluish light from the LCD screen emphasizing his furrowed brow as his fingers fly over the keyboard.
Casey's just about to tell her what weapons he has on hand, when she notices Chuck stop what he's doing, then grimace strangely, his eyes rolling back a little. He blinks a few times, shaking his head.
She stares. "Was that—"
"—a flash? Yeah, it was. It seems the Intersect is back." Casey gives her a long look. Smirks. "It appears our boy just needed the right incentive."
She notices Chuck press his fingers against his temples. He closes his eyes, seemingly in pain. Jumping up from her chair, she goes to him.
Leaning in close, she quietly asks, "Chuck, you OK?"
He opens his eyes and looks at her. "Yeah, I'm good. That one just stung a bit more than usual." He taps his temple. "Seems this thing wasn't dead after all."
He takes a breath, suddenly solemn. "Sarah, I know why he's coming after you.
"It's to do with your Red Test."
"My Red Test? How?"
"The woman you…took out. Did they ever tell you her name?"
"No. Graham just informed me that she was a traitor, a double agent. I was given her picture and told where she'd be and..."
It hits her then. "Oh, my god! That's it, isn't it? She's the reason."
"Yes."
He hesitates. "Sarah, her name was Evelyn. Evelyn Shaw.
"Daniel's wife."
TBC
—A/N: Of course, this revelation is nothing new to readers here, but try to remember that to Sarah it is shocking, startling. Next chapter we'll explore more of her reaction. And their plan.
Thank you all for following along and taking the time to review