When she arrived in the common room it was thankfully barren.
Most of the students were left reeling at the thought of Katie being tortured right outside the gates. Her splotchy eyes were almost identical to those that she passed on her way out of the empty room. The stray few that had made it back to the common room sat on the couches and chairs staring into the distance. While walking back had not been easy, the throng of students in the halls had made for her to have to shove her way past. She had seen a mess of red hair from across the room and recognizing it as Ron, turned the other way when he made eye contact with her. She would regret that she felt. He did not deserve that and would think about it for days as he always does. But she could not face the pain she had felt at potentially having to meet Harry. Thankfully all thoughts on that vanished when she entered the empty room, quietly she made her way to the sleeping quarters and to her own four poster bed.
She would not cry anymore. Not over Katie, not over Harry, especially not over Him. The fact that she, Hermione Granger had allowed the tears to fall at all over him was embarrassing enough but having to admit they came from feeling sorry for him was even harder.
A murderer. No, an attempted murderer. She had felt sorry for him. She laughed at this, into her pillow, refusing to cry anymore. How many years had they spent fighting against people like him, with his ideology. She had been right along with Harry putting a stop to it but now that it was some one they knew, someone they cared about. That was the punchline, right? She didn't care about him. Yet as she thought it her heart dropped in her chest giving her away. She may not have cared then, but she did now. There had to be something in there that was good, wanted to be good. They way he had allowed her to just sit there with him in mutual silence, to touch him, while doing it. A part of him had to be not wanting to go through with this as much as she wanted him not to.
"Hermione?" She heard Ginny say as she walked into the room. Quickly she stopped laughing and turned in the bed to face the red head walking to sit on the bed with her "You okay? Ron sent me up to look for you, apparently no one has seen you since…"
"No Gin. Not in the slightest." She replied feeling the traitorous tears trying to fall again. "I think I'm making the wrong choice." She said looking into the eyes of her confused friend. They sat for some time in the silence. Hermione embraced it, the quiet in the room.
"Hermione when have you ever…" She sent the red head a look that stopped her in her tracks. No Ginny did not need to try and smooth this one over. When Ginny made to ask another question, she shook her head to stop her. The silence between the two continued on.
"Sometimes we do. Make the wrong choice that is." Ginny began "Hermione, no choice we make is ever perfect. I guess if you can live with it then it really can't be too bad." Ginny finished standing and walking to her own bed.
"What if I can't… what if I know its wrong but I still choose it." Closing her eyes, she waited for a response.
"Then you have to live with it."
He had been reading and researching for a week. He sat cross legged on the ground in front of the cabinet and stared at the bright green apple that was mocking him in its refusal to go anywhere. He had spent three full days going over the instructions that Borgin had let him. That halfwit probably sold him fake instructions. Just trying to get as much money from everyone when he sold the Dark Lord the bloody broken cabinet.
Piece by piece he had cross checked it with different books and theories, there was nothing about it that should have made the damned cabinet not send anything he wished away and all he had left was this apple sitting perfectly in the middle. Gods, someone had even used it on accident if the rumors were true yet here the apple sat, mocking him for even thinking for a second that he was going to be able to get this to work.
Quickly he picked up the apple and threw it as hard as he could against the wall, watching as it exploded into tiny pieces. It made his nerves calm slightly, the sight of the juice running down the wall. Walking over to the window he looked down onto the Quidditch pitch, he could hear the muffled cheers of his school mates as someone scored another goal in the match. The small figures flew in circles, free. He missed the freedom that quidditch had brought him, he had quit the team to focus on his studies. He cracked the window to get a breath of the fresh air from up here, the staleness of the room was starting to suffocate him. The stale air and his thoughts.
No matter how hard he tried he could not stop thinking about last week. Bell, giving it to a student, had been sloppy. Had gotten unnecessary people hurt. Involved the princess.
He could not get her words out of his head, I won't let you kill yourself, they played over and over as he had refused to sleep or eat. He was determined to fix the cabinet, to get it back into order. To get his life back to normal, remove her from any piece of it.
He had been weak to trust her, to confide in her like some kicked dog needing reassurance that the world was good. His mentality was obviously breaking if it resorted to allowing her to be in his head. She was nothing and would be nothing when he completed his task, she would most likely be one of the first ones attacked for her proximity to the golden boy.
He knew she would at least be tortured for her role over the last few years. She was a walking target and it would be best for him to distance himself from her. Completely. He frowned looking at the cabinet again, glaring daggers into is empty compartment. Another cheer rang out followed by the boom of the announcer stating Gryffindors win. He turned and punched the wall next to the window, embracing the pain that coursed through his knuckles and up his arm. He needed a break from the room, a break from it all. Grabbing another apple off the shelf he took a bite and walked out of the room.
Ginny had begged her to come down to the match. It was the last thing she had wanted to do. After running from Ron in the corridor she had spent the past week arguing. Trying to sooth his wounded pride.
Ginny was all but thorough in making sure she was unable to stay and sulk in the tower as planned. She had been pulled out of the tower by an enthusiastic Neville to watch her friends in the match, no matter how she had protested he had insisted. However, she could not deny once the game had started the thrill of watching Ginny, Harry and Ron on the pitch. It was the freest she had seen any of her friends this year between her and Ron yelling, Ron and Ginny arguing about Dean Thomas and Harry arguing about…him.
She had not let herself dwell too much on him, it's not like they were even friends. Accomplice's perhaps but not friends. The desire to tell Harry had been significant, she had always told him everything. Yet she knew if she mentioned it she would have to tell him how she had found out and the shame at her behavior had been eating at her. The guilt that ate her from the inside out every time his green eyes turned her way. Even now while watching the green and red robes fly around them she could not deny that she had hoped to see the Slytherin flying around with the team looking just as free. It would mean everything was normal.
Harry caught the snitch and the screams of her fellow classmates broke her from her daydreams and she jumped up equally excited. Ron had done fantastic, much more so than anyone would have thought and most of the cheers booming forward were for him. Maybe this would help his mood some. Make her life easier.
The whole walk to the castle was filled with talks about Rons performance. Many talks were of the party they would be throwing for him that night. She smiled to herself as she began to climb the stairs, maybe this will stop the arguing. Things would go back to normal if her and Ron could stop fighting.
"Find something funny Mudblood" she heard him before she saw him stopping on the top if the stairs. She counted her breaths before looking up into the grey eyes she knew would be staring down at her. She could tell he was mad, at what she did not know however the look on his face told her this would be her punishment for being there that day. She would bear the brunt of his anger even more than she used to.
"Leave her alone Malfoy." Neville said trying to stand up for her, but Draco only had to take one look at him and he stepped back.
"You going to save her Neville? How very brave of you" he snorted at them both. She could only stand and stare, the hatred in his eyes had thrown her off guard. She had expected annoyance, even expected to be ignored, yet to feel the furry of his eye bore into her she could not comprehend. It won't happen again.
"What's a matter Mudblood, normally you can't get you to shut up." She only put her head down and walked past him. Not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her heart break. Gods only knew why, she was nothing to him, he was nothing to her. That was how the world worked. But seeing that anger directed at her hurt worse that she would have ever been able to believe, and that made the ache in her chest at lying to Harry even stronger. She had chosen wrong.
Neville walked in silence next to her, for that she was thankful. She came into the common room as a squeal of delight broke out, looking up she saw Lavender Brown attacking Ron's face with her own, well that should improve his mood as well. Quietly she turned and walked back through the portrait as to not ruin the fun with her mood.
"Hermione wait up," Ginny yelled running after her. "Hermione, I'm really sorry about him. He should know better than to be doing that so publicly, with you being right there and all." Ginny said, it took her a moment to register what the youngest Weasley had meant. When she realized she should have been upset about Ron she could only laugh as the tears began to spill over. Concerned, Ginny came up and wrapped her arms around her pulling her into a hug. "I'll hex him for you if you need, I swear I'll do it." Hermione could only shake her head at her friend. This is how far she had fallen, in such a short amount of time. "Are you going to be okay?" Ginny asked pulling her back.
"No Gin, I don't think so." She replied looking the red head in the eyes. "I don't think any of us are"
A.N. I don't usually post in the middle of the week but I felt like I needed to get this out!
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