He was sulking, he knew he was sulking. The overwhelming feeling of failure swept into him like the cold draft of the winter in the dungeon, as if the fireplace inside of him had been turned off and the cold failure could make itself at home.
He was not used to failing yet he was becoming good at it.
There was not a single clue on how he was going to get the cabinet working. How he was going to kill the old bastard. How he was going to survive if he did. How he was going to survive if he didn't. When he didn't. He had spent the past few nights before break staring into the open ceiling of the dormitory, avoiding speaking to those who came in and out. Afraid he would let something slip, he was getting very good at letting things slip. He heard people come into the room and didn't look away from the ceiling. If he didn't acknowledge them, most of them went away. Silently he was hit hard in the face by a pillow from the bed across from him.
"What the hell" he jumped up to a seated position
"You weren't even going to say goodbye." Theo clutched his chest in mock pain as Blaise sat on the edge of the bed "Here you've been ignoring us all week and you weren't going to say goodbye."
"Go to hell and goodbye to what? Not like I'm leaving this place." He said laying back down.
"Maybe one day, Hell does sound nice and warm, what do you say Blaise?" Zabini raised his eyebrow at the idiot of the room. "I think you'll beat me there though. You are staying here?" Theo looked around at his possessions thrown around the room.
"Where else am I going to go Nott, it's not like mums really in the Holiday mood I would say." He looked between his friends amazed at how different their lives had become over the year. Nothing he could say, would say, would justify the difference in their eyes.
"Well you may want to make yourself useful at least, spend some more time sulking around. It's been a right pain in the ass watching you destroy yourself, maybe some of the ghosts can give you lessons on how to thoroughly disappear if that's what your trying to do."
"Are you finished?" Draco said looking at him before another pillow bounced off his face. He threw it down and quickly grabbed at his wand, but the git was already out the door. Bloody fool. He thought swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
"He's not wrong Draco." Blaise sat examining his fingernails, "All bets are on you doing something stupid this year. He's just trying to talk you out of it is all"
"What side of this little bet of yours are you on the Blaise?" Draco asked standing
"Whatever puts the most money in my pocket. Watch yourself Draco, I know more than you think." Blaise rose from the bed as well and followed in the footsteps of Nott and down the stairs. Draco balled the pillow that was in his hands and pulled allowing for the seams to rip freeing the tiny white feathers within.
He scowled out the window and into the snow, it was too bright. Too happy…his world didn't need any of that.
She was sitting there in the Library alone.
He didn't know what God he had pissed off to where she would still be here. He thought the school was supposed to be empty, there were only one or two students who stayed through winter break, it was just his luck that she would be here too. Didn't she have a bloody home she could return to, to leave him in peace for one month away from her, where he didn't have to think of her.
He had been watching her from a distance for days now, glancing down at her during potions or looking her way during meals. He was waiting for her to break, he knew she would break; tell them all about what he was trying to do but it had yet to come.
No one had come to pull him from the castle and send him straight to Azkaban for helping the Dark Lord, as much as he didn't understand it, he appreciated it. He had been watching her for other reasons too, a rumor had been spreading around the school like wildfire that her and the red head had a fall out over his rather public involvement with Lavender Brown. As much as he did not care about either of them, he could not deny the pull he had felt when he was first told. The jealousy at the idea that her and Weasley could be anything even close to romantically involved had seared through his body like a storm he could not control. He had kept her at a distance ever since. Throwing anything and everything he could think of her way, inwardly cringing at the look her eyes would take when he would say something particularly nasty, but it was better for him…for her…to stay as far away as he could push her.
And then the tower occurred.
He groaned to himself at the memory, the fragileness that she had been. He had taken advantage of his own weakness and projected it onto her. He expected that to be the end of it, he knew she would tell then, if not about the connection to him and the dark lord it would be on how he had forced her, an equally deplorable situation.
He turned to walk away, he had work to do and did not come here to stare at her. As he turned to leave his foot clipped the chair next to him and sent it falling to the floor. He froze and groaned as he heard her sigh in response.
"So, you're here too. Happy Christmas to me." She said turning the page and not looking up at him.
"Sorry to disappoint" He said waiting for her to look up at him, willing her to look up at him. He stood there for what felt like forever before she finally did.
"What do you want Draco" She said closing her book.
"I don't know Granger" He shrugged the stubborn silence ticked between them before he finally asked the question that had plagued him "Why haven't you told anyone?" he asked leaning his arm on the table.
"How do you know I haven't" She replied crossing her arms over her chest
"Really" He raised his eyebrow, he knew she was bluffing there was no way anyone would have let it go if she had.
"Why are we even having this conversation Malfoy, If I tell you I haven't told anyone will that stop you from talking to me." She said sighing and throwing her arms out. She was becoming agitated, he had watched her enough over the weeks to learn that much.
"No." He simply pulled out a chair and sat down in the seat in front of her. Her behavior on the subject left him cross, she wanted to play this game he would also. He pulled out one of the safer books from his bag, it was a book on invisibility, a backup plan if he needed to get out quickly. She looked at him as if he was a monster in front of her.
"What are you doing" She hissed at him.
"Studying." He replied not looking up at her.
"Why can't you just let me live in peace? Where's the fun in this, torturing me into St Mungos on your list now?" she said sliding his book away from him and watching it crash on the floor.
"Feel familiar Granger, how many times did I tell you to go away and leave me alone before you finally broke me? Begged me to tell you about my life, just think of it as payback" he said bending down and picking his book back up "That was incredibly childish by the way, I thought you cared more for books" he smoothed out the pages and continued to keep reading. She began to laugh; a full body laugh that had him smirking to himself before he looked up at her. "Have you officially cracked then Granger?" He said looking up at her when she was finished.
"There is something legitimately wrong with you Draco Malfoy. Something I couldn't even fix if you would let me." She said opening her book again to read. He smiled slightly before doing the same.
A.N. What are you thinking? Let me know with a review