Chapter 12: Preparations

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Hey everyone! Sorry for the long delay. Life just has been insane.

But on another note, this fic has reached over 100 reviews! I'm super psyched for that and to keep putting out chapters for you all!

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The next day came with the same sun rising up to take over the sky. Kagome had done her best not to let the inevitable moment when Levi would make her shoot from the sacred longbow stress her out. And for the most part, she had done alright. She willed her muscles to relax, imagining herself breathing out the tension with every exhale, and she did her best to clear her mind. Especially considering what day it was.

Uniform day... The words bounced around in her head as she watched the crowds of soldiers piling out. With the investigation into who killed Hange's Titan specimen, all suspected soldiers had been heavily monitored for the past week. Of course, by all suspected soldiers, it was pretty much everyone except the Special Operations Squad, who Hange had been with that night. And with Levi's heavy training regiment, even they hadn't had too much time to themselves. And when they did, it was mostly in the evening, when everyone just wanted to relax and prepare for bed. It had been rough.

But, from what Kagome had heard, all suspected scouts had had their equipment inspected the day before and nothing had been found. So, any excessive monitoring of the suspected soldiers had ceased and it was time for the 104th cadet corps to officially join their selected regiments and pick up their uniforms. And that meant that Mikasa and Armin, among others, were going to be around for little bit.

Kagome spotted Eren as he met up with Mikasa and Armin, catching the words that spilled from the former's lips.

"Are they treating you well, Eren?" The inner corners of her brows curved upwards with concern as Mikasa scanned the brunette for any visible injuries. Though, it wasn't like they would show anyways considering his regenerative abilities.

"Yeah, of course. They've treated me just fine." His lips immediately poked out at her with a pout, as they always did whenever she would worry for him like a caring mother.

But Mikasa never seemed phased by it, "I swear I'm gonna make that pipsqueak pay for what he did you at the trial..." It was almost growled out, her eyes narrowing in for a moment as she spoke her threat to Levi proudly. And Kagome couldn't help but snort at the grudge, almost forgetting the unending lengths the grey-eyed woman would go to avenge Eren. She thought of the captain, wondering how he would even handle such a threat, though something in her mind landed on him giving out a merciless kick to the shin before walking away unbothered. Yeah, that sounded like him.

She continued to watch everyone from the crowd as other members of the 104th cadet corps joined, staying within hearing range as she listened to everyone chat about their decision to join the Scout Regiment. It was unexpected as Conny appeared with Sasha. Then, Krista showed up with Ymir in tow. Reiner and Berthold came along after. And Eren had just watched them all with wide eyes while Kagome blinked in shock. Neither had ever imagined that they would all decide to run back into that hellish Titan territory after experiencing it in Trost. It was admirable, even when they all seemed to be plagued with this uncertainty of what was to come.

But the most unexpected of all was Jean. Kagome had seen him first as he sauntered over to the group, back straight and expression stained by some lingering solemnity that she couldn't quite explain, her jaw falling slightly at the sight of him. He had always been so firm in his decision to join the Military Police, like a stubborn boulder. And yet, he was right there among the crowds of people receiving their scout uniform.

"So, only Jean, Annie and Marco joined the Military Police?" Eren asked, still unaware of the lighter haired boy behind him.

Though, Jean revealed himself quickly and Kagome saw his gaze dash down momentarily, face hard as if he was forcing himself to speak, "Marco's dead." The words spilled like blood from an open wound, and stung like such.

W-What...That can't be right... Her body felt numb, eyes blinking as if it would help her process those words any better.

"I wish I could say he died nobly..." He continued and she forced her focus back onto him to listen, "But the truth is, I don't even know how he died. He was all alone." And in his tone he carried bitterness with each syllable like a thorn, sharp enough to prick at the skin but never causing enough damage to feel real. Those words didn't feel real.

Kagome didn't know what else to do in that moment but to retreat, Eren's own disbelief-ridden voice fading as she walked and walked through the crowds. She hadn't known Marco that well other than working with him on team building. And yet, she knew him well enough to remember the hopeful look on his face, the way his eyes would light up whenever he succeeded in training. She knew him well enough to remember his own humanity. She felt all the victims' humanity.

And she knew Jean well enough to understand that sort of storm that would form within him in the wake of this loss. Even if he moves on, it'd be a constant background noise.

Deep in her own maze of reflection, the woman hadn't realized how unaware she had become of her surroundings. Though her eyes were open and working, she wasn't seeing anything but the grey skies of her mind as if she had disconnected from her sense of sight... And that sort of inattentiveness ended up with her suddenly fumbling over someone's feet. The sensation of her body dipping forward brought her back into the present as she became fully conscious of the hard ground she was about to kiss, the world spinning as it all happened. Her lips parted for a sudden inhale and her eyes widened considerably with anticipation. I mean, she hadn't exactly planned on face planting in front of all the new recruits.

However, her motion was halted suddenly as she felt a tight grip on her wrist pull harshly until her feet were able to steady back on the ground, saving her from the embarrassment and possible mild injury. Kagome took a moment to process what exactly had just happened, blinking as the world stilled.

"Oi, can't your dumbass walk right?" She recognized the voice immediately, turning to see Captain Levi frowning with his hand still wrapped around her wrist.

She hesitated, brushing off the shock and hoping to hide the lingering sorrow. Though it took some effort to bring light to her dull and hazy eyes as they bore Marco's reflection still.

"I... Sorry, Captain. I didn't mean to." She chewed on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling, staring at him while she waited for him to let go off her. But his eyes just narrowed in suspiciously as he scanned her face. Aside from his natural intimidating look, he was also glazed over with this analytic demeanor as if he was trying to figure something out about her.

Perhaps the fact that she looked so drained, suddenly.

"Tsk, try not to make yourself look like a clumsy idiot." He asserted suddenly, "I'm not your damn babysitter here to make sure you're not too depressed to function."

Depressed? I was hoping he wouldn't notice... She hesitated to speak again, wondering if Levi would pry further. She had no interest in divulging in her feelings, wanting more to be a locked door than an open book. Sure, she had a few weak moments where she out poured small bits of herself to him, specifically in the artifact room. But that was the extent of intimacy she wanted with anyone.

After all, no one ever seemed permanent.

"I'm fine, don't worry!" She faked a jolly tone and smirked at him, "Besides, you're too much of an undercover hero to let a damsel like me fall."

He scowled at her banter, tightening his grip on her almost painfully so before releasing. She had almost forgot that he had been holding her wrist.

"Stupid, brat." The man grumbled before walking away.

And with that, Kagome retreated far away from anyone, drowning in a lonely existential crisis that chewed the skin from her bones until she lifted herself up, put on a smile, and returned to the world. Marco was just another reality she had to get through. Death and separations were all just hurdles in life's solitary marathon. And by the end of the day, she had returned to her normal self.

~ The Evening Before the 57th Expedition ~

Kagome wandered the grounds of the former HQ with a plain expression and hands held behind her back. It was always nice to just take in the views of the calm, undisturbed nature under a sky blended with oranges and purples. Simple strolls were the same no matter where she went or what era she fell in, just times to exist as herself.

I can't believe we leave tomorrow... Her thought echoed in her mind, the only sound other than the soft breeze that tickled her skin, It doesn't even seem real... We'll all be leaving on a dangerous mission and a lot of us won't be making it out alive.

The woman sighed as she thought of everyone she had befriended, all of their meshes of personalities and their drive to fight that inspired her everyday. She contemplated the possibility that it may some of them that perish, that this may be their last full day alive. Was it selfish to wish that the people she cared about made it back, even at the expense of everyone else? She didn't know, but she couldn't help but wish it.

I have to believe that we'll all make it. The new scouts already survived Trost, and the Special Operations Squad has been on many expeditions... Kagome reasoned with herself as the sun continued to set, My friends are skilled, they're passionate, and they have spirits no Titans can crush. I have to believe that. I have to believe that tomorrow, we'll all be making history. And we'll all sit together afterwards and be okay. But gods, she was scared for everyone.

And she was counting on the adrenaline to kick in tomorrow; she hoped it would trigger her pure, instinctual determination as it did in Trost.

"Kagome!" A sweet voice called to her and she turned around to see Petra walking towards her.

"Oh hey! What are you doing out here?" Kagome waved as the distance between them closed.

"I just wanted to check on you." The ginger woman tilted her head to the side as her hazel eyes glistened with sincerity, "I know this is your first expedition and all. Even though you been through Trost, the nerves never really go away... I just wanna see how you're holding up. Are you worried?"

Kagome blinked, wondering if it was obvious that her mind was clouded in concern and fear for everyone's lives. Though, as she collected herself and looked the other woman straight in the eye, she found herself feigning a graceful smile like a perfectly crafted mask. One that she wore so consistently, it felt like it molded in her face.

"Not at all. I'm ready to take on this expedition head on." It was a lie, one that fit like a brick in the wall she never even noticed she had built, "Those Titans won't know what's coming."

"You know, I've always admired how you always manage to keep it together." Petra placed her hand on the dark-haired woman's shoulder, "But it's alright if you are even a little scared. Everyone always is right before we head out." For a moment, that wall felt oddly like glass to Kagome, glass that Petra was seeing straight through.

But she quickly shook it off and became opaque and hidden once more, "I'm really not worried. Whatever happens tomorrow happens. I'm just going to give it my best because that's all I can do."

"You're right about that... I think I'll try to be more optimistic like you." The ginger asserted, "Honestly, I'm just happy that you're one of my comrades in all of this. This past month, preparing for the expedition has just been so much better with you around. I don't think I could handle Oluo on my own."

"Yeah, he's a real piece of work." Kagome laughed, "I'm happy to be apart of this team with you, too."

The two walked back to the castle, their chit chat filling the air. With today's tasks completed, all there was left to do was prepare for bed. Petra waved her off once they got inside, deciding to crash early. It seemed that's what the rest of the Special Operations Squad planned to do, Oluo's snoring already filling the halls.

But Kagome on the other hand had other plans. On most days, when she wasn't too exhausted and when he wasn't too busy with meetings, she would continue to bring tea to Levi's room and they would take their nice break from the world.

It had grown on them.

And tonight was no different. Training was light to avoid any injuries for tomorrow, which meant she wasn't exhausted. And all the planning had been finalized, which meant he wasn't busy. So, she prepared the tea the same as always and carried it on a tray with two teacups up to his room. As usual, she knocked tunefully on his door and waited for him to invite her in. And he never disappointed with the invitation.

"This tea better be damn good, lousy brat."

"Isn't it always?" She chuckled as she opened the door, Levi leaned against his desk with eyes already narrowed in on her. He clicked his tongue but didn't deny it; they both knew he enjoyed her tea.

She went to set the tray on the side table between the leather chairs as she always did, pouring tea into both cups before sitting down. Her body sunk into the chair as she inhaled, letting the fresh scent of the tea fill her nostrils. After all, she didn't know if this would be the last time she would have it, the last time she might sit in this seat and relax with the captain. It felt bittersweet, realizing that she might meet her end tomorrow. Each second felt like a pounding pulse in the fabric of time, getting louder and more real as tomorrow closed in. And all she could do was sip tea with a straight face and try to find her calm amongst the storm. It was all she had ever done.

And still, despite the strain she felt from death's reaching claw, she knew it wasn't worst case scenario. She would greet death with an accepting smile and wave if it meant protecting the people around her. She'd settle for it.

Deep within herself, Kagome hadn't even noticed that Levi had joined her on the other leather chair, already sipping the tea lightly.

"You're quiet today, brat." He noted, "I hope you're not scared shitless about tomorrow. I won't be able to do anything to reassure you."

She shook her head, "My only concern is doing my job and being there for my comrades." And it was true. Even with the little jitters she felt, she also remembered Trost. She hadn't even had time to be scared. And she was sure that it'd be the same once they left off for the expedition, all fears replaced with focus and determination. But at the end of day, Kagome Higurashi was still human. So, today, she did want to just feel every moment as she may never have them again.

"Good. That's the only concern that matters." He replied cooly, though his own eyes flickered with his own internal apprehensions, like a lost silver lining.

"I know you said you can't reassure me, but the one thing that has reassured me is that you and Commander Erwin have been working so hard on this expedition. Coming up with the formation and doing experiments with Eren on top of training us... We've got to be as prepared as we could be, right?" She tuned over to look at him, tracing his side profile with her eyes. His jaw clenched and pupils constricted when she spoke, something she noticed he did whenever she said something that caught him off guard. It was like a strain on his youthful face.

He slowly turned to meet her gaze, his own unease being written on his face like an ongoing book, "I never know how things will turn out until we meet the outcome of our choices. If you're looking for me to tell you we've all done everything we possibly could, I can't. If you're looking for some sense of security, that's on you to decide whether or not you believe that the Scout Regiment's best is good enough."

Kagome paused, processing the captain's straight forward honesty as it came at her. He looked away after speaking, but she just continued to watch him.

"Is there a point in believing anything else?" The words flowed out of from her mouth like they were forming by themselves, "No matter what, we're heading out tomorrow. I think my possible last night alive would be best spent being optimistic."

"You do have a knack for being annoyingly optimistic." He grumbled. But the woman understood it as his attempt to lighten up the solemn mood. It was his language, the way he expressed himself. And she knew he'd gone through this many times, the not knowing what will happen. It made her wonder how he just did it. Some soldiers were given breaks, sometimes retired to their families after serving some amount of years. But being a soldier was his morning, noon and night for the foreseeable future. No breaks. No stopping. She wondered if he even planned on retiring eventually, or if he would just go until he just couldn't.

"You act like you hate me sometimes, Captain." She said with a smirk.

He just shook his head, though, "I thought I told you... I don't give a shit enough to hate you, brat."

They continued to sip casually, hot liquid sliding down their throats as the seconds continued to snowball down the slope of time. Kagome had noticed Levi occasionally looking at her during this time, his head never fulling turning to face her; it was just a quick side glance but she still found it odd.

"Is something wrong?" She asked after she felt his stare for the tenth time.

"It's not that late. Let's go out." He said it so casually, setting his now empty cup on the table.

"G-Go out?" She stammered. What's he going on about? I'm assuming he doesn't mean... on a date. He definitely wouldn't mean that... Still, a light blush began to glow from the thought, stretching out from the bridge of her nose.

"Yes, go out. As in outside." He rolled his eyes, then looked over at her and noticed the pinkened skin. "Tsk. What's going on with your face, brat?"

"Oh nothing! Just... uh... thinking about tomorrow." She quickly slurped up the last bit of the warm drink while willing the color to fade. Levi didn't seem to analyze it any further, though, much to her relief. Well, growing up with Modern Era lingo sure isn't doing me any favors right now. When someone asks to go out here, they clearly mean it in the very literal way... Of course the captain didn't mean it like that.

The dark-haired man stood up, placing his hand on his hip, "Whatever. I've finally had some time to get a few arrows. If you wanna get your mind off of all this expedition shit, I'll grab the longbow and you can do some target practice." He didn't even seem to notice the way the woman froze, "C'mon. Get your lazy ass off my chair and show me whatever skills you've got."

"I..." She trailed off, her skin now losing most of it's color, juxtaposing it's previous pinkish glow. She hesitated, looking down as she navigated her own shock, not having expected that this would happen tonight of all nights. In fact, Kagome had hoped that the captain just forgot about the arrows so she wouldn't have to worry. And yet, here she was, sunken into his leather chair as he waited to lead her to a potential doom right before the expedition.

But I can't let that happen... She mentally decided, placing her empty teacup on the tray.

"I'm sorry, Captain." She put on a lop-sided smile, "But I think it'd be best if I just get to bed. I'll need my rest for tomorrow."

He cocked a brow, watching as she stood to face him. A certain depth existed in those orbs of hers that always seemed to pull at his own curiosity, forcing him to wonder, even if only briefly, what chapters of her story she kept so carefully hidden. It was clear to Levi that Kagome was avoiding any archery display, and he had the feeling it didn't have to do with fear of disappointing him.

Maybe it have to do with that spark he saw; he supposed that maybe Kagome Higurashi knew something about it that she didn't want to share.

"Get to bed, then." The captain huffed. "You'll need all your energy if you want to survive tomorrow." In his mind, he told himself that if she survived, he would get her to shoot from that longbow. If not, then he'd have to settle with never knowing. But damn, he couldn't help but hope she survived.

Kagome nodded at him, "You, too, Levi. I'll see you in the morning."

And with that, she left, ambling into her own room. She internally cursed the turn of events that forced her to cut their potentially last tea-time short. She could have stayed up with a little while longer, even if in silence or witty banter. But, she couldn't afford to risk exposing her powers now. She wanted to be a part of the Scout Regiment; she wanted to help humanity against Titans. There was a large part of her believed it was her destiny, the reason she was brought to this era.

Even so... Levi, please survive.

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This was a much more solemn chapter, I know. I've always liked the times Levi showed his own humble perspective (especially shown in season 3 when Armin killed to save Jean). So, I pulled a little bit of that for inspiration.

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And I know, everyone was excited about Kagome shooting the longbow. But, I have other plans for her abilities. Also, I felt like adding a brief flustered!Kagome.
I wanted to publish as soon as I finished (since it's been so long) so I didn't really edit super well. But I still hope it's not riddled with mistakes haha!

Also, if you're confused on the timeline, it was roughly a month from Eren's trial to the 57th expedition, so Kagome was at the HQ for about a month in total.

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What are your favorite Levi scenes?

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And don't forget to review!