It's weird to realize, after years of being fiercely independent and steering clear of relationships considering her aversion to being maybe not quite dependent, but reliant on another person, that as they made their way back to the house, Stacie refused to let go of Aubrey's hand.

And from the way Aubrey was not charging on like a woman on a mission, instead walking at a deliberately slow pace, the blonde obviously felt the same.

Stacie so badly just wanted to skip over all the talking she knew they needed to do, so afraid of what could and would be said, the things she knew she didn't want to hear, and just… be with Aubrey again.

She'd never understood serial monogamists or people who cheated - because if relationships weren't working out, maybe they needed to be alone for a while - but she understood part of it now, what it was like to feel lonely and adrift when you were so used to being with someone. She also now understood why emotional cheating was a real thing, because that belief she'd always had, about relationships and commitment and the hard work and intimacy they required, was a lot to put on another person, to trust them with so much of yourself…

It would be easier, she knew, to just kiss and make up and pretend the past few weeks hadn't happened. To carry on like everything was fine and trust that Aubrey had done the same amount of thinking and reflection and soul-searching as she had and believe that they would be better from that point forward.

And maybe she would have.

Except she didn't know what she wanted, beyond just wanting Aubrey, and she drew a complete blank on what Aubrey could possibly want.

When they got to the pool house, as Aubrey started to dig through her jeans for her keys, Stacie pulled her back. "Uh, maybe we can stay out here?"

Aubrey tilted her head in question, but nodded, stepping away from the door. She motioned to the side of the pool, and followed as Stacie led her to sit at the edge of the pool.

She did not know what it meant when Stacie let go of her hand to place her hands on the concrete on either side of her.

And for a moment, they were both reluctant to start the conversation, knowing that so much of what would happen next in their relationship was dependent on what would be said. And for two people unsure – or unwilling – to face that reality, the conversation waiting to happen felt like too much.

But it needed to happen.

"I thought you were in England." Stacie started.

Aubrey exhaled, turning to look at the pool. "I was for a few days."

"Why?"

Aubrey let out a dry, bitter chuckle as she stated the cowardly reason why she would issue an ultimatum and immediately take action to avoid the result. "So you can't break up with me."

Stacie glanced at her.

Aubrey kept her gaze on the water, resting her elbows on her knees and resting her chin on her clasped hands, deep in thought. "You never called."

"I'd hate to point out the obvious, but you never called, either."

"Yeah." Aubrey said softly. "I know."

Stacie studied Aubrey's profile, scrutinizing the way Aubrey held herself: the steady gaze elsewhere, the hard set of her jaw, the way she gave her hands something to do to prevent any telltale signs of nerves or otherwise.

"You didn't call," Aubrey stated, glancing briefly at Stacie before returning her gaze to the water. "And it occurred to me that there was more than one way that conversation could go."

"Aubrey…"

"So I left." Aubrey continued. "I left, because the prospect of you deciding this relationship wasn't worth the trouble was…"

Stacie furrowed her brow. "Why?"

"Because I spent a year, on and off, being a mess, and then you showed up and figured I was a mess you could deal with, but maybe I'm not, and you aren't, and I'm trying, but there's my job and the stuff it needs from me, and you, and what you need from me, and something has to give, and I know that, but then you—"

Stacie looked at Aubrey expectantly, waiting for the rest of the statement but found herself hanging. "I… what?"

Aubrey looked at her, and smiled sadly. "And I'm not enough."

"Aubrey." Stacie shook her head. "That's not what I—"

"But you always mean what you say." Aubrey said softly. "It's something I love about you: I never have to guess. It's why you haven't called, and I know that, even if it kills me that it's taking you this long to make a decision."

"I love you too." Stacie told her. "But—"

"But things can't go on like this." Aubrey finished for her, and Stacie nodded.

"I don't want to be an afterthought to your job." Stacie admitted.

Aubrey nodded.

Stacie sighed, nodding to herself. They were making some inroads, but she wasn't sure where she wanted to take the conversation. So instead she diverted, glancing briefly at the direction of the house, and the complete lack of lights within. "What are you doing in Indio Valley?"

"One week vacation." Aubrey answered, seemingly nonplussed by the abrupt change of topic. "Jill has been trying to get me for a meeting for weeks, and she promised me VIP passes for both weekends." She pointed at the house. "I traded Cabo for a week-long stay here."

"Patty and Trina?"

"Trina's done Coachella every year since senior year. I offered to let her stay here, and she said she was with other girls, so they got the house, I took the pool house."

"Did they know you were coming?"

"I must have." Aubrey shrugged. "We talked, like, twice. Both times to talk logistics. I don't even know who the other girls are."

Stacie nodded, accepting Aubrey's answers. But she wasn't done. "The flowers?"

"Flowers?"

"At semis."

"I wasn't going to see you before semis started, and the florist closes at six, so if I ordered flowers and had them sent to the auditorium, when I get there, I'll have them ready."

"But you didn't get there." Stacie countered.

Aubrey's expression shadowed, and she looked away. "I explained that."

"Explain it to me again."

"Why?" Aubrey asked wearily, turning back to her. "It's the same story, nothing's changed."

"I just want to understand."

"There's nothing to understand, Stacie." Aubrey told her, with a tinge of exasperation. "It's my job. And there are people who rely on me to do my job, and to do it well. And that means if they call me in on my day off to help ensure a client can't renege on their deal, I actually have to go and do that, regardless of where I'd rather be."

"Would you do it again?"

"I don't have a choice."

Stacie looked at her. "Of course you do."

"Between a job that I have to do, and keep, if I want to continue to be fed, sheltered, and clothed? And you, who has her own mind and can make her own choices and could decide at any moment, even now, that this relationship isn't worth it?" Aubrey asked.

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Saying what?"

"That this relationship might not be worth it." Stacie frowned. "Why would you—"

"I don't know." Aubrey admitted, shaking her head. She smiled wryly. "Because you'd be the first person I've been in a relationship with who would think otherwise?"

Stacie blew out a breath, and turned to face Aubrey, waiting until the other girl faced her to look Aubrey in the eye and make sure what she said next sank in. "I know things kind of suck right now, but whatever happens, our relationship was worth so much, Aubrey."

Aubrey smiled grimly, and looked away. "So that's how it is."

Stacie frowned at the easy dismissal of her statement. "What?"

"'Whatever happens'?" Aubrey repeated. "You literally just said, 'whatever happens, our relationship was worth so much'. You're already talking about us in past tense."

"I don't know!" Stacie exclaimed. "I love you, you know I love you. But this, here, us, now: this is how you break up with people."

Aubrey leaned away in a token gesture of putting distance between her and Stacie, which was a little hard to do given their current positions. "Excuse me?"

"You…" Stacie ran her fingers through her hair, and looked at Aubrey. "You're neglectful. When a relationship starts heading south, you don't like breaking people's hearts, so you neglect them. You let the relationship die. That's what you do." She shook her head. "This is what you do."

Aubrey paled, never once considering how her focus on her job and responsibilities must have come across to the one person she had ever confessed her relationship sins to. "That's… That's not—"

"And I get it. Nobody likes being the bad guy in a relationship. But I thought I deserved better than—"

"I'm not trying to—" Aubrey stopped suddenly, and locked her jaw as she abruptly turned away.

Stacie frowned. "Aubrey?"

It took a moment, but Aubrey eventually regained her composure. She shook her head, trying to dispel the thought that had made her momentarily falter.

"Bree?"

"I'm not…" Aubrey started again, her pallor still pale and her expression now far more troubled than her earlier defensive stance, and then took a deep breath. "If that's what you thought, I'm sorry. I never meant for it to seem that way."

"Oh." Stacie frowned.

"I just never…." Aubrey frowned, as well. "I didn't think. I'm sorry."

"Do you?"

"Do I, what?"

"Want to break up?"

Aubrey met Stacie's gaze, and sighed. "You deserve better than this."

"I know." Stacie concurred. "But that doesn't answer the question."

Aubrey looked down, and away, and sighed heavily. "The selfless thing to say is that maybe we should."

"Aubrey."

Aubrey turned back to look at Stacie, and Stacie could see the conflict was evident within Aubrey from her expression.

"Yes or no, Aubrey." Stacie said quietly, because if Aubrey needed her to be the bad guy, to cut to the chase and be the one to say it, she would. It would break her heart to do it, but she would.

"No."

Stacie closed her eyes, maybe from relief, or maybe just to let the tension flow out of her.

Aubrey, for her part, also seemed to be catching her breath from the revelation. Or epiphany. Whatever it was, it felt like a cleansing, fortifying breath she hadn't realized she'd needed. It took everything inside her not to just cover the distance and reaffirm her feelings by kissing Stacie, but she knew they weren't done hashing their relationship out yet.

Because as much as she had vacillated between what she wanted and what she thought would be the best thing to do, she also knew that the decision wasn't just up to her.

And they were in their current position partly because Stacie hadn't called.

Stacie opened her eyes, sighing, and spoke again, but didn't turn to look at Aubrey. "I'm sorry about making a big deal about you liaising with Kathryn."

Aubrey frowned, studying Stacie's profile. "Have I ever given you a reason to think I would do that?"

"No." Stacie answered quickly. She sighed. "Maybe. I don't…" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Aubrey flinch, and she sighed again. "I thought, maybe, if you wanted to break up, but didn't want to do it."

Aubrey bit the tip of her tongue, forcing herself not to react too badly, since she knew Stacie was just being honest. It didn't mean it didn't hurt, but presented with Stacie's perspective, she was understanding where Stacie's headspace was.

"I guess I just…" Stacie shrugged. "I feel left out, sometimes. From your life. You're off to wherever your job needs you to be, and I get it, you have NDA's all up in your literal business. And you used to tell me at least some of it, even vaguely, but now suddenly there's this liaison who gets to know stuff, and she gets to be in Carolina with you, who knew your grandparents lived in Carolina, and—"

"And I'm forced to spend time with because of our jobs," Aubrey finished, nodding.

Stacie nodded as well. "And now there's Jill? Who's like BET-hot and has her own source of income, who you actually chose to go to Coachella to see."

Aubrey rubbed her forehead. "I think this got lost somewhere, but I never dated Jill."

"But you slept with her."

"Because we were drunk."

Stacie pursed her lips, and opined, "She's friendly and close in a way that I don't think happened from just one night." And she would know: she was a former expert on one-night trysts with Aubrey Posen.

Aubrey's cheeks tinged red, but she managed to admit, "We slept together twice."

"Does she still want you?"

"No."

"Aubrey…"

"We were drunk." Aubrey repeated. "We're friends; and, yes, she's attractive, but she knows the deal. And she's always known the deal. I don't feel bad about hanging out with her while you and the Bellas are around because she knows she and I are friends first."

"What deal?"

"What?"

Stacie tried not to roll her eyes at Aubrey even as she reiterated her question. "She's always known what deal?"

Aubrey chuckled wryly. "You need to ask?"

"I guess I do."

Aubrey looked at her for one long moment before answering, "There was a girl. The best girl. The girl I wanted most: probably the only girl I'll ever want so badly. And we didn't stand a chance at the time because we weren't ready back then."

Stacie met her gaze, and felt in the way Aubrey looked at her the truth she was barely managing to say. "And are we, now?"

The faintest of smiles quirked Aubrey's lips, but her voice was soft when she noted, "That's not just up to me, though."

No, it wasn't.

Stacie turned her gaze away, looking back into the house across the pool from where they sat, and noticed the lights were on in one of the rooms. She turned back to Aubrey. "We're not breaking up."

Aubrey actually looked surprised, which just about broke Stacie's heart, realizing Aubrey had truly been bracing herself for a different response. Before Aubrey could say anything, Stacie cut her off.

"I don't mean to leave you hanging, but right now, that's all I really know." Stacie confessed. "I'm not ready to give up on us, on this, on you, but we can't keep going on like this, either."

Aubrey, for her part, nodded her agreement. After all, she and Stacie were on the same page, there.

"But you're here now," Stacie continued, and smiled at Aubrey. "And it's easier to figure the rest of it out when you're around."

Aubrey nodded.

Satisfied with the knowledge that she and Aubrey were in agreement, Stacie glanced over at the house. "It's late."

"Yeah."

Stacie glanced at her. "You should go to sleep."

Aubrey smiled faintly. "Do I look that bad?"

"You look like you haven't slept in days." Stacie admonished. She reached over, prying Aubrey's hand away from the other to hold it and squeeze it lightly. "Get some rest, Aubrey."

Aubrey's response was preempted by the beeping of a phone. She cringed, and admitted, "that's mine."

Stacie arched an eyebrow, but offered no judgment as Aubrey checked the device.

Aubrey frowned at whatever she read, and glanced quickly at Stacie, who rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

"I'm not going to be insecure every time your phone rings, Aubrey." Stacie smiled, and leaned over to press her lips to Aubrey's cheek. "Answer it. And I'll see you in the morning."

Aubrey turned her head slightly as Stacie pulled back, and if she'd been braver, she would have covered the minuscule distance between their lips. But they had just barely crossed the impasse in their relationship, and haven't really fixed anything, so instead she watched Stacie lean back away and get to her feet.

"Good night, Aubrey." Stacie told her as she walked towards the house.

Aubrey nodded. "Good night, Stacie."

"Oh, and Bree?" Stacie called, once she was on the opposite side of the pool.

Aubrey looked up from her phone. "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're here instead of Cabo." Stacie told her.

Aubrey smiled, immediately returned with a similar broad smile from Stacie. It got impossibly wider when Stacie blew her a kiss.

"Go to sleep, baby, you need your rest." Stacie told her, before sliding one side of the kitchen doors open and stepping inside the house.

Aubrey smiled, buoyed by the outcome of her conversation with Stacie, and felt infinitely lighter from it. Her joy was dampened somewhat by the message she'd received, however, and she turned back to her phone, wondering how to respond.

She stood up, retreating into the pool house, where she was almost immediately startled by her phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Huh. Your phone was available."

"Stacie?" Aubrey asked, furrowing her brow in confusion.

"Was the message not important?"

"Not really, no." Aubrey replied.

"So you let me off with just a kiss on the cheek for no reason?"

Aubrey's brows knit. "I'm confused."

"Aubrey."

"Yeah?"

"I'm calling."

"I can tell."

There was a pause, and then: "Babe, this would be a really awesome gesture if you were on board."

"I don't—"

"Aubrey."

"Stacie."

"I want us to keep messing up together."

Aubrey laughed softly. "That's an apt, if not very romantic way of—"

Stacie grumbled something under her breath that Aubrey couldn't discern, but she could make out the word "impossible" in it, but didn't have time to question the muttering because there was a knock on her door.

Aubrey turned to open the door, and smiled at what she saw. Addressing her phone, she said, "I have to go."

Stacie arched an eyebrow. "After all this crap about me not calling?"

"Something more important came up."

"Your booty call showed up?"

"Wait, Chloe said nobody says that—"

"Is she hotter than me?"

"She's here, so…"

Stacie rolled her eyes, ending the call on her end as she stepped closer to Aubrey. "You're impossible."

Aubrey grinned, closing the distance between them to kiss Stacie. "I love you, too."