Chapter 17: Our Aftermath

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Let's do this!

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"Tsk, what a shitty day..." Levi groaned as he rested his forehead against the palms of his hands, sitting in his office as if to catch a break from the whole affair. The 57th Expedition outside of the walls had come to an end only hours before, leaving in its wrath a river of blood with which half of the Scout Regiment still floats in. So much senseless death and injury, and for what? He wished he had the answers. He wished any of this would make sense. But, as he sat in his office, the moonlight trickling into his room like silver rain drops, he felt only the tormenting sense of uncertainty.

No matter how many times the captain went through these missions outside of the walls, the grand losses never ceased to disturb him.

At least that Jaeger brat is safe for now. He reasoned with his own despondency, but it didn't seem to lift the weight that he felt pushing down on his shoulders.

After he had found Kagome and passed her on to another scout for safekeeping, he had rushed off towards where he had heard Eren's Titan roar, only to find that he had been captured by the Female Titan. Locked in the disgusting and slimy prison that was its mouth, much to Levi's dismay. Along with Mikasa Ackerman, a promising new scout and apparent close friend of Jaeger's, he managed to cut the beast down just enough to rescue the brat and regroup with Erwin and the rest of the depressed soldiers. But that was it. The Female Titan in all of its treacherous glory was still at large, hiding somewhere within the walls as some average soldier. And the regiment had to return with absolutely nothing to show for all the bloodshed it endured once more.

Not to mention, Levi had to deal with a stupid leg injury he acquired while saving the kid. He was practically useless for anything besides strategizing, and would be for a little while. And for what?

All he got at the end of the day was more twisted material to fuel his nightmare-infested nights. More bloodied bodies. More mangled limbs and screams of terror. Damn, what shitty luck he had.

There was obviously a toll beyond all of this that the regiment would have to pay. Unfortunately, it seemed rather steep, as well. Everyone could anticipate that the royal government would demand that Eren be turned over to them, effectively taking away a potential game changer for humanity. All just to perform some experiments that would probably kill the poor kid. And with the public practically screaming their hatred for the scouts off the rooftops, there would likely be some budget cuts. Less food. Less funding for research. A shittier life for these already underappreciated soldiers.

Gods, these were rough times. And it never got easier; it never became normal.

And when the families of the deceased came for answers, he never really knew what to give them. But that never stopped them all from looking up to him for some sort of explanation or consolation or whatever it was. It was the only time he really felt incapable.

Well, if he was being honest, he had felt somewhat incapable when he found the dead members of his squad sprawled out on the ground, blood staining the grass like crimson paint. He had felt powerless when he had loomed over them, helpless when he had hovered over Kagome's seemingly lifeless body. It only really went away when she mad flinched and revealed that she was still alive.

That's right... Kagome's still passed out in the medical wing. She hadn't woken up once this entire time. The reminder felt like the one gleaming sparkle of a optimism in this shit show, The medics have said she's stable, but they don't know how long she'll be out for, the damn brat. And I need to speak with her...

The captain leaned his head back against his chair, staring up at the ceiling. What to do, now? They had already compiled a list of survivors, and Erwin was most likely starting his reports to send off to Premier Zackley. For now, there didn't seem to be any distractions for him. Just waiting.

And waiting.

Without warning, a dazed Kagome Higurashi jolted up into a sitting position, hands fisting soft fabric as her heart pounded mercilessly beneath her aching chest. She took in deep puffs of air, throat dry as if she had just run a few miles. A burning pain. Though, it didn't seem to compare to the throbbing she felt in her head, as if strong hands were inside, hitting against her skull. One punch, then another, then another. It was almost torturous. And for a brief moment, she wondered if she would explode at any second.

"Oh gods..." She murmured to herself, though quickly tried to push the pain to the side and figure out what was going on.

Though, she was immediately met with a mental image of Inuyasha flashing around in her mind, followed swiftly by the rest of her friends in the Feudal Era. All smiling and cheerful. Everything so picture perfect, just as she had imagined they would all be. But then, there came the well, and along with it, a feeling of confused discontent.

I dreamt of them all. I dreamt of the reunion I've wanted for so long, and yet... I wasn't completely happy. It was an odd discovery that didn't quite make sense to her, as she bit her lip pensively. Even though it wasn't real, I made the decision to say goodbye to Inuyasha. But is that what I really want? Or was it some weird dream-state? Being with him was what I've imagined for myself for six years... Am I really ready to leave all of that behind?

The only answer she could give herself was that she didn't know. In this vast and strange universe, she hadn't a clue where she really belonged at this point. Just a stray soul dangling around the spectrum of time.

A sigh escaped from her mouth, and she decidedly pushed the thoughts from her mind for now, head pounding too hard for her to think about it anymore. Besides, she still wasn't sure how she got where she was. And she supposed that figuring that out might be less stressful.

Eyes traveled around and she analyzed her surroundings, quickly realizing that she was in some sort of hospital room, her body resting on some bed as various medical supplies were situated on a table. Wooden walls enclosed her in, with a single window that let in trickles of sunshine. Quickly, she took note of a clipboard that sat on a nearby desk, one that had her name written on the top. Narrowing her eyes, she tilted her head to read what else had been jotted down.

"Kagome Higurashi. Member of the Special Operations Squad. Sustained minor injuries during the 57th Expedition outside of the walls. Comatose state unexplained by medical analysis. Witness states patient had been engaged with an intelligent Titan." Her brows furrowed together as she verbalized the words on the page, each sentence digging out bits and pieces of what had taken place before she had been knocked unconscious. Protecting Eren. The reappearance of the Female Titan. Fighting alongside her teammates. It all came back.

But then, the horror kicked in as she remembered their demise. Their blood, screams and desperation all being reanimated in her head. Her eyes widened, breath lodged in her throat and heart pressed harshly against her ribs. If she had once thought that the pain couldn't get any worse, she was terribly wrong. Her insides were aching in a way they never had before. It was all as if her body didn't have enough space to contain this harsh reality.

As she finished that thought that she heard the soft click of the door, and she watched as it gently opened. A man quietly stepped in, inky black hair brushed neatly atop his head.

"Levi..." It came out as a hoarse whisper, his gaze landing on her as she spoke. He blinked once as he absorbed the sight of her awakened state, clearly not expecting it, but then adjusted his expression and proceeded to casually walk towards her.

"About damn time you woke up. You've been passed out since yesterday." He was gruff, just as normal, "How are you feeling, brat?"

Quickly, she averted her gaze down to her sheets. There was a sudden flop in the depths of stomach, and she suddenly felt a growing desire to be left all alone to wallow and process the past events. "Don't worry about me... I'm alright."

Though, the captain didn't appear phased by the despondency. Just brushed it off and continued, "The hell happened anyways? Doctors can't seem to figure why you've been out for this long."

Shifting slightly, the woman kept her eyes averted and low to avoid his own. "I guess I must have gotten hit by the Female Titan. I don't really remember much besides that." Her voice was flat and quiet, and the gloom and grief practically emitting from her pores was unmistakable.

Even so, Levi pressed on, focusing in on her, "Oi, can you try standing up? We'll need to know about your current strength." He was practically hovering over her at this point, eyeing the melancholia curiously as she sat silently.

But after a moment of contemplation, Kagome swung her legs over the edge of the bed, shifting forward until her feet were planted firmly on the ground. Inhaling deeply, she pushed herself upwards until her form stood upright, back straight. Though, despite appearing perfectly fine for a mere second, her knees soon began to wobble, arms quickly flying in the air in some asinine attempt to balance herself. But her bones seemingly lost all its stability, crumbling beneath skin until she was falling forward.

Kagome anticipated the unforgiving kiss of the wooden floor, a small yelp escaping from her throat as gravity pushed. But, once again, it never came. Instead, she felt her head knock against Levi's hard chest, his hand wrapping around her shoulder to steady her.

"Tch, you could have just said no, brat." He hissed with slight annoyance.

Startled, her head snapped upwards and her wide eyes met his for the first time since he had entered. A sleek silver, one that would otherwise be seen as cold and aloof by anyone else who looked into it. But not to her. As she was drowned in his stare, she saw flashes of her deceased comrades one by one reflected in those orbs. And she suddenly became hyper-aware of the fact that he had been their captain. He had handpicked and worked with them longer than she had even known them. And now, they were gone forever.

"I'm so sorry..." She choked out quietly.

He raised a brow at that, still holding her for fear that she'd fall right down without him, "Calm down, Kagome. It isn't that serious. You just woke up, so it's fine if you can't stand up on your own, yet."

But she was far too drenched in the guilt, heart filled with sympathy for what he had lost, "No, Levi. I couldn't save them all. I tried, but I wasn't good enough." Kagome went limp and slumped further against his body with her head resting in the crook of his shoulder, "Your comrades. Your friends. Even with your training, I failed to protect them. I'm so, so sorry."

The man froze at her sudden apology, feeling his own chest tighten as he absorbed the display, the sincerity that she held. She was apologizing to him. And if he was being honest, she was the first person to ever offer such sincere condolences for his losses. The first person to regard him as someone who may actually care enough about his comrades to feel grief when they die. A person beyond just being the strict captain or humanity's strongest. It made him wonder what she really saw in him when she looked at him.

But more than all of that, he wondered how the hell he should react to something like this. He didn't blame her, never even considered it. This was war, after all. People died. And there was no single person who could be responsible for protecting everyone.

Did she think he would hold their deaths against her?

Sighing as his ears were filled with her shaky breathing, he awkwardly removed his hand from her shoulder and placed it lightly on her back.

"Listen to me, and listen good." He began, "I don't want you wasting anymore damn time apologizing to me. You didn't kill them, the Female Titan did. And that's all there is to it." His fingertips applied the slightest bit of pressure, hugging her slightly, "So, relax. There's nothing we can do but move forward and make sure their deaths weren't in vain."

Kagome was quiet for a moment, still as a statue against his comforting frame as her breaths slowly steadied. But after a short while, she moved her head off of him and gazed at him with glossy eyes.

"You're probably right..." She huffed, cheeks pink though she hadn't actually shed any tears. Perhaps it was the fact that, in her capacity, she was used to losing people or maybe it was that she knew how grossed out the captain would have been to have had her crying on him, but not a single tear had fallen.

"I am." He moved to grip both of her arms, gently guiding her back down into a sitting position on the bed. "Now, rest. I'll have someone bring you something to eat. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

She would have chuckled had the circumstances been lighter. But she did offer him a nod as she adjusted herself and lied back down. And he figured there was nothing else he could do for now, anyways. He always preferred some space after a rough expedition, and it seems that she was no different. Even if she had only known the squad for a month, their deaths were clearly taking a toll. He had never seen her look so damn stressed.

So, he just made his way to the exit, mentally noting to come back later.

As he reached to open the door, his fingers brushing against the handle, he heard her voice once more, startling him still.

"Captain... I'm happy that you're okay."

He gave her one last look, one softer than he had ever given, then left the room, softly closing the door behind him. All there was to do now was find the doctor to let him know Kagome was awake, then get someone to bring her some food. He had hoped that he would be able to talk to her about the expedition, but he wouldn't force anything as of now. While Kagome had always been one to push social boundaries when it came to him, she had never dared to get that physically close. And he definitely wasn't used to it. A hug. Or at least as close to one as he had really gotten in years.

Such an annoying little brat, she is. I should have shoved her off for such an inappropriate display. But even he knew he was full of shit. He respected Kagome, and honestly, while he avoided physical acts of affection like the plague, her pure empathy was refreshing. He wouldn't punish her for giving a shit, even if it was about him.

Still... I need to speak with her as soon as possible. I need to know about that light Jaeger saw come from her before she had been struck down. Levi recalled how Eren, once awake, worriedly approached him talking about how Kagome seemed to emit some flash of pinkish light just as the Female Titan went to finish her off. The brunette hadn't known what to make of it, but Levi knew he needed to get to the bottom of this.

As soon as she was ready, he would finally uncover this mystery.

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A little fluff!

I honestly always thought that everyone around always treated Levi as this super strong soldier who didn't need anyone to check in on him. So, it was honestly a little fun coming up with the idea that Kagome would be worried about him losing the SO squad.

Also, Levi knows about Kagome's spiritual energy coming through! Yay!

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Let me know what you all think! This writer's block has been absolutely terrible, so I hope it isn't reflected terribly in this.

Review pleeeaaasseee