Chapter 6: Welcome Home

It had been several days since I had last seen him. I knew he still alive- the prospect showed up with a bag of groceries and a stack of cash yesterday. I didn't ask any questions, just glared at him as he walked into the living room and deposited the bag at my feet. "He just needs some time to cool off, darling," Venus said, as I refilled her cup of coffee.

We sat at the kitchen table, catching up on the events that had transpired over the last week. "I thought about it. Put myself in his shoes. He's mad about me taking the deal and then pushing him out. He's probably upset at himself, he's stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I can't see past it, V. I am trying to find a way out of this hole, and I can't. I don't see any solution to this," I said, sitting down across from her. I didn't. Everytime I thought about it, I only ended up working myself into a fit.

"Can I ask, or rather do I dare ask- what is it that you're trying to solve exactly? Chibs and Lyla? Living in Jax's house?" She asked, stirring sugar into her cup. I sighed. "I don't even know, honestly. I'm just mad at everything and everyone. Myself more than anything for just feeling so lost," I replied, finally admitting that I had no fucking clue what I was doing with my life. "I spent the last couple of days, alone in this house. Cleaning, cooking, trying to make some resemblance of a normal life for Andy. Doing homework, laundry, whatever makes the time fly by. But none of it is for myself. I have no purpose."

Venus sighed, reaching over and taking my hand in hers. "Sweetie, every once in a while a girl needs to reinvent herself, put on a different pair of heels to kick the world's ass in. You've done it before and you'll do it again. Don't be so hard on yourself," she said. I nodded. She was right. I had run away from Charming before, started a new life, only to come back again. I know I had said I wouldn't run anymore, but there was nothing wrong with me starting over again. "Where do I begin? How do I get past all of this?"

She reached over and slid yesterday's rolled up newspaper across the table towards me, tapping it lightly. "Start small. Find something to take up your time. Find a new passion. But first, go find your man," Venus said. I glanced down at the newspaper and nodded slowly. "What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if I can't measure up to the girl I used to be? The girl he married?" I whispered.

"Sweetheart, a tiger can't change her spots, or whatever the fuck the saying is. You are still that same girl, just a few years older now. You got some mileage on you, it's going to take a while to get over the jetlag." I laughed at how she smushed everything together, but she was right. I was never any good at dealing with angst. I wanted everything to be over the moment I was starting to get uncomfortable. It's why I had developed such a bad habit of running away. But this time I couldn't.

"You okay?" He asked, dropping down next to me on the wooden bench outside of St. Thomas. "Yeah, I think so," I said, looking over at Happy through my sunglasses. "I was dropping off Vicky when I saw you," he said. "We haven't had a chance to talk since you got back." I raised an eyebrow at him, chuckling to myself. "Yeah, shit's been a little hectic the last couple of days," I replied.

We sat in silence for a few moments, before I finally mustered up the strength to break it. "How is he?" I asked, wondering if my husband was still my husband. Happy sighed, shifting in his seat towards me. "He's hanging in there. He's in a tight position right now, being split in two," he answered. "I wouldn't know," I responded, lighting a cigarette. "You know, he's had it tough. You left. Then Jax. He's trying to do right by everyone."

I sighed, nodding. Deep down, I know Chibs is trying his best. And I also know I'm not making it any easier for him. All of my insecurities were suffocating me, but they shouldn't be dragging him down with me. "Were you really dropping off Vicky or did he send you?" I asked, wondering if this really was a chance encounter. Happy smirked, shrugging. "He asked me about you and for once, I had no answers. You chose him, remember? Don't let the man think you changed your mind, forcing him to turn to the guy you used to sleep with for answers. Whether it's about the last 5 years or Lyla, you gotta put this shit to rest- one way or another."

Good old Happy. I stood up, motioning to my truck behind me. "I gotta go, put shit to rest and what not," I said, throwing him a small smile. He nodded at me, watching as I climbed into the truck and drove off. Whether or not Chibs had sent Happy, I knew I eventually needed to face him. I needed to decide what the future held for us. I needed to lead.

And so I stood in front of the heavy wood door, wondering what I would find on the other side. I had made my trek through the clubhouse safely, not running into any faces that would distract me from my current mission- Chibs. He opened the door, sleep written all over his face. "Jessie Mae," he said, quietly, stepping back and letting me inside the room. I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding in, realizing he was alone. What was I expecting to find? Lyla tied up in the bed with him?

"Hey," I said weakly, turning to face him as he closed the door behind him. Even after everything, he walked over to me and hugged me. I silenced all of the unspoken thoughts in my head and hugged him back, wrapping my arms around him tightly, inhaling his scent. It lingered all over the house, a constant reminder of who wasn't there. He pulled away, a hand cupping my cheek.

I had forgotten it all, how to love and be loved back. I had forgotten the lines on his face, the smile on his lips, and how he used to be a part of me. How did I let that happen? I asked myself as I stared into his eyes. How? A few years ago he was my beginning and my end. There wasn't a moment that my love for him didn't consume me- that every decision I made and action I took wasn't about him. He was my world. He was my everything.

"I'm sorry," I said, weakly, tears threatening to spill out. "I was scared and alone. I pushed you away because it was the only way I could hurt you as bad as I was hurting." Same coin, different side. Chibs shushed me, willing to quiet the ocean between us. "It's going to be okay, Jess. We'll get past this, together," he said. I could see the worry on his face, the sleepless nights that had taken a toll on him.

"I'm not that girl anymore, Chibs. The one from 5 years ago. I have no idea who I am now, no idea what I can even offer you anymore," I said. He sighed, his grip on me getting tighter. He forced me to look at him, his hair falling onto his forehead. "I loved you from that moment behind the clubhouse. I loved you when you left. Hell, I even loved you despite you and Happy. All of the shit we've survived together, this is just another bump in the road, love," he replied.

I reached up and grabbed the collar of his wrinkled shirt, drawing him down to me. I kissed him, my fingers lost in his hair, as his hands travelled down my back. He seemed hesitant, as if waiting for my approval before taking the next step. I stepped between his legs, pressing myself closer to him. He dug his fingers into my ass, moaning into my mouth as I grinded against him slowly.

He pulled away panting, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. "I'm a different person now, love. I'm not the same man you left behind when you went away. The weight I carry on these shoulders, it's heavy. It's suffocating. There's going to be times that you won't agree with what I do or say, but trust that it's for the best. For you, for Charming, for the club. I need to know you're in this, with me. With the club. I need to know that you coming here means you love me, no matter what," he said.

I took a step back, processing everything he had said. There it was again, the pull. I had fought against that pull for so many years. I had run away several times, and yet, here I was again. Facing it head on. I knew what he was asking- he wanted me to be the dutiful old lady. I had seen this song and dance play out several times before. He was asking me to be somebody I had never been able to.

"I chose you when I married you and I chose you when I took that deal, Chibs. I know you come with the club, it's a package deal whether I want it to be or not. I know that Andy has his life here now. I can't run away anymore, that's what this entire saga has been about. I can't promise that it will be easy, that I'll just sit quietly and play the role you think I should. What I can promise is to be here and never run again," I replied. I could still sense his hesitation, his eyes staring into mines, never wavering.

"Right now, in this moment- there is no where else I would rather be," I whispered, pulling him towards me. This needs to be enough for him, I don't have anything else to offer. I know myself well enough to know that I can't be what the club dictates. I can't just sit by and let the club control my life. I have a say in this, and right now, all I want is him. I reach up and start to unbutton his shirt, his hands dropping to my waist.

Chibs grips me hard, pulling his body against mine. I lift my face towards his and kiss him passionately. It was hot, wet and messy- the last 5 years of want and need rising to the surface. He met my every kiss, moaning as he pulsated against my leg. Chibs picked me up and walked us over to the bed, dropping me down gently before taking off his shirt. I pulled mine off, facing him only clad in a bra and jeans.

I reached up and unbuckled his belt, my fingers quickly remembering their way home. I stood up, ditching my pants. "I want this. I want you, now," I said, before he crushed his mouth on top of mine. We fell onto the bed, his fingers ripping off my underwear and sliding inside me. I moaned into his mouth, my body instantly relaxing against him. This was how it should always be, no matter what. This was the first time in 5 years that I actually felt safe and a woman.

He kissed me, his other hand softly trailing down my neck and shoulders, making me shiver. I gripped his strong arms, digging my nails into them and claiming what's mine. "Come for me, baby," he whispered, positioning himself at my entrance. "Be gentle," I whispered. I couldn't help myself, the bad thoughts were starting to creep back into my head. He gave me a small smile, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Jessie Mae."

Chibs entered me, filling every crevice of me. "Is this okay?" He whispered, grunting softly as he moved his hips against mine. I nodded, closing my eyes and drawing in slow breaths. I met his every move, my body relaxing into his and vibrating at his touch. It was that hot, soft and slow type of love making. His body covering mine, his head in the crook of my neck, my legs wrapped around his waist.

"Yes, baby," I moaned, into his ear. I could sense the urgency within him, as his hips sped up and his thrusts got harder. I felt that familiar tightening as an orgasm washed over me, my legs becoming stiff as I cried out his name. His fingers were lost in my hair, pulling tightly as I felt him quiver on top of me. He rolled off of me, panting, sweat glistening on his forehead.

"Welcome home."