Luigi sat on the sandy beaches reflecting on the agony of existence. He tuned his shiny red electric guitar and played along to the rolling waves. "Well... I won't back down..."
"Yeah baby!" cried a Toad who emerged from the sand and pulled out his electric triangle. He played it with the white-hot steez of a thousand suns.
"There ain't no easy way out..." said Luigi.
"Y'all gotta stand your ground," said a Shy Guy from his rickety old pirate ship. He took out his own guitar and jammed along with Luigi and the Toad.
"And I won't back down..." Luigi purred as his fingers expertly plucked at his rocking six-string. "Yeah babe..."
"Hit me that funky beat!" called a Goomba from atop the lighthouse, laying down the beatdown on his drums.
"Oh yeah..." Luigi crooned as he danced along the neck and released the potent fury of a musical maestro.
"LAYLA!" the dolphins wailed as they hopped out of the ocean depths and clapped their fins, spinning on their tails like the sickest waltz professionals known to the heavens.
"You got me on mah knees!" roared Luigi. He and his band bros busted out more deadly rhythms that slowly dissipated into a relaxed beat.
Mario and Peach stopped by the beach atop their Yoshis and heard the sweet serenade coursing through the green one's melodic spirit. The delicious harmonic gift drew close to Mario's mustache and tickled his olfactory orifices like the aroma of cherry pie.
"Oh! Luigi's music is so wonderful!" cried the red plumber.
Peach pulled out a pistol and blasted Luigi to Timbuktu.
Luigi awoke several days later in the void. "Where am I?" he muttered weakly, rubbing the back of his sore neck.
A princess dressed in gold approached him and pulled him up by the hand. "You're the one that I want, Luigi."
"Glad that I'm the hunkiest stud in town then, milady," Luigi cooed with ultra hunksworthy manliness. He and the royal began dancing a mighty jig as the inhabitants of the void emerged from the deep with their French horns and trombones.
"You're the one that I want!" sang Luigi.
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" the princess sang back.
DADA!
"Halt!" cried a voice from above. A man among the clouds descended. He wore a violet sequin outfit and groovy shades. He shuffled his shoulders harmoniously as the bass dipped into overtime.
DADA!
"Waluigi... a god among men..." Luigi snarled. He prepared his fists of fury and flung himself at his purple-clothed rival.
DADA!
Time and space froze around Waluigi and his dame. The power of Za Wahrudo was all too real. Due to his residence in the void, Waluigi gained a multiplier that boosted his time-freezing ability off the charts.
DADA!
"I don't mind you coming here..." Waluigi crooned. "And wastin' all my time..." He ran a godly hand through the princesses hair. "I don't mind you hangin' out... and talkin' in your sleep..."
"As long as it was deep?" asked the princess.
"Wah."
DA! DA!
Waluigi twirled and posed heroically with all the manliness glowing in his deified 'stache. "I guess you're just what I needed!"
"Just what I needed!" cried the void inhabitants.
"So what do you say, my wonderful woman?" Waluigi sighed with studly angst. "Do you accept the privilege of becoming a goddess?"
"Oh, Waluigi..." the princess whispered in awe.
"Not so fast!" snorted the green voice behind them.
Waluigi turned around and saw Luigi shirtless and wielding his mighty axe. "You and what army, punk?"
Luigi reached down and plucked the cords lightly, strumming a mighty, yet peaceful melody.
"I closed my eyes..." Luigi sighed. "And I slipped away!"
The clouds of the void parted, revealing glorious light that shone down like brilliance. The void inhabitants unfolded from their cursed state and were reborn in their true forms. The flowers bloomed lending Luigi further star-power to the point where he was levitating.
Luigi threw his hat into the ring, freeing his mighty mullet into the open air as he played his guitar with as much energy as he could muster. "More than a feeling!"
"More than a feeling!" echoed the spirits swarming around his godly presence.
"When I hear that old song they used to play!"
The princess was amazed, as was Waluigi. Waluigi tried to reclaim his dominance, but Luigi was much too righteous. The purple rival was banished back to the pit of the void with each righteous chop kicking off of Luigi's mighty axe.
"Luigi! I choose you!" cried the princess.
"No!" wailed Waluigi as his existence was stripped away from him in an instant that felt like aeons.
Luigi descended from his platform of wisdom and grace and stood before the princess. "My beautiful princess, apple of my eye, I ask of you to join me in the most tubular concert to quake the foundation of this rockin' universe." He revealed the ring that rested upon his tongue.
The princess gawked at the precious piece of jewelry presented to her in such an elegant manner.
"You go, bro!" Mario cheered from his all-seeing Yoshi.
"Luigi, what can I say?" asked the princess.
"Just say... 'you'll stay'..." Luigi said silently.
"How long?"
"Just a little bit longer..." Luigi placed the ring upon his darling. "Please, stay... just a little bit more..."
"Hey! Hey!" cried a Toad with outrageous hair as he blasted the skies with his electric zither. "Let's go Lui!"
"Princess, stay!" Luigi waltz around the grassland chunks that rose from the grounds in response to the funky band before him and his princess. "Just a little bit longer!"
"We wanna play!" shouted the void creatures.
"Just a little bit longer..." Luigi walked down the emerging stairs towards his lovely dear and placed her hand in his. "What is your name?"
"I'm..."
LUIGI'S BEACH MUSICAL
Luigi... ... ... ... Luigi
Mario... ... ... ... Mario
Peach... ... ... ... Peach
Toad... ... ... ... Toad
Goomba... ... ... ... Goomba
Shy Guy... ... ... ... ... Shy Guy
Waluigi... ... ... ... ... Waluigi
The Princess... ... ... ... ? ? ?
"I Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"Layla" by Eric Clapton
"You're the One That I Want" by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
"Just What I Needed" by The Cars
"More Than a Feeling" by Boston
"Stay" by Jackson Browne
Filmed in the Mushroom Kingdom on a budget of Luigi's life savings.
No Goombas were stomped in the making of this musical.
In loving memory of Luigi's dignity.