Chapter 9: Forward

I woke up that morning, actually happy- or happy adjacent. For once, I didn't dread getting up and getting Andy ready for the day. I didn't roll my eyes as I pulled up to the school and waited in the line of cars for morning drop-off. I was a woman on a mission, a woman with a purpose.

I sat in the outdated diner, spinning the ring on my finger, across from Jacob Hale as he looked over my resume. I had finally gotten a call back, after spending the last month filling out job applications left and right. With some creative responses from Chucky, I had almost jumped for joy when Hale & Associates had requested to meet for an interview.

He closed the folder in his hands and threw me that disgusting smile of his. "Well, you certainly have an interesting past," he said, pouring sugar into his coffee. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell he was talking about. I don't remember Chucky putting anything out of the ordinary in my newly revamped resume.

"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely curious for some odd reason, even though I fully knew how big of a slimeball Jacob Hale was. He cleared his throat, leaning in towards me and smiling again. "Let's cut straight to the chase, shall we?" He said. I leaned back into my seat, trying to put distance between the two of us.

"I am fully aware of your sordid past, in Charming and with the Sons of Anarchy," Hale said, clasping his hands in front of me. "And that's why you called me," I added, nodding my head slowly. He shrugged, leaning back into his chair. "That's one of the reasons, but I do really need an assistant."

"And what are the other reasons?" I asked, taking a sip from my lukewarm coffee. "I need a ball buster, someone who will get things done, within the letter of the law. Charming is starting to turn around after some eventful years. Your husband has managed to keep the club from tearing up the town so far and we're just starting to heal. Business is up, the real estate value is starting to increase. Now's the time to start thinking big picture again," he said. I scoffed, realizing that this might have been a set-up from the beginning.

"And you think that by hiring me Charming will continue thriving?" I asked, choosing my words carefully. "No, I think that by hiring you I'll get Charming to trust again. In a fresh start, in me. Your husband keeps doing what he's doing. You help me start moving the town in a new direction." I laughed, expressing how ridiculous I thought his idea was. "I've been applying for jobs, for weeks. No one wants to work with a convicted felon, let alone do business with a man that employs one."

"Charming is a small town, it doesn't forget easily, but it always protects its own," he replied. "Am I supposed to be seriously considering this? Working with you? Half this town hates you," I said, rolling my eyes at him. "So you see, that's another reason why this union makes perfect sense. The half of the town that hates me, well they may actually listen to you- they are your peers, after all. I need someone who's gonna watch my back, someone who is street savvy."

I couldn't lie, his plan made some sense. Or maybe I just wanted something, anything to call my own. "Strict 9 to 5, benefits, 3 weeks paid vacation," I said, repeating what Chucky had told me to ask for. "9 to 5, with some over time here and there. 2 weeks," he countered. "Fine, but I want an extra $10,000 on the salary. The ball busting costs extra."

Hale locked eyes with me, as if pondering my request. "8, and you start tomorrow," he said, before standing up and leaving the table. I stared after him, releasing a breath I didn't even realize I was holding, and I smiled.

Chibs was not going to be happy about this.

-And needless to say, he wasn't.

I watched as he seethed with rage at the thought of me working for that scumbag Hale (his words, not mine). "Hell fucking no!" He shouted, walking away from me. I followed him into the living room, angry at the fact that he thought he could control me like that. "Um… you do realize that my father has been dead a long time, right? You really can't tell me what I can't and can do around here," I shouted at his back.

Chibs stopped abruptly, turning to face me. I jumped, as he crossed the space between us and grabbed my arm, digging his fingers into my skin. He glanced over his shoulder at Andy, as he at the coffee table doing his homework. "Chibs," I whispered, weakly, as he dragged me into the bedroom. He let go of my arm, turning to close the bedroom door behind him.

I could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his eyes wild. "You're lucky he's right next door, Jessie. So fucking lucky…" He said, quietly. "Or what?" I spat out, daring him to do anything about my defiance. "Or what?" I repeated, louder this time, egging him on. I hadn't spent the last 5 years of my life backing down from anyone, and I wasn't about to start now. He glared at me, his hands in fists by his side. "What the fuck are you going to do that hasn't been done to me already?" I said, walking over to him and shoving him with all my weight.

He moved so quickly, causing me to gasp, as his hands grabbed onto my hair and drew my face inches away from his. "You ungrateful, selfish bitch," he said, shaking me. I clawed at his face, pushing away from him. Chibs threw me onto the bed, sitting down on the edge, grunting. I stared at his back, wondering what was next. "I cannot protect you if you're running around with that snake Hale," he said.

I stood up and faced him, wiping my face with my shirt. "I don't need to be protected. I spent the last 5 years watching my own back. I don't need you! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't do this?" I shouted. Chibs laughed, staring at me wildly. "Is this what all of this is about? What are you trying to prove? That I'm the one that needs you?" It was my turn to laugh. "The only thing I am doing is trying to provide for myself, for my son. Have something other than these 4 walls, that by the way, aren't even mine or yours!"

"He's using you! You in his pocket means he can keep tabs on the club. It means he can use you and your association to me and the club as a way to keep the town in check," he replied. "Because I couldn't have done this on my own? I don't deserve this? I've survived on my own before!" I sighed, realizing he wasn't going to budge and neither was I. We were talking in circles- again. "Go take a shower, put dinner on the table, and forget about all of this," Chibs said.

My mouth dropped. He was giving me orders. Again. "You talk a good game about listening, about trying, but only if it works for you. Only if it helps your agenda for the club. So tell me- did you marry me and take those vows because it protected you? Marry the whore and stay out of jail? Or did you marry me because I actually mattered to you." At this point, my voice was quiet, my hands steady, as my heart tried to climb out through my throat.

His face went slack, as he searched for words. I looked down at my hand and removed my wedding ring, holding it up in front of him. "You should give this to a woman that will let you lead, even when she doesn't want to follow. I'll go take a shower and put dinner on the table, because I want to, not because you ordered it. And tomorrow, I'm going to drop off Andy at school and head over to my new job." I turned and opened the bedroom door, my foot set to cross the threshold.

"I failed. As a husband, a father, as a man. I couldn't protect you back then, but I'll die doing so now," he whispered, his voice cracking as he spoke. I turned back towards him, seeing the despair on his face. "Fiona. Kerriane. You. Andy. Jax. It's just a list that gets longer and longer every day." I stepped back inside the room and closed the door again, enveloping us in silence. "You chose this life, Chibs. You need to accept it, and carry the weight as gracefully as you can," I said, walking over to him, "it's what I'm trying to do."

As much as I hated his view of things and the club, I knew very well that Chibs couldn't be half in and half out. His life depended on it. He needed to have both feet firmly planted, or his would be the next funeral Charming would be hosting. I grabbed his cut by the shoulders and forced him to look at me. "I know that between the weight on your shoulders and the weight of your gun, there is little room for you to breathe. I am okay and I will be fine. I do not need you to worry about me, until I tell you to. What I need is for you to focus. You started out on this path to change Charming and the club, and now you need to finish it," I said.

I stared at him, imagining all the different outcomes before me. While I didn't want to bend to his will- it was one thing to defy him, and it was another to get him killed. "In my own fucked up way, I will always love you, Chibs," I whispered, bending down and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. I let go of him and exited the room.

I needed to keep moving forward.