OK Number 59 - The Fifth Column

"Ah, Suzaku, welcome back! I'm glad to see you, we've really turned a corner today. It's amazing, our first season and we've already-"

"Shut the fuck up Lelouch."

Lelouch visibly blinked in shock as Suzaku sat down across the desk from him, with Suzaku's sudden bark almost scaring him out of his skin. The Asian's vocal chords was primed and deployed in a moment, at what Spinal Tap would describe as at least a volume of twelve. Suzaku could see that Lelouch was caught so off guard that he couldn't even speak before the driver had made his way across the room, into his seat, planted his elbows on the desk and began to bark again.

"What the hell was that? You said it was safe to pit, and lo and behold, I come out in bloody eleventh. Whose bright idea was it to pit me?"

Lelouch's eyes suddenly widened, as Suzaku saw immediately that the Frenchman knew what his employee was so livid over, hot as a welding arc held just in front of Lelouch's face, ready to stray left at a moments notice. Moreover, Suzaku knew Lelouch knew he was not normally this aggressive or confrontational, leading to the conclusion, etched into every line in Lelouch's face, that this uncharted water should be sailed through with caution, and trepidation.

"Kallen… was on very worn tyres, tyres that you had been matching pace with all day. We didn't want to take any risk of not scoring any points."

Suzaku barely contained his fury, feeling his already heavily tanned face darken by another tone, before he took a strained breath and, as calmly as he could, explain "We had a pretty big chance of scoring eighteen or even twenty five points, but you decided to take a certain chance of scoring one point? Hell, not even that, I came out in eleventh, just outside the points, I would have had to overtake Kallen to even score points, which wasn't a certain thing. In reality, it was a big chance of scoring big points, or a fifty-fifty chance of scoring one single miserable point. I'm sorry, but that explanation reeks of bullshit."

Lelouch blinked, before asking, seemingly oblivious, "What do you mean?"

Suzaku almost facepalmed, before, with his hands tensed up into solid blocks in sheer frustration, replying "You have gone on about playing the odds since you clambered out of the womb. Not only have you always taken the small chance of scoring big points over the big chance of scoring small points, but there wasn't even that choice here. Here, we would score massive points unless the very small possibility of a tyre failure ended up happening, or we could there would be a massive possibility of scoring no points, contingent on whether I could get past Kallen on the last lap. This doesn't work out, doesn't make sense, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm a bit sceptical."

Now Lelouch frowned, shaking his head and spluttering out "I… what? The tyres… what do you mean?", in an unconvincing attempt to try and portray Suzaku's analysis as some form of surprise.

However, Suzaku knew what made the Frenchman tick, and the more he spoke, the more and more the pieces aligned in his head. Pointing his index finger at Lelouch accusingly, Suzaku repeated "This wasn't a low risk, low reward against high risk, high reward situation. This was low risk, high reward against high risk, low reward. I know you, and you picking the latter says a lot about who you wanted to win that race."

Unable to hide his understanding anymore, Lelouch simply had to throw up his left hand, his right hanging limp by his side and sarcastically declare "Sorry! I'm so sorry, I'll let your tyres break open and let you spear off into the barriers at two hundred miles per hour next time! Just because you weren't feeling any danger doesn't mean it wasn't there!"

"Well it was pretty convenient that you had a second driver in P3, mm?"

Lelouch finally dropped the mask just a bit, his face going from flippance to panic in an instant with his eyes widening and entire posture shifting one that just screamed panic, sheer animal panic on a primal level. It was only for a millisecond though, as he was quickly able to reassemble himself from that off the cuff moment.

However, Suzaku was not finished, continuing on his insistent questioning with little sign of losing momentum any time soon.

"Would you have called me in if Rolo hadn't been behind? Hm? In fact, he was just behind us, and you didn't call him into pit. He stayed out, and won the race because I was asked to stop. Why didn't you stop him as well, if it was so obviously the right thing to do? If safety was such an operating concern, surely the one big, operating concern, before anything else, would be your family? Protecting your brother, your younger brother, who you have gone to war for, would surely be such a pressing concern for you, if there was even a hint of risk about a blowout… you'd have pitted Rolo almost on reflex if there was a hint of danger on our cars."

By this stage, Lelouch, having recovered his composure, decided, true to form, that the best form of defence was attack, snapping back "Why would I do that? We scored a first and a tenth, rather than the first and the second we deserved. What, do you think I'd sabotage my own driver?"

However, Suzaku, even if this whole prolonged explosion had certainly not been true to form, was in no mood to be out-shouted, and stood up and over Lelouch, pressing his index finger now into the desk before shouting "I've known you for almost a decade. You would do anything for your family, a damn bloody admirable trait, but it's not one that will weigh in my favour if it all comes down to choosing between me versus Rolo. Pitting me to have your brother win a race? Yeah, I'd chalk that up to something that's well within your bloody repertoire. It's all about you."

"You're being ridiculous." Lelouch sighed, shaking his head in exasperation, visibly fed up with this and wishing silently he could be anywhere else right now. "We didn't even know if Kallen would pit, only that she possibly could do, and that we should be prepared to cover her off."

"Except you did."

Lelouch blinked again, before replying urgently "Excuse me?"

Suzaku jerked his thumb back up over his head, before explaining "I just talked with Kallen, who said that number one, the initiative to pit came from her, and number two, she didn't give them any choice. She said that she would come in whether they wanted her or not, so you weren't uncertain, it wasn't up in the air, it wasn't an 'if'. It was an excuse."

Lelouch shook his head, and tried to begin, sighing "Suzaku-"

However, Suzaku didn't give him a second, pressing the offensive; "You knew she was coming in for a fact, for a fact, and yet you hid behind the need to cover her off if she pitted. You knew she was going to, so you had the chance to think this through, it was hardly sprung on you. Whatever happened to doing the opposite of the person you're fighting?"

Lelouch, now appearing more tired than anything, shrugged the allegation off, without really explaining why, and simply replied "The situation has changed, we have pace now. So what if we had time to plan?"

"It's part of a pattern with you." Suzaku hissed accusingly. "I couldn't make sense of it at first. I just thought it was on me, that's always been how I frame it when things don't work out. I haven't worked hard enough I would always say. You saw that back at Monaco, when I was going through a lot of stuff. But I've had the summer to think, and I've realised it wasn't just me."

Lelouch couldn't quite summon up the words to counter this more vague and undefined accusation, certainly not in as brief a window of time as Suzaku gave him before beginning to shout again.

"Let's do a quick history lesson. Australia, I'm on for a good finish if I keep up with the cars ahead, but instead, when I pit, you tell me to slow and hold up the cars behind, so that Rolo, who hadn't pitted, could pull ahead and get a free stop and leap up the grid. You've given him pit preference, given him the early upgrades, and then there's Spa. You give orders to not overtake. Rolo breaks this instruction, you don't bat an eye. I do it, you're all over my case. There's a reason I'm so far down, I just wouldn't let myself see it, because I thought you were a mate; every chance you get, you pull me back to get Rolo ahead. In your eyes, Rolo had to get our first win. Rolo had to be more successful. Well no more."

Lelouch had cringed and winced with every instance Suzaku highlighted, retreated further and further into himself as the Asian driver outlined the manifold inequities; the Australian strategy, giving Rolo the first call on the stops, giving him the first upgrades, the inconsistency at Spa, the calamity that had been this race at Italy, it was a pretty incontestable indictment.

However, the last three words visibly set a chill through Lelouch's spine. Suzaku could see it, could see Lelouch jerk bolt upright as if charged by a sudden surge of electricity as he sat, hanging on every word religiously. The last three words could spell anything, and as Lelouch looked up, eyes almost pried open as Suzaku closed his in turn and continued with a sigh.

"As soon as my contract expires at the end of the season, I will be driving for another team. I can't be successful at this team, not if the Principal is pulling for another driver. Today was the last straw; I'm about to win, so you pull me into the pits to throw the race in Rolo's favour, have him be our first winner, even if it means sabotaging my race. It's literally your most consistent pattern, you look after yourself and your family to a fault."

Lelouch wrinkled his nose, cynically replying with a sceptical huff "You've been hanging around Kallen too much, these are exactly the sort of things she'd be saying."

"Yeah, well with the way you've been carrying on I'm far more inclined to believe it actually was intentional, what you did at Brazil, something I've not even considered believing before."

Lelouch's reaction to this was quite different to his reaction to Suzaku's previous accusations. Previously, his reactions had varied, oscillating from outrage, confusion and incredulity, however now, a fourth had been added to the roster; sadness, with a sporadic sprinkling of fatalistic disbelief. He seemed to have been taking Suzaku's faith for granted, and was now for the first time waking up to the new reality of it not existing, incredulously spluttering out his pleas.

"So what are you saying? You're going to leave this team? The one that's looked after you since your debut? I'm the one who kept the lights on, would you rather I let the whole sodding operation go belly up, let all these people go unemployed?"

Suzaku sneered. Guilt tripping was a tactic that would have found great success on Suzaku, as Xingke had exploited at the GPDA meeting before Silverstone. However, Suzaku, in no mood to be played around anymore, and armed with quite a bit more self-assurance, didn't buckle, and instead doubled down, replying with a new aggression; quieter, but perhaps more disdainful. Less hot rage, and more cool rage; still equal quantities of rage, but more measured, doled out with more discipline.

"First of all, that's a great attempt at changing the topic. Second, you saving the team was a good thing, and if that's how you want to run it, letting the slower driver have his ego boosted by getting the lad in front to stop again for no reason, you're welcome to. It's yours, you bought it, do with it as you please. But I don't want a part of that. I don't want to be a driver on a team like that. More importantly, I can't be successful on a team like that. There might be the odd race, but I'll always only be as successful as Rolo and you allow me to be. So. I wish you well, and will not be renewing my contract at the end of the year. As they say in your language, adieu."

Suzaku, with nothing more to say, simply stood and turned towards the door.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch suddenly cried out, beyond Suzaku's sight. "Please, don't… you helped me out when we were young, please don't leave, I… I don't know… we won't be doing any of that stuff you talk about. Please, you have meant so much to me, please don't leave, please!"

"Oh no." Suzaku contradicted, not turning, but suspecting Lelouch's expression and posture; torso sprawled over the desk as he tried, with his one good arm, to reach across to Suzaku, face, contorted into a pleading misery like someone begging to not be killed. However, Suzaku was not persuaded, instead continuing "I know I mean something to you. That's not in doubt. And you to me. We grew up together, always helped each other out. I'd lend you tyres, you'd have a talk with the stewards to get rid of a penalty I'd copped. There's no miscommunication on that. It's just that Rolo means more. And that's fine. That's something you're allowed to prioritise, and I wouldn't be respecting your agency or authority if I were to rock in here and tell you you can't love your brother. But I don't have to compromise my career, my future, for yours. I'm sorry."

Suzaku knew the sort of act Lelouch would put on, because in some sense it was not an act; it had been a reality of life. His parents, sponsors, suppliers, Lelouch had lived a life of frequent abandonment by anyone he depended on, and Suzaku knew Lelouch would be playing this angle up to keep him aboard. However, Suzaku would not be convinced.

Suzaku couldn't let Lelouch's attempts to try and make Suzaku feel guilty, feel to blame for whatever mental difficulties the Frenchman would be dealing with, his attempts to cause Suzaku to feel just awful for trying to leave, to guilt him into stopping, he could not let Lelouch's toxic attempts to keep him within his fold succeed, keeping him perpetually in this position where he could never succeed, could never reach his potential, simply abusing Suzaku's inner doormat tendencies.

Suzaku had signed up to be Lelouch's driver, not his emotional crutch, which could be leaned on whenever convenient, uncomplaining and willing to put up with the castration of his career for Lelouch's emotional benefit.

He had to grow a spine at some point.

And so, as Suzaku reached for the door and turned the handle, he was hardly surprised by a last, breathless attempt at emotional manipulation, even if it was perhaps unconscious, a survival instinct developed over all these years.

"You're all we have…"

"Well, you'll have me until Brazil. Enjoy me while I'm here."

Suzaku booked and climbed aboard his flight to Japan the same day, taking a taxi to the Bergamo Orio al Serio International Airport as soon as he walked out of the board room with Lelouch and organising his own flight while in the back seat on his phone. He had originally been flying with the entire Schwarzenritter crew on a single plane the next day, but Suzaku was just so disgusted that he had to get out of Italy as soon as he could, and get as far away from Lelouch as he could. The flight took off almost as soon as he arrived in the terminal, with Suzaku deliberately giving himself little time to sit about or stew over things before it had left Italian airspace.

He flew business class to Komatsu Airport through the night, moving headfirst against the march of the globes day/night cycle. By the time he was over Romania he had begun to order a wine, rationalising it as a sardonic celebration of the win he ought to have had had it not been for Lelouch's scheming, before saying sod it and by Russia he had moved to the spirits, only being kept there by their lack of stronger liquors.

However spirits were plenty to have thoroughly inebriated him by touchdown in Japan. Having packed light, he was at least sober enough to grab his travel bag and get a second taxi to his home between Hida and Nanto. He wasn't even able to gauge what time it was, simply having two more drinks and falling asleep on the couch.

He had no sense of how long he had been asleep when he finally came to, only that it was indescribably bright and that he had a migraine to rival Lelouch's. With some investigation, he discovered it was Tuesday, at around six in the morning. The flight had left Italy sometime around six in the evening on the Sunday, and while Suzaku had been in the air for eighteen hours, time differences had meant that the he had landed only six hours after he had taken off, touching down at two in the morning of the Monday in Japanese time. One hour to travel up to his house, another to drink himself into a good sleep rounded to, from having woken up at five a.m on the Italian Sunday, he had spent thirty three hours awake, with two of them driving at full tilt and fourteen of them consuming some sort of alcoholic beverage in a simmering rage.

However, with the Grand Prix in Japan constituting a double header with Italy, one the week after the other, Suzaku could not sit on his couch forever, particularly now that he had found the reason why he had been underperforming.

His anger hadn't faded; Lelouch, essentially an act of prolonged industrial sabotage, had strung up Suzaku to try and promote his brother, trying to damage Suzaku and his performance to puff up Rolo, with no regard to what damage it could do to Suzaku, both in his confidence and in his prestige. But then it was typical; Lelouch never cared who he trod on, to him it was a dog eat dog world and he simply didn't intend on being eaten. However, however he might try to justify it, it was sabotage of Suzaku's championship, with no regard for him, no regard for the best interests of the team, or the championship. He took the concept of doing anything to win to new extremes.

That being said, Suzaku acknowledged, none of this had been conceptually unknown to him. That Lelouch would use unconventional approaches, bend the rules, pay close attention to their exact letter, and succeed by any means necessary was well established. Suzaku had not been unaware of the lengths he would go to, and had even cheered him on at times, the underdog operating off of tupenny and skint hauling his way up with good lateral thinking, and a willingness to do what others wouldn't.

The longer Suzaku, now growing shaggy, thought upon this, the more he approached an uncomfortable conclusion. That Lelouch had these tricks in his utility box had not ever troubled Suzaku, at least not seriously. It had been the Robin Hood archetype, and Suzaku had been won over.

Suzaku was not cross that Lelouch would do that to someone. Suzaku was cross that Lelouch had done it to him.

It had to happen to him for Suzaku to have a sense of what it meant to experience, he solemnly acknowledged. That Suzaku had turned a blind eye to these behaviours and thusly had tantamount to endorsed them meant he was in no position to complain. It was, to borrow the joke, like someone who had voted for years for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party complaining that they never expected the Leopards to eat their face, only other people's faces.

And so, having settled on bitterness as the emotion of choice, he stewed, having run out of drink, and by midday he had concluded that this big, open plan estate was a very lonely place to sit and stew alone, contemplating the fact that he, in reality, deserved this.

Feeling a degree of shame over having allowed himself to become so inebriated, having such little self-discipline, particularly in a situation that called for it particularly acutely. He had a cold shower, several cups of iced water, before throwing himself at his equipment. He would come to Japan a new man, mounting a new, and admittedly late challenge. It was almost certainly too late to make a run at the championship, but Suzaku would not let Lelouch ruin his year completely.

He was here, ninety points behind the lead, starting from zero, with six races to go. It may as well have been that his championship started here. It wasn't the most comfortable position to be in, but success would not arise from the continued denial of reality. He would just have to knuckle down.

However, while he was able to discover a new concentration, there remained the creeping sense of isolation. He was meant to be staying with the team in a hotel near Yokkaichi, but he was still impossibly disgusted with Lelouch, to the point that he couldn't bring himself to. It was a betrayal of trust, not just that Lelouch would treat someone's career with such flippancy to advance his own goals, but that he would do it to someone who had given him a home, helped him at every turn, been an unshakeable friend, had even ran from his podium to the man's hospital bed the day he had become champion.

However, he knew somewhere he could spend the night that wasn't here, the twenty eight acre estate with an occupant of a single lonely sod. And so, racking up another of what was a growing taxi tab, he got a ride to the train station, and a train into Tokyo.

Getting off the line at Ikebukuro sometime around six in the evening, he meandered through the dense, narrow streets for a while, with the country boy not quite familiar with the ins and outs of one of the densest cities in the world. He was left wandering for quite some time, uncertain as to how to even locate the address he'd scribbled down, however he did eventually find it, the third floor of a block of flats, surprisingly dirty and packed into a street perhaps wide enough for a moped. However, everyone had to find someplace to call home, and so, as he briefly looked down with a pause, he knocked on the door, with four repetitions.

Didn't enjoy writing this. Not a bit. But it's necessary for both of their arcs going forward Lelouch's is somewhat cut, as he has the bulk of his coming to terms with this in 2020, which this story will not contain. I might write 2020-29 someday, but that's over three times longer than 2017-19, and it will take A While. However, he does get plenty of bone to chew on in what I've planned for this story, and Suzaku gets practically an entire skeleton, as we'll soon discover. However, we need to check in on the hometown hero in the next chapter, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, please leave your reviews and commentary, if you'd be so kind.

~G1ll3s