And have been meaning to write some Zane but haven't been motivated.
Warning!- this has cutting in it and depressed themes. If you do not like skip this chapter.
( )= me making notes and telling you your wonderful.
-Y/N POV-
And I thought yesterday was the worst day ever. Nothing can compare to today.
I had been beat in training by Kai multiple times today.
That hurt.
Nobody noticed how it took me awhile to stand out.
As long as you stand up nobody will notice.
My mother had called me today missing my birthday yesterday and screeching at me. Yelling absurd things about me becoming a Ninja and how I didn't know any of these people and I was going to get myself killed.
But what if I got to myself first?
The mind was a poisonous thing. People influencing it doesn't really help the dark thoughts and the voice screaming in my head.
"You're not good enough!"
(This isn't true to you readers. You're all amazing)
"You're too fat."
(You're beautiful any size)
"Just end it."
(Never end it. Seek some help.)
I stumbled to my room after eating barely anything at lunch today. The voice tells me the secret is to just be empty.
(That's not the truth.)
I softly clicked the door shut. They are probably talking about how I didn't eat or haven't smiled truly in awhile.
I pocketed a small knife from the kitchen while everybody was training today. I don't think anybody noticed. Maybe Zane did but he's got P.I.X.A.L to worry about. Not me. I'm not anybody's problem but my own.
(Always seek help. There's always somebody for you out there.)
I rolled up my long sleeves of my dark colored training gi. There was several bruises from having impressionable skin and the guys being stronger than I was. I rolled it up to about my elbow and took the tiny blade out of my pocket and placed the cover of the blade on my nightstand.
I examined the blade, I could see my reflection in the blade. I frowned. I didn't like the way I appeared.
(You are beautiful)
I took the tiny knife with a trembling hand and made the cuts. A deep gash with rust colored blood oozing out of it since it had oxygen in it.
It continued to trickle even staining my pants. I winced slightly as it continued dripping.
But it didn't hurt.
I moved down a few centimeters and cut again.
This time not wincing at all. The pain was numb and so was I.
I made 3 more cuts down below it to have a total of 5 gashes on my arm. I rolled down my sleeve and let it absorb the blood as I rolled up my other sleeve. I made the first cut when I heard a knock at my door. I was mid cut and couldn't just quit mid cut.
"Just a minute!"
I called to whoever was at the door.
They knocked again. This time more impatiently.
"I'm coming!"
As I started rolling down my sleeve.
The door was thrown open to reveal Zane.
"What are you doing in here Y/N?"
Zane questioned me.
I laughed it off nervously like nothing happened.
If he caught me I could be kicked off the team.
"Why do you appear to have severe cuts on your arms and have that knife. Have you been cutting yourself?"
Zane asked raising an eyebrow.
"Whaaat. Nope. Not me."
I delivered worse than expected. My nervous tone must've gave me away because he advanced towards me and grabbed my arm.
I yelped loudly as he pulled back my sleeve to reveal 5 fresh cuts.
Zane lifted his hand off of my bloody sleeve.
My blood staining the metal on his hand.
But he didn't care.
"Why?"
He whispered.
"Because. I've been treated horribly. My mother think everyday I'm going to get killed. I get beat up bad in training to the point where I spit up blood and Sensei doesn't notice. Because-"
Zane cut me off.
"When did this start?"
He said examining the wounds.
"Just today."
I mumbled.
"I didn't think anybody would notice because I think nobody cares."
I said on the verge of tears.
"I care!"
Zane yelled.
I looked up to meet his icy eyes that had tears pricked on the edges of them.
"I care..."
Zane repeated.
"I didn't think you did."
I whispered in the completely silent room.
The leaned in and his lips met mine.
They were cold as ice.
And it was just what I needed.
As soon as we broke off he pulled me into a tight hug.
"Let's get you cleaned up."