Tori and Tris - Chapter Fourteen - Spinning webs
Tris woke me by wrapping her arms around me and pressing her face into my back, I had slept fully clothed on top of the blankets and had kept well to my side. Being in her arms felt wonderful but I remained unconvinced about its appropriateness. "Good morning," she said, determinedly pretending that everything was precisely as it should be. The temptation to pretend likewise was strong, all of the reasons I had offered suddenly appeared as dust in the wind. I was going to ask her what she was doing, but we both already knew the answer.
"Remember the day I accused you of not telling me you are a lesbian?" she began. I already know that her strategic and highly logical argument was going to skewer me, whatever it might happen to be. Her intellect outstripped mine - no doubt. "I remember," I replied. "When I said that I didn't know what a dyke was, well, that was only partially true. In fact, the very concept of being a lesbain or gay had never occurred to me. We didn't have that in Abnegation. Eric was saying such foul things and I was ignorant, I was confused, hurt and scared." "It's ok," I assured her. "It's not an apology," she cuts me off quickly, "Oh." I say, sufficiently chastised, but she squeezes my hands and presses on.
"Can you turn around? I can't talk to your back the whole time." I shift on to my back and Tris wastes no time moving in, putting her head on my chest. I am putty in this girl's hands I realise, she is permanently three steps ahead of me. She arranges my arms and hands about her, and then continues. "And remember that day you talked to me of transferring to Dauntless, and how it was then?" "Yes, I remember," I nod. "You revealed much of yourself to me that day, more than at any other time, before or since." "Really?" I ask, surprised.
She took my hand and interlaced our fingers, and I let her. I am being seduced entirely by this clever, sexy woman, she is spinning a tale as a spider spins a web - drawing me on, drawing me in. It's as though I am sixteen and she is, well, considerably older. "You talked so passionately about Dauntless, about preserving traditions, about helping others, about resisting the current culture - Well, Tori, that's when I fell in love with you," "Tris," I interrupted her, but just as suddenly, I am interrupted myself. A stream of thought unfurled itself so clearly, I instantly understood my fear. The very moment Tris tells me she loves me, she also creates the possibility of a future point in which she may cease to. That would hurt.
I laugh silently and consider that perhaps my extended exposure to Triss' high level intellect is actually rubbing off on me. If one is prepared to believe such fancy then one could just as easily believe that to the degree to which my Erudite is increasing - my Dauntless is surely leaking out. What the fuck is happening with me? I have never been so insipid in my life.
"Sshh, I haven't finished," Tris interrupts me back. "When I told you that I knew you were a lesbian, did you never wonder why I didn't ask you if you loved me?" She never ceases to amaze, "Yes, I expected you to," I admit. "I didn't ask you, because I knew you would have to say yes. I just wasn't ready," she explained. "You knew?" I asked. "Yes, I already knew, so there!" "So there?" My eyebrows are well up, that is the most juvenile thing she has ever said to me and it was rather amusing. "Yes, so there. To summarise," she said, playfully employing the tone of a teacher, "First: you loved me, second: I loved you and third now I know what a lesbian is, so I know that we can be together." She coloured a little as she said this, but she was in earnest and I allowed myself to be convinced, happily so.
"I know what you are going to say," she said hurridly in an effort to bulldoze me, "You are going to say that the age difference blah blah, and that you're in the Leadership group and I'm an initiate blah blah, and that you don't want to take advantage of me and that how can I know I am a lesbian or that I love you blah blah, and now that Ive nearly been killed blah blah," But in truth, I had finally let go of all that. For at least one whole minute, maybe two - I had been basking in the knowledge that I was right now in love with and loved by Tris Prior. She loves me, I am holding her in my arms and if I kiss her, she will let me.
Tris has not anticipated my lack of resistance, she is unsure what to make of my silence. Propping herself up, she looks at me closely, "Well?" she asks. "Yes," I say simply, smiling. "Yes?" she double checks, "Yes," I confirm. She flops back on her pillow and says "Well, that was far easier than I anticipated." I laughed out loud, "You have other arguments prepared?" "Many," she laughed. Later when we had our coffee, Tris sat on my lap rather than the arm of the recliner, we alternately looked out of the window and stole stealthy looks at each other. We trained throughout the day and I could no longer resist the silent attraction to the sticks, it had been a long time since I had wielded a pair but I was confident it would come back to me. I passed a pair to Tris who took them wide-eyed and reverently, she wasn't alone. Of course, Tris was still battling the ill effects of her injuries, she was less strong and less flexible than formerly and still clearly in pain.
Tris' tenacity and perseverance now appeared to be tempered by the effects of trauma. Rather than sparring with the sticks our movements resembled more a slow motion dance, we employed the fundamental principles regarding core strength, balance and footwork - first I would be on offense with Tris defending and then we would change, and change about.