"Okay, Ned is like a three-star rescue."
"Agree," Alan glared at the cards on the table. "Judgemental, panics too much, but admits when he's wrong."
"Gladys on the other hand, five stars, would rescue again."
"Yeah, she's cooperative, doesn't panic or scream. She's pretty chill."
"She's also a flower but…" Kayo slapped her card down. "Snap."
"Aw."
She added the cards to her considerable pile. "She was pretty rude to us according to Ned."
"But we've rescued him twice now, in a couple of months that's pretty impressive."
"He's going to be one of those." Alan rolled his eyes.
"One of the Frequent Rescuees. Maybe we could give them cards and they could collect points."
"What happens when they've collected loads of points? Snap."
Gordon pretended to consider, if he didn't win any more cards soon he'd be out and he'd never live it down if he lost at Snap. "We start charging them for rescues."
"You've collected 50 points, so you are now classed as A Hassel™. Pay up bitch or we leave you there," Kayo took a swig of something from a bottle that looked suspiciously alcoholic and smelled suspiciously like elderflower cordial. "I'm sure Scott would be thrilled."
"It would be a waste of time to go there if they won't pay for us to rescue them."
"So, we'd have to have some kind of system, then John can tell them to pay before we go and get them."
"Are they allowed to know about this?"
Alan put his card down and nodded. "They'd have to, otherwise it's really unfair."
"What about the people who are just unlucky? Ned didn't need rescuing because he was doing something stupid, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Gordon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, okay. So maybe….an idiots' card?"
"Moron Membership." said Kayo.
"Snap. Deliverance for Dimwits." said Alan.
"You got yourself into this mess sunshine, you get yourself out of it. SNAP! Take that!"
Kayo and Alan looked at their pile of cards then at Gordon's and decided not to comment.
"We could start making a profit."
"Nah, our ships cost millions to run, the only reason we can run them is because the company makes billions."
"Yeah but if Scott has to rescue…whats-his-face. Y'know the one."
"Rich guy with one three braincells, two of which are on a permanent holiday?"
"That's the one. He could afford to give us a few thousand for all the trouble he caused."
"It's never going to happen; Scott and Virgil would throw a fit."
"True. Maybe we should pitch it to them."
Kayo took another swig of her false alcohol then made a noise reminiscent of a pterodactyl challenging a rival in its territory and smacked a hand down on the cards.
"Damn it."