"Why didn't you just leave me with Kuiil? We didn't have to stay at the castle if it was dangerous, but did I really need to come with you?" I asked as I was being dragged yet again on another goose chase by the Mandalorian. I could practically hear his eyes roll inside his helmet. "We've been over this. You're staying with me- end of discussion." My god. "Wouldn't it be safer for me back there?" "You're safest with me," he retorted. "You don't trust Kuiil to keep me safe?" "I don't trust anyone with my target." Oh yeah, that's right; I'm a "target". Can't forget that- insert eyeroll here.
Neither of us said anything else until we reached this cave some time later. "Stay here," the Mandalorian instructed before hesitantly approaching it. For a moment, nothing happened. Something must have been inside the cave judging the way he touched all the weapons on his person. He pulled out his gun and stepped towards the darkness. Oh yeah; this is safe. My abductor left me out here all alone in god knows where, without anything to defend myself I might add. I took the opportunity to assess my situation for like the millionth time.
Why am I letting him kidnap me and tug me around like this? I know Master told me this was coming, but does that mean I was just meant to be submissive and passive to everything? My abductor makes it aggressively clear that his protection is not optional- I'm his precious bounty. It doesn't help either that I'm submissive by nature. Yoda said that's a good thing as it makes me an exceptional student; despite my not being sure how to "believe" in the Force. I've always been quite obedient; my masters tell me what to do and I do it without question or objection. It's not that I'm blinding, mindlessly following them either. On the contrary, they've never given me a reason not to trust them; everything they've told me and taught me as been for my own good. Why would I disobey them? Aside from feeling unnatural to me, it also seems illogical since they're looking out for my welfare. Obeying them felt like the rational thing to do.
But what about now? All my great uncle told me is that someone named Din something-or-another was going to come and take me. That, and I was going to survive the ordeal; oh, and not to tell him about the Force. He never said anything about me passively letting him take me or drag me around all over the planet. I didn't even know if the Mandalorian was this Din character; he might not be for all I know. Perhaps Din what's-his-name is supposed to snatch me away from him. It's possible. Or maybe the Mandalorian is Din last-name-here. Who knows?
I kicked the ground with my foot a little. "Could you give me a sign?" I asked out into open air, hoping one of my masters' apparitions would appear. Nothing, unfortunately for me. But I wasn't done yet. I'd keep trying, if only in vain; hell, it made me feel better. "A hint? Anything? Just tell me what I'm supposed to do. Please, great uncle? Master Obi-Wan? Master Yoda? Hello? Anyone listening? Anyone?" Still nothing. Gees, how can I have three ghost guardian Jedi and have no idea what I'm doing? That should be impossible. Heh, or maybe this is some sort of lesson I've got to figure out on my own; it wouldn't be the first time. Just hope I don't miss the point of the lesson if that is the case.
I peered back into the blackness of the tunnel. He's been in there for a while now; a while meaning two minutes. If I wanted to make a run for it, this would be the perfect time. I guess he just trusted me to do as I'm told and wait here for him. It didn't help that I had no clue where we were either. Even if I did try to escape, I would have no idea what to do next. And besides, my best guess at what Master said to me is that I'm not supposed to run; not yet anyway. Nugh! I love them so much, don't get me wrong. But why do those Jedi have to be so damn cryptic all the time? Why can't they just outright say "do this" or "go there"? It would make my life as their student a hell of a lot easier.
The sudden sound and red glow of a gun firing made me jump. I don't know who else was in the cave, but I'd be willing to bet that the Mandalorian was shooting at something. Oh great; more killing. My eyes did widen however at a very loud roar and the sight of my abductor being tossed out like a bag of trash. He fell onto his back on the ground, which honestly sounded and looked rather painful.
I instantly want to run to him, try to help him and check if he's injured, but the Mandalorian held up his hand at me. "Stay back!" He yelled without looking my way. That's when this huge animal with a very long and pointy horn stomped out of the black, looking quite perturbed and ready to attack. I gasped in utter horror as the Mandalorian got his deteriorator out and aimed it at the creature. Oh….. oh no; nope! Not happening in front of me! My feet ground into the dirt as my hand reached out to him.
"No! Don't, stop! It's an animal! It's an innocent animal!" My plea was totally ignored; he fiddled with this thankfully busted gun. The creature roared a couple of times and I knew that I had to intervene least one of them die in front of me. I know Master told me not to tell the Mandalorian about the Force…. but he never said I couldn't use it, especially to save a life.
The animal charged, knocking the now standing Mandalorian far away once more. Alright! Here's my opportunity to get in between them. Don't ask me why I was suddenly overcome with the desire to protect my kidnapper, and it's against my vows to kill anything. I'm a healer- that's all. While he struggled to move, I darted in front of him protectively without a game plan in mind. My arms shot out at my sides, trying to block the animal's view of helmet man.
To my astonishment, the creature breathed loudly but didn't directly charge at me; merely stood there looking at me for a moment. That moment of nonaggression didn't last too long, however. Within a minute, it was charging for me like a ship on warp speed. The only consolation this gave me was the fact it wouldn't hurt the Mandalorian this time. I may not be physically strong but that doesn't exclude me from being protective.
I guess I wasn't paying any attention to the man behind me though as I soon felt myself being tackled to the ground off to the side. This effectively led the animal smashing his head against a large bolder nearby; he was running too fast to stop. The Mandalorian, who had his armoured arm over me, got up and rushed to the side in seconds; I think he wanted to draw all attention away from me this time. Welp! That's not gonna happen. Heh, irony: I want to protect him while he's doing everything he can to defend me. This should be easy to figure out, but it's not.
"Ok! No killing! No killing! It's just a scared animal! Don't kill it!" Of course, just like last time, my begging was ignored. Man, he's like he took a vow opposing mine. While I can never kill- even in self-defence- he should at least never kill unless it's absolutely necessary. Wait… My eyes scrolled down to my open palms, then out into nowhere. It's not necessary; I can save both. Well, I can try anyway. After all, isn't this what all my training has been for these past thirty years?
After being dragged around a bit by a piece of wire, the animal flung the Mandalorian by its horn once more. This time the Mandalorian stayed down; I think his body had taken a real beating. My protective instinct kicked into gear as he rolled agonizingly onto his side. He reached for a mere short blade to hold up, which would do nothing. That was when I saw another chance. I didn't hesitate to get between them once more and raise up my right hand. My eyes closed in concentration. Concentrate, concentrate…. You can do this. Just concentrate; save the Mandalorian. Save the man and the animal; you can do it. This is what you are meant to do- you save lives. That is your role in the universe. My eyes winced shut as I tried to focus harder. Your role….
I didn't have to look to know what was happening. The roars grew quiet while all stomping disappeared. I didn't open my eyes to see the creature floating in the air or the Mandalorian gawking at me in sheer amazement and confusion. Admittedly this was one of the largest objects I've used the Force to lift; it was really draining on my system. My hand started to tremble as my knees began to quake. Save the Mandalorian; save him…
"R-run! Get away! Get…. away…." I managed to get out before my internal vision got blurry. The world around me grew deaf; I was progressively losing all feeling in my limbs. The world was becoming a dark, noiseless place for me. The last thing I remember was all sensation disappearing from my hand as I continued to hold it up in front of me. My mind drifted slowly yet steadily off to a familiar setting. Somewhere far, far away….
"Master! Look at all the pretty flowers!" Master Obi-Wan Kenobi's spirit watched as eight-year-old me merrily gathered a bouquet of little pink blossoms. His eyes lowered onto me gently. "You like them?" "Oh, yes! I love flowers," I replied, unaware that a lesson was about to take place. We were by a small warm pond beside the blossom tree.
Obi-Wan bent over to pluck one flower off the ground; one I dropped earlier. He inspected it thoughtfully. "It's interesting to consider. Something so beautiful with such a short time in the universe." "Master?" I blinked back at him, not sure what he meant by that. He merely kept staring at the blossom in his fingers. "Look here, child. This flower is just like you, and even me; back when I was alive. It is radiant now but soon enough, it will wilt away and fade- just like all the others. Its energy will go back into the universe, and the cycle will continue itself." When I didn't say anything, he gazed at me. "Do you see? All living things are like this little flower. Nothing is permanent; everything is constantly in flux. Good, bad; motion, stillness. It must be this way for all life to continue; this flower must die to make way for new blossoms next year. Do you understand?" I unthinkingly nodded in a slow fashion, which revealed that I didn't understand at all.
My master gave a single chuckle to himself and handed me the flower. I took it and he placed his hand on my shoulder. Our eyes locked for a moment. "Embrace the transience of life, Saoirse. Only then will you be able to use the Force without fear. Understand that life- all life- is impermanent. Try as you might, there is nothing you can do to change that."
I considered this for a moment, or as much as a child's brain could process something as deep as this. My tiny finger went up to press on my lip in a thoughtful fashion. "But… I thought you said to value all life." "I did, and you are to. You must understand that all life is equally temporary. While some may live longer than others, no one lives forever. That is why you must value all life and use the Force for good," his eyes narrowed, and he gave my shoulder a squeeze. "You were born to use your gift to heal; never to harm. Your great uncle's last student did not understand that, and the galaxy paid dearly for it." "Master….." My eyes shown up at him.
Without consciousness, my gaze shifted down to the flower in my hand next. Master Obi-Wan saw but didn't interrupt my clear train of thought. I pondered for another minute to myself. "These flowers are going to die soon….?" "Embrace their transience, child." "B-but they're not dead yet. Is there anything I can do to keep them alive…. for a bit longer?" I shyly asked. His eyes shown down at me for a second before he smiled. He straightened up, still grinning tenderly and pointing to the pond. "If you put them in water…"
I didn't have to be told twice. As quick as my little arms could, I gathered up all the picked flowers in sight and brought them over to the water. My dead master quietly observed as I carefully dropped them onto the surface, taking extra care not to get the petals wet. That was the first day I started collecting flowers whenever I left the hut and returning with a bouquet ready for water. I know what Obi-Wan was trying to teach me with hindsight, and it worked more or less. It must have because soon after we had this talk, I took my vow to never kill a living thing. And for the sake of my healing abilities and power to use the Force, I kept that vow.
That was the last thing I remembered before everything- memory and consciousness of the external reality- went completely black.