Disclaimer: I don't own Saint Seiya characters!

The Right Way to Go

He couldn't even think. He was sitting at the stony seat of the coliseum the whole evening and even when the night came, passing slowly and causing him chills, he still couldn't think the way he always did. And when the night turned into the early morning, when the bright sun was appearing slowly at the blue sky, when his body could barely stand the position he was in for so many hours, even then he couldn't think. His arms were numb, his legs were numb, but no, nothing was able to wake him up from this awful trace he fell into. Any idea, even the slightest one, how to bring everything back wasn't showing inside his now really hurt head. Usually the solution would appear inside his mind after some time, but no, this time he was completely blank.

Yes, he couldn't think. But he could feel. He could feel many things he never expected to feel at the same time. Not in such a situation. And not because of Milo.

First of all he was angry. Oh, he felt so angry. At himself, at the Sanctuary, at Athena and at Milo. His beloved one betrayed him. He kissed someone else; even if they promised they would be together till the end of the time the Scorpio break this promise so easily. Camus was also cursing their incapability in fighting, what caused him to be send here, to the XVIII century, where everything started to break apart. If they wouldn't fail their mission and if the wouldn't be sent here, he, Camus wouldn't be so amazed by the new lives they gained and he would never act so heartlessly toward his beloved Scorpio. He would never leave Milo alone, to his thoughts and frustration. And then Milo wouldn't even think about… About Degel. Oh, he was angry at Degel as well. The current Aquarius could just refuse, send Milo back to him. But the current Saint of Athena was too compassionate. Camus could imagine what he was thinking and feeling about poor Milo, who was left alone by emotionless lover. Degel lived and felt the way he, Camus of the Aquarius couldn't.

And then the disappointment came. Camus was so disappointed with himself. And with Milo. They failed, both of them. He allowed himself to forget about many interesting things. He forgot how much he loved Milo, how much he needed him. How compassionate and sensitive Milo was, how everything could hurt him. And how hurt the Scorpio surely felt, being all alone, when his beloved Camus was sinking into this interesting life. But Milo showed also some weakness he never should have. He accepted Camus' behavior and even if he tried to do something about it… Maybe he just didn't try hard enough? Camus could remember that a few times Milo wanted to talk with him, but after short answers he was giving up. Maybe he should try harder, force Camus, or something…? But could it change anything? Wasn't the problem only inside him? Would he listen to Milo, if the Scorpio would force him to talk?

Ugh, all these kisses Milo wanted to share with him, but he was too busy with his thought to even show some passion. All these sad looks Milo gave him since the first day they came here. All these sorrowful words and this disappointment, this pain inside the bright eyes of the Scorpio…

Camus knew that mostly it was his fault. That he failed Milo really deeply, hurting him with this heartless behavior. With his ignorance.

Oh, how much it frustrated him! He just… He just lost his beloved Milo and only because of his own stupidity the Scorpio got tired of this ignorance and went to the first person, who acted like Camus should from the very beginning. He sunk into the embrace of someone, who was able to show him some compassion. And Camus allowed that! Just ignored the fact Milo could be hurt, could feel lonely so far away from their home and comrades. The future Aquarius just accepted their situation and just sunk into this Sanctuary, like their own life, in the XX century never existed, or as if it was lost forever.

This kiss between them… It was still inside his mind. He couldn't just get rid of it. The eyes of Milo, full of warmness, so passionate and gently. It was the way Milo usually looked at him. It was their kiss! Something they shared since the first day they understood their feelings! It was something belonging to them two. Only to them! And right now he lost it! Milo just took this kiss away from him and gave it to Degel. To someone he, Camus of the Aquarius should be for Milo.

Milo and Degel… In this library. It just devastated him. He saw what he lost because of his ignorance. This passion, these gentle fingers all over Degel's body, these warm lips, whispering many promises. The subtle looks, yearning inside these bright eyes he loved. And right now everything belonged to Degel. Milo decided to give everything of it to him.

He just couldn't stop to look at everything this way. He always thought that Milo would be with him, that they would share their lives no matter what would happen. He never even expected he would be alone. Oh, he remembered how hard in the long past it was sometimes for him, to look at his fellows, at their friendships and knowing he would never be able to have a friend. He believed he would be alone. After all he tried to destroy all emotions inside him. Athena's Saint should have head not heart, right? But it hurt even if he tried to think the other way. So when Milo appeared… He was relieved. That even without warm emotions, even acting coldly he could gain not only friendship, but also love. He was amazed by it and he let himself to sink into these new feelings Milo showed him. He knew that maybe someday Milo would like to leave him, being tired of his emotionless, but with every passing year, Camus thought that maybe not, maybe Milo really loved him the way he was and would never leave him. And even if in reality this fear of being abandoned by Milo never disappeared, he was happy. And thought it would last forever.

But it seemed that Milo finally found someone he would like to be with. He found the perfect person. Someone, who looked like Camus, but who behaved more passionate and warmer. Someone, who was thinking in much gentler way. Full of emotions, hidden subtly behind these warm eyes Degel tried to make cold.

Oh, of course he knew it was shameful to think this way. Camus should just rush into the Aquarius Temple and take away Milo from there. Talk with him, forget and forgive. And ask for forgiveness as well. He should go to Milo and apologize. And he should do everything to take them back to their home.

But… In this short moment, in these few second of their kiss Camus unfortunately witnessed, he saw… He saw happiness inside these bright eyes. Not only, of course. Milo was surely depressed about hearing there was so way back to the XX century. But in these sad eyes, somewhere deep Camus saw a slight glance of happiness. He could feel how Milo needed Degel, how much he desired him. And he understood how sad Milo was… with him…

Milo deserved something more. Someone better. Not such a cold and emotionless man like him. Could the Scorpio be happy with Degel in this age, if he, Camus would retreat? If he would leave them alone? Milo was so wonderful and passionate man, he saved the future Aquarius from loneliness and Camus was grateful for that. So… Maybe as thanks for all of these, maybe he should let Milo love Degel?

Camus could do that. There were plenty of ways he could disappear from Milo's life. He could go somewhere, take some long mission and leave Milo with Degel. The Scorpio could surely be happy with the current Aquarius and happiness was something the Greek deserved the most right now.

But he couldn't stand this… he couldn't just stand the vision of Degel in warm hug of these wonderful, muscular arms. He just couldn't stand the image of them two, kissing passionately like he and Milo used to kiss. And what would happen to him? The Scorpio was always beside him, in hard moments of his life, in happy moments. Always. Supporting him, cheering him up… Destroying these terrifying shadows of the Holy War. And if Milo would be gone… What then? Would he be able to handle it on his own? These awful nightmares he feared so much all the time… What would happen to him, if he would let Milo go and be alone with these shadows?

And what if they would be able to go back to the XX century? What if they would have to choose? Stay or go. What Milo would choose? Stay with Degel till the end? Would he interrupt the whole history, trying to prevent his new love from dying? And would he abandon the chance of returning to their friends? Milo missed really deeply the Saints from their times, it was clearly visible even for a stone. So, what way Milo would take? And what he, Aquarius Camus would choose? Would he go where there was no Milo? If Milo would stay and die in the Holy War, would Camus go to the XX century? Or would he stay with his beloved Scorpio?

What… What he should do?

He was so broken right now. The sun showed itself finally on the brightening sky, but Camus couldn't even move. He couldn't think, he couldn't decide. He never expected to feel that way. It was unnatural for him. There were so many ways of solving everything, but he wasn't even able to take the right path. The fear of being alone was mixing with desire of making Milo happy just one time in their lives. The anger at himself was mixing with the frustration and the feeling of something he felt just once. The feeling of being completely hopeless, just like in Castle of Hades, when he, Saga and Shura were dying miserable.

It was too much for him. If Milo would be happy here, in the XVIII century with Degel, he, Camus of the Aquarius should do everything to thank Milo for all these years the Scorpio stayed with him. The future Saint of Athena knew he had no chance with his predecessor; he knew Milo good enough to be sure why Degel attracted the attention of the young Greek from the XX century. How could he win a fight with his better self? With someone representing all of these things Camus lacked, but what were sought by Milo inside his soul?

"Camus? Where have you been?" he heard through his dumb mind.

Camus raised his head and… He felt many things that made him ashamed of himself. The hatred growled inside his soul, the jealous roared, disappointment and frustration almost made his heart to stop.

He was looking at Degel and couldn't stop to feel hatred. Finally his brain started to work as well, when he was thinking to not tear this man apart just for taking his Milo away. He tried to find many reasons to not kill the Aquarius Saint and even awareness that it would completely change the future wasn't helping him at all. He only gasped strongly his fists, almost trembling. He didn't want to feel that way. It was Degel, in the front of his eyes, the same soul inside only a different body. And this green haired Saint wasn't at fault, that Milo turned away from Camus.

But he couldn't help it – all these shameful feelings were passing through his mind.

And surely Degel saw these emotions inside his eyes, because he stopped suddenly, and unsure what to do next, he only said hesitantly:

"Milo is searching for you… You haven't been home at night and he is worried…" the current Aquarius whispered.

Milo… The name of his lover spoken by him caused Camus pain. He didn't want to hear this name in the early morning, when his heart was still fighting with the awful thoughts he had.

"Yeah, surely," Camus only snorted under his nose. "However I believe he had good company this night," he added more aggressively than he wanted.

Ugh, why he said this? Why he acted in such a shameful way? Like a spoiled brat who had his toys broken and was angry at the whole world? It wasn't like him. No matter what reasons he had, Degel was at fault the less.

"Did something happen, Camus? You look… strange…" murmured Degel, being shocked of what he saw inside these dark eyes. He never met such a furious hatred. What happened to his successor?

Camus took a deep breath. His mind cleared now. There was no reason to keep it in secret…

"I saw you…" he started with trembling voice. He forced his mind to calm down so he could loosen his fists. "Yesterday… I saw you two kissing."

Degel gasped strongly. His muscles turned into stone, he couldn't even move about one single inch.

"Don't be so surprised," Camus added. "You thought you could hide it forever?"

The current Saint of Athena blinked a few times. That… That wasn't supposed to happen!

"Camus, I…" he barely whispered, having his throat dry.

The young French from the future shook his head.

"Don't know what to say? You don't have to say anything. You don't have to apologize," he said sadly, looking inside the almost violet eyes of the man in the front of him. "I'm aware why it happened. I know Milo enough to realize it was me who failed. I abandoned him in this age, left behind, like he never had the matter for me."

He looked down at the dust, feeling like his thoughts were finally calmer. He could think properly and he knew what to do and what to say. For Milo's sake…

"Don't feel guilty, Degel," he murmured, seeing this emotion behind Degel's glasses. "It is not like I never expected this to happen. I always knew that someday Milo would find someone better than me, someone he could love to the fullest." Why he was saying it to Degel? And why he felt the need of excusing himself…?

"Why are you saying something like that, Camus?!" asked Degel almost frightened.

"It is true. I never was someone who could be with Milo till the very end. I'm… too different from his expectations. I'm not even sure if what I felt toward him was love," Camus ended shakily. Why it was so hard to say…?

"You… don't love him?" asked Degel, shocked. He saw that, right? This love inside Camus' eyes months ago! How could Camus say something like that? Was he lying? Why…?

"Did I ever love him, Degel?" instead of answering, Camus said the question he was asking himself as well. "I never was emotional man. Maybe it was just…" he couldn't finish. He couldn't say it was fear of being alone, of being the only one without friends.

"You can't say something like that, Camus," now Degel felt really embarrassed. It took him a while, but slowly he could tell what his successor was about to do. "For Athena's sake, Camus, Milo still loves you. It is just…"

"No, Degel. He doesn't love me. He loves some dream, the image of someone he wanted me to be. He loves the man I should be and the man you surely are."

The current Aquarius shook his head. He saw it. The fear inside these dark eyes, the disappointment about himself and about Milo, the anger, jealousy, desire of being with Milo, and something… something like…

"Don't, Camus. Don't do that. Don't act like you never loved him and now you are walking away with some dignity. You don't believe into this as well," Degel started to talk, saying the words as quickly as he could, hoping it could instantly open Camus' eyes. "I'm not better than you and you could say anything, but I'm sure Milo loves you." Ugh, how he could be stupid enough to accept Milo that evening? And yesterday? He could see it right now. It was wrong. Yes, Milo surely felt a little disappointed with Camus, but right now, this young, sad French, sitting at the stony seat, realized what he had done, and why Milo tried to search his Camus in the other man. He never should allow Milo to kiss him. He rather should talk with Camus and help him realize his mistakes.

Camus nodded again and stood up from his seat.

"Say whatever you want, Degel. But when next time you will be kissing Milo, just watch how happy he is with you," he said and turned to the exit of the coliseum.

Oh, did he do the right thing? Was it wise to push these two together? What if Milo would do something to stop Degel from dying? Ugh, why he didn't thought about that earlier? Why he was only sitting there like an idiot? Maybe right now he just did the biggest mistake of the whole history? Instead of talking like the biggest asshole on the whole world, he just should go find Milo and talk with him…

But he was… his mind was still broken. He could feel in how many pieces he was. Milo seemed to find finally what he searched inside Camus' soul, and the fact of being alone in the future… was really frightening him. The first time in his life he was about to lose something really important for him…

Before he changed his mind, he left the coliseum with shocked Degel. He really had to think and to calm down completely. Whatever he said right now, he could fix everything later. He always could talk with Milo and Degel…