Why was I born? Please answer me Yoriichi.
He sees nothing for a moment, only feels the vague suspension of floating and being lost. Then the flames, rising before him taller then threes and warmer then the sun, but the only thing he can think when he sees them is that yoriichi's flames were still hotter. For even if this flames were as hot as the sun, they were not the sun, they hurt, burned, but it could never be compared to the pain he had seen in Muzan's eyes caused by his brother's attack (and wasn't that humbling? That even his superior hadn't been able to harm his younger brother?).
Then, as if reading his mind a warm, calloused hand reaches for him and grabs his hand, yanking his body up and up above the flames. It is only after he's let down that he realises that he had been shaking, for though he did not cry out in pain (did not, would not and could not) his body would not listen to his mental commands. Then again, what need was there to be strong when you were dead? In a sense death was a blessing, for those used to pain it was the norm but lonelier, then again what was the last time Kokushibo had cared about being accompanied?
Suddenly, he registers what is surrounding him and observes in a stupor. The eternal field of red spider lilies, spreading beyond the horizon as far as the eye could see with only a bridge, a river and a large tree blocking the view of the endless plain. He might have been turned into a demon, but he had his memories, and he knew what this meant. Confusion, Anger, Bafflement, Guilt and many more emotions swirled inside him as he looked in a shocked stupor at the river flowing calmly as if it did not know what it represented.
And there, right in front of a bridge stood someone he thought he would never see again. He was younger, dressed in a red kimono that accentuated the red tips of his hair and watching him with the same , flat, brown eyes. He could never forget that face, had not forgotten in all his tenure as a demon. That same apathetic expression that had grated on his nerves, digging into his bruised ego (for what he had thought of as honour had only been his inflated self-esteem) and causing the swirl of emotions to become a violent storm inside him.
"Brother" Anger bursts through like lightning through the sky, how? How could he after everything he had done still call him that? How could he, the ever emotionless creator of the breath styles, be showing actual emotion by being worried about him? The brother that had betrayed him, that had only ever been jealous or amused by him? How was he always this perfect? This good? Why!?
Why can't I be like him?
"Yoriichi" he croaks flatly, his voice sounding rough as if he had not used it in years. Maybe he hadn't, after all this body he possessed was not the same one he had had as a demon (most noticeably for the lack of six eyes or the unmistakable feel of Muzan's blood pounding his system with power) . Yoriichi (his little brother) who had taken a step forward freees, it only lasts a second but it's noticeable enough to notice. Good a part of him thinks savagely, let him stay away, isn't that what he's best at anyways? "Where am I?"
"We're at the shores of the Sanzu river, beyond lies the afterlife" Only Yoriichi could say a statement like that without any intonation, it brough both a sense of annoyance and painful familiarity to him. Besides, that wasn't too hard of a conclusion to reach, taking into account the red spider lilies and the river. However, he knows, feels it deep in the soul he had thought he had thrown away after accepting Muzan's offer, that he should not be here. That this peaceful place was not meant for a sinner like him.
"You brought me here" He looks down in shame, but at seeing the red spider lilies he immediately closes his eyes again, shame and guilt warring inside him like two rabid dogs fighting for a piece of meat. It was only logical that when he finally meets Yoriichi again it turns him into an emotional mess. "Why?"
"You're my brother" he states it like it's a simple fact, like Kokushibo hadn't turned into a demon, like he hadn't killed thousands of people, like Yoriichi hadn't almost killed him all those years ago (but he didn't a voice whispers the only reason you're alive is because he didn't want to kill you). Kokushibo, quite simply, explodes.
"I am not your brother! How can you even call me that? How can you-?" how can you be like this? Why? Why? He shakes his head and takes an involuntary step backwards as Yoriichi starts walking towards him "Why are you this way? I am not the person you knew!" He tries to take a steadying breath but fails miserably, only making his breathing more irregular then before "I am Kokushibo, the upper moon one. I follow Muzan-"
"Michikatsu" Yoriichi is now right if front of him and caresses his cheek, Kokushibo watches, completely frozen as tears begin to fall down Yoriichi's eyes "I'm so sorry that I never showed you, that I never told you, that, that I" Yoriichi struggles for a few second as the tears continue streaming. He did not know how to deal with this, he didn't know how to react, what was he supposed to do? "that I loved you"
"How?" he mutters, and realises that he's crying too "how could you? I betrayed you, our family, the demon slayers and humanity as a whole" He grabs the front of Yoriichi's kiono and shakes his younger brother "All this time I've hated you, hated your perfection, your kindness, your goodness. I instead have done such terrible things…" he chokes on his words and takes a deep gulp of breath "Why would you love someone like me?" Yoriichi suddenly switches from holding his cheek to a full on embrace. Numbly Kokushibo feels Yoriichi's body shaking.
"Because you were always there, you always visited me even if you didn't have to. You told me stories, you stayed by my side all through seven years even when I didn't talk, or smile. You stayed with me, you helped me, you cared for me" Yoriichi tightens his embrace almost to a painful extent but Kokushibo doesn't say anything, doesn't react, the only thing he's processing is that he has never heard Yoriishi speak so much before in his life "I know I'm not an easy person to get along I'm… I don't understand people, I unnerve them, I'm too quiet, I don't smile much, I-" Michikatsu has had enough of this
"You don't know?" Yoriichi stops and looks at him, completely confused "All my life I was envious of you, it was so easy of you to do anything. You hadn't held a sword in your life and you could already beat someone who had known how to use one for decades. You helped mother when all I could see was a brat, you, you" He faintly realises that now he's the one shaking "you are just such a good person, and you don't even have a difficulty being one. You just do the right thing, you're not scared, or selfish, or envious. You have always been so good" He crashes to the floor knees first, scattering some petals and pulling Yoriichi down with him as he himself starts crying "I was always jealous, always scared, always had difficulties being a better person then I actually was. I-" he takes a deep breath and continues "I always wanted to be you"
"Brother" Yoriichi sounds pained, as pained as their previous reunion "You don't realise why I admired you, you persevered always, even though you failed time and time again you kept trying. You never gave up and you continued to move on, you were kind, not only to me but to those inferior to you as well. You were a good person, but then I ruined it for you. Like a leech sapping at your happiness, all I've ever done is make things worse for you" That, he couldn't let Yoriichi think, because it was not true.
"No, it was only my fault. I let myself be controlled by my jealousy when all you ever did was be yourself" They're both on the ground now, holding onto each other like their lifes depended on it "Because of my stupid ego I left my family, I abandoned my morals and became a monster. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, so sorry…" He holds unto Yoriichi tighter and the tear works come stronger than before "Please forgive me brother"
"I never blamed you" Yoriichi whispers fiercely.
It still doesn't make it ok, none of their apologies or regrets can erase what they did, how they hurt one another intentionally or unintentionally. But it's a start, and sometimes a start is all you can hope for. There will surely be consequences for Yoriichi playing god, for though Michikatsu had always believed that his brother was favoured by the gods even they wouldn't forgive him for interfering in such a manner.
But right now, in this moment, they just hold each other.
Like they had never been able to do before.
Author's Note:
... And that's a wrap, I must admit that the writing is not the best, and it's corny as hell and has plot holes the size of mount fuji but I hoped you liked it! (I apologise for any grammatical or spelling mistakes, in my defense english is not my first language)