Mando and Carl left early the next morning; we hadn't spoken a word since last night. The villagers largely avoided me except for Winda's mother and Winda. They acted sympathetic; the woman told me that couples quarrel all the time and we'll heal from this. "My husband and I would sometimes argue, but then we'd mend it," she said reassuringly. I looked at her, sighed, then left the house. I needed some time alone; time to be alone and think.
The perfect, secluded spot for this was at the hot spring. I sat beside it repeatedly dipping my hand down into the warm water; I used my palm as a cup. A sullen sigh fell from my mouth. Why am I surprised? I shouldn't be. We're talking about the same man who kidnapped me for money; who handed me over for a bounty. He's killed in front of me before, namely when he saved me from the Imperials. I didn't think about it much at the time; understandably my mind was in a weird headspace after being drugged. He's done a lot of questionable things since we been together. Hell, we're only "together" because he abducted me from my home without my consent. I would never do any of that stuff; our moral compasses are completely different. So I don't know why I should be surprised by his actions today….
I let out another sigh, continuing to play with the water. I can't believe I let myself forget…. Mando and I are nothing alike, and while I know I shouldn't get attached to him, this was painful to think about. Heh, irony- he's not Din last-name-here but we would balance each other in terms of good and bad, light and dark. That's mockery at its finest.
"Saoirse." My head shot over my shoulder to find a beloved figure standing behind me. "Master," I instinctively smiled. Master Obi-Wan… He was here with me; I finally got to see him again. "What's wrong, child?" He asked as if he didn't already know. Yet another sigh from my end. "My abductor and I are…. having a disagreement. He's going to kill some radars of the village we're staying in, despite me begging him not to." "You object to him taking another's life?" "Of course I do! It's just like you said, Master; all life is valuable. He has no right to take it; no one does." "Hmmmmmm, and yet, we do," Master Obi-Wan lowered his head a bit in a thoughtful manner. "What?" I blinked up at him puzzled.
"My child, it is true that I told you to value all life- this you must always do. But I also taught you that everything is impermanent; good, bad, light, dark. It is all fluid and must be brought into balance. The Force is our ally, and a powerful ally it is. But the will of the Force is neutral. It is neither good nor bad- it simply is, striving for balance in the universe." "M-Master, I…. I do not understand. If the Force isn't inherently good, then why can I use it to heal?" I pondered this very seriously. Master's finger rose up in a pointed fashion. "The Force can heal, but it can also harm. It depends on you how you use the Force, Saoirse." "But what does this have to do with my fight with Mando? I don't want him killing people. That goes against everything you've ever taught me."
"No, it does not. Remember what we've said about keeping balance? You must realize that not all can or will have the same disposition as you; not everyone has that luxury. The universe can never be wholly good, just as it can never be wholly bad. Master Obi-Gon, Master Yoda, and I have pressed you to use the Force for good. This is because the last man with a midi-chlorian count like yours turned to the dark side when he was prophesied to set the Force into balance." My eyes wandered into nowhere. "Anakin?" He nodded.
"So…. I'm supposed to use the Force only for good because this Anakin set it out of balance?" Master shook his head. "No; Anakin was before your time. But there are still plenty who offset the balance in the universe. You help to balance it in your own way." "Master….." "Your vow of nonviolence is what the Force demands of you, but the same cannot be said for the Mandalorian." My mouth shot open to retort this, but he wouldn't let me interrupt. "You are descendent of powerful Jedi, while he is part of an ancient martial order. Two opposites brought together by the will of the Force. He is a warrior and you are a healer; that is how you must be."
"But Master, I don't see why I should tolerate his killing anything." "Each of you must sacrifice an aspect of your old selves in order to achieve equilibrium. While you will not kill with your own two hands, you cannot stop anyone from doing to same- the vow was yours and yours alone. Likewise, the Mandalorian will only kill when absolutely necessary when you are near. You must release your desire to control him; to have him act as you will. He, in turn, will naturally adapt to you and your passive nature. He is a Mandalorian, Saoirse; accept him for who he is and give control back to him. If you desire peace, you must keep looking inward. Do so, and the Mandalorian will do the same."
After Master Obi-Wan told me all this, my eyes lowered in a soft, sincere manner. If I want peace, I must keep looking inward…. Huh, it makes sense all of a sudden. Ok, now I feel like an idiot; why didn't I see it before? I can ask Mando, and even Carl or anyone, not to kill but in the end, I have no control over their actions. And I'm ok with that. Sure, I can sacrifice my life to save someone who is going to get killed, but aside from that, I have little power. And I should trust Mando a little more too. Sure, we have different moral codes but maybe that's not a bad thing. Not the way Master put it anyway. Maybe he had to develop a differing moral code to survive as a Mandalorian; who knows what growing up with them was like. Maybe my nonviolent nature seems unreasonable to him. I had to admit, I did feel a little better now. At least I understood the situation clearer.
A smile blossomed across my lips. "Thank you, Master. I….." My words halted as I glanced up to find that I was alone by the hot spring. "He's gone….." I whispered to myself. Sighing yet again, my gaze rolled back to the water's surface; I stared at my reflection in it. I didn't know the Force was neutral, though it makes sense when I thought about it. Using the Force for evil…. It just seemed like such a foreign and impossible concept to me. But then, if that Anakin was as bad as Master says, then I can see why the men who raised me want me to get on the good side of the Force so badly. My eyes narrowed a sliver. I bet they don't want a repeat of whoever this Anakin turned out to be… Huh, I wonder if he's still alive; everyone always talks about him in past tense. If he is alive, I wonder if we'll ever meet…. Who knows? Well, my masters do, but that doesn't do me much good if they don't tell me.
I remember I was contemplating this when all of sudden, a voice shouted in the distance. It was an unfamiliar yet dangerous, angry sounding voice; one I'd certainly never heard before. It sounded like it was close to the village, almost like it was moving inside it. But that's not the worst part. The worst part- this man, whoever he was, was hollering my name.