Chapter 33
Late March 1988
A part of Alexei felt bad about telling Ricci he had a stomachache and needed to go home. He did have a stomachache, but that was entirely due to nerves, and he would have toughed it out if he wasn't meeting Joyce for her sonogram. He hadn't told Ricci or anyone else about Joyce, let alone the child, and he doubted he'd be allowed to skip work for her appointment even if he had. No one wanted a stomach bug spreading, so Ricci sent him away and told him not to come back until at least the next day.
The timing was not good. They had had their first argument the night before, and he'd been ordered to the couch. Alexei still wasn't entirely sure what he'd done wrong, since Joyce seemed to believe it was self-evident, but she had still told him to pick her up so they could ride together. The store's owner had been surprisingly understanding of the appointments she needed to keep, and Joyce said he'd taken an almost grandfatherly interest in the baby. Alexei still had yet to meet him, and had no idea when he might.
Joyce climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door a little too loudly. "You could have come in," she said.
"Did you vant me to?"
"Well, God, Alexei, I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen with the mother of your baby."
"Embarrassed? Vy vould I be embarrassed?"
"I don't know, you tell me."
"I'm not embarrassed."
"Then what is going on with you lately? You won't talk about the baby, you shut down every time I ask how you're feeling, and what did you say last night when I wanted to talk about names? Oh, yeah, I remember: you didn't want to give the baby your last name. You know, if you're not up for this, maybe you should just drop me off at my appointment, get in your car, and never come back."
Alexei felt like someone had dropped a wheelbarrow full of bricks on his chest. He pulled over. Joyce looked surprised at that. What was he going to do, order her out on the side of the road? He took a deep breath. "I am trying, Joyce. I get de dings you vant to eat. Hold your hair ven you got sick. Lift de heavy dings. You see I am trying, yes?" She didn't respond. She didn't understand. He leaned his head back. "It's bad luck to talk about babies. And dis baby needs all de good luck."
"What are you talking about?"
"Dere vas so much radiation." He closed his eyes and willed away the image of the dead child he'd hallucinated when they wouldn't let him sleep. "Sometimes I dream it's born wrong. Dead – or vorse."
"Is that what you were really dreaming about when you woke up crying?" He nodded. "So why did you say you were remembering being tortured?"
"Vat good comes from vorrying you about dis baby?"
"Well, maybe if you'd told me the truth, I would have understood why you didn't want to claim our baby. I would love it even if it had something wrong with it-"
"I vould love it too."
"Clearly not, if you don't even want to give it your name."
"Vy vould it vant my name?" She looked confused. "No vone likes Russians, Joyce. I dought if ve give it your name, it vill have friends. If not everyvone knows it has a Russian fadder, dey von't make it-" He searched for the word in English. "Dey von't demand it break vid its family to get a college spot. Or a job." He shook his head. "Maybe dey vill find out anyvay. But if it doesn't have a Russian name, maybe dey von't look?"
"You're afraid if our kid is named Medvedev, he's going to have to denounce you so he can go to college?"
"Oh yes. Children have to break vid deir fadders often. Sometimes deir mudders."
"That won't happen here. Nobody's going to care."
He shook his head. "You don't understand. You don't have to live vid dem vatching everyding you do, just vaiting to catch you." He looked at her. "Dey vill suspect you, if dey see you vid me. I didn't vant to ruin your friendships. Your job. Everyding."
They rode the rest of the way in silence. When they pulled into the parking lot, Joyce gave his hand one quick squeeze. Perhaps he was forgiven, or at least she was going to give him a chance to redeem himself.
When it was Joyce's turn at the machine, the technician pointed out the baby's parts. Head. Heart. Feet. Kidneys. Everything looked like it was developing normally, she said. Alexei finally relaxed, then realized he'd probably been crushing Joyce's hand.
"Do you want to know the sex?" the technician asked. Joyce nodded. "Girl. Definitely a girl."
"So, what do you think?" Joyce asked when they got back to the car.
"Dey must know vat dey are doing." He kissed Joyce's cheek. "She is healdy."
"Not disappointed it's a girl?"
"No." He'd always imagined a son, but a girl could be a blessing. A girl would have a softer face, which would make it easier to pass her off as his, even if Hopper was her biological father. And perhaps a softer disposition? Maybe not, with Joyce's genes in the mix, but a small Joyce seemed more manageable than a small Hopper. "Do American girls build dings vid deir fadders?"
"Some, probably. No way of knowing what she'll want to do." Joyce smiled. "Though right now, I think she wants ice cream."
He dropped Joyce back at the store to finish her shift and went to pick up two bowls. Granted, only one was necessary, but he'd been too nauseous to eat lunch, and black cherry sounded delicious. He brought her back a bowl of lemon chiffon. "Dey didn't have de orange."
"This is fine. Thank you." They ate behind the counter while Joyce waited for customers. She stopped about halfway through the dish. "I know your life hasn't been easy. But maybe you need to give people a chance."
"Give dem a chance?"
"Yeah. Be honest with people." She sighed. "Maybe shutting down worked in Russia, but it doesn't work here. When you do that, I feel like you're pushing me away. And people who don't know you are going to assume you're trying to hide something from them. You know, a sneaky Russian. It's not fair, but-"
"I dink I understand." He squeezed her hand. "I vill try. But maybe you can be patient – yes?"
"I will try."
The bell above the door jingled. Hopper. He looked surprised to see Alexei there.
"Can I help you find something?" Joyce asked.
"I – could use a little help," Hopper said. "That little bastard Mike-"
"I should get back to vork," Alexei said. "Give my boss a chance, yes?"
"Okay." Joyce gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you tonight."
Alexei nodded politely to Hopper as he left. He didn't really like Hopper getting close to Joyce again, but he knew the only reason he'd gotten a chance was because Hopper had been so jealous. It was important to show he trusted her.
Dr. Jackson gave him a confused look when he got back to the lab, since he'd overheard Alexei complaining about his stomach earlier. He wondered if he should have gone home and finished out the sick day, but he'd promised Joyce he would try to live more honestly. Ricci invited him to sit across his intimidatingly large desk and didn't say a word while he explained. Only after Alexei finished, did Ricci respond with a little smirk.
"I know. I had someone following you after that flimsy explanation. Seemed unlikely you were meeting any of your old comrades at a gynecologist's office with a cashier." He leaned back in his chair. "I'm going to chalk this one up to Soviet paranoia and give you a pass. The next time you lie, don't expect the same tolerance."
Alexei nodded and tried to get out of the office as quickly as possible, but Ricci wasn't finished. "Oh, and Medvedev?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Congratulations on the baby."
"Dank you, sir."
He went back to the office with a smile on his face. Dr. Jackson looked even more confused. They probably all thought he couldn't smile either. "What's gotten into you?"
Alexei had to hold back a laugh. "Maybe ve talk about it at lunch tomorrow. Yes?"
"Okay, I guess." Did they think he didn't eat either? He couldn't be bothered to worry about it. He'd have to tell Joyce that maybe she was right. She would like that very much, and a happy Joyce meant a happy him. He whistled a little bit as he sat down at his computer. This had turned out to be a much better day than he'd dared to dream of.