Against his better judgement, the Hunter began to confess everything that he was comfortable to share with his unexpected host. He left out many personal details, but in a way that Maria could still understand without extensive questioning. He talked about the desolate nature of Yharnam, the countless deaths he had been subjected to, the disconnect he felt within the Hunter's Dream, the burden of responsibility he felt for the massacre in Oedon Chapel, the eldritch horrors he had witnessed throughout his journey and the skepticism he now felt towards his occupation after uncovering so much about it's history.
He also talked about everyone he had lost along the way. Gilbert, the very first Yharnimite he had met in his travels, who had fallen into beast hood after a nightlong battle with his terminal illness. Eileen the Crow, who died from injuries sustained from pursuing a madman bearing the armor of Cainhurst. The Samaritan of Oedon Chapel, slaughtered by someone the Hunter had sent to his domain. Alfred the Executioner, who had lost himself to madness in his quest, forcing the Hunter to put him down. He even mentioned the brief conversation he had with Ludwig in the aftermath of their battle, where he had willingly lied to the once mighty warrior on the fate of his cherished Church Hunters, leaving him to sleep eternally, not knowing the horrible truth.
Minutes eventually turned to hours and through it all, Maria sat in silence, listening attentively. Throughout his confession, the Hunter felt the apprehension he felt in the first few moments of their encounter slowly fade away, growing more and more comfortable in sharing his story with her as time went on. As strange as it sounded, he felt relieved. It had been so long since he had felt comfortable sharing secrets like this with anyone, even with those he trusted most. Yet here he was, pouring his heart out to someone who only hours ago he would've wanted nothing more then to see dead. Eventually, the Hunter had described all that he was willing to share with his host.
"What was it you said earlier? That nothing I do seems to matter? Well, ever since I came to this Godforsaken town, everything I have done seems to have resulted in nothing but death and misery. And no matter how hard I try; I can't escape it. The howls of beasts, the stench of blood, the mad laughter of all who remain. It's all that I seem to know anymore. The only time I can find any form of solace is in the cold hands of death, until I'm sent back to experience it all over again. And for what? So my soul can find itself trapped in a cursed dimension for all of eternity, for a crime I was not responsible for? It's not fair, it just isn't fair."
At this point, the Hunter could barely keep himself together. He looked up at Maria with a look of panic in his eyes.
"Please. I have had enough of this Hunt. The night, it blocks all sight. Unshackle me. Please?!"
With that last word, the Hunter devolved into a series of uncontrollable sobs, the pain he had felt throughout the long hours of the night finally becoming too much to bear. He buried his face into his gloves as the tears began to flow, feeling hopelessness washing over him yet again.
He felt a sudden contact on his shoulder, causing him to jump slightly, his experience during the Hunt leading him to expect the worst. But instead of a famished beast or mad doctor, he saw that Maria had taken a seat next to him on the stairwell, a concerned, yet understanding look on her face. He was about to object to the sudden breach of boundaries before the sobs returned, yet as soon as they did, Maria gently embraced the Hunter, placing a reassuring hand on the back of his head and holding him close to her as he wept into her jacket. She continued this embrace for several minutes, comforting her visitor as best as she could.
Eventually, the Hunter regained some semblance of control and pulled himself away from Maria, his eyes visibly red from crying. Silence befell the Clocktower yet again as he struggled to compose himself, the ringing of the bell echoing throughout the room as this happened.
"How do you feel?" Maria said, finally breaking her silence.
"I do not know." Despite the simplicity of the question, the Hunter could not provide a straight answer. The sheer amount of emotions he had experienced in so short a time frame was simply too much.
"Maria, I'm…I'm sorry. I misjudged you." He said, his voice having grown hoarse from sobbing.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Maria swiftly replied.
"No. It has been so long since I've been able to share things like this with anyone. Thank you." The Hunter immediately fired back, not allowing her to play this off.
With that, Maria simply nodded her head in understanding before averting her gaze from him once again. The Hunter had truly meant every word he had said to her, how this had been the most genuine form of human interaction he had had in what felts like years. But despite his gratitude, curiosity remained as to what her intentions were.
"Tell me, Maria. What is it that compels you to aid me?" He asked her.
"Still questioning my intentions?" She said with a slight smile.
"No, I just don't understand. You said that you were once in the same position I find myself in now, that you had broken all but one of your principles. I have confessed everything that has made me the way I am, yet I hardly know anything about you." Maria's smile had long faded by the time the Hunter finished talking, replaced with that same sorrowful look from before.
"What happened to you, Maria?"
She then turned away from him, seemingly lost in her thoughts. Eventually, she let out a drawn-out sigh and rose to her feet, offering him her hand yet again.
"Come. Walk with me."
Taking a moment to process her request, the Hunter accepted her helping hand up and began to follow her to the gate that lead to the Lumenwood Gardens. As they left the Clocktower, the Hunter spared a thought as to why he was able to exit it now when every other time he attempted to, he felt an invisible force repel him from doing so. Deciding that it was simply the Nightmare playing tricks on him, the Hunter's mind shifted to other thoughts.
"Where are we going?'" He asked Maria as they approached the entrance to the Research Hall.
"Did you not make use of Adeline's gift?" She replied; the sadness in her voice evident.
Upon hearing the Blood Saint's name, The Hunter suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. She had in fact gifted him a charm, a key which lead to a balcony overlooking a vast Lumenflower garden. He had purposely averted mention of Adeline during his confession, hoping to spare Maria further sorrow after being made aware of the bond she shared with the patient before her demise. He thought that if she knew the part he played in the Blood Saint's "revelation", she would surely reconsider her offer.
"How did you know that?" He asked, with an undertone of fear in his voice.
Turning towards him, Maria reached into her coat and took out the key that she had at one point given to the Blood Saint, which he must've dropped during one of their battles. As she held it out, there was a look of unmistakable sorrow on her face.
She knew. How he had given in to Adeline's requests and provided her with Brain Fluid. In the beginning, he had thought her obsession with the "sticky" sound in her head to be the ramblings of an addled mind and had provided her with the substance in a misguided attempt to quench her suffering. But upon his defeat of the Living Failures, he had realized the true purpose of the Church's experiments was to create a being capable of communicating with the Great Ones. Returning to Adeline's room, he found the seat she was strapped to empty, with no sign of the former Blood Saint. Until he heard a familiar voice coming from behind him.
"Drip, drop, slip, slop."
Slowly turning around, he was horrified to find that Adeline had been reduced to a meaty lump, much like the ones he had found scattered throughout the Research Hall. The Hunter suddenly realized what he had done. He had inadvertently continued the process which lead to the Choir's eventual creation of the Celestial Emissary. Every other patient he had come across had devolved into nonsensical mutterings about the sounds of water and he feared he had now broken Adeline's mind beyond repair.
"Oh, hello…One last time, will you fetch Brain Fluid, just one last time? The murky, mushy fluid that will make me whole. The sticky sound whispers to me. So very close, right into my ear. My head, just a head, that's all there is."
The Hunter found himself at a crossroads. He could not bring himself to grant her request, not after what he had learned about the process. Yet, he knew he had no choice. He had lost his chance to grant her a merciful passing long ago, as he know understood that in her current state, she was impossible to kill. What was he supposed to do?
"I need my baptism. Please, I beg of you…I want to be something…" Adeline edged him on further before erupting into a bout of crazed laughter.
The Hunter finally made his decision. Taking out the axe he had carried with him since the start of his journey, he raised it overhead and brought it down on what remained of Adeline, causing her to scream in pain before going still. He then began to reluctantly collect the fluid which oozed from her head, though the process was much slower due to the trembling in his hands. The lump suddenly regained sentience as soon as he finished the extraction.
"Please, give me Brain Fluid. The sticky sound whispers, I need my baptism. Ahh, or perhaps, I'm already brimming over…"
The Hunter then kneeled down in front of Adeline and reluctantly poured the substance onto her enlarged head, recoiling as he heard the horrifying noise she made as she absorbed the fluid into her body.
"Ahhh! Aahh! I see a shape. My guide, I see your voice, clearly, as it bends and bleeds. My own, revelation… just for me…" Another bout of laughter ensued as Adeline seemed to achieve her revelation, seeming genuinely thrilled with her current predicament.
The Hunter said nothing, trying his hardest to drown out Adeline's words.
"Thank you. For everything… Really, I used to be nothing…" These were the last words that Adeline spoke to the Hunter before she let out one final scream, her head suddenly deflating before his very eyes.
The Hunter did not need any further inspection to know that she was dead. She had achieved her long-desired revelation, the only patient out of hundreds to do so and it came at the cost of her life. And it was all because of him.
….
The Hunter stood in silence as Maria knelt in front of what was left of her cherished patient. Though he had originally feared how she would react upon hearing of Adeline's fate, she had explained to him that she did not blame him for what happened. The Blood Saint was always eager to fulfill her treatment, even against Maria's constant urging the contrary. That did not lessen the feeling of guilt the Hunter felt for his part in the process.
"If only I had known what she was planning. I never would have helped her."
"I did not want this for her. The reason I had her locked away here was so she would be spared the fate that befell the other patients. I did not want her to become a failure." Maria said in a hoarse voice.
"But she was always so eager to continue her treatment, no matter how much I tried to stop her. All she seemed to want is to obtain her own personal revelation, even if it led her to a fate worse then death." With that, Maria finally stood up and turned to face her visitor.
"Perhaps it was for the best that you honored her request. Leaving her in that state would have meant she would have remained trapped here for eternity, reveling in her madness. At least I know that she is finally free of this accursed place." Her words were accompanied by a few stray tears, shed in memory of Adeline.
"Maria, I…" The Hunter tried to speak, before Maria raised her hand in front of him to stop him.
"Enough. She chose this. There was nothing you could have done." It was clear to him that she felt some semblance of responsibility for Adeline's fate, as much as it pained her to admit it.
"You asked me what happened to make me this way. Well, the building you find yourself in is part of that." She then turned around and made her way to the doorway of Adeline's room. "Follow me."
Maria then proceeded lead the Hunter to the balcony, while sparing glances at the unfortunate patients crawling along the floor. Despite the aggressive nature in which they had heckled the Hunter in his time in the Research Hall, they did not seem to pay them any attention as they stepped onto the balcony, with Maria resting her arms on the long-decayed railing. Her eyes wandered to the large group of patients working in the Lumenflower garden below, a small smile forming on her lips.
"This was the only place I could find relief in my time here. A place to escape from the horrible sounds the patients would make as their transformations progressed, the stench that would permeate every floor. Somewhere to forget everything that has happened, even for a few moments." Maria said, seemingly offering a confession of her own.
"I came here when I had grown disillusioned with my role as a Hunter, much like you do now, hoping to find some way to put my talents in the service of others. I had heard rumors of what the Church was trying to accomplish here, though I had no idea just how vast this undertaking really was. I tried to bring comfort to the patients here in any way I could, but at the time, I was still a believer in achieving communion with the Great Ones. I oversaw many of the experiments myself, having them imbibe so much water into their bodies that their heads would expand to an impossible mass. Those who died in the process were disposed off, to be replaced in time to start the process anew. Those who survived the initial procedure I allowed to tend to the flowers outside, in a vain hope that their smell would bring even a small amount of comfort to them. But with every failure, my frustration grew more and more. So many had perished, many more driven to insanity and for what? So I could rekindle that feeling of purpose I had lost in the Hunt? I began to question what it was I was striving for, if I could every truly achieve it. In the end, I saw it as nothing but another failure."
Suddenly, the Hunter understood what Maria had meant when she said she was once in a similar position as he was. Whatever it was that happened to have her abandon her duty as a Hunter, it must have shaken her to her very core, leaving her to question just what her purpose was. The Research Hall had been an attempt to find purpose in her mission, while also hoping to aid those in need, but he had learned first hand that this was not what had happened. She found herself alone, with no company but the addling minds of her patients and surrounded by reminders of her failures. No matter how hard she tried, she seemed to accomplish nothing.
"Why did you stay?" The Hunter questioned her.
"I kept telling myself that I stayed here for the sake of the patients, but I knew deep down it was because I had nowhere else to go. I had sworn never to return to Cainhurst Castle for as long as I lived. Byrgenwerth had been long abandoned by the time my doubts arose. I could not bring myself to associate with Laurence after I had realized how he had abused the Old Blood. I had no home to return to, no family to take me in. At the time, I thought it was exactly what I deserved."
"Then why didn't you return to the Hunt?" The Hunter knew the answer long before Maria answered, yet insisted on asking anyway.
"For a time, I strongly considered it. The Workshop was perhaps the only place I had felt truly at home, where I felt like my life truly had meaning to it. But part of me knew I couldn't go back, not after what we had done. I told myself that the methods employed under Ludwig were a far cry to anything I had grown used to in my time, that it was too much of a departure for what the Hunt was originally intended for. But truly, I was unsure if I could ever look Gehrman in the eyes again." She turned her head towards her visitor before posing him a single question.
"How is he?"
"I do not know. He has not spoken a word to me since the night has started, but from the little he has said he sounded…tired. As if he had grown weary of the life he had chosen for himself. I hear him talking in his sleep sometimes, saying how he has grown far too old for this life."
The Hunter was not certain that he should tell Maria the full extent of Gehrman's current condition. Whatever her current feelings towards her mentor were, it was best she remained ignorant to how much her death had impacted him. She had more then enough weight to carry as it was without knowing that her death had driven her mentor to the brink.
"He misses you. He does not show it, but I know he cared for you deeply."
"I know. I may not view him as highly as I once did, but I know that he is a good man at heart. He is perhaps the most selfless person I have ever met, fully committed to bear the burden of others till his dying breath. He may seem distant now, but I assure you. He will come through for you in the end." Maria sighed softly as she finished speaking, as if reminiscing about the past.
"I really do hope he is okay. I have always considered him to be like a father to me. I can only imagine what my passing had spurred in him. My biggest regret is that we did not part on better terms." With that, an uneasy silence once again developed between the pair, interrupted only by the wind and the chimes of the Clocktower far above.
"I assume you have satisfied your curiosity?" Maria suddenly asked her visitor.
"Pardon me?" The Hunter replied in confusion.
"Do you understand now why I spared you? I have made mistakes which have haunted me my entire life and every chance I had to amend them seemed to cause another. That feeling of hopelessness, it seems omnipresent." She paused then, looking the Hunter dead in the eyes, any semblance of warmth having left her face.
"It becomes too much to bear" She said in a pained voice.
Any doubt the Hunter had as to the means of her demise had vanished, causing him to hang his head in realization. She was trying to make sure he did not meet the same fate that she did, taking his own life out of desperation and loneliness. As he attempted to process this information, he suddenly felt Maria's hand on his.
"I saw that same hopelessness in your eyes when you surrendered, the one that I had struggled with for so long. I could not possibly live with myself knowing I was the catalyst for such a cruel fate when I had the opportunity to change it. So, I beg of you, my Good Hunter. Do not give up hope." She then placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"And remember, even in the darkest depths of the Nightmare, a Hunter is never truly alone."
Despite his better judgment, the Hunter pulled Maria into an embrace, hoping to find a way to express the gratitude he felt towards her. Despite the initial shock, Maria returned the embrace with vigor, perhaps savoring the first form of human contact she had felt in many years. The Hunter was the one who eventually broke it, backing away from her with slight embarrassment.
"I must return to Yharnam. I must ensure that things have not escalated during the time I have been here." He told her, though he was almost certain that not much had changed in the Waking World. It never seemed to.
"I understand. If you ever feel the need to speak to someone, you know where to go."
Nodding his understanding, the Hunter began to make his way back to the lantern at the entrance to the Research Hall.
"Good Hunter!" He suddenly heard Maria call for him just as he had exited the balcony, causing him to turn around to face her.
"There is one more thing I must inquire. What is your name?"
For a moment, the Hunter was genuinely stumped. It had been so long since he had last used his given name, so long in fact that he struggled to remember it. Reaching into the far corners of his mind, he finally managed to remember. It was…
"Zoran". With that, he continued on his path towards the lantern, leaving Maria alone on the balcony. As he was about to transport himself back to the dream, a familiar voice rang out behind him.
"Now that is most peculiar. A corpse wandering the halls in the dead of night? Wouldn't you agree?"
"Simon." Zoran greeted the former Church Hunter without even turning to face him. The events of the past few hours had caused him to almost forget one of the few friendly faces he had met within the Nightmare.
"Wherever are you going now? You will get no closer to the secrets of the Nightmare by meandering about in the Waking World. After all, it is far to late now to heed my warning." Simon's words were laced with an aura of unmistakable impatience, seeing as how he had not moved from the spot he found himself in now since he had urged the Hunter to pursue the Astral Clocktower.
Zoran distanced himself from the lantern and turned to face his fellow hunter. He had been the one who had spurred him onward in his quest to uncover the secrets of the Healing Church and who had instructed him to seek out and slay Maria. Now he began to question whether Simon had been telling him the full truth after all.
"I have had more then enough time for personal reflection, Simon. Not all paths are meant to be followed until the end." With that, Simon's lips spread into a grin.
"Oh yes, I see. You have begun to question your reason for seeking the heart of the Nightmare. Why know, after all this time?" Seeing that The Hunter had turned to walk away, Simon attempted to regain his attention.
"Do tell, Zoran?" This caused the Hunter to freeze and turn to face his ally yet again. How could he have known his true name? No-one in Yharnam knew. No-one except for…
"How much did you hear?" Zoran questioned.
"Enough." Simon replied, his usual demeanor noticeably absent.
"You had no business eavesdropping on personal matters." Zoran replied in anger, shocked at his supposed friend's violation of his privacy.
"Now, now. You must understand. It has been long since we had last spoken. I hoped only to discover what has stalled your progress for so long."
"Whatever your suspicions may be, that does not give you the right to spy on me."
"And what about her?" Simon suddenly asked, causing Zoran to fluster briefly as he tried to formulate a valid response.
"That is none of your business."
"Oh, but it is. Have you forgotten that it is she who bears much of the blame for the existence of this Nightmare? That it was her who left so many of these patients in a state worse than death? She may deny it, but deep down I think she knows exactly what she is. A monster."
"There is much you do not know about her." Zoran said, his anger towards Simon growing stronger with each word.
"Likewise, I'm sure." Simon said in an accusing tone. "Think about it, Zoran. If you truly knew the truth about her, would you be so willing to abandon this search you've dedicated so much of your efforts to?"
"Is there a reason you are telling me this?" Zoran said, his patience with the Harrowed Hunter hanging by a thread.
"She tells you exactly what you want to hear, feeding you half-truths and toying with your emotions. She realizes now that her skill in battle will not keep you from uncovering the secrets she guards, so she has discovered a new way to keep you at bay. Maria did not offer you council out of the goodness of her heart. She did it to make you question your objective, lulling you into a false sense of security and making it all the easier to keep you from trying again."
Despite how hard it was for him to admit, Zoran recognized that Simon had a point. There was much he still did not know about Maria, who by her own admission, was at one point fiercely committed to the Healing Church. Whether she was truly willing to do something as wile as what Simon had formulated to protect their secrets he did not know, but it certainly wasn't out of the realm of possibility.
"So, you understand why I accepted her request?" Zoran asked.
"I do. And I do not blame you. I know all to well how the Hunt can crush one's spirit."
"So why did you never say anything?"
"I beg your pardon?" Simon appeared flabbergasted by Zoran's sudden question.
"You may be right about her Simon. I do not deny that I may very well have fallen victim to misdirection. But she was the only one who ever tried to understand me, the only one I felt could understand me. I do not doubt for a moment that her confession was sincere, that she found herself in the same position that I do now. Regardless of her true motives, I must still take time to think about what it is I'm striving for."
With that, Zoran once again turned towards the lantern and began preparing himself for yet another trip to the Hunter's Dream.
"I suggest you come to a decision soon. Every hour you waste only prolongs the suffering of those still trapped here." Simon warned the Hunter as he walked away from him.
"You do what you think is best, Simon. You figured out exactly what it is you are fighting for. Allow me to do the same."
Simon stood in silence as he watched Zoran's body fade away yet again, leaving him alone.
"Taken by the Nightmare, are you?" Simon said as he pulled out his blade. "Then you leave me no choice."
...
Author's Note: It's past this point where the Hunter goes from a faceless character to a more established OOC.
The next handful of chapters will follow a similar format to this one, though I only plan to continue this format for two or three characters.