THE SUBSTITUTE LEAGUE OF AMERICA
Case Eight: "The Phoenix Agenda"

Clive Arno pops the cork on the bottle with practised ease. "It's an old Greek winery, Intreledor, one of my personal favorites." He pours it into the waiting glasses of Caroline Dean, then Dan Garrett and Goody Rickels. Flex Mentallo raises a hand, "My body is a temple," he says, "But I will take some soda water, thank you."

"I guess I better, too," says Carl Arno, glancing at his father with a slight sulk. Flex Mentallo fills his glass, and looks at BEM, who nods his assent, "Thanks Mac."

"I don't think I've ever had a Greek wine before," Caroline says, crosslegged on the floor. She takes a small sip, "Mmm, very rich, not as sweet as what I'm used to though."

Dan shrugs, "Americans tend to like their wine sweet. There's a small winery called Roko which is my personal favorite, I'll have to bring some in. Intreledor is an excellent brand, though."

Goody grins, "Listen to the three of you. I feel like I ought to be lifting my pinky when I take a sip."

Caroline rolls her eyes, and leans her head back against Dan's knees, who strokes her silver hair softly. She looks up at him and smiles, taking another sip of wine and then closing her eyes.

Mac looks at the pair and smiles gently. "I ought to bring Dolores in for a tour of the building, I think she'd like it. She never met any of my old teammates ... the Fact, the Atomic Pile, the Zipper, Mr. 45, and Romantic Rick."

Carl Arno wrinkles his brow. "Huh, that's odd ... I've never heard of any of them, Mac, and I usually keep track of superheroes. It's sort of a hobby of mine ... or was anyway until I guess I became one."

BEM ponders. "The Fact's name is familiar somehow."

Mac looks between the two of them, slightly confused. "Well, I suppose we never made the sort of headlines the Justice League did. Strangest thing though, all our cases involved the color green."

Goody snorts, "My Greenest Adventure?"

Mac feels a sudden, disorienting state of deja vu. "What did you just say?"

Goody slides backwards in his chair. "Just a joke, pal, like that comic book, My Greatest Adventure, have you seen it?"

Mac shivers with an involuntary chill. "Comic book ... no, I haven't ... "

His words are interrupted by a thunderous sound from the roof, raining plaster atop the assembled league. "Ow!" "Hey!" "This was good wine!" They back away, looking up at the rapidly spreading hole. "What sort of nonsense is this? Khaji Da!" shouts Dan Garrett, transforming into the Blue Beetle as the others don their masks. A man descends on wings on noisy contumely through the plaster ceiling, because that is how superheroes sometimes arrive. "We are here to take thy job because this kingdom needs some youngblood in its veins." He is tall, with classical face and form, and long blond hair tied back in a ponytail. He is wearing a white leotard with black leggings, and a dark green leaf-design codpiece. Light green metal bands encircle his arms from palm to bicep. A black "D" is on his left breast.

A half-dozen figures follow him down to confront the league. "Take our job? Are you insane?" blurts Goody Rickels. "I am Dionysus of the New Olympians," the man says. "Allow me to introduce Anteus," a heavy-set man with a round face and black hair, wearing a blue leotard and a lighter blue bodyshirt, with navy blue trunks and boots. His uniform is completed by a white belt and a series of white bands around his wrists, arms, collar, and the tops of his boots. "Herakles," a man with curly red hair and the heavy build of a professional strongman. He is wearing a red bodysuit, with blue boots and a yellow cape. On his upper arms are lieutenant's stripes, and on his torso is a large yellow circle in which is set a black 'H'. "Ares," a large man wearing a blue bodysuit with an eagle of war covering most of the front, and red trunks and boots. Concealing his identity is a blue cowl with a raised peak. He carries at his side a flaming sword. "Hermes," a man with a lean, athletic build. He is wearing a golden loincloth, gold boots, and a gold, winged headband. "The lovely Aphrodite," a lovely blonde woman with a volupuous figure and a bright pink evening gown, rounded out with a gold belt, boots, and wristbands Her belt has a starburst pattern at the buckle. "and Hephaestus," a man with firey red hair wearing a purple bodysuit and matching mask and boots. His chest and upper arms have the overdeveloped musculature of the blacksmith. His frail legs are encased in high-tech mechanical armor.

Dionysus takes a wide-legged stance, hands on hips, because that is how superheroes pose. "We will deliver to thy countenance many bashes, because that is how superheroes fight."

BEM steps forward, hands up. "Look, we're all ... heroes here, right? Why can't we just team up to fight evil, rather than clash over some misunderstanding?"

Anteus says, "Thou art the brood of that foul three-faced witch Hekate, I can see it in thee!" He leaps backwards against the rear wall, and to BEM's astonishment, rebounds off it and strikes the lad down.

Liberty Belle grumbles, "So much for negotiation," and leaps at their spokesman. "We shall fight like wildcats, so that thy stormwatch shall fall to more vigorous eyes!" says Dionysus, as he gestures superheroically and takes the form of a lion.

Captain Action sighs, and draws strength to himself from his shining silver coin. "Herakles, eh?" he says to the red-clad man. "I draw my power from Herakles himself, let's see how you do." The pair grapple furiously, matching strength for strength.

"Whereas I draw my power from the Egyptian sub god Khepra," notes Blue Beetle, "and am not so impressed by these or any other Olympians." Ares advances on Blue Beetle, his flaming sword swinging murderously. He says, "I can't see thy face, but I'll bet it's ugly!"

Hermes blurs, circling around at incredible speed as Action Boy chases after him, drawing his own power from the coin of Hermes himself. The two begin a lightning-quick circuit around the room, in a dangerous game of catch-as-catch-can.

Aphrodite sways towards Flex Mentallo, eyes roaming over his bulging pecs and rippling abdominal muscles. "Hey handsome," she says enticingly as her mind reaches out telepathically to subdue him. Flex Mentallo flexes, "Face the power of Muscle Mystery," grabbing her heaving shoulders and pressing her to him as his muscles bulge in response.

Goody Rickels looks around wildly. "I thought I was done with all the fighting, at least I get the cripple." Hephaestus cracks his muscles, snorting like a wild bull as his cybernetic legs begin a slow but inoxerable march towards Goody Rickels. "Ohhh where's my screwdriver when I need it," the man cries out as he flees.

When Anteus bounces upwards for another strike, BEM puts his tri-human strength and speed to use, as well as his extensive sports training, striking his opponent as he descends with a double-handed blow which sends him rebounding across the room.

Liberty Belle tumbles with the lion, rolling away as his claws rake at her cloak, shredding it. She feels behind her, expecting blood but finding she had narrowly escaped the worst. "Bad kitty," she says, drawing forward her weapon and projecting towards Dionysus a concussive blast of sonic force. The animal attempts to advance on her again, only to be repelled by the projected barrier.

Captain Action and Herakles stand frozen, muscles straining against muscles, each trying to overpower his perfectly matched opponent. Finally, Herakles' greater size allows him to overbalance the other using sheer leverage, and Captain Action is forced to his knees.

Blue Beetle backs away from the flaming sword, and electricity crackles from his eyes. A blast of energy strikes the flame, and Ares steps back, but maintains his sword-hold in the light of Blue Beetle's attack.

Action Boy stumbles, careening against the back wall. Hermes changes course and grabs the boy by the throat, "Foul demon! How I wish thee were mortal so I could strangle thee slowly!"

Aphrodite wriggles closer to Flex Mentallo. "It's no mystery to me," she whispers into his ear, and nips at his earlobe lightly. He scoops her up and tosses her over his shoulder, carrying her into the back room as she kicks and squeals ineffectively.

Goody Rickels flees to the central meeting table, managing to place it between him and Hephaestus. His cybernetically enhanced opponent glares at him as he places his thumb on his nose and blows a raspberry, but the rude gesture turns to an expression of panic as Hephaestus tilts backwards, and then continues his advance over the top of the table.

Anteus' reboundings pick up speed with each blow from BEM, and finally he manages to knock the lad down like tenpins. "Thou thought to control the bouncing one," he gloats as he stands over his fallen opponent. BEM lunges upwards and catches the man by the ankle, and with a great burst of strength, tosses him at the far wall, forcing Anteus into an uncontrolled bounce.

Dionysus returns to human form, and grits and grinds his teeth with grim purpose, because that is how superheroes treat their dental work. "Let vines rise from the Earth!" he says, and they burst through the floor. Liberty Belle fires her concussive sonic blasts at the advancing plants repeatedly, but as the ever-increasing foliage surrounds her, she finds her wrists seized and watches helplessly as her weapon clatters to the floor.

Captain Action throws himself backwards, attempting to upend his opponent, and Herakles tumbles. The latter recovers quickly and Captain Action finds himself unable to press his momentary advantage. Ares slowly advances on Blue Beetle, and with a deft swing the flaming sword slashes across his opponent's face. Blue Beetle steps back in shock as he tastes blood. "Thy features will only be improved, demon," scoffs Ares. Action Boy thrusts his arms between his opponent's wrists, breaking the hold. "We're not ... demons ... you maniac!" He manages to slip from Hermes' grip and backs away quickly, keeping himself in a battle stance, prepared for the next attack. Goody Rickels flees to the red phone, connected to the computer system, which supplies the team's emergency contact to the Pentagon. "Yankee Doodle ... Fighting American ... Speedboy ... you guys back from Russia yet ... HELP!" Hephaestus gives a springlike leap and lands on the monitor desk. "No more games, little freak," he mutters. Liberty Belle spits at Dionysus, "If you think I'm helpless, come and do your worst!" The man picks up the bottle of Intreledor, pouring some into an unbroken wine glass. "I kept my most amazing superpower a secret, because that is how superheroes win their battles." He pours the wine down Liberty Belle's throat, and the vines release her as she falls to the ground, coughing.

Dionysus leans down and whispers softly to her, "Bacchanal." She looks back up at him, eyes suddenly bright and insane. "Bacchanal," she repeats, and then laughs, grabbing the glass away from him and swallowing the rest of the wine. "Bacchanal! Bacchanal!" With an ear-piercing scream, she leaps onto BEM's shoulders.

"Libby ... what ... ack ... " the boy chokes out as her hands wrap under his chin and she attempts to decapitate him with hysterical strength. At the last minute, his body disappears in a whirlwind and she finds herself standing over a trio of unconscious teenage boys, wearing similar jerseys with the letters 'B', 'E', and 'M' emblazoned on their chests.

Captain Action's eyes widen as he spies the split BEM, and he scowls at his opponent. "Enough of these games. Face the power of Zeus!" A flash of lightning and a crack of thunder is heard throughout the room as energy courses through his body, knocking his opponent unconscious.

Blue Beetle looks up, narrowing his eyes. "Libby?" He glares at his opponent, and with a cry he soars forwards, tackling Ares and dragging him upwards, slamming the man into the ceiling repeatedly and then letting him crash to the floor. He sweeps down again, grabbing Dionysus by the lapel and picking him off the ground, "What did you do to her, you maniac?"

Hermes runs towards Action Boy again, the latter managing evasive maneuvers before bolt of lightning strikes down his opponent. Captain Action strides forward, "You ok, son?"

Aphrodite exits the back room, adjusting her dress and running her fingers through her tousled hair. "Muscle mystery, indeed," she purrs to herself with a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile, before a careening, out of control Anteus rebounds off of her, knocking her for a loop.

Goody Rickels looks up at Hephaestus and, thinking quickly, displaces one of the computer scanners, reaching in and tearing out a handful of bare wires which he directs into contact with his opponent's mechanical legs. The man shouts out his alarm and tumbles down to the floor.

Captain Action grabs Liberty Belle, who struggles against him. "Caroline, Caroline, snap out of it."

Dionysus' laugh is silenced by a blow across the face from Blue Beetle. "It's time you ... " his words are interrupted by a massive crash of lightning, striking through the hole the New Olympians had knocked in the ceiling. The team is blinded as the supercharged electricity strikes through the bodies of those who had proclaimed themselves heroes.

Action Boy looks around at the charred bodies, "Dad ... did you ... "

Captain Action shakes his head, "I had nothing to do with this, son, I promise."

Liberty Belle looks up, sober-eyed, at Captain Action. "Clive ... what? what happened? Last thing I remember ... "

"C ... c ... c ... " Dionysus chokes out through parched lips.

Blue Beetle leans down to the man, tilting his ear closer to listen.

"C ... "

"What is it?" Blue Beetle says softly. "Who did this to you?"

"C ... c ... copper ... silver ... gold ... " Blue Beetle glances over at Captain Action, who walks over to kneel down by the others' side, standing vigil over the dying man.

"Copper ... silver ... gold ... "

The character of Dionysusis based on the character Bacchus copyright Eddie Campbell, and most of his dialogue is Campbell's.