It has been a week since I told Natsu about my engagement and I have been avoiding him like the wimp I am. Every. Day. Since.
The meal with my father the following evening went as expected. He rambled on for two hours about how much this marriage will benefit our country and how lovely King Rogue is. And all I was doing was contemplating if slamming my head onto the plate would be an easier way out. This continued until my father excused himself stating something about "lots of paperwork" and "not much time til the wedding".
A few days later, I was out on a walk when I spotted Natsu going about his work. We made eye contact for several moments before I threw myself into a bush to avoid talking to him. Not one of my finest moments I have to admit. And now i have a huge stain and a rip I can't explain to Aquarius.
And now, here I am bored stupid in my chamber because i refuse to talk to the only person in this castle that brings excitement into my life!
"I need to get out!" i say standing quickly while swinging my gaze to the door where an envelope is on the floor. All my blood starts rushing to my head and i start feeling dizzy but master myself enough to cautiously walk over to it.
It had been sealed with red wax, with an 'N' stamped into it. Natsu! I rip open the envelope, a headache now firmly thumping inside my skull. The letter was poorly written and I made a mental note to get one of my old tutors to go over basic language with him.
Dear Luce,
You've been acting real weird lately, like more than usual and I'm worried. Have i done something wrong?
If i have, i get it if ya don't want to see my face, but can ya write me a letter and tell me what I've done so i can say sorry. I feel really bad and I'm really sorry.
A really sorry,
Natsu.
I feel terrible. I sit in silence just staring at the wall for far too long, hearing the clock tick to the same rhythm as my head thumps. I am such a horrible friend. I raise my hands to my temples and rub in soothing circles. What shall i do. This is the only man I've ever loved, and probably ever will and I cant even bare to see him at the thought he doesn't feel the same way. And I'm getting married to a different man! So it doesn't matter anyway! Ugh life is so hard, and my future doesn't look much better, unless-. I rush to my desk, grabbing paper and ink. Life can't get much worse than this anyway.
The letter was messy and took about an hour before i was happy with the final copy, and the sun had firmly set, but it felt like such a relief had been lifted from me. Yes. This would be enough.
The walk to his room was quiet and I didn't encounter anyone. Not even a servant, thank the stars. That would not have gone down well with my father if I was seen walking to a mans room past sunset, before I am to be wed.
I take a deep breath, looking down at the envelope in my hand. I used my favourite pink paper set, and even the dried wax seal with my initial on it is a mix between a pink and a dark red. Crimson.
I trace my finger around the edge of the wax, the movement somehow calming my nerves.
You can do this Lucy.
I kneel down outside the door. The many layers of my dress providing a supportive cushion.
I couldn't stop myself as I lifted a hand and placed it on the smooth wooden surface in front of me.
Another breath.
Somehow touching this makes me feel closer to him in a way i can never be. If i could hug this door i would.
I finally bring up the courage and quickly slide the letter underneath, the sound a satisfying tssss. I didn't have time to reconsider my decision before i found myself running back to my room, almost tripping over my dress, at the sound of a groan of a bed from inside.
When I get back to my room, the air is thick with the tangy smell of fresh ink.
"This was right wasn't it." I say to myself, ambling over to pack the ink and paper away. "I made the right decision."
"Well, if that decision was to marry King Rogue, I'd say yes, I've heard he's very handsome, but it's not as if you have got much choice in that matter." A deep, raspy voice remarked from the shadows. I almost jumped out of my skin, but my heart began to slow when I realised who it was.
"Sting! What are you doing in my room!"
"Oh. No 'Sting, my darling brother, you are back, I have missed you so much, how was your trip?"
My brother Sting had been away for the past month, attending political conferences and trying to improve relations with countries my father couldn't sell me off to.
"Hah. You couldn't of waited until the morning, instead of scaring me shitless by hiding in the shadows?"
"What can i say? I find the shadows oddly comforting. And I did knock, but when you did not answer I helped myself in. So, is my sister going to tell me why she is writing notes and disappearing at odd hours in the night. Or will I have to take a wild guess and say it has something to do with a certain pink haired stable hand."
I could hear my heart thump in chest. How did he know? At the look of shock that must of registered on my face he said "What can I say, servants talk, and you really need to do a better job at covering up your tracks. Your perfectionism will be your downfall"
That's when I notice the scrunched up piece of paper in his hand. One of the copies of the letter I wasn't happy with. I swear I feel my heart stop in my chest. The already dark room starts constricting around me. Air stops filling my lungs. And I surrender to the shadows.