Together
Chapter Five
Pain
It felt like Boruto was stumbling head first into his feelings for Kawaki. It was certainly the first time in awhile since he opened up like this, showed a softer and more vulnerable side of himself. And Kawaki was doing the same thing. The blond could tell a lot of things from a person's voice, he could hear the happiness and bittersweet sadness that lay underneath. It wasn't just the stress of what happened or the thought of going to court, Kawaki was expecting the worst. He was swimming in negative thoughts while trying to enjoy this date with Boruto.
Taking his mind off it wouldn't work anymore, the blond didn't want him to keep it bottled up either. He had enough experience with that to know it wasn't a good idea. He took a deep breath as the other man held him close and took comfort in the familiar smell and warmth of his arms.
"Tell me what you're thinking."
Kawaki unconsciously held him a little tighter and reminded himself not to say exactly what was on his mind. It was late now and the end of their date was inevitable, as much as he hated it. "Our date went by so fast." He murmured, knowing he had to take the blond home and finally succumb to the man he really was.
"Don't change the subject." Boruto told him, not letting him run away from the topic this time. "I'm not leaving until I help you . . . I know you're hurting."
Kawaki closed his eyes, willing himself not to react. "I'm fine. Really, you're wrong. I'm okay. I know you should be getting home…"
"You aren't as good of a liar as you think you are. You can't fool my ears, Kawaki, not with your squeaky stress ball or your voice." It was time he stopped trying. "Come on, you can tell me. Can't you?"
"There's nothing to tell." He sighed and reluctantly pulled his arms away from Boruto. His agitation was growing rapidly. He was frustrated, he was hurting but he didn't want to put it off on anyone else.
The blond frowned and sat up straight. "Obviously there is or else I wouldn't be asking. Would it be easier to talk to someone else then?" He asked, admittingly a little jealous. They knew him way better than Boruto did and Kawaki probably felt more comfortable telling one of them.
"No." Kawaki huffed. "I said there's nothing to talk about. I'm fine. I'm not worrying about anything." It hurt to lie and he wanted nothing more than to confide in Boruto and let him talk him down. It was pointless though, that's why he couldn't.
The denial was starting to irritate him, but he tried not to get upset. "I don't believe you."
Knowing he had to calm himself down to make it believable, Kawaki took a moment to breathe. "I'm sorry. Don't get upset okay… it's just been a rough day. I'm happy though, we got to make these memories together and I don't want it to be ruined."
"Meaning if you told me then it would ruin our day?" Boruto questioned. "You've never lied to me before so please stop trying to do it now. That would start to ruin things." It insulted his intelligence, he didn't like being lied to or made a fool of. He was blind, not stupid.
"I don't want to lie to you. I want you to be happy." Kawaki whispered. He could feel Boruto tearing him down and it was absolutely terrifying.
The shorter man reached for him and took hold of his hand. "Whether I'm aware of it or not, letting you suffer alone could never make me happy. I've been . . . I've been doing that to myself enough to know . . . I would never want that for someone else. I'm learning so much now, I'm making good progress. Let me put what I've learned to use or at least try to. The least I can do is listen." It was one of the few things he was good at.
"Boruto, you really helped me today." Kawaki said, finding himself pulled in by the blond. He couldn't help the need to be close to him so he didn't stop himself from wrapping Boruto up in his arms again, near crushing him to his chest. "There's nothing else… just me wishing this never had to end. But it does. Nothing lasts. Nothing ever lasts and I hate it. Why can't I just be here with you like this?"
Boruto was conflicted. He didn't like the sound of that or understand what Kawaki was getting at, but if he was talking about the big picture then . . . "Some things you can't change no matter how much you want to. You're right, everything does come to an end but that goes for bad things too. It won't seem so hopeless and dark forever." He was finally beginning to see the light again. "As for this ending . . . if you don't like it, just start it all over again. You know?"
Kawaki couldn't make him understand because he couldn't blurt out the truth. That after he dropped Boruto off tonight, they would never see each other again. It hurt him deeply, both from knowing that and also from not being able to tell him. "You're right." He eventually agreed.
I am? "Of course I am." Boruto scoffed, but was relieved he didn't fuck things up.
"Yeah. You're cute too." Kawaki found himself smiling at how animated Boruto could be over the smallest things. He raised his hand, stroking his cheeks with the backs of his fingers. "I want to kiss you."
Boruto's heart started to pound again. "You already did. So another would be fine."
"Are you sure?" Kawaki asked, already leaning close enough for Boruto to feel the heat and wind from his breath.
"Yes." He responded and closed the distance.
Their lips met softly, the kiss being slow and tender and soaking Kawaki in a wholesomeness down to his bones. He really liked Boruto and would have liked to keep him like this forever, or even have more, but he didn't let himself get carried away. Though he took his time, he never tried to take more than those innocent kisses. When he pulled away, he sighed.
"Thank you."
Kawaki was saying that a lot today, but Boruto didn't mind. "Any time."
"It's almost nine… do you have a certain time to be home?" Kawaki asked hesitantly, not knowing if he needed to be home before his sister got there or not.
There wasn't really a set time. "Whenever is fine . . . well, as long as it's not three a.m. or something. Himawari would skin me alive."
"Oh I wouldn't do that." Kawaki laughed. "Maybe just one more hour?" Then he would definitely be able to let go. Probably.
"Maybe two . . ." Boruto corrected with a smile and wrapped his arms around Kawaki's neck.
It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair for him to find Boruto only to have to lose him so soon. Life was never fair to Kawaki though. He still heeded the moment, embracing the blond around his slim waist and placing a few kisses to his temple. "Okay, two it is. What do you want to do?"
There were a lot of things the blond wanted to do, but for now he wanted to know more about the man he was taking a risk with his heart. "Will you tell me your story?"
"My story…" Kawaki sighed, but knowing this would be the only time he could tell him made him want to tell Boruto. "Well, I grew up not far from here. I lived with my parents. They were both young and mixed up with some bad shit. Always high and drunk. All the time. My mother overdosed many times over the years and my father had a thing for kicking my ass. It didn't matter what I did, he was never happy and she was just too far gone to care."
He went on to explain how hard things were growing up for him. He never finished school, his mother ended up killing herself from one of her many overdoses and the abuse from his father got worse after that. Kawaki explained how much he hated his life and how he did his best to fight his father, but ended up following a path similar to his, which scared him. At the time he hadn't cared though and he started using hard drugs and drinking every day much like they did.
Throughout the years, Kawaki had only made a few friends that meant anything to him and only one in particular had stayed around when he hit his lowest point. Kawaki hated to even remember all his mistakes even though they continued to haunt him—reminding him that he could never escape no matter how good he tried to be. His anger issues had grown over the years and he so often lashed out at any and everyone for no reason. He was no different from his father in that regard and he'd wound up hurting the only friend he had left.
It was harder for Kawaki to talk when it got to that point in his story, because he'd been so alone. He lost everything even though he never had much to begin with and he just couldn't reign in his temper. He was in and out of jail but it didn't have a big impact on him until he could be considered an adult and over that time, he'd overdosed himself several times. He almost died more than once, but he never cared and always threw a fit every time he realized he could have been done with his shitty life, only to find himself saved. For nothing.
"I thought when I was forced to join the support group that it was the stupidest thing, but I was still suffering from my addictions so I preferred it over jail. At least if I was free for the most part, I could get fucked up and keep living until I finally died. I never thought they would grow on me or make me actually like people again. It wasn't always easy, and I beat the shit out of Iwabe one day over a damn bet. I don't know why, but he forgave me for that and everybody was just… well, you know how they are.
"Especially Hōki and Inojin, I just… I had this strong urge to protect them and they made me happy. Everybody did. Over time, I just settled more and more and eventually agreed to go to rehab. It's been over a year now since I've been clean, but every day is still a struggle. And now…" he cut himself off, eyes widening once he realized he was about to slip. "Well that's it."
Hearing what Kawaki went through put some things in perspective for Boruto. While he had been struggling with his own demons these last two years, the other man had been fighting his own for his whole life. And he was still fighting. All of the blond's tantrums and hardships, they didn't seem nearly as bad as what Kawaki had gone through. Boruto couldn't imagine a life with so many bad memories . . . it was no wonder he wanted to make good ones. The fact that he had survived all of that was more than inspiring. Boruto respected him a lot, he was amazing. He made him want to try harder, to strive for better.
"And now . . . you just have to work on your restraint." Boruto finished for him. "Or at least, that's what Shikadai had said when he was talking to those people back at the center." The mediator had done his best explaining the situation, but they wouldn't listen.
"I don't think it's meant to happen for me… and it's kind of too late for me." He told him quietly. His fate was sealed and it was all his fault. There was nothing he could do now.
Once again, Boruto didn't understand. "How is it too late?" Here they were again back at the root of the problem. If only Kawaki would come clean with his feelings and tell him the whole truth instead of half of it, share his worries and fears. He wasn't so sure he convinced the other man after all, he was still sensing grief in his voice.
"Because, I fucked up. I always fuck up. It's just who I am."
Boruto tightened his hold and pulled him forwards until their foreheads were touching. "So what?" He didn't believe that, but if Kawaki honestly did, "so what?" He repeated. "I like who you are."
"That means a lot to me…" maybe in another life they could have been happy together. "You like me and can't even see me…"
"I can see enough." He could see the important things. "I just wish you could see it too. Hōki and Inojin were right . . . you're not as bad as you pretend to be. How about you take our word for it?"
"But I can't. You know what happened today. That's who I really am. Anything can set me off and I just black out and lose it. It won't be the last time."
"Right, because you're not a robot that can be magically fixed. You're always going to have anger issues, just like me." As Boruto spoke the words out loud, he realized just what that meant . . . and that he had to accept it. "But that doesn't mean we have to give up controlling it. Being perfect is overrated, but I think we could get damn near close." They had support there to help them. They had each other.
"You're so fucking sweet." Kawaki groaned, hugging his date once more with strong arms. "You really make me wish I could keep you forever."
The blond blushed at the thought. "Someone's confident." Thought he had said 'wish'. "What's stopping you?" He asked, almost inaudibly.
"I'm a fuck-up, remember?" He said as he ran his fingers through Boruto's silky blond locks.
"And I said so what, remember?" Boruto grinned, leaning into his touch. "I really couldn't care less."
"So even though I'm an asshole… maybe even an ugly asshole, you still like me…" Kawaki chuckled. He was still amazed that Boruto had agreed to this date at all.
"Well it's not like I have any room to talk." Boruto pointed out. "You haven't seen the worst of me, Kawaki. But I get the feeling you don't care about that . . . so I don't care about how bad you can be either."
"You're special, huh… I know I'll never forget you. Or tonight… I'm really happy."
Why did that sound like goodbye? "Me too."
Before long, their date had come to an end, though they ended up spending more than two more hours together before Kawaki took him home. He was having intense anxiety the whole drive and it only worsened whenever he parked. He got out, hands shaking as he helped Boruto out of the car and walked him to his front door. This was it and Kawaki found himself unable to breathe properly. Boruto was holding onto the rolled up painting with a cute smile on his face, his sunglasses hanging from the collar of his shirt instead of hiding his eyes.
"I have something else to give you… but don't check it until I'm gone, okay?"
Another present? "Okay." Boruto nodded and held out his hand, admittingly with excitement.
Kawaki bypassed his hand and slipped the key to his apartment in Boruto's pocket. He wouldn't be needing it anymore and he was sure the group would take care of things for him. "No touching… until I'm gone, okay?"
"If you insist." The directions were making him even more curious, but there was an underlying alarm bell ringing in his head.
He was so cute and sweet that he managed to melt Kawaki's heart no matter how much pain he was suffering mentally. The taller man cradled Boruto's face in his hands and dipped down to kiss him one last time, hoping to express his feelings to the blond in one way or another. When he straightened again, he smiled at seeing how flushed Boruto's cheeks were.
"Thank you again, Boruto. For everything. I had so much fun." His hands fell away and he took a step back, knowing it was time for him to go.
Something definitely wasn't right. "Yeah . . . see you at the next meeting."
"Take care of yourself." Kawaki said, forcing himself to turn around and walk away. He couldn't believe he held himself together for so long, but he was finally able to lose it as soon as he got back in his car.
Boruto went up to his sister's apartment as he heard the car pull out of the parking lot and was attacked by said sister the second he walked through the door. She grilled him about details, beyond happy that he had spent time with someone of his own accord. It wasn't that big of a deal and he hated to think of what she would do if he told her it had been a date. They didn't talk too long though, wrapping it up in less than an hour. She had to work in the morning after all and he wanted to examine his gift. After setting the painting down on his desk, he plopped down on his mattress and felt the small object in his pocket. Taking it out, he easily recognized the shape and feel of cold metal against his fingers.
A key.
A key to what? A bad feeling kept nagging at him and he wasn't sure what was causing, what was telling him something was very wrong. Of course Kawaki's behavior had been concerning, but to unsettle him to this degree . . . what if nothing he had said really helped the other man? What if . . . Boruto sat up and told his phone to text Hōki and Inojin. Out of everyone in the support group, they seemed to be the closest with Kawaki. He told them the taller man had been acting off the whole time they were together and he was worried. He hoped they were still awake, he didn't think he would be able to sleep if something wasn't done.
"Hōki says: 'Off? How off'?"
"Text to Hōki: He was holding back something important and wouldn't tell me no matter what I said. He's hurting." Boruto spoke, thinking over their long conversation. He had thought he helped Kawaki just a little at least, but the bad feeling in his gut said otherwise.
"Hōki says: 'Shit, he's not picking up his phone. How long has he been by himself'?"
He asked his phone what the time was. "Text to Hōki: About forty minutes."
"Hōki says: 'Something is definitely wrong. He turned his phone off… I better wake up Inojin and try to find Kawaki'."
That made it easier to breathe at least, maybe Kawaki would open up to them. "Text to Hōki: Alright, keep me updated please."
"Hōki says: 'I will. Thanks again'."
Little did Boruto know that that would be the last message he would get for the night. It was completely silent on Hōki's end and no other replies when he reached out to learn what was happening. It made his nerves skyrocket and he kept twirling the key around in his hand, trying to reason with himself. Nothing awful could have happened, right? Kawaki was at Inojin and Hōki's mercy when they were around. Surely they had gotten into contact with him, they were probably with him that very second. Everything was fine . . . but they weren't answering their phones. Boruto stayed in his room worrying even as the sun came up. Why was no one responding? What could have possibly happened?
It was really stressing him out, but as he heard his sister moving around in the kitchen he finally got a text message.
"Inojin says: 'Sorry! Things are crazy. Is there any way you could come over'?"
After waiting and waiting, that was all he got? And it did nothing to help his growing anxiety. He asked Inojin where they were and then left his room. Himawari was just about to start cooking breakfast when he saw Boruto come over, still in the clothes he had worn yesterday and sunglasses on as if he was about to go out. With a furrowed brow and a frown, she was cut off before she could finish her question about his appearance. Boruto asked her if she could drive him to Hōki and Inojin's apartment building before she went to work. He didn't want to worry about her stressing out as well on top of everything else, so he spared what little details he had and simply told her it was important.
Himawari was beyond confused however Boruto rarely asked her for anything. If he was asking her now, he really needed her help. She agreed to drive him and they left after she fixed and packed a quick breakfast. Important or not, she wasn't about to let Boruto skip breakfast. She was going to go inside with him, but he told her to go ahead and get ready for work. He would have one of his friends take him home later. The word friends influenced her quite a bit and despite her concerns she was happy for him. Himawari said to text her so she knew how whatever was going turned out, making him take the packed food with him.
Boruto huffed, but didn't fight it. He went as far as using his wretched cane to enter the building and asked a stranger to help him with the elevator. It wasn't an experience he liked, but he didn't have time to get upset about it. He was already upset enough anyway. Once he got to the right floor, he felt along the walls and doors to locate the room numbers. Inojin had given him the address and Hōki's apartment number, but it would have been smarter on Boruto's part if he got one of them to meet him outside. He found the right room regardless after a few minutes as he traced the number with his fingers.
"No! No, Kawaki! Ugh—stop it!" Hōki's shouts carried into the hall.
Boruto knocked on the door quickly, but didn't wait for someone to answer before he tried the handle. The door was unlocked and he walked right in with hurried steps, crashing right into what sounded like Inojin.
"Oof!" Inojin grunted and was barely able to prevent them from falling over. "Boruto—thank goodness."
"Where's Kawaki? What's he doing?"
"Boruto?" Hōki screeched, sounding just a few feet behind Inojin where a lot of ruffled noises were coming from.
Inojin helped the other blond get closer as he reached his hand out. "Kawaki? Are you here?"
Kawaki and Hōki were both on the floor, panting, their attention turning to him and capturing Kawaki's enough for Hōki to finally swipe the syringe in his hand. "Inojin!" Hōki tossed it to the blond and Inojin scrambled to catch it.
Boruto was left to stand by himself and he carefully moved his cane around on the floor. "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?"
"Give me my shit, Hōki." Kawaki rasped, gasping with each word as he struggled to breathe properly.
Inojin hid the syringe behind his back and took a few steps away.
Boruto followed the sound of his voice, his cane coming into contact with something. "What's wrong? Are you alright?" He sounded hurt.
"Get the fuck off of me." Kawaki growled and more shuffling was heard.
"No!" Hōki yelled, sending Inojin a pointed look that had him running off with the syringe. "It's gone. Let it go, Kawaki."
Blue eyes blinked helplessly behind his shades, staring in the direction of the other two on the floor. He knelt down to feel what his cane had bumped into and frowned when he realized it was a shoe. Were they seriously fighting?
"Why are you doing this?" Kawaki hissed, still struggling with Hōki. "Let me live my fucking life!"
"That's what I'm doing you jerk!" Hōki groaned loudly.
Inojin came back panting a little. "It's . . . it's done. I got rid of it."
Hōki sighed in relief while Kawaki cursed in a pained whisper.
"You know right? You know my life is over. I won't do it. I can't live in there. Just let me go. You weren't supposed to find me. None of you."
Boruto's blood was starting to run cold. "What were you going to do?" He asked in a quiet tone.
Kawaki didn't respond, unable to speak the words to Boruto aloud no matter how intoxicated he was. But Hōki pressed him.
"Tell him, Kawaki. Tell him what you turned to instead of us."
"There was nothing—there is nothing any of you can do! It's over." He finally managed to get Hōki off of him without hurting him and scrambled to his feet, staggering towards Inojin. "What the hell did you do to it?"
Inojin moved to stand behind Boruto, grabbing onto the back of the blind man's shirt. "It's gone!" He yelled and tried not to start crying again . . . he was the one that set all of this into motion with his episode. He turned Kawaki back into this.
Boruto was tired of being out of the loop and did his best not to lose his patience. "What the fuck is going on?"
Kawaki took a step back at the change in Boruto's tone and his wording. Hōki clambered to his feet and rushed over, smacking Kawaki right in the chest.
"He's an idiot! That's what the fuck is going on!" Hōki nearly screamed in outrage. "A whole year of sobriety, just thrown away! Just because you think you know everything!"
"You relapsed?" Boruto couldn't believe it . . . not Kawaki. He was one of the strongest members of the group, he was one of their main pillars of strength . . . even the mightiest fell sometimes, but . . . Kawaki was his light in the darkness. What would he do if he went out?
"Yes! Yes! Yes, I fucking did, okay?!" Kawaki choked on a sob and swayed on his feet enough to make him kneel where he was. "Thought it best to live a little before I'm finished. Is that so wrong?"
Boruto's ears were ringing and he couldn't speak right away. He needed a moment to take everything in, to put everything together.
Inojin wanted to go comfort him, but he knew he would just be pushed away. "You're not finished." He weakly protested as the guilt put a lump in his throat.
"Yeah, it's not over. There's no way any of us are letting them take you for five years or longer. Not even a few days." Hōki added.
Kawaki huffed and shook his head back and forth. "They don't want me free. I'm not good like you three." Kawaki croaked, his voice as broken as he was.
"Kawaki you're good. You mean so much to us. You're always protecting us. Let us protect you this time." Hōki spoke softly, sweetly and Kawaki looked back at him.
"I'm worthless. Just a damn pissed off junkie."
Boruto dropped his cane, the metal clanking against the hardwood floor. "Pissed off . . . I'll show you pissed off." He spoke lowly. He knew Kawaki was being consumed by hopelessness right now, he knew he was in pain. But he couldn't control his temper. "What was all of that supposed to be earlier? Your final goodbye to us? To me? You were just going to grit your teeth and bear it until they took you away. Let us deal with all the shit afterwards, shrug it off after a while with a simple 'there was nothing we could have done'? No matter what happens we're still going to have memories, Kawaki, I'm not going to wake up one day and forget.
"I'm not going to go off and find that happy ending because it doesn't fucking exsist. We don't get what we want, it's never perfect. The world is a fucked up and scary place and I hate it. I hate it so much sometimes, but you can't just walk out." Not even that long ago he had been trying to do the same thing, trying to leave Himawari, but now that someone he cared about was trying to do it to him . . . it put things into perspective. "You can't just end your life and leave us to carry on with our miserable ones without you. If jail is your own personal hell then tell it to fuck off. You've got people here, we're not going to disappear. Shit, I'll go to jail with you if you want. But if you call yourself worthless again I'm going to come over there and smack you."
Kawaki had gone silent, staring at Boruto throughout his outburst in disbelief and amazement. There were many things going through his unclear mind, but he was beyond touched by the rant the blond had gone on. He knew he was wrong, he couldn't deny it. However, he was at a loss. He didn't know how to fix anything.
"I'm sorry… I don't want you to hate me." He whispered. "I'm sorry."
Boruto took a deep breath. "Then get your ass over here and act like you have some sense."
Kawaki snatched Boruto by his wrist, tugging the blond against him in an instant and wrapping his arms around him in a crushing embrace. He leaned down to rest his cheek on top of Boruto's head, breathing shakily as he tried to calm himself. The shorter man held him back just as tightly and buried his face in Kawaki's chest. Boruto wasn't angry that he was scared and depressed, that he reeked of alcohol and had refused to share his feelings. He wasn't even angry that the other man had relapsed. What made him upset was that Kawaki was going to walk out of his life as if he was never coming back.
Boruto couldn't handle that. "We're staying together, aren't we? It can't end like this, I won't let it." He whispered. "So please . . . don't push me away."
"We can't," Kawaki shook his head, but only held him tighter. "they're going to take me away. For a long time… so what's the fucking point?"
Why couldn't he make Kawaki understand? What was the point? What was the point? Boruto couldn't believe he just said that. So if he did get locked up for a long time, the blond wasn't allowed to go see him? They were supposed to cut each other off and not even think about the day he would be released? There was no future? There was no point?
"You—you just—" Boruto was so worked up that he couldn't get his words out. He pushed at Kawaki's chest to break free, his last bit of control snapping.
The taller man stumbled at the surprisingly strong shove, at least in his intoxicated state. "What?" He groaned back. "Do you want me to lie? You think I want to be this way… that I want to be in fucking jail for five years… it will be even longer you know because I'm so fucking stupid!"
"Yeah, you are stupid!" Boruto yelled and kneeled down to find his cane. He needed to go before he started breaking shit. "Go ahead and throw everything away! It's apparently not important enough. How dare I try to make an effort, it's pointless. I'm pointless!"
"What?!" Kawaki's voice came out as loud and desperate as Boruto's. "It's not you! This is about me and my fuckups." He huffed at Boruto's fruitless search and grabbed him by the wrist to haul him back to his feet. "Just calm down."
"No! Get the fuck off of me!" He scowled. "This is about your life, but you don't want me in it—you don't want any of us in it in any type of way."
"It's not like that!" Kawaki yelled, holding him as still as he could, though Boruto was apparently a fighter. "I want you. All of you. But I don't want to be in jail. Why can't you understand?"
Was he serious right now? "Are you serious right now?!" He shouted, voice reaching a higher pitch. "I know that, do you think I want you to go either? Have you listened to anything I've said? You don't make any goddamn sense! Let me go, I'm leaving!"
"You're not fucking leaving!" Kawaki plopped down on the floor, bringing Boruto right along with him. His arms remained secured around his middle while he held him close. "I'm saying I can't survive jail. Not for that long. I'd rather die."
Boruto was pushing at his shoulders, but stopped at Kawaki's last words. In the next instant he smacked the grey eyed man right across the face. "You bastard." The blond got out, voice broken as his eyes filled with tears.
Kawaki's face was still turned from the slap to his cheek, that whole side stinging in a way that he would never forget, no matter what state he was in. Time had seemed to stop for a moment. Hōki and Inojin were just a few feet away, holding each other as they watched, crying and sniffling. Kawaki felt his heart drop at the sound of the three boys he wanted nothing more than to protect, crying, all because of him.
Then he snapped, but it wasn't in anger. It was from so much pent up frustration escaping him, pouring out in strong waves. He snatched the shades off the blond's face and flung them aside in favor of grabbing him by the face. In the same instant, he was kissing Boruto hard, holding him firmly in place.
It wasn't easy to force his lips away, but he did just long enough to whisper, "I'm sorry," then he kissed him again, a shorter kiss that was just as hard and desperate. "I'm so fucking sorry."
Boruto didn't get a chance to respond before he was kissed again. He wasn't supposed to kiss back, he was supposed to be angry, but he couldn't help it. He liked the idiot more than he could have ever imagined. He was weak for the man that helped him start to change his life.
"Oh God, Inojin… they're going to have make up sex right here, right now!" Hōki pretended to whisper. But he was loud.
Inojin let out a wet laugh. "Want to go to my apartment?"
"Well, I kinda wanted to watch… but okay. Let's."
Boruto honestly couldn't believe those two and would have given them a piece of his mind had his lips not been preoccupied. Kawaki wasn't letting up, paying no attention to the two's words or their departure. Even after they were long gone, Kawaki continued to kiss him, soon slipping his tongue into his mouth. Boruto could easily taste alcohol from the other man's mouth, but he didn't care. He didn't know if anything had changed, what exactly his sorry meant, where they stood or what was going to happen. But he knew he couldn't resist Kawaki's touch and seductive kiss. Boruto fisted his shirt as a soft moan left him and tears continued to fall from his eyes.
When Kawaki broke away, it was only because he needed to breathe. His heart was pounding dangerously and he was certain he was more high off Boruto than any drug or drink could ever get him. He stared dazedly at those beautiful teary eyes, hating himself all over again for being the cause—even though the redness didn't take away from how breathtaking they were.
"Boruto… I want you in my life." He admitted breathlessly, quietly, feeling so, so broken and yet so full of feeling. It was too much.
"Then prove it to me." Boruto told him just as quietly. "Don't make me look back at every moment we shared together with regret, hating myself because I couldn't do anything to save you." He didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to imagine Kawaki not being here anymore. He didn't care if it was selfish. "Don't turn my good memories into bad ones that only hurt the more I think of them."
"I never wanted that." Kawaki shook his head quickly. "I want good memories. I want more. I really do… but they're taking it away from me and I'm scared. I always lose everything… and just when I found you—"
A sad smile appeared on the blond's face. "You still don't get it . . ."
"I do… I'm going away and even if I could survive it, I would never want you to wait on me or anything like that."
"So what's the point." Boruto repeated and closed his eyes, dropping his head. He wasn't getting a say in this, he realized that now. He wasn't going to get a future with Kawaki because the man wouldn't let him. He didn't feel angry anymore . . . just devastated.
"I know I fucked up… nobody knows it as well as I do. And I'm sorry I dragged you into it. All I wanted was to make you happy… and make good memories… and get closer to you. I never meant to hurt you like this. I understand… if you hate me."
Boruto didn't think he could ever hate him, but he was tired. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to go home."
"Y-you're gonna leave?" Kawaki frowned, heart breaking all over again.
"That's what you wanted, isn't it? For us to say our goodbyes." Boruto bit his lip and tightened his grip on Kawaki's shirt. "You want . . . y-you want to . . ." He couldn't say it.
"It's not what I want, it's just… I don't want to make you suffer. But I—I don't want you to leave me."
They were just talking in circles. "What do you think is going to happen when you're gone? How can you make me say goodbye?" Originally he hadn't even given the blond that and planned to disappear altogether. More than just jail, Kawaki was talking about ending it all. The tears wouldn't stop and pretty soon he bit hard enough to make his lip bleed. "You're the one leaving me."
"I don't want to. I don't want to." Kawaki repeated over and over, trying to get his feelings across. "Even if I accept everything, they're forcing me away. I know it's my fault but… there's nothing I can do. You will forget all about me as soon as I'm locked up."
If Boruto had the energy and the heart, he would have smacked Kawaki again for that. "Then what's the point?" He threw back at him again and let go, pushing weakly at his chest. "Let go."
"No." Kawaki shook his head. "Please don't leave me."
The shorter man raised his head, more frustrated than ever that he couldn't see him. "Why are you fighting me on this? Do you only want me around when it's convenient for you?"
"No! Of course not. I want… if I have to go to jail… I don't want to be alone before then… because I don't trust myself."
Boruto wasn't a fool, he wasn't going to think that meant Kawaki had changed his mind about the future. After all this, why would he? But if this meant there was even the smallest chance that he wouldn't harm himself then Boruto was going to take it. He let himself go limp and simply rested against the other man in defeat.
"Thank you," Kawaki sighed in relief, dropping his head to rest against Boruto's. "Do you think… maybe I could get out sooner?"
"I think you're an idiot." Boruto stated without mercy. "But I hope so."
"And you would still be my friend… even after all that time… even though I'm an idiot?"
"Of course I would." Boruto said and let his eyes drift closed again.
"Okay… I believe you." Kawaki said quietly, playing with the blond's sleeve.
You bastard, Bouto thought as those words forced him to hope for the better, hope for a future where Kawaki wouldn't push him out of his life. He wanted to hope and believe that he could get through to that thick head of his. He had nothing else to say however and didn't want to argue anymore. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to think. For now he just wanted to rest and let that bastard hold him close. He wanted to have one more moment of peace in Kawaki's arms.