"I'm so lonely."
Once again, tears came to her eyes, she wiped the quickly. She did not want to them to fall on the the diary. And then she noticed a slight discolouration on the page, it looked like a water drop had landed there. She realized that it was a teardrop. El had been crying when she was writing those words.
"I'm ugly. My hair is never going to grow, I have no boobs. No boobs, no boyfriend. It doesn't make any difference how smart I am."
El thought back to the ride home.
"El? Can I ask why you cut your hair?" Max had asked from the front seat.
"I didn't cut it. It never grew longer from my years in the lab."
"Oh."
"Everyone said it looked cute though. I think they were just trying to make me feel better." she gave a quick side long glance to Mike. His head was down, he looked about ready to cry again.
El continued reading the diary. She read page after page detailing how lonely she was. It was heartbreaking to read.
I know El. She talked to the diary. I'm lonely too. I have boobs and hips now. El smiled to herself. Mike doesn't seem to be interested though.
It didn't help that when they got back into the apartment Mike said he was hungry. She cut him off and said, "You're a grown boy, you'll figure it out. I'm going to bed."
As soon as she went back and saw the bed she felt guilty. She gathered up some blankets and a pillow and walked back out to the living room.
Mike was just putting some Eggos in the toaster. He had turned around to look at her. "It's all I really know how to make." He shrugged. "What are the blankets for?"
"I'll make up the sofa for you."
"You don't have to do that El."
"Yes I do, Mike."
"Well, thanks. Those blankets look warm." El at least felt a little better when he said that.
The agonizing entries went on for a year. She had endured pages of bitter and joyless days. El had started to cry again. Have I been this lonely in every universe? That's not fair. I have a lot of love to give.
El's eyes widened at single entry on one page.
"I met a boy today. His name is Mike."
El burst out crying. I think I'm in love with him. How can that be? He hasn't really shown any interest, and I've only known him for what? Less than twenty-four hours.
The next page had more details.
" I was sitting at a table by myself eating my lunch and he was sitting over at the table everyone knows at The Party Table. He saw me sitting alone and came over and asked if I wanted to sit with them. I don't talk very much so I just ended up nodding. He smiled at me and I thought my heart would die. He has gorgeous eyes. I wanted to kiss him right away. But I already know, short hair, no boobs, no boyfriend.
El felt herself pleading with the diary, just tell him you love him El. He'll know, he'll understand.
She stopped herself. Time to admit it El. You love him. Where did it come from? Who knows, you don't question your heart. You have probably always loved him.
"Mike introduced me to his friends. Lucas and his girlfriend Maxine, but she goes by Max. Dustin and his girlfriend Suzie. Mike doesn't have a girlfriend."
"I like Mike! He's really nice to me. He said I could be in the Party. Everyone else agreed. I'm going to be the Mage. I don't know what that means yet, but Mike said he would explain it to me."
"I don't think Max or Lucas like me. I think that they think I might take Mike away from them. Mike and I spend a lot of time together. I really like him! But… I know what's going to happen if I tell him. He'll just say that we can be friends. I want to be more than friends."
No El! Tell him! He loves you. I know he does. El said to the diary.
"Troy called Mike a frogface and then punched him. He really hit him hard, and I walked him home because he said he was dizzy. I held on to his arm to steady him! He asked me not to tell his mom, she'll just go to the Principal and when Troy gets in trouble he'll punch Mike even harder the next time. I got Mike to his basement and cleaned him up, I used some ice to keep the swelling down. He looked into my eyes the whole time. I thought I'd melt. And then he said, "You have really pretty eyes El." And I started crying. He asked me right away what he did wrong, and I said I was ugly. He said, "No you aren't El. You're pretty. Really pretty. I think I cried even harder, I said "But what about my hair?" He said, "It really brings out your eyes."Short hair like that isn't the worst thing if you have pretty eyes like that, El. " And then I blurted it out. "But I have no boobs. Boys like boobs." He turned really red and said, "sure, but you will get them soon, they might not be humungous, but guys like me like pretty eyes and pretty faces… you have both. And you are smart." He wouldn't look at me. He was still red faced.
El was screaming to herself at the diary. Tell him you like him El. Just tell him! She read on.
"I was very careful what I said next… "do you… do you like me Mike?" He wouldn't look at me, but nodded. "Mike… look at me." His face was still red but he looked at me. I leaned over and just went for it. I kissed him! And he kissed me back! He had the softest lips. I'll remember that kiss for as long as I live."
El started crying again. I'm sorry El, Mike. I don't remember that kiss. I'm a different El. But you're not, El. She said to herself. You are his El! All the El's are same. They all love or will love their Mike's. Dustin practically said so.
I feel like shit. I was really bitchy to him today. Mike doesn't deserve that. I can't believe how hard he cried when I told everyone I'd been raised in a lab. It was that deep crying that made me want to cry with him Maybe he does like me. If I ever get a chance to kiss him, to really kiss him, I'll put my soul into it. Everything I have. I love him. I love him so much it hurts.
She continued to read the words that she wrote in this universe.
I could cry again. Mike asked me to be his girlfriend! I started to cry and he asked me If he'd said anything wrong, I told him I was happy, I told him he wouldn't be sorry he asked me. But Lucas and Max were pissed off. I don't know what their problem is, but I don't really like Max anymore. Mike and I have been spending more and more time alone. We kiss all the time. I absolutely love kissing Mike. He's a very good kisser. He said I was too, but I was the only girl he'd ever kissed, but he was pretty sure I was a good kisser.
El read the through the evolution of their relationship, how the love became stronger and stronger. It got very hard to read knowing that she didn't have that with Mike, or anyone for that matter.
She read about the first time they had sex, they were seventeen at the time. Before that, they had very heavy makeout sessions for sure, but they'd never slept together. The diary was explicit at times. Mike and El had a strong, loving relationship. They were willing to be adventurous. She read that Mike was a very considerate lover and apparently very talented at… a lot of things. El turned red while reading it. Oh El, you are a saucy girl. Where did you learn that?
El had to stop reading when she became aroused at what El had written. Shit, I hate having my period when I feel this way. I can't even throw myself at Mike right now. Even if I wanted to.
El turned the page. A small photo fell out. It was the same one that was framed in the living room. The one that showed them happy and at peace. And in love.
El read the pages it had been trapped between.
" I'm so happy. Mike asked me to marry him. After ten minutes of crying I managed to blubber out a yes. A thousand yes's."
El started crying again. I hate hormones . I'm pretty sure I'd be crying anyway, but the hormones going crazy doesn't help."
"Mike got a job fixing watches at jewelry story in the mall. It pays well enough for us to get a small apartment. "
El made it a point to ask Mike what kind of work he did… before.
"We just moved in, the apartment is perfect, maybe we'll buy a house later, but I'm fine living here forever with Mike."
I am too. El said to the diary. She looked up at the time. It was two in the morning. She hadn't slept at all, even after being exhausted from the day's events. But she was half asleep now that she'd finished the diary.
This is funny. I don't think I can sleep unless I'm right beside him. Then El decided, just like her namesake in the diary to just go for it.
She went out to the living room, she could hear Mike snoring a little. She went around to the sofa, his back was up against the cushions. There was plenty of room. She got underneath the blanket with Mike and pushed herself back into him until he was spooning her.
She wasn't sure she was half asleep when she heard it, or Mike was half awake when he said it, but the words were, "We belong together El." His arm went around her.
She felt safe, warm, and deeply in love.
"I know, Mike."