Sequel to Serendipity
Fuji smiled at Tezuka, enjoying the company that he had missed in all these years. Hearing the conversation that he knew was always strange to others but full of meaning to him like they once did sparked a feeling of nostalgia. So he smiled like he used to around his former teammate, looking into hazel eyes that narrowed slightly before Tezuka too began to smile. He had missed this. They had missed this and it showed.
Their laughter died and Fuji looked away for a moment to compose himself. It had been a while since he had felt that kind of happiness again. With the way he had broken up with his boyfriend to seeing Tezuka again had made him go through an emotional crisis. This moment was almost necessary for him to breathe a little. He could feel that gaze on him so he turned to look at Tezuka. All signs of laughter had dissipated and his usual stoic expression had regained its place except it wasn't as placid as others would see it to be. No. There was more to it that most people wouldn't be able to pick up on it.
Letting his smile fade, he stared into fierce eyes as they looked back at him. The same ones that used to follow him around the court during their time together fighting for it all and the same ones that would see him during hard times. He was at a loss for words as he saw the raw emotion in them; genuine, passionate and sincere, something that felt so unlike Tezuka. Entrapped in the gaze that was so foreign to him, he thought that this might have been the same expression he had given Tezuka that night, bare and unguarded. He felt that same ounce of anxiety come back as Tezuka hesitantly leaned forward. Fuji could feel his heart race, his hands grow hot and just then he wanted to pull away in an attempt to shut his mind off from the thoughts that ran amok but he knew he needed this. The confirmation of what had happened that night, of what he felt; he wanted to relive it even if it was just once more.
Looking down not knowing what else to think but that Tezuka smelled like the coffee that he had drank; sweet and strong, calming what little it could. As he let himself go into this moment, the only one that mattered, he could sense the tension that they didn't want to acknowledge. It was a mutual bridge to walk down and it was one they had begun to walk but had yet to see the weight it held. Fuji closed his eyes giving Tezuka silent permission. For a second all he heard was the clock ticking in his bedroom and the distant noises coming from the outside world hoping that he could let it all wash away the way he felt; nervous, scared and perhaps a little confused. The scent that Tezuka doned grew a little stronger making his heart skip a beat.
Just then, he felt soft lips gently press against his. Tender and full of emotion but not everything he felt like that night. Fuji clenched his hand and Tezuka pulled away. "I'm sorry." He heard him whisper against his lips. Fuji couldn't understand why. Perhaps it was the way his body unwillingly gave off the tension he didn't want to show or maybe the lack of reaction but, opening his eyes once more he looked into Tezuka's and saw that they held so much to them; love and uncertainty unlike that night. Fuji glanced at Tezuka's lips and softly smiled, true and bare, conveying everything he could into one gesture. It wasn't fear but the realization of feeling what he had felt within him that night had made everything feel like the fog had lifted. Slowly, he shifted so that he was on his knees. Fuji glanced at Tezuka's lips once more. It was okay because he finally had this chance, he finally would be able to know what it felt like to fully convey the way he felt. His mind began to spiral and he ignored it. Tentatively leaning forward, Fuji let his lips press against Tezuka's. Fuji felt the shock before he could feel him respond. It was soft, slow and he could feel the tension that was barely there dissipate as Tezuka slowly began to respond to him in yet another bout of hesitation.
Unlike that night where there was this pull of two forces coming together with a hint of desperation; this time it was a newfound emotion that felt indescribable. But for the first time, it felt like it was supposed to.
Reluctantly pulling away, Fuji looked into astonished eyes. The only look that hardly fit the athlete but at this very moment relatable because he felt it too. The tug that he had felt with him. That they had with each other. After all these years the feeling of want amplified between them however they had moved faster than they had imagined. Fuji didn't think anymore. It didn't benefit him to do so.
Tezuka looked into Fuji's eyes admiring everything. He hadn't known what it was to love someone but he knew from that day that he would love Fuji endlessly. It was inexplicable the way he made him feel even if there was uncertainty between them, he knew that in their own way they'd figure it out. He didn't think that Fuji would take the step that he needed to be with him in this moment. It felt overwhelming but at the same time it wasn't enough. It had only been a week since they last shared the same space like this. In the back of his mind he thought it might be time that was causing Fuji to do so and at that stark thought he felt his heart drop. "Fuji." Tezuka only said. His voice came out like a whisper but his name itself held a weight to them both.
Fuji heard his name slip from Tezuka and he knew what it meant, he knew what it stood for but he genuinely wanted this. He softly smiled and placed his lips onto Tezuka's just enjoying how they felt against his. There was a bit of familiarity to them as it wasn't their first but he could still feel every nerve in his body on edge like before. He wasn't going to lie and say he had never thought of how it felt because he did. He wanted to know but back then he wouldn't dream nor dare on it. Back when he had gained feelings for Tezuka, he didn't know what was wrong with him. He wasn't sure if it was just their kinship or the fact that they were friends that had sparked it but just like their kiss, he knew it wasn't that simple.
Tezuka looked into Fuji's eyes and there was a question that wasn't being asked but he heard it clearly. Moving to sit back to his respective seat, Tezuka furrowed his eyebrows in slight worry and he felt those lips on him again, taking away whatever thought had entered his mind. It was like being breathed into someone. Inexplicable, intoxicating yet not enough. The same touch that had been on his bare chest now ran through his hair in a way that sent shivers down his spine. Why hadn't he been attentive then let all the time slip by? Somewhere, he thought back on that night, the way that man had spoken to Fuji and it left a strange feeling in him. One he hadn't ever felt. Being with him now with their relationship rekindled with a more impactful reunion he never knew he needed, he never knew would amount to this; the feeling of loss was like falling back into place and the puzzle pieces felt like they fit perfectly together. It was like being home yet …
It wasn't desperation and it wasn't time, it was curiosity. Even then, Fuji knew that he shouldn't have allowed his emotions the better of him but as they continued, he knew that he had opened Pandora's box. It felt good, warm, inviting, welcomed and so Tezuka like. The arm that hesitantly snaked around his waist made his breath hitch and Tezuka slowed down only to pull away for reassurance. Hazy and unfocused, Fuji looked into worried eyes finding himself lost in them. It was like he could hear the words before they formed like he used to so many years ago. He would've never thought that what they had back then as friends would amplify like this nor feel like this. Fuji looked away feeling everything he built to keep himself at bay, to keep himself in check when it came to Tezuka crumble away. Everything he hid and everything he thought would just go away with time; but being in the arms of that same person, in the arms of the one that once understood him proved to be close to impossible. It was impossible to throw away these feelings that had developed and everything came crashing back, unable to stop.
Fuji felt the hand on his back move up to his cheek, he couldn't look away anymore. Glancing into unwavering eyes, he closed his and gave Tezuka the silent approval that he had done so before. The anticipation that he expected, the lips that he longed for took longer than usual and somewhere in his mind the sirens were going off but he ignored them. The question that was left unsaid only made the tension grow and he knew they were both at fault. Taking in a deep breath as Tezuka's tongue swept his mind blank, he felt the weight being distributed and suddenly, Fuji was looking up at Tezuka bewildered at the action. Softly panting, Fuji looked away knowing that he couldn't face him not like this. It was difficult to accept the truth and it was difficult to want affirmation when all he wanted was to believe this was real. He knew Tezuka well and right now…
"Fuji." Tezuka whispered again making that baritone voice sound like a megaphone to his ears. Fuji closed his eyes again not wanting to let his mind work for once but he knew that that decision alone was a careless one. He heard the rustling of Tezuka's clothes, "Syuusuke." Fuji fought with the wild thoughts running through his head, the way his name ran off Tezuka's tongue and the tone used for it indicated that he wasn't there with him and he knew that. He looked back into those eyes that suddenly made him feel more vulnerable than ever. He felt the words leave him as he composed them but he couldn't because his blood was rushing, his emotions were barely in check and it was hard to even think at all. Just as he was about to form the words necessary to reply, Tezuka had placed his lips on his again. It was the reassurance he wanted but not the answer they both needed. He softly moaned against them feeling that same warmth he always used to feel when he was with him so close to him. Fuji tentatively placed his hand on the small of Tezuka's back wanting him daringly close.
It was a single touch that was enough to convey what it was that he felt. The feeling of having him close made everything feel tangible and every doubt he felt to dissipate. Tezuka felt it and that made the moment a bit harder to take in. Even with time lost, Tezuka still could understand him in ways he wouldn't have ever dreamt of and it was causing his mind to go blank. He hadn't thought of the consequences, he hadn't thought of what would come once this moment had ended and right now it was the only answer they needed. But however much he wanted to allow his mind the space it needed to come up with the solution, gentle but cautious hands ran into his shirt eliminating whatever progress he had made. He gasped at the touch clutching at the shirt Tezuka had. Just then Tezuka nipped at his neck making him grasp harder at the fabric underneath his fingertips. How much had he wanted this all those years ago? How much had he thought that if he had the courage then that maybe it would come to this except seeing that expression, those eyes crinkle in a way that made his heart ache that day; that afternoon after it had all been done and fought with made him realize what it meant to have this friendship. It wasn't enough to jeopardize everything. It wasn't enough to throw away the trust they had in one another. That alone had saved him from losing it all until he cut the cord… or at least he thought he did.
He remembered clearly the day Oishi had sent the email. The email welcoming back the same man he fell in love with. The same man that was once their team captain and most importantly his best friend. He had thought he had let it all go but thinking back on it, Eiji was always keeping up with him. It was a good friendship they shared. No in between and of course, they had something in common. Even if he chose not to voice it, Eiji knew of it and because of everything that had happened he grew to understand the feelings that he couldn't let go of.
On that same day, he had argued with his boyfriend. He couldn't even begin to count how many times it had been that they had argued but yet they had a somewhat of a special relationship. Like all relationships begin, they had a wonderful friendship that he was grateful for but when it came to everything that included them being together, he couldn't understand the light he was put under. He was often humiliated in subtle ways or treated like a possession rather than a person. Fuji knew it was a toxic relationship that he needed to have ended but he held on for different reasons that even he couldn't even begin rationalizing himself with. So he had ended it and not to his surprise, he threw a tantrum that he had wished his neighbors hadn't heard. The door had nearly broken that day when he had left leaving him in the confined silence of his apartment.
Thoughts began to form and the many negative thoughts that rose. It was a side of him he was well aware of yet he never liked to face it until suddenly it dawned to him after several hours that Tezuka was coming to Japan. That had sent him into another bout of emotions and it became harder to think of anything else aside from the fact that he would get to see Tezuka after eight long years. Fuji didn't know it would come to this. He didn't know that he wouldn't be able to keep up that facade anymore because he knew when he saw Tezuka again that there was something that was on his mind and it was probably the question of why he hadn't heard from him. After talking with him more he noticed the slight changes, taking mental notes at the way Tezuka wouldn't drink, noticed the slight cut just above his eyebrow, noticed the new pair of glasses he wore that didn't look much different than the old ones he had but out of everything that he came to notice about him that night it was the way Tezuka wouldn't look away from him. It was intimate yet fierce but he didn't think much of it.
Tezuka pulled away slightly flushed. That reassurance that had been there disappeared along with the moment they had shared. It was a clear question that Tezuka wanted to resolve and Fuji understood. He knew that they would have to figure it out before they went any further for each other's sake but the need to have that answer grew with every kiss, with every touch. It might've been selfish and probably even the timing that caused what happened next.
Fuji furrowed his eyebrows and sat up thinking that maybe something was wrong. "Tezuka?" His mind began racing, his heart dropped as he sat there panting; trying to regulate his breathing. Then it hit him that maybe…
"I'm sorry." Tezuka whispered sending those alarms blaring, those thoughts running and his blood rushing. Fuji could see the look in those eyes, the emotion that had been there was gone along with everything else he wanted to accept "I don't think I can do this."
The words rang through his ears. He knew what he meant by the words yet he felt that insecurity and that fear he had felt eight years ago come back tenfold. He knew they were moving too fast, he knew that this was something they needed to rebuild and right now they had to answer the question of what they wanted to do with their newfound feelings for one another. Tezuka lived in Germany and he, well he lived here in Japan working as a fashion designer. Fuji was uncertain of what path they would take and so was Tezuka but still the fear that Tezuka might've come to his senses of being with him of all people struck so hard that he dared himself to take the breath that was knocked out of his lungs. Fuji looked away trying to make sense of everything, fighting with the negative thoughts and fighting with the side of him that wanted to rationalize everything else.
The silence was palpable but it wasn't enough to feel uncomfortable. When it came to Fuji nothing ever was. "I want this to work." But how? He whispered.
He felt his heart stop if not for a second maybe even more. He knew this was what they were both running away from. He knew that once they figured this out, the outcome could be entirely different. They both wanted this more than anything and if the touches and kisses weren't enough, the look Tezuka had in his eyes was enough to tell him otherwise. Fuji looked down in genuine thought. When Tezuka had left all they had were emails, that was enough for him to know that his best friend was doing well. It was enough for him to know that their bond had continued to live on. Over time, he couldn't bear to hide his feelings anymore and the thought of wanting to run away from Tezuka grew evident. It wasn't to hide but he couldn't remember how many times he had written his feelings before erasing them. Thinking back on it then, he didn't think it would be like that for him. He smiled at the pure memories of adolescence. Immature thoughts had risen then along with everything that had happened with his family.
"It can be like old times," The response that came as quietly as the murmur from the outside world drifted into Tezuka's ears. The answer was simple but he found himself thinking of the days he counted then awaiting Fuji's emails. Whether it was intentional or not, he knew it was simple and times were even simpler. Back then, his training had negated him the time necessary to entertain the thought that maybe Fuji might have had feelings for him. It was simple yet… Tezuka looked down at Fuji whose eyes were still averted from him and all he could think of was that even with everything that had happened, he was still unable to face the truth of it. Tezuka couldn't blame him. It had happened so fast that their first kiss of last week was lost within the ones they had shared now. "I want to fix it." Time in between Fuji finally said looking up at Tezuka. He wanted to reassure him this time that nothing would be lost. What they had built then and now was still as real as it was now. He convinced himself that everything led to something and he wondered what would have happened if he hadn't lost contact with Tezuka then. Would something like this ever occur or would their friendship actually grow on something else?
It was a strange feeling. It was fear, guilt and maybe even happiness that fleeted through him and at that, Tezuka chuckled. The look that came along with it from Fuji made it harder to stop before Fuji too laughed at his brutally honest response. "Me too." Tezuka whispered.
Maybe it wasn't a sure answer but one thing they knew for sure, and that was that this time it wouldn't be broken so easily. Trust was all they had in each other so they were going to build together, slowly and maybe even build new pathways that led to something unimaginable. They wouldn't forget what led them here but they finally had all the time they needed to put the pieces of that journey together.
Tezuka's placed his hand on Fuji's as he leaned forward again taking Fuji by surprise as lips pressed against his. Pulling away, Tezuka couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat at the incredulous face Fuji had before pressing his lips on his once more. Trying to forget the struggles that had led them to everything, it felt like the weight had been lifted the moment Fuji's arms wrapped around his neck. He wanted everything to be right and no moment would be better than this one. He tried to think back on when it had meant something else for him. Fuji was his friend then and thinking back on that day after their nationals he realized there were signs then of something more. Too overshadowed by everything back then he couldn't realize it but it might've happened then when he felt something for his best friend. Still, with his scholarship to Germany inevitably taking him away from the comfort of his home and into a foreign world that would lead him to achieve everything he wanted, he didn't have much time to think on anything aside from staying in touch. The feeling he had the day he came back to Japan was full of what he could only described as panic and perhaps fear of not being welcomed again by the one person he had been the closest to and to his surprise, it was more than just that.
Letting himself enjoy the moment of something so foreign yet so familiar take hold of him, he slowly pulled away to look into those pools of blue that were dazed and held an emotion he couldn't grasp. He wanted to know him for him again. So much time had passed that he was prepared to let everything in from his insecurities to his unique antics. Fuji lightly chuckled and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Tezuka smiled. "I know." He whispered. It was a little scary because it was them.
Fuji ran his fingers through ruffled hair like he had done so the first time they had kissed and he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. It was a good kind of scary and just like Tezuka had confirmed what he had been thinking about, he hid himself in the crook of Tezuka's neck. None of this felt real but as Tezuka went to kiss him again and a tentative hand ran into his shirt again he threw everything that ran through his head out. It was as real as the scent of coffee that Tezuka still doned and it was going to take a while to get used to. He wondered if Tezuka had been with other men but the thought had been dismissed when Tezuka pulled away flushed unsure of how to fully continue. He chuckled pulling him in for another kiss.
"Kunimitsu, we'll be heading out soon." His coach said as he walked into his hotel room. Tezuka had packed his shirts and the rest of his supplements needed during the match. Taking hold of his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, he looked around thinking if he needed anything and headed out the door. He placed his hand in his pocket and followed his coach through the hotel.
There was a ping that came from his phone and he pulled it out in the elevator hoping he wouldn't lose service. A small smile formed as he opened the message.
"Good luck today. It seems we're all getting together again to watch you play. It'll be like old times. By the way, I think I'm getting an opportunity to work at a studio! But I'll call you later! Be careful Mitsu"
Tezuka smiled at the message and headed into the van. After today's match he'll call Fuji and hope he would have the chance to congratulate him but for now, he had a match to win and a promise to keep.
A/N: There are a lot of things I had wanted to add to this but I didn't want to move away from the initial feeling of desire and confusion that I really wanted to convey in this one. There were so many ways I wanted to end it and so many ways I wanted to start it but I chose something a little simple. Let me know what you guys thought of this.
It's literally the beginning of the first day celebration for Fuji's birthday and I have so much planned. For those of you wondering, I have like no time to myself to write but I'm trying I swear xD I have too many ideas that never get finalized. But onward to bigger things it's a LEAP YEARRRRRR!