Rewritten: 2019/11/04.

When you think of business, what sort of day do you think is best to make some money?

...if your answer was 'I don't know', that's right! Close enough. It really doesn't matter, because there's way too many factors that needs to be considered.

For a certain someone, however, the answer was obvious: the day you discover some game-changing item! Bonus points if it transforms you into a princess. More bonus points if it's a specific princess that everyone loves. And even more bonus points if it doesn't change the color palette to match that princess, because let's face it- copyright laws or whatever shticks are complicated.

Nevertheless, on this fine and lovely day, managing her stall stacked with several Super Crowns, grinning happily at her successful business, was our lovely princess... except she had horns.

And a black dress.

And several spiked bracelets/bangles/something.

And a green, spiky shell stuck to her lower back, just above her butt.

(Ah, were you expecting some perverted comment on that butt? Sorry, I'm not suicidal enough to bait someone into leading an army against me and accusing me of random perversion. Then again, writing this in might also be troublesome. Hmm... oh well. I'm too lazy to remove this. (Wow.))

"You know, you could just not make that sort of remark in the first place," the girl, who was definitely not Princess Peach, said.

Don't tell me how to write my shit, B-

"Hey! No spoilers!"

...well, I do agree with that view, so I'll refrain myself from stating who you are, but I'm sure everyone already knows.

"Whatever. Get lost! My next customers are coming!" the girl whispers with a grin. She just knew this was her best idea yet!

Some random Toad showed up and examined the sign. "...crowns that will turn you into the princess?" he asked in that annoying, high-pitched voice we all know and love. (If you somehow can't imagine it, go watch chuggaaconroy's first episode playthrough of Super Mario Galaxy 2. That madman voiced every Toad he could in the opening playthrough of the game! Kuddos, lad. Kuddos.) "...seems fishy."

"Trust me, it's not fishy nor chickeny nor whatever meat you can think of at all!" the girl said. She pointed to the crown on her head, embedded with a similar, mysterious pink shroom. "See this? Even I'm wearing it! And I'm not the princess!"

The Toad blinked. "...huh. I was wondering why the princess was doing business and looking so... goth."

"Well, at least you didn't say emo," the girl said. "...are those the same thing?"

"I dunno."

"Anyways, don't you want to buy one?" the girl asked. "Buy your own and become the princess you've always dreamed of being, just for two hundred coins!"

The Toad rubbed his chin. "Hmm... I dunno. I've always wanted to be a construction worker..."

"Princesses can be construction workers too!" the girl yelled. "Are you being sexist? Are you saying girls can't do construction jobs!?"

"W-what!? No! I'm not..."

"Put this thing on!" the girl said and slammed a new crown onto the Toad, who almost screamed when his body exploded with smoke. Within a few seconds, he had become a she. The now-doppelganger looked around her blue dress and silky red hair, then did a twirl. "What do you think?"

The Toad broke into a smile. "W-wow... this actually feels nice... I'll take it!"

After a short payment session, the Toad waved to not-Peach and walked away. Not-Peach grinned, her hand curling into fists. "Yes! Another one sold! I am a fucking genius!" Whoa there, pardner. Keep it PG. "Fuck off, I'm doing great!" Sheesh.

Suddenly, she heard familiar voices clearing their throat, and looked up.

Who else but two dorky plumbers with mustaches to ruin her day? "Gack! Mario and Green 'Stache!?"

The recognition caught the two by surprise. Mario and Luigi exchanged glances. "...you know her?" Luigi asked.

Mario shrugged. "I don't-a think so..." he said with a frown. Gack? Didn't think I'd hear-a that being said out loud...

"Of course you don't!" Not-Peach hissed. "And it should stay that way- you're ruining my business! Get lost! Scram! Shoo, shoo!"

Asides from the fact that she was trying to shoo them away like some sort of feral beast, Luigi was more curious about what she had said than her appearance. "...there's-a no one around," he pointed out.

"Not with you two around!" Not-Peach yelled. "You're scaring everyone away or something!"

"...right." Mario tilted his head. "So... uh... you're not-a the princess, right?"

"Of course not. She wouldn't dress herself with black, that's just cringe-worthy for her." Not-Peach rolled her eyes. "Especially not after that Shadow Queen business."

"Oh..." Luigi muttered. I thought she was-a going through an emo phase...

The two plumbers blinked. "...wait, how do you-"

"Anyways!" Not-Peach cut them off, unaware that she, a complete stranger (as of this point) to them, shouldn't know about that incident. "Want to try these out?"

"Try-a... what?" Mario asked.

Not-Peach grinned and gestured behind her. "These! The Super Crowns!" she said. "They're awesome, and they can transform you into basically Princess Peach!" she then leaned closer to them, to whisper, "With a different color palette, of course, since copyright's a bitch."

Does copyright apply to real life identity...? Mario and Luigi both wondered. The plumber in red then rubbed his chin. "Hmm... these aren't... illegal, are they?" he asked. "I've never seen these-a crowns before... much less even-a heard of it..."

"Nah, don't worry about that," Not-Peach said. "I just discovered them recently. Yep, me. Thank me later, boys."

"...I smell a lie," Luigi muttered.

"Shove it, Green 'Stache!" the black-dressed princess hissed. "Anyways, hurry it up, will you? There are millions waiting for me!"

Mario looked behind him, where uninterested Mushroom Kingdom citizens and some notable Peach doppelgangers lingered around the area, but weren't lining up. "Uhh... sure."

Luigi, however, felt his brain getting to work. Wait... Green 'Stache... that sounds-a like...! His eyes widened, and he jumped back. "B-Bowser has a daughter!?"

Mario and Not-Peach looked at him quizzically. "What?" the princess said.

"Luigi," Mario said, "we've met-a Wendy many times already. Where is this even-a coming from?" he asked, clearly concerned for the taller brother's well-being.

"No, not-a that!" Luigi said. "L-look at her! She has-a horns! And, and a spiky Koopa shell! And she calls me Green 'Stache!" he listed. "It's, it's definitely Bowser's-a daughter... oh no! She looks-a like the princess! Does that mean-"

"And she's wearing a crown," Mario added.

"Oh. Guess that explains the appearance," Luigi said.

Both stared at Not-Peach, who wondered what they were going to do next.

Wait... horns... spiky shell... Green 'Stache... knows about the Shadow Queen...

The two plumbers blinked. "...you're related to Bowser somehow..." they finally concluded, even though that was pretty much confirmed some time ago.

Not-Peach grinned. "Well! Wouldn't you two like to know!" she said, laughing out loud. Hands reaching up to her crown, she pulled it off, and smoke explosions ensued. The two plumbers began swiping around, clearing the place of smoke, and their eyes widened upon realizing who was doing business in the stall.

In the place of Not-Peach, was the one and only king of Koopas himself, Bowser.

"B-B-Bowser!?"

Putting the crown back on, reverting to her Peach-form, Bowser-Peach grinned and stuck her middle finger up. "That's Bowsette to you now, punks!"