Rewritten: 2019/11/05.
If Peach had to think of the worst situation that could happen, it would be that the world would accept the Super Crown thing with open arms.
To be fair, from most perspectives, it wasn't causing any harm. It's a crown that turns the wearer into a clone of Peach. Simple. Maybe there was the controversy of using a 'genderbent a guy into a girl' premise which would obviously anger some group of people at least, which would then involve questionable terms like 'transphobic' which I never really understood completely, but hey- the worst that Peach could imagine was the eventual extinction of males. Or, well, of anyone who wasn't a Peach clone, really.
From the perspectives that weren't part of that 'most', however- and that translated to 'from only her perspective'- seeing a bunch of clones with your face everywhere was a nightmare. Hell, whose idea was this?
Seriously, at least she was sure that Mario and Luigi, the two heroes of her kingdom, would definitely stay by her side on this issue.
After all, she's the lovely, innocent princess that everyone loved. What could possible go wrong?
...was what she initially thought, until, while taking a stroll through her kingdom to calm herself, she spotted the two plumbers in front of a stall, holding and eyeing their own somethings curiously.
For those that couldn't guess by now, those 'somethings' were Super Crowns.
And Peach, as one could tell by the horrified/disgusted expression on her face, was not liking what she was seeing.
"...Mario, Luigi," she said, getting their attention. An aura of death flared around her, screaming 'murder'. "What. Are you two. Doing."
The two turned their heads to the princess, unsure of what to say. "Uhh..."
"Hey, princess!" Not-Peach (Bowsette) greeted with a grin. "Long time no see! Look at all the money I'm making!" she said, gesturing to... nothing that really showed the profits, but everyone sort of understood the message. "Man, I am one great business manager! ...maker? I, I dunno, something amongst those lines. I don't study any schmuck vocabulary."
Peach could only frown in confusion and, obviously, seeing as it was yet another doppelganger of her, contempt. "...am I supposed to know you?"
"Sort of, yeah," Bowsette replied.
"Right." I'll save her for later. She quickly turned back to the Mario brothers, but then her mind finally made the connection that they received their crowns from this shady clone. Then, glancing behind Bowsette, she noticed the piles of Super Crowns. "Wait- you asshole! The crowns are coming from you!"
The goth-palette clone raised her hands in defense. "Whoa now, princess, let's not throw around accusations here-"
"I can see the crowns behind you!" Peach hissed.
Bowsette leaned sideways and whispered to the Mario brothers. "Sheesh, someone's moody much. What's her deal?"
Mario and Luigi exchanged glances, then looked at her quizzically.
"Oh, right. Kidnapping stress. My bad."
"Okay, seriously. Who are you?" Peach asked once more. "And how did you know that I've been-"
Bowsette removed her Super Crown, engulfed in another cloud dust, revealing her true, turtle dragon thing form. "It's-a me!" he roared.
"...it's you!?" Peach shrieked.
"It's me!" Bowser confirmed.
"It's you!" Peach hissed.
"It is I!" Bowser said.
"Bowser!" Peach said.
"The one and only!" Bowser said.
"And-a me!" Luigi chimed in.
The group stopped to look at Luigi, with clear-as-day 'what the hell, Luigi?' expressions.
Said plumber in green shrank in embarrassment. "Sorry..."
It took a few seconds of silence for said silence to disappear, as Peach whipped her head back violently towards her daily kidnapper. "Bowser!"
"Yes ma'am!" Bowser said with a salute, and a proud, shit-eating grin.
"You ass. You son of a bitch!" the princess in pink hissed. "What the hell have you done!?"
Bowser grinned. "What the hell have I done? I've been profiting, that's what!" he said, spreading his arms with pride. "I mean, look at all the money I'm making!"
"You know, he could at least-a bring out the money to show us instead of-a showing us questionably blank results..." Mario whispered to Luigi, who snickered.
"I mean, ever since I discovered the Super Crowns- no thanks to that pink Toad girl, by the way-"
"Toadette?" Peach said. "...speaking of which, I haven't seen her at all today..."
Bowser blinked.
"...Bowser, what did you do?"
The beastly king laughed. "Ah, forget that schmuck, she's a loser anyways," he said. "Anyways! I totally discovered these, and since they turn people into clones of you, I thought- hey! Maybe people who have always wanted to become princesses can finally become, and I say this, not just princesses, but perfect princesses!"
If anything, Peach was slightly tempted to feel flattered, but currently her 'pissed' meter was off the charts, the annoyance she felt way higher than her slight embarrassment at that subtle praise. "And you're spreading this in my kingdom, why!?" she asked. "Get out! Go spread this stupid crap in your own kingdom!"
Again, Bowser blinked.
Oh. Peach wasn't dumb, so the implication of that ever so innocent blink told her everything. "...you didn't," she began. Yes, she knows, she literally suggested him to go do that just now, but that's literally not what she was hoping to happen or have happened at all.
"Oh, I did, alright," Bowser said. He put his Super Crown back on his head, once again reverting him into the Internet phenomenal disaster, Bowsette. "And you can bet your beautiful ass that I'm going to spread this to everyone! Because everyone deserves these wonderful items, of course. Out of the kindness in my heart, I-"
"Hell no!" Peach said. "Go to hell! Why would you ever think that's a good idea!?" she said.
Bowsette shrugged. "Lady, when you think about it, it's not that bad of a plan," she said. "Think of all the dreams and wishes I can be fulfilling right now, turning people not just into women, but into beautiful princesses." Peach stared, a small percentage convinced. "That, and it's hilarious." Not anymore. Peach pulled out a frying pan, her eyes glowing with 'murder', and she stomped closer. "W-wait, wait!"
Peach stopped.
"A-also, maybe I could just kidnap a clone of you instead of you, resolving our same old routines...?" the goth-palette clone added.
After a few seconds, the princess of Mushroom Kingdom lowered her frying pan. "..."
"Also, might I ask why women getting violent are always associated with pulling frying pans out? Or sometimes?" Bowsette added.
Ah, well, you see, my friend, I'm not actually sure how often that is depicted, but I just think Peach sticks quite well with frying pans. OF course, that's not saying I'm low-key lining her to sexist kitchen jokes by using kitchen utensils, I mean-
"Oh, no, don't you dare change the subject," Peach growled. "We are not going to discuss one of your stupid questions right now," she said, addressing me with no more care of the fourth wall. "We are going to talk about this Super Crown shenanigan." Turning back to Bowsette, she narrowed her eyes. "You can't expect me to approve of this, even with that sort of reasoning."
Bowsette rubbed her cheeks, uh, cheekily. "Well... maybe."
"Ugh- Mario! Do something about this!" Peach said.
The almost-forgotten plumbers jumped a bit, somehow brought back into the conversation. Mario rubbed his chin. "Hmm... I mean, I don't-a know... he does make a good point..." he said.
"You've got to be- you're saying at the cost of my safety, he can just kidnap a random person turned into me!?" Peach hissed.
"N-no, no, I'm not-a... oh, I see the problem now," Mario said.
"To be fair, doesn't have to be kidnapped now," Luigi pointed out, but as per his usual misfortune, nobody listened to him. (And holy shit, that was actually one of the most valid points this guy has ever raised.) "Hey, I make-a good points plenty of times!" (Quiet, Green 'Stache.) "Aww, shucks..."
Meanwhile, Peach looked at Bowsette again. "Bowser, come on. You can't-"
"Bowsette."
"...what?"
Bowsette smiled. "Call me Bowsette. It's what most of the Internet's decided on now," she said. "...or, uh, Bowpeach, but that sounds stupider."
"...can you please stop mixing with real life and stick to our real life!?" Peach yelled- but nevertheless, she complied. "Bowsette, you need to think about this properly. Think about this from my perspective- I'm waking up to see millions of people looking exactly like... almost exactly like me!" she said. "How do you think anyone would feel about that!?"
The now-beautiful Koopa shrugged. "Sounds like a paradise to me."
"Son of a bitch!" Peach yelled.
"Sheesh, someone's moody today."
Her headache growing worse, she refrained from retorting to that and clutched to her forehead. Sighing, tired, the princess looked over to Mario, who was staring at the Super Crown in his hands with a level of curiosity that she did not like. "...Mario. Don't. You dare." Then, she noticed Luigi eyeing his own crown with the same level of curiosity. "Luigi. You too."
Mario looked up. "Well, I mean... if Bowser could become-a beautiful... (Bowsette: "Aww... thanks, chump!") then maybe..."
"Fucking hell!" Peach glared at his brother. "Luigi! Do something!"
Luigi looked at the crown again. "...I am quite-a curious."
"Son of a motherfucking bitch!" Peach screamed. Pulling her hair with frustration, the blonde stomped away screaming more strings of curse words, no longer caring about her image as several Toads stared at her, wide-eyed, or covered their children's ears.
"Wow, she is nuts," Bowsette said. "Can't believe I even tried to kidnap her all those times." Met with raised eyebrows, she grinned. "Of course, I still want her though. She hot, hot damn, yes."
Eventually, after watching her rivals eye the crown long enough, she was given the crown back by Luigi. "Eh."
"Yeaaaaah, no, I feel bad for the princess," Luigi said. "So... I'll pass the chance. Come on, bro. Let's-a go."
Mario, however, suddenly pulled out his wallet. "...I'll take-a one," he said. "Two hundred coins?"
"Two hundred coins," Bowsette confirmed with a nod.
The plumber somehow pulls out two pouches of coins from his wallet (you can keep pouches in wallets?) and places it on the counter. "Two hundred coins."
Luigi stared at his brother, unamused. "Really, Mario?"
Bowsette laughs. "I just knew you'd love this, Mario, you crook, you!"