Rewritten: 2019/11/07.
Previously on The Super Crown Phenomenon...
"It's-a time to give it up, Bowser!" Mario said. "You've nowhere else to escape."
The villain let out a laugh. "Curses... I knew this day would come eventually..."
"Mario, no!" Peach yelled. "There has to be a better way!"
"I'm-a sorry, princess..." the Italian plumber muttered. "But this... is for the sake of peace! Bowser! Hand me the forbidden good!"
Bowser grinned bitterly and handed over the forbidden goods. "Guess there's no other choice. Here you go, old pal."
"I'm-a sorry, princess... bro... everyone..."
"Mario! Noooooo!"
And now, back to the current chapter. Take it away, Shirley.
Luigi blinked as he neared his old mansion, venturing alone in the not-so-scary-anymore woods.
"...I don't-a think that was how it went," he said. "Have you been watching criminal dramas?"
No, but it's not technically wrong, you have to admit.
"It's a completely different atmosphere you put into that-a recap," Luigi said.
And it's beautiful!
The plumber in green shrugged. "Whatever you say."
A moment of silence ensued.
"Wait, who's-a Shirley?"
Bitch, respect the fourth wall.
"Sheesh. Moody much." With nothing better to do, he eventually reached the premises of his spooky, scary mansion, and pushed the door open. Images of his genderbent brother flashed across his mind. "Well, at least he looked-a good... no, wait, that's-a gay, I think." And incest, too, so I hope I don't get bashed on Twitter for this. "Can't-a be that bad."
He entered his spooky, scary mansion, that sent shivers down his spine.
Putting his cap on one of his night stands (I'm pretty sure that's not the proper term for it, since it sounds so wrong, but I'll leave it at that) and walked over to a couch. An adorable, spectral puppy ran through the walls, into the room, and barked playfully at him. "Oh, Polterpup!" he greeted. Speaking of which, have you played Luigi's Mansion 3 yet? God, all those new recorded lines. Luigi is such a pure boy. "I think you'd get-a more readers if you stopped getting distracted from narrating so much." Oh, great. He's lecturing me on how to write. Bad Luigi. "Just-a saying."
Nevertheless, he tiredly sat back on the couch.
"Man, I'm-a tired," he murmured, despite it literally being morning.
Suddenly, an unknown girl happened to walk into the living room. She froze upon seeing Luigi, her white, beautiful hair wavering until it similarly came to a stop. "Ack! Luigi!? You're home!" the girl, who he didn't recognize but didn't mind, shrieked.
Luigi shrugged. "Yep. I'm-a back."
She waited for him to do, well, something, but nothing happened. Smiling nervously, she waved. "Uh, yeah. Welcome home, Luigi..." she said. "I... must get going now, yeah." As quickly as she suddenly appeared, she disappeared behind the walls.
The plumber in green shrugged. "Such a hurry... and such a cute girl." He then hummed to himself, slowly becoming one with the sofa he sat on...
His eyes faded to black, his consciousness going quiet, the warmth enveloping his-
"Wait! No!" he yelled and sat straight up. "Who was-a that!?"
Going by the girl's appearance, it wasn't too hard to figure it out. She looked like Princess Peach, but with white hair, white dress, purple eyes, and wore a slightly familiar crown embedded with some sort of pink fungi. And she floated and traveled through walls like a ghost, so...
Luigi blinked.
"Stars damn it, Bowser."
He jumped into action immediately, grabbing his hat (because obviously that's the number one priority when there's a stranger girl in your mansion), patted Polterpup on the head (because obviously that's the number two priority when there's a stranger girl in your mansion), grabbed his magical vacuum cleaner (because that's the number three priority when there's a stranger girl in your mansion), and then ran towards the direction the ghost girl went.
...and ran into the wall.
"Ow."
Speaking of which, what model is his Poltergust? 3000? 4000? ...5000? I'm not exactly sure, because it changes every time and it's ridiculous. I haven't completely watched playthrough of Luigi's Mansion 3 yet, so I'm not sure myself. I'd remove this narration part, but I wanted to keep it because why not? But yeah, the game's out now. Go check it out or something. Back to you, Shirley.
He got up, rubbed his humongous nose, then properly ran through the open exit. To his surprise, the ghost girl had been waiting to see if he was going to give chase. Upon him coming into her view, the girl eeped (that's not a word) and resumed her escape.
As the brave hunter he was, Luigi gave chase.
I mean, who else to call when there's ghosts in your house? Who you gonna call? Ghostbu-
"I need-a concentration!" Luigi yelled.
Oh, okay. Sheesh.
After taking many twists and turns, he ended in in a corridor, running down a straight path. The white Peach doppelganger eventually ducked into the ground, disappearing completely, but bringing Luigi to a stop in front of... another, much more intimidating, white Peach doppelganger with black sclerae and glowing purple irises.
"What the-"
"Oh, hell no!" the girl hissed. "Damn it, Luigi! You weren't supposed to be back yet!"
Before anything else, the plumber scratched his head. "Uh... but it's-a my mansion."
"Yeah, but you were supposed to be hanging out with Mario."
"True." Beat. "Why do you know my schedule? Actually, wait, who are you?"
The ghost girl leader (assumption) grinned. "My, how flattering. Damn, this thing works wonders!" She posed herself in a cutesy manner. "What's the matter, LouLou? Don't recognize your arch-nemesis now that she's a hot, smoking, steaming princess?"
"Arch-nemesis?" Luigi said, rubbing his chin. "...no, Bowser was-a over at Mushroom Kingdom..."
"Oh, for stars' sake!" The girl grabbed her Super Crown from her head, and reverted into her true form... a menacing, spectral sphere with long, purple tongue and glowing irises that radiated with evil intent. "Your real arch-nemesis, you dimwit!"
Luigi gasped. "I-it's-a you!"
"It's me!"
"You!"
"Yes! Me!"
"King-a Boo!"
"It's Queen Booette now, sucker!" King Boo cackled, putting his Super Crown back onto his... crown.
"...are we really already reusing a joke from last chapter?" Luigi asked.
Dude, focus on the hot girl in front of you, you chad.
"I already have a girlfriend!"
"Ah, forget that," Queen Booette growled. "You're ruining my business here, Luigi. Scram outta here or something, get outta my mansion!"
Luigi narrowed his eyes. "It's-a my mansion!"
"Oh, right. Oh well, then." Queen Booette sighed and twirled her fingers around her new, beautiful hair. "So, like, what do you want? Make it quick and snappy, Greeny."
The plumber in green stared. "What are you up to now?" he asked, sensing malicious intent.
A grin formed on her face. "Well, wouldn't you like to know! I'm currently carrying out my duties, necessary for my next grand scheme!" The she pointed to her arch-nemesis and hissed. "And you're not going to thwart me or my evil plans this time! Not you, not your professor friend, not your vacuum cleaner! Not even Shirley!"
"Okay, seriously, who is-a Shirley?"
Ignoring that, Queen Booette settled down. "Alternatively, I'm just-"
"Assisting Bowser with his-a stupid Super Crown business?" Luigi asked.
"Hey, what gives? You're smarter than I thought," the girl said. "Anyways, I'm not doing any harm right now, so leave me alone! Zippity zap zap, dippity doo. Scram outta here, you damn meddling kid."
The plumber didn't move, however, eyeing the Super Crowns on display.
So she's-a selling Super Crowns, huh? he thought.
He's going to stop me, isnt' he...? she thought.
The two stared at each other for a while, suspicion dripping so obviously.
...then Luigi pulled out a pouch of coins. "...I'll take-a one Super Crown, please..."
Queen Booette grinned. "Atta boy, you pervert!"