Rewritten: 2019/11/14.

What do you think about flashlights? They're pretty nice, aren't they? They're like... light sources, but portable.

Okay, then what about flashbacks? They're, like, flashes to the past... yeah, I'm not sure how to explain that either.

Oh, what about fleshli- never mind.

Ahem. Where was I?

Oh, right. Let's have a flashback!

Prior to Bowsette's business in Toad Town...

A certain goth-style doppelganger happily trotted through the corridors of her castle, mumbling to herself what to do now that she had discovered these super neat power-up items capable of turning anyone into Peach clones. Behind her, a line of unique Koopas followed silently, unsure of what to say. That's right- they're finally here! The Koopalings has joined the story! ...and Bowser Jr. too!

Then, a certain deep-blue-haired Koopaling couldn't take it anymore. He leaned towards the others, to whisper. "Yo, someone has to ask, but... is that really Lord Bowser?" Ludwig asked.

In front of him, another Koopaling with hair the shape of a leak (or something) shrugged. "I mean... I'm not sure, man. He did show us how he put on that weird, fascinating crown, and how he transformed into... this." Iggy said.

"Bah, who cares!" a bald, purple-shelled Koopaling whisper-yelled. "It's still the same person under that crown! Lord Bowser's Lord Bowser, whether he's a girl or a boy!" Roy yelled.

A Koopaling with sky-blue hair rolled his eyes. "Say that again and think about whether that line made any sense," Larry muttered.

Then, a Koopaling with ribbons huffed. "Oh, who cares? We serve the same Lord Bowser regardless, and he'll always be like a father figure to us, no matter what. Daddy-kins is Daddy-kins," Wendy said.

Roy snickered. "Maybe a Mommy-kins."

Bowser Jr. turned his head around and growled. "Our only mama is Mama Peach!" he hissed. Then he turned to Wendy. "And don't call him that! Papa is my papa only!"

Larry blinked. "You sure about that, Lord Junior? I thought we were sort of his children too."

Iggy shook his head. "Not necessarily. Remember, in 2012, Shigeru Miyamoto said we're not his children."

A grey-toned Koopaling cooed. "Oooh. Chicken?" Morton asked.

"What? No, you dolt! Shigeru!" Iggy hissed. "Shigeru Miyamoto!"

And to that, all Morton had to say was... well, his stomach did the speaking. "...Morton hungry."

"Hi, hungry!" an orange-shelled Koopaling chirped. "I'm... not dad, but I'm Lemmy!"

Roy rubbed his chin. "So, like... what is he? Our dad? Mom? ...Mad?"

"Mad lad," Ludwig whispered, then chuckled to himself.

Wendy rolled her eyes. "You all are idiots."

Suddenly, Bowsette stopped walking. (Seriously, with all that talking, how have they been walking in a straight path this entire time? How big is this castle's corridors?) The group of Koopalings (and Bowser Jr.) stopped in their tracks, their voices disappearing immediately. "Hm."

"I-is something wrong, Lord Bowser?" Ludwig asked.

"Uh, what is it, Da... Mo... Mad Dad?" Bowser Jr. said.

Bowsette briefly raised an eyebrow, but quickly ignored it. "I was just thinking... isn't this a great opportunity to spread these Super Crowns all over the world?"

The Koopalings and Bowser Jr. exchanged glances.

"I... don't follow," Larry said.

"I mean, think of all the people who've always wanted to be a princess," Bowsette said. "With this crown, I can make their dreams come true... and I'll gain their favors and supports and all that mushy stuff. Then, maybe they'll start supporting my actions!" Her enthusiasm grew with every word she spoke, and she smiled. "Maybe one day they'll agree with me that Peach should marry me!"

"Not if it involves kidnapping, hardly anyone would approve of that," Ludwig said.

"What did I say about speaking incomprehensible language?"

Ludwig frowned. "I... huh? Uh..."

Larry scratched his head. "Only say things that you can understand?"

"That's right!" Bowsette said with a nodded. "And in my language, anything to do with Peach translates to 'yes, you should kidnap her'! Bwahaha!"

"That's still English, and that's hella wrong though..." Roy muttered.

The feminized tyrant narrowed her eyes. "What was that?"

Sighing, stylish Koopaling with sunglasses rolled his eyes. "Yes, you should kidnap her, Lord Bowser," he muttered.

"See? Effective as ice!"

What does that even mean? the majority of Koopalings thought.

So cool! Bowser Jr. though.

"Wait," Wendy piped up, "you still want the princess even when you're a girl now?"

"Eh, why not?" Bowsette asked, shrugging. "It's not like this crown changes my sexuality too. There's no way I'm going to start chasing after men- I mean, by that logic, I'd be infatuated with friggin' Mario of all people, since I've interacted with him the most, as a man."

"What about Kamek?" Iggy asked.

"You kidding me? That old geezer's like the father I never had."

"Oof..." Lemmy muttered. "Dark."

"Um, not really," Wendy said.

Bowsette blinked, then shook her head. "Wait, we're getting off-topic. My point stands- I still want Peach, whether I'm a hot, smokin' girl or not."

"...right."

Running out of topics, Bowsette opted to look out the window like some sort of damsel in distress, sighing as she wondered when her dreams would come true. The Koopalings all gave her an odd look, while Bowser Jr. simply gazed in admiration. Then...

"Wait, jokes asides," Lemmy said, "does that make Lord Bowser a lesbian?"

Everyone froze, and slowly turned to the normally-crazy Koopaling.

"Lemmy, what!?" Wendy shrieked.

"Whoa there, pardner!" Roy screamed.

"That's a stupid question!" Ludwig yelled.

Bowsette roared (or at least, she tried to, which came out somewhat adorable instead of the normal terrifying roar her normal form would do). "Enough! All of you!" she screamed. Then, eyeing Lemmy, she hissed, "where did you learn that word from?"

"Uh... I saw it in the underground library's computer browsing history recently, so..." he muttered in response. "B-but I already know what the word means, I mean, I'm not a kid, so-"

The feminized king looked around. "Alright, who's been searching dirty stuff with our library computer!?"

Nobody said a word.

"...right. I'll get this out of you lot later, eventually." Bowsette cleared her throat. "Anyways, back to the main task. Right now, there should be an increase of these Super Crowns somewhere out there, in some blocks or something. All of you are to get off your asses and go spread these crows around, in the name of Queen Bowsette, future wife of Princess Peach!"

"So... we're going to make more lesbians?" Lemmy asked.

"E-enough about that! Get going, chop chop chippity chop, get to work!" Bowsette screamed, then stormed off.

The Koopalings exchanged glances. "Well, that was... interesting," Ludwig said.

"You don't say," Roy muttered.

"It was a huge mess, that's what it was," Larry said.

"So cool..." Bowser Jr. said.

"You kidding?" Iggy asked, and went ignored.

"Morton still hungry," Morton- obviously- said.

Wendy sighed, a palm on her forehead. "This is stupid..."

"Hey, isn't the library managed by Kamek?" Lemmy said.

The Koopalings exchanged another glance.

"What, so, Kamek's into that kind of stuff? Figures," Roy said.

Ludwig shook his head. "Hey, it could be someone else. Pretty much anyone is free to enter the underground library to use any of their computers."

"But while we're on the topic, do you think Kamek's still interested in that sort of thing at all?" Iggy asked.

"I dunno, but I figured he's way too much of a meddling parent figure to look at those stuff," Larry said.

Wendy groaned. "I want no part of this conversation," she said, and began walking away.

"But wait! Don't you want to know Kamek's kinks and fetishes!?" Iggy yelled after her.

"No! Go to hell!"

Morton blinked. "Morton still hungry."

"We get it, Morton!"