Disclaimer: I don't own HTTYD

Secret Apologies

*So let me guess* Toothless said when they finally ended the embrace, *You want to know what everyone said whilst you were unconscious all that time, don't you?*

Hiccup hesitated. He couldn't deny that he was curious...but if his friends had spoken to him when they thought he couldn't hear, then they probably didn't want him to know about it. Then again...didn't he have a right to know what they were saying to him, or about him? Or maybe he didn't want to know.

Eventually he shrugged and said, "I suppose the worst they can do is be upset that I know, and that's if they ever find out. If I could keep you a secret for months, I can keep this one. But...how am I going to see what happened back then?" he wondered.

*Maybe I can show it to you* Toothless suggested. He rested his forehead against Hiccup's, and tried to bring up the memories from the back of his mind. It had been so long since he'd thought about them...yet slowly but surely, Hiccup found himself seeing through Toothless' eyes once more.

Hiccup still hasn't woken up. It's been days since we killed Her, and he's been sleeping all that time. I...I'm starting to worry he might sleep forever. He's lying in a nest of furs in this wood cave, and I sleep beside him so I can hear him breathing and his heart beating. Only I don't really sleep, because I'm afraid I'll wake up and he'll be...

His sire and the other humans are trying to help him. They give him water, and something that looks like muddy water but smells and tastes like meat. 'Stoick' doesn't like it when I drink the meat-water, but he does remember to give me fish to eat, so that's good. The human's Elder of Healing gives him herbs to put in Hiccup's water to heal him.

I watch the humans, and I see from how Stoick talks with his voice and his body, and how all the other humans show him respect and obeisance, that he must be their Alpha. That means the way Hiccup's pack-mates treat him - used to treat him - makes even less sense. He's the offspring of their alpha, he should share his father's rank, and yet all this time they've been treating him like the omega.

Stupid humans, can't even get pack hierarchy right.

Stoick hasn't slept much either. He has work to do, but he keeps coming back to sit beside Hiccup with me and beg him to wake up. I can tell he isn't really happy with me being here, but he's not saying anything because I saved his son's life and he owes it to Hiccup not to get rid of me. I wouldn't go even if he tried.

"Oh, son" he croon, brushing Hiccup's hair out of his face. His paws are huge, but he's very careful because Hiccup is fragile. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have listened to you, and now..."

He trails off and sighs. "Gothi says you can hear us, but I wish you'd give us a sign, son" he says. 'Gothi' is the Elder of Healing. Still, he keeps talking, as if to get things off his chest. That's why Hiccup talked to me in the cove, even though he didn't know I could understand him. "I feel like I don't even know you. You grew into a warrior when I wasn't looking...I know I, uh, haven't been the best father. I really tried, but it's hard, being a father and a chief at the same time.

"The truth is, you remind me so much of your mother. Really, it's uncanny. It's just...when I look at you, sometimes all I can see is her, and think about how she...why she's not here. I only ever wanted to protect you - the thought of a dragon coming and taking you away was..." his voice trembles a bit.

I feel bad for him all of a sudden. His mate - Hiccup's dam - must have been killed in one of the raids, and maybe he didn't know how to take care of Hiccup without his mother. Don't the females in a human pack all help to take care of their young? Don't they have crèches? I'm starting to wonder how they survive at all, if they don't take care of each other.

I croon to Stoick, to try and comfort him. He stares at me - he looks surprised and a bit confused and he won't stop staring, it's creeping me out. I look away and go back to gazing at Hiccup. I don't want to miss the moment he wakes up. I can feel Stoick still staring at me, but I ignore the prickling on my scales and ignore him.

After a while he speaks again. "I guess I should be glad he didn't let you carry him off" he says, and then he groans. "Odin help me, I must be mad. First I let a Night Fury into my house, now I'm talking to it as if it understands me..."

*You couldn't keep me out of this nest if you tried. And I can understand you, actually. Dragons on the other side of the island can hear you. You're very loud* I tell him. It's a bit funny, talking to humans even though they can't hear me, but only a bit.

He keeps looking at me, but he's not being aggressive. He's staring the way Hiccup used to watch me in the cove, as if he's curious about me. I wonder what he's thinking...I can't tell from looking at him, all his signals are closed off. He's well named. Finally he sighs and asks quietly, "You really do care about my son, don't you dragon?"

So that's why he kept staring...he was trying to understand how I'm feeling. Really, though, it's a stupid question. Of course I care about Hiccup. I feel like I need to reply, but I don't know how humans say 'yes' without words. I purr and nuzzle Hiccup very gently, to show him he's right. From the way he gasps, I think maybe he understands.

"I guess the days of me shouting at him to get inside are finally over" Stoick says. "It's not as if he ever stayed put anyway. And I suppose, if he's with you...there's nowhere safer he could be. But I'm warning you, dragon, if you do anything to hurt my boy..." he lets the threat hang, but I don't really feel that threatened. We both know Hiccup would never let him get rid of me. And I would never hurt Hiccup.

Stoick gets to his feet. "I have to go. Astrid and...and the others might come and visit him. So don't burn the place down trying to defend him, you over-protective lizard" he warns me. I huff at him. *Look who's talking*. I'm not going to set fire to Hiccup's home, but if anyone wants to 'visit' him, they'll have to get past me first. He needs rest.

I settle down on the other side of the bed, so I'm between Hiccup and the piece of wood humans put in the mouths of their caves. I think it's called a 'door'. I keep an eye on Hiccup and my ears on the outside, and I hear someone outside. I'm on alert at once, facing the door and bracing myself. If it's anyone but Stoick, or the Elder of Healing, or that other male who I think might be the beta, they're in for a fright.

The blond female puts her head inside the cave. I recognise her; Astrid, Hiccup's desired. I know she's no threat, but when she sees me, she starts to smell nervous. "Hey, Toothless. Hey, boy" she says softly, slipping inside the nest. She approaches me cautiously, and takes a fish from beneath her fake-skins. I realise then that I'm very hungry, but I won't let my guard down that easily.

"Please? I just want to see Hiccup. I'm really worried about him" she says. I'm not really happy about this - Hiccup needs to rest and get better so he can wake up and be happy, but I accept her peace offering of fish and step aside. She approaches the bed and looks at him for a long time. Maybe staring is just a thing humans do, like how they show they're happy by baring their teeth instead of purring or chirping like any sensible animal.

"Hey" she says finally. "I don't know if you can hear me, but...I like to think you can. I think you're just being stubborn" she huffs. "So, uh...thanks. For what you did. For us." She brushes her long fur out of her eyes. "I just, uh...I just wanted to say sorry. For ignoring you all that time. It wasn't fair and...we should have given you a chance."

Hiccup moans, and we both startle. Is he waking up? He mumbles something in his sleep - it almost sounds like "Astrid" - and coughs. Then he's sinking right back into this strange sleep that's held him for days and days. When did Stoick leave? I can't remember. He left, and Astrid came. I'm not sure what happened in between.

When he doesn't stir anymore, Astrid smells disappointed. "Hiccup, I don't say this to a lot of people...but please wake up" she begs. "We...we miss you, you know." She presses her mouth to his cheek very quickly, and then she too leaves. Perhaps now Hiccup can get some peace and quiet. No, wait...Stoick said the 'others' might come to see him. He must mean Hiccup's peers, the other human fledglings that fought with us that day.

Sure enough, after a few days one of them - the bulky one who rode the Rock-Tail - peeks inside the cave. When he sees me he smells very nervous and his eyes bug out. He edges inside, clutching a fish and staring at me in wonder. "Wow..." he says quietly, "I can't believe I'm looking at a real live Night Fury!"

By now I've realised that 'Night Fury' is not the name these humans gave me, but the name they gave to my kind. It's fitting, I suppose - it's certainly a lot better than some of the other names they've come up with. Zippleback, for instance; what the heck even is a zipple? Still, it makes sense that he's awed by me - I am pretty spectacular.

Awed - I'll call him that until I learn his real name - shuffles a bit closer. "Hello...Toothless? Is that your name? Astrid said it was, and she said to give you fish..." he's holding it out by his fingertips. So that's what this is; they're all going to bribe me with food to get past me and bother Hiccup. Nice try, Awed, but you won't...by the moon that fish smells good...

I decide that Awed is no threat, and take the fish from him. He flinches even though I didn't have my fangs out. I retreat, but watch him closely the whole time. He edges up to the nest and peers at Hiccup, patting the tips of his paws together. "Um, Hiccup? It's me, Fishlegs" he says. Well at least now I know his...Wait, fish don't even have legs!

'Fishlegs' goes on, "I just wanted to say I'm really, really sorry. I mean, we used to be friends, when we were little, but then I - I ditched you, just because I was too scared to stand up to the others. Maybe if we'd stuck together, things might have been different. So...I'm sorry, okay?" He pats the tips of his paws together again, and adds, "Please don't die, Hiccup. You've still got to tell me all about your Night Fury."

After that, he leaves. Stoick comes back and gives me fish, and sits with Hiccup for a while, but finally he yawns and trudges off to his own nest. I will watch over Hiccup for him. Dragons can stay awake much longer than humans.

A few days later, Hiccup still hasn't woken, but he gets visitors again. The two clutch-mates, a male and a female, that rode the Twin-Head. They stare at me as well; I'm starting to get used to it; but they don't smell scared, they smell excited. "Cool!" says the male, "Night Fury! As if Stoick's keeping him in the house, that's new."

"Duh!" his clutch-mate retorts, "Of course he is! It's Hiccup's dragon. He'd go berserk if he woke up and it wasn't there." I ignore how insulting it is to be called an 'it' and purr in agreement. Hiccup would be very upset if he woke up and I wasn't there, which is why I only leave his side to mark my territory, as it were.

"He'd go join the Berserkers?" male twin says in a puzzled way. "And uh, didn't Astrid say it's name was Toothless? And it was a he? You're a boy dragon, right?" he asks me. How does he expect me to answer? Still, I guess it's nice that they're treating me like I can think, even if they do keep calling me an 'it'.

"How're we gonna get past him?" Female twin asks. The other one shrugs and asks, "Why would he name a dragon 'Toothless?'"

I open my mouth and retract my teeth to show them why Hiccup gave me this name. They stare at me, and then male twin asks, "Uh, what is he doing?" How do they not get it?

"Oh, yeah! He probably wants this" female twin decides, pulling a fish out from under her fake skins. I could smell it before, but all of her smells like fish, so I couldn't tell if she actually had a fish. She makes as if to throw it into my mouth; I close it, and the fish hits me on the nose.

"You don't throw it at the dragon, stupid" male twin scoffs. He waves a fish of his own in my face and talks as if to a very small hatchling. "Here, boy! Here dragon! You want the yummy fishy? Well...go get it!" He tosses the fish across the cave.

I give them both my best 'are you kidding me' look. I've learned that not all humans are as dumb as I used to think, but clearly some are. I still go to pick the fish up...there's no sense in letting perfectly good food go to waste, after all.

Whilst they think I'm distracted, the twins approach Hiccup's bed. "Is he still breathing?" asks female twin. Male twin replies, "let me check." He reaches out to touch Hiccup, but a growl from me makes him freeze. Only Stoick, the beta 'Gobber', Gothi and I are allowed to touch Hiccup.

My little brother stirs and moans in his sleep. Female twin says "So, he is breathing then...that's good. It'd be awkward if he wasn't."

"Yeah...so, what are we doing again?" asks male twin. He's clearly the stupider one of the pair.

"Apologising to Hiccup for picking on him, duh!"

"You know he's asleep, right?"

"Gothi said he could hear us. Just say sorry, okay?"

"Okay, okay! Sorry. Happy now?"

"No! Ugh, let me do it". Female twin pushes her clutch-mate aside. "Hiccup? It's us. We came to say sorry for picking on you for so long. You know, for calling you 'useless' and taking your things and playing some kind of mean pranks on you..."

"Oh, you mean like the time we pretended we were gonna sacrifice him to Loki, and he started crying? That was funny" says male twin. Funny?! I start to growl, but before I can reprimand him, his sister beats me to it. She hits him and hisses, "Shut up! You're making it worse!"

"Sorry."

"Good. So, yeah...what you did was really awesome, best explosion we've ever seen, and it sucks that you lost your leg..."

"It could've been worse. He could have been made 'armless!" male twin laughs. "'Armless! You get it!"

"Shh!" female twin hisses at him, as Hiccup moans again, "You'll wake him up!"

"Uh, don't we want him to wake up?"

"If we wake him up too soon, it might kill him."

"Really?!"

"Yeah. That's what Gothi said, anyway. We might give him a heart attack, or something."

I'm getting tired of these two. I make to scare them out of the nest, but then Stoick comes inside. "What do you two think you're doing in here?" he demands. They were trespassing?! Oh dear.

"Chief! How are you? Are those new braids in your beard?"

Stoick grabs male and female twin and throws them out of his nest. "Good job guarding my son, dragon" he glowers at me. I don't show submission - he might be the human's alpha, but he's not mine - but I do feel ashamed. Hiccup needs me to watch over him, and I keep letting these fledglings bother him.

More days pass, and Hiccup still still still won't wake wake up! He's not getting worse, I think, but I don't know if he's getting better either. He smells less of sickness each day, but if he's healing, then why hasn't he woken yet? I feel horribly guilty, even though I know I saved his life.

The door opens and the human who rode the Fire-Scale pokes his head inside. I plant myself between Hiccup and this intruder, growling a warning. He's scared, but he comes inside the cave anyway. "Stop that! Bad dragon. Shush!" Is he really trying to tell me what to do? This must be one of the fledglings that keeps coming to apologise to Hiccup. Why do they keep doing it when he's asleep?

"You don't scare me" this fledgling says, posturing. He is scared, but he's pretending not to be. "Look, Stoick said I could be here, alright? Besides, Astrid said I had to do this. So take this stupid fish and leave me alone, okay?" Pretender insists, holding out a fish. I hold my ground. Not this time, I won't let myself be bribed with food again. Hiccup is not to be disturbed.

Pretender is frustrated. "Oh, come on! Everyone else got to see him, he lets them past, but no, when Snotlout turns up of course Hiccup's freaking pet dragon gets all defensive…" he mutters to himself. I bristle; I recognise his name. 'Snotlout' is the name of the fledgling that Hiccup told me bullied him the most, and then fawned over him the most. I would never trust a dragon like that.

"Look, I have to do this, okay? Astrid will kill me if I don't. So just let me past, will you?" he demands. I weigh my options; he did say Stoick had given permission for him to come into this nest – although he might be lying. If he really is here to apologise…then I suppose I can humour him, just this once. I step aside, glaring at him the whole time. *I've got my eyes on you, human*.

'Snotlout' edges past me and up to Hiccup's nest of furs. He fidgets on the spot, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. It looks kind of funny, but I hold back a chortle. "Hey. So, uh…ugh, why does this have to be so hard? Look, I know we've never gotten along. I mean, I'm a real Viking and you're just, y'know, you. But I guess…you're not as much of a useless wimp as I always thought you were." Wow. This is what he calls an apology? No, wait, he's not finished.

"This doesn't mean we're friends now, or anything" he says defensively, "but I gotta admit, the way you took out that huge dragon was pretty cool" he mumbles. They all talk about how Hiccup (and me, remember?) killed the Queen, but that's not what makes him worthwhile. "Yeah, so, I'm…you know…sorry" he says through gritted teeth, "for…all of it, I guess."

He leaves in quite a hurry after that, but not before tossing me the fish. As I eat it, I think about these fledglings coming to apologise to Hiccup. I suppose it's good that they did, even though I don't understand why they're doing it now instead of when he's really awake. Maybe they'll apologise again when he does wake up. I refuse to believe he won't. I don't know if this is enough to make up for everything they've done to him…but I suppose it's a start.

Hiccup blinked several times, curled and uncurled his fingers, and pulled a face. *Ugh…I can still taste the raw fish* he complained, spitting disgust. He got to his feet and went to the cove pool for a drink to try and wash the taste out of his mouth. Toothless followed behind him, demanding indignantly, *What's wrong with raw fish?*

*Nothing, if you're a dragon* Hiccup replied, rinsing his mouth. He knelt by the lake and looked down into the clear water thoughtfully. *I do remember them saying that stuff…bits of it, anyway. I just thought it was a dream…* He looked over at Toothless and asked, *So how long did it take you to learn the twin's real names?*

*They have real names?* Toothless asked innocently. Hiccup snickered. *I still don't know why they apologised when you were asleep. It would have meant more if you'd been awake*.

*I guess there's only one way to find out; I'll ask them about it tomorrow. But since we're here…* He closed his eyes, focused, and transformed into his Night Fury form. Then he gave Toothless a gummy grin and asked mischievously, *You wanna race?*

Toothless jumped to his feet and spread his own wings. *On three?*

*Sure. Three!* Hiccup leapt into the air, beating his wings as hard as he could to gain altitude.

*What the – hey! Get back here!* Toothless roared after him, giving chase, both of them laughing.

The next day, Hiccup got all his friends to gather in the training ring by saying he had something important to tell them. "Alright, we're all here. So what's going on?" asked Astrid, when they were all standing in a loose circle in the middle of the ring.

Hiccup looked around at them all and took a deep breath. "So, Toothless and I have this dreamworld, you know, but we've also been living through each other's memories. We dream about our old adventures, but from each other's point of view. So I feel as if I'm him, and he feels as if he's me. You follow?" Fishlegs and Astrid seemed to, but the uncomprehending stares of Snotlout and the twins were…unsurprising, actually.

"Did you drag us all the way out here just to tell us about your dream?" Snotlout demanded, "That sounds like something Fishface would do." He ignored the indignant glare Fishlegs gave him.

"Yes, and no. I found out that…that you guys apologised to me, whilst I was in that coma after the Red Death's…um, death. I saw it all through Toothless' eyes. And we both wondered…why didn't you guys wait until I'd woken up?" he asked.

"Cos waking you up would have killed you" Tuffnut announced blithely.

"And you were dying" added Ruffnut.

Fishlegs rolled his eyes. "What they mean is, no-one really knew when you were gonna wake up" he explained to Hiccup.

Astrid added, "Nobody knew for sure…if you were going to wake up. So we…we thought we'd better apologise whilst we knew you were still alive, even if you couldn't hear us…before it was too late."

"And we were going to apologise again after you woke up" said Fishlegs.

"I wasn't" declared Snotlout.

"We were?" asked Tuffnut. Astrid punched them both.

"If you were mad at us" Fishlegs went on, as if he'd not been interrupted. "Only, you weren't. You didn't mention it. So…we didn't either." It had been easier, to pretend none of it had ever happened and that everything was okay, after it was clear that Hiccup was making a full recovery.

Hiccup smiled wryly. "It's okay. I appreciate the thought anyway, and you guys have made up for it and then some. Besides, Thor himself knows that the day Snotlout admits he was wrong about something is the day Ragnarok begins." They all laughed.

"Hey!" Snotlout protested, "That's not true. I admitted I was wrong about overworking Hookfang until he got sick, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did" Hiccup admitted, "So, do you guys want to do something? I was just thinking, we haven't hung out for a while…"

"Don't you and T have, like, Alpha stuff to do?" asked Tuffnut.

"Well, we were going to check in on Dragon Island, make sure our subjects there aren't trying to stage a coup or something" Hiccup replied, only half-seriously. "You wanna come with?"

"Sure, I'm up for a trip out to Dragon Island" smiled Astrid.

Fishlegs added, "Just like the old days."

The six of them mounted up, and as their dragons flew in V formation with Hiccup and Toothless in the lead, he reflected on how far they'd come since the early days of the Academy, and how much further they still had to go.

Then Snotlout called a race…so of course he and Toothless had to step up. They were the Alphas, after all.