Quinn POV Flashback
I plaster on a fake smile as Santana turns to show yet another dress to me. She's talking animatedly about crooked smiles and under boob sweat. She's nervous as she moves around her room, and as she turns back around you let your mask drop and take a deep breath. You can feel stomach knot up and you worry momentarily that you will actually throw up. It wasn't supposed to be this way, but life never has been the way you thought it would. Why would Santana be any different? She came to you though, choose you, you had thought that had meant something. Turns out it meant nothing at all.
"God Q can you at least pretend to be happy for me?" Santana snaps suddenly. You freeze having not realized she had turned back around. Santana looks angry and confused, and you swallow down the possessive and self-loathing comments you want to spit out. Afterall you are used to it. First Brittany, then New York, and now… "Of course, I'm happy for you, S. Courtney, was it, is very lucky." You say and try and give her a smile, but the look on her face tells you that it missed it mark. "You look beautiful." You breathe out, and it's true. Santana's make-up and hair aren't done, but that doesn't matter Santana always looks beautiful to you. She snorts and lays into you. Pointing out all the things you haven't been able to cover up since she told you about the girl nearly a week ago, and its too much.
It's all too much. The last two months had been wonderful until Santana had met her date. You had thought for once that life was finally turning your way. That everything you had ever wanted since you saw her that first day of tryouts almost four years ago would finally come to fruition, and then Santana shattered all those hopes with a simple 'yes'. You had always thought Santana just couldn't see past Brittany, but now you know it has just been you she hadn't seen.
The thing you had hated most about Lucy was not her nose, or her weight, or even her introverted book worm tendencies. What you had hated most was how invisible Lucy had been. Frannie had acted like Lucy didn't exist and your parents had ignored and ignored her until they couldn't ignore her anymore. Teachers turned their heads ignoring her tears and the humiliation she suffered. Quinn had never been ignored, and you hate Santana just a little for how easily she has always been able to turn you back into Lucy.
Finally, as Santana's rant about being a good friend winds down you snap. Your temper has always been able to get the better of you since turning into Quinn. You tried to hold back. Tried to be who Santana had wanted, who Santana had needed. Tried to be the girl who was happy for her best friend, and not the girl desperately in love with said best friend. You've never really been that good though at being somebody you are not.
Thankfully, your panic attack waits until you hit your dorm room. You come flying in slamming the door closed, tears streaking down your face, as the words you had yelled out repeat over and over in your head. Second place. It repeats over and over. You are always in second place. You love her, stood by her, supported her and still you are not enough. You weren't enough for anything before, but you had hoped maybe this was different. Sometimes you wonder what would have happened if you had just stayed Lucy. For all of Lucy's faults she had never destroyed anything, but Quinn had ruined every good thing she had ever come across. As you fall into your roommates arms you know Quinn had just destroyed the one relationship that mattered.
When Santana knocks on your door thirty minutes later you're shocked. Santana is still in her dress from her date, and you think you might actually strangle her if she brings up the girl, she is supposed to be out with one more time. Santana ignores Emily's attempt to shoo her away from the door, and instead hands you a baseball trophy. She taps at plaque on the trophy when you blink at her in confusion. "You're not second place." She says. Your heart beats rapidly and tears threaten to spill over once again because Santana's voice sounded strong, and she has that look in her eye. The one you had seen several times when Santana wanted something and was determined to get it. "You're the most important…" Santana starts, but you don't let her finish. You can't, and before you can stop yourself you are moving forward dropping the trophy. Grabbing her neck, you pull her closer and closer.