Hurt

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Raphael sat there on the bench, allowing Donnie to clean the wound on his leg again and rewrap it for the 3rd time since he was home. How uncomfortable it has been since he has been since the fire. Raphael and Donatello have barely spoken two words to each other in the past 24 hours besides reminders of check ins and making sure the slash of Raph's leg wasn't infected.

Master Splinter was keeping to himself for the most part, hiding away in his room. He was mediating.

Mourning.

"There." Donnie said quietly, adding the last wrap around to the bandage. "Should be good to go. Just don't get it wet for a couple of days." Raph sat there for a moment, observing Donnie as he started to put away the first aid material. He appreciated Donnie for many reasons.

Donnie was a scientist and an engineer and at one point really resented trying to add medical practice to his every day routine. But, as the missions began to increase, and dangers lead to injury, Donnie took the time to learn some of the basics from minor surgery to medications they were able to take and not take because of their anatomy. Raph always appreciated Donnie going the extra mile to help his family, and couldn't help but to think how underappreciated he may feel.

But that was the one thing Raph couldn' t figure out about Donnie, how he actually felt. Donnie has always been on top about keeping his emotions in check. He never stepped out of place unless it was necessary and was pretty transparent about situations and their solutions. Maybe that's why Leo appreciates having the intelligent turtle in his corner, to help keep feelings neutral. But even Donnie won't be able to fix this mess.

Donatello got up and began to put the items away in silence but Raph couldn't hold it anymore.

"Don." Raph said with a gruffed tone. Donnie stopped in place, but didn't respond. Raphael could feel his jaw was beginning to tremble thinking about what he was going to say to his brother. What he wanted to say.

"Do you- do you hate me now?" How childish he sounded, like an injured infant. He could feel his pride ripping in half waiting for his brothers response. He never realized how much he actually cared about Donnie's opinion of him until serious things like this come along. He wanted his insight, his care, and most importantly, his acceptance.

"I don't hate you Raph." He said quietly. "This is um, well this is awkward I guess." Donnie said. Raphael didn't miss the shake in his brothers hand holding the roll of gauze. Donatello took a sharp intake of breath, "We just need to work through this as a family. Nothing more we can do at this moment." Yes, Donnie has always been good at hiding how he truly feels but knew how to state the obvious.

Fuck it.

Raphael stood up quickly, catching Donnie off guard before heading out of the medical center to the front doors.

"Where are you going?" Donnie asked. Raphael stood there for a second, feeling so anxious.

"I need to go help Leo." He said.

"Raph you know that's not a good idea." Donnie pointed out. "You're still injured and there is probably a clean up crew assigned to the area. And also with Leo.." He trailed off, knowing that Raph knew where he was leading to.

None of them have seen or heard from Leonardo since the fire and the only real assumption was that he was still at the site of the building looking for the remains of their youngest brother. But, Donatello knew that Leo wouldn't go long without keeping one of them updated on his location. For the fact that he hasn't even sent a text means he isn't looking to be found. And Donnie was highly doubting the person he wanted to find him being Raph.

Donnie has only truly feared Leo a handful of times. A skilled martial artists like his brother is something that should be feared but he has never felt terror for himself knowing when Leonardo fights its for his family. But, at that moment he really did fear for Rapael.

"I need to." Raph said quietly. "It's the least I can do is at least bring him home." He said, before opening up the door and walking out to the sewers. Donnie stood there as he watched Raphael leave.

Part of him wanted to go. He wanted to go and help bring their little brother home. But this was something Raph and Leo would have to do together. Also, Donnie knew the likelihood of actually finding Mikey was little to none. The amount of debris and the cement from the building had the weight to crush anything that was in there. There would be no way Mikey's body would have survived that.

He glanced over to his father's door and realized it was probably a good thing that he stayed behind. Master Splinter has expressed his frustrations with the eldest and it was almost concerning. Leonardo was going to need time and Donnie knew that, so he needs to stay back to keep Master Splinter at bay till Leo comes home.

He was always a loner. He would rather be alone with his machines and technology. But, he's never felt so lonely. All Donnie could think of was when Mikey would come in and drag him out of his lab to make him be social. He would find something for them to do and help him clear his head. How joyful and happy. Donnie stood in that dark, cold room and questioned if it will ever feel like that ever again.

"Haa, Aah," Leonardo huffed after pushing another large plate of cement out of place. He could feel his legs starting to tremble from the amount of labor he was pulling but couldn't stop. The night was the only time he could make a thorough check of the area. During the day he scouted, watching as the construction workers picked up and cleared the wider areas. If he thought there was something suspicious, he would jump down in the knick of time and knock the worker out for a short time so he can examine what they were going to clean up. So far nothing has lead him to Mikey.

At night he worked, clearing as much as his body could withhold. It grew more challenging at night since there was limited light, while still needing to pay attention to his surroundings to make sure there was no lingering people wanting to see the destruction that was caused in their city. With that on top of his own body growing tired from lack of sleep, food, and water; it was understandable as to why he was beginning to feel frail.

But, he couldn't stop. There was no way he could stop now.

He winced, his arm feeling like it was on fire. When he looked, he saw the prior injury he had received from the fire was swollen and very obviously getting infected with the puss gushing at the base of the wound. But that couldn't stop him. He knew he only had a limited time to find Mikey before this lot was cleared. He needed to find him no matter what.

A rustle caught his attention and turned to see Raphael standing in the dim lighted moonlight. Leo was still breathing hard, resperated from all the heavy lifting he had doing, body feeling tight from the heavy lifting and dirt. Shivering, but not from cold or fatigue, but from anger and holding himself back from wanting to charge at his little brother.

Raphael was feeling nervous, scared to say the least. It was taking all of his might to stand there in front of his older brother. Looking at Leo he could see the fatigue and rage. He was locked eyes with Raph and could feel Leo ripping his soul into pieces. He needed to be brave right now. He had to help, he just had to.

"Leo I-"

"Go home." Leonardo's tone was so low, lower than Raphael has ever heard it before. It was threatening, a threat to him if he didn't do what he was told.

Raph's could feel his jaw clenched in anticipation, palms beginning to grow clammy.

"Leo I know you're upset and-"

"I said go home." Leo cut him off again, turning away from his brother quickly attempting to walk away.

"I ain't leaving Leo." He said quietly, wasn't expecting Leo to turn around quickly, stomping at Raph for a short distance.

"I said go home Raph!" He hollered, echoing through the empty streets. Leo was huffing, exhausted. "Just go home."

"No." Raph said, feeling the tears sitting on his lower lids. Leo huffed, throwing his hands down.

"No, why would I think you would you listen to me. You never listen to me. You never fucking listen to me." Leo yelled, making Raph tense. Leonardo wasn't known to raise his voice like this, it was a pretty scary sight. Raph bit his lip.

"Look Leo, I know things are pretty fucked up a-and I know it ain't gonna be fixed ova' night." Raph was trembling, his words tumbling over each other.

What a childish thing he was doing here.

"But I promise ya' on my life this isn't what was supposed to happen. The Shredder, he came out of nowhere and got us good! We tried to contact ya' and Donnie but there wasn't any service. Please Leo, Ya' gotta believe me if I would have known-" He was cut off.

"I don't want your excuses Raph." Leo responded coldly, facing the ground. "It doesn't matter how it happened or why it happened or what we could have done to change it because its done!" He shot up, daggers boring into Raphael. "You think I bark out orders for my own health Raph? Hmm? No, I was preparing for a possible threat that's why I said stay low!" He huffed, a small laugh of sarcasm. "You know I knew you two were up to something because you take advantage of his kindness and you knew he didn't want to make you upset but I let you go because I trusted you! I trusted you Raph to bring him back!" He took a breath, "I just want to know why Raph. Why, why couldn't you just listen to me just this once! What was so important to you that you had to go against me again!"

Raph felt so cold. He could feel the shiver of regret and fear but the nervous sweat on his neck. The lump in his throat made it hard to breathe. Leo was waiting for an answer, but it wasn't going to be a good one.

"I," Raph choked out. "I just wanted to prove a point."

How stupid he sounded.

"What?" Leo asked, sounding so confused.

"I just wanted to prove that you can't always control Mikey. You couldn't take him away from me."

How truly idiotic it sounded spoken out loud.

Leonardo just stared at him for a moment, then let out a subtle laugh.

"Heh, you serious?" He asked almost dumbfounded. Raphael didn't respond. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes on his eldest. How guilty he felt looking at him.

"Do you know how Ironic this is? You did this in fear I would take him away only for him to be gone from both of us. Guess your childish attempt was pretty pointless then." Leonardo said.

How fucking stupid he really was. "I never, Raph, ever made him do something he didn't want to do! If he wanted to hang out with me, or train with me or meditate with me that was on his own accord because he was his own being, Raph! But all you could do was think of yourself, and your most selfish act cost a whole lot more than you had to offer." How cruel, When Leonardo had nothing to control him, he could be one of the cruelest beings on this planet.

Fighting the tears was getting harder. Raph couldn't cry in Leo, he wasn't trying to gain pity and it's not like Leo would give him any in the first place.

"I know I fucked up." Raph said in a croak voice. "I know I really, really fucked up bro but please it wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life I know that but I really just need ya' forgiveness. I can't lose two brothers." Leo shook his head and took a step back.

"No."

"Leo-"

"No you can't ask me that!" He yelled. "You went out of your way to hurt me and congrats Raph you did. You won like you always wanted to do. You broke me." He threw his hands up sarcastically. "You're not actually sorry Raph you just feel bad and that's something I can't accept right now. I can't give you forgiveness. Not right now at least." Leo explained in a softer, sadder tone.

That wasn't the answer he wanted. This wasn't a taste of success. Raph tasted the copper of death and hate. Leo truly did hate him right now.

I need ya Mikey.

How Ironic that is, the time he wanted Mikey to butt in and calm Leo down he wasn't here. Raph was Leonardo at full force, uncensored. He really did hurt Leo, didn't he?

Raph was coming to the conclusion that nothing he was going to say now was going to make a difference. This was something that was gonna take time.

"Alright." He said, mustering up his courage; "I'm still not leaving. Let me at least help bring him home. I owe him that at least. And those wounds are gonna slow ya down and we got a time limit." Leonardo couldn't help but to look at the wound on his arm and suddenly felt the fatigue. He snarled, not wanting Raph any closer to him than needed but they had to find Mikey before they bury him for good.

"Stay South, I'll work North." was all Leo said and he headed on the other side of the work area. Raphael took a short breath, feeling slightly less anxious knowing he was allowed here. But he knew they had to find Michelangelo before the cleared this area.

If they didn't find Mikey, Leo might actually lose his mind.