Happy NaNoWriMo!
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga and its universe. No profit is made here and no offense intended.
Chapter 1: Too Good to Last
Summer before senior year was blissfully happy, after the stress of the nomad group led by James hunting my sister. Though, after escaping the Southern Wars after a betrayal, I'd never expected to trust another vampire again, I found that the Cullen's truly were different. Even though they all had mates, who they loved more than anything, they also loved the rest of us, the family, and I found that I could live with that.
Bella spent most of her time at the Cullen house with the rest of us, I published another book, we went on multiple shopping trips to outrageous places, a prank war started by Emmett ended in a victory (for me, at least), the Cullen's insisting on buying me a new and expensive car, Rose and Emmett prepared to travel to Africa, having 'graduated'.
It was at Bella's eighteenth birthday party, a party she hadn't wanted, that everything fell apart.
...
The last birthday party we'd had had been mine. Alice had insisted on celebrating my real birthday, July 2nd, never mind the fact that it was also the day my half-sister died, as well as the day I was transformed. Part of the reason had been because she wanted to plan two separate birthdays, for me and for Bella, so they couldn't be only a day apart.
This day, September 13th, as a result, wasn't about me, at all. It was about Bella.
She'd insisted on a no-gifts policy (and had wanted a no-attention policy as well), but of course, we paid no attention to that. We were waiting besides the Volvo the moment Bella's red truck pulled up to school.
"Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice exclaimed, rushing over to greet her, while Edward and I waited besides the Volvo.
"Shhh!" Bella hushed, glancing around to see if anyone in the parking lot had heard. I nearly rolled my eyes. If she really wanted to be a vampire, she would need to get used to being the center of attention. Unless it wasn't the attention part that was bothering her... I put that question aside to ask some other time.
"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice continued excitedly, ignoring Bella's shush.
"No presents," Bella protested. Alice finally seemed to understand Bella's grumpy mood. She only paused a moment, though, before continuing on her next thought.
"Okay... later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"
Bella sighed. "Yeah, they're great," she said in a contradicting tone.
"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."
I snorted at the same time Bella spoke. "How many times have you been a senior?" Exactly.
"That's different," Alice said, her enthusiasm not dimming the slightest.
They reached us at the Volvo, then. Bella's hand reached for Edward's, and they linked. Bella's heart gave a hilarious stutter, something Emmett definitely would have commented on, had he been there. Being the wonderful sister I was, I graciously ignored the incident.
"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" Edward asked. Only he would actually follow Bella's birthday demands.
"Yes, that is correct," Bella replied. I didn't know if it was by instinct or by a conscious choice, but she always sounded strange trying to mimic Edward's old-fashioned style of talking, evidence of his birth at the start of the twentieth century.
"Just checking. You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."
"I'm sorry," I quipped, "are you talking about Bella Swan? Bella Swan, liking any sort of gifts or attention?"
"No gifts," Bella grumbled again. "And I don't want to enjoy it."
"Of course you'll enjoy it," Alice laughed. "Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella." I seemed, though, to remember something different happening on my birthday... "What's the worst thing that could happen?"
"Careful Alice," I chided. "Knowing Bella, it will happen."
"Getting older," Bella answered Alice's question. Of course, that was already happening to Bella, every second of every day, but Bella only thought about it in milestones. Edward frowned at that thought from me, or maybe it was in response to Bella.
"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice argued. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"
"It's older than Edward," Bella mumbled.
"Technically, you were older by him by about the same amount yesterday, Bella," I put in. "One day doesn't make that much of a difference."
"And it's only by one little year," Alice added.
"He's technically older than you by 87 years, too."
Bella sighed. "You know what I mean. Physically."
"Anyway, what time will you be at the house?" Alice asked, quickly changing the subject.
"I didn't know I had plans to be there," Bella replied warily.
"Oh, be fair, Bella! You're not going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" I wondered who this 'our' included. Just Alice?
"I thought my birthday was about what I want."
"Do you really think you'll get that, with Alice around?" I asked. The vampire in question stuck her tongue out at me.
"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward promised Alice. Bella glared at his defection.
"I have to work."
"You don't, actually," Alice replied, smug. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She says to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"
"I-I still can't come over," Bella stuttered, trying to find another excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet for English yet."
Alice snorted. "You have Romeo and Juliet memorized."
"True- literally," I agreed. One of the competitions we'd had, back when we'd hated each other, had been a book reciting competition. Bella had quoted Romeo and Juliet while I'd quoted a new book called Harry Potter, and she'd actually almost beaten me.
"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it - that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented," Bella argued, ignoring me.
"You've already seen the movie," Alice retorted while Edward rolled his eyes.
"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best." I felt sorry for Bella, and very conveniently forgot about that time we had watched it.
Alice was starting to appear annoyed, now, not the least because I was siding with Bella now. "This can be easy or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or another-"
"Relax, Alice," Edward interrupted. "If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."
"So there," Bella added, but I got the feeling Alice wasn't done.
"I'll bring her over around seven," he continued, as Bella's face morphed from smug to angry. "That will give you more time to set up."
I laughed, as Alice grinned and said, "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see. Let's go, Cate!" She pulled me away, to our first class. I didn't share all my classes with Bella anymore, not with Edward already in pretty much every one of her classes now.
We didn't pay any attention to the English lecture during first period - Alice insisted on spending the entire time planning for the party, not that I minded, while I tried to reign her in, based on what I knew Bella would want for a party. She hissed a couple times through the day, as Bella made plans to try and get out the party.
During lunch, as we sat like usual separated from Bella's human friends, but at least at the same table as them, none of us brought up Bella's party. I could see her hope grow as the hour passed by and no one said anything, but I knew Alice was only biding her time.
After school, Alice quickly towed me to the Volvo, apparently telling Edward in her mind to stay with Bella the entire time so she couldn't escape or put any of her plans into action. Once we got home, Alice enlisted everyone in the house, even Rosalie, to help get ready for the party. We were each entrusted with a task (or a dozen) that we were expected to finish by a certain time before checking up with Alice again. Each time Emmett tried to set up a prank, Alice mysteriously appeared by his side to watch him do 'his amazing work'.
Finally, evening came, and with it, Edward and Bella in the loud roar of Bella's red truck. We gathered in the living room. "Happy Birthday, Bella!" we chorused as they entered the house. Bella evaluated the room, with the pink candles and crystal rose bowls, and groaned.
Each of the Cullens went up to greet Bella and congratulate her. Carlisle mentioned how they-we hadn't been able to rein Alice in, but I rolled my eyes. Like he'd tried at all. That had mainly been Esme and I.
"Time to open presents!" Alice declared.
"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-"
"And I didn't listen," she interrupted. "Open it." She exchanged the camera from Charlie with a silver box, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper's present of a new radio stereo.
Bella opened the box, studying the labels for a moment, before opening the inner box. It was empty.
"Um... thanks?" Bella said, confused. Rosalie actually laughed, while Jasper explained that Emmett was installing the stereo.
Bella thanked the three of them, shouting to Emmett outside though it wasn't necessary for him to hear.
"Open mine next," I said eagerly, handing a small packet to her. I knew, at least, that she would like my gift.
She opened the envelope to reveal a gift card for a chain bookstore. "Thanks, Cate!" she exclaimed.
"Now open mine and Edward's!" Alice insisted, replacing my gift with a small square package, a CD of the songs Edward had composed, including an incomplete one he'd dedicated to me.
Bella glared at Edward, thinking it had been something he'd bought for her. "You promised."
Emmett bounded inside just then, exclaiming, "Just in time!" as he came in.
"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured his mate, ignoring Emmett's arrival.
It was then that it happened. As Bella opened the package, the paper caught on her finger. "Shoot," she grumbled before anyone could react. A bead of red blood dripped out, filling the room with a more potent version of Bella's attractive human scent.
"No!" Edward roared, before I could figure out why. I'd held my breath, of course, though after the scent had reached me, but a paper cut wasn't that big of a deal. Then I saw Jasper.
It must have been the fact that Bella had come over to our house so many times. Rather than desensitizing him to the scent, the familiarity had done the opposite, making him thirst for her blood even more. That tiny drop of blood, almost inconsequential in any other situation, pushed him over the edge.
Edward threw himself at Bella in an attempt to get her away from Jasper, who had already started to spring, and suddenly, there was a whole lot more blood.
I couldn't pay attention as Edward and Emmett pulled Jasper away from the bleeding human girl. My sole thoughts were of how good that blood would taste, and disgusted horror at what I was thinking.
No, Cate! Don't do it! I thought, trying to reign in the monster. I couldn't stand it, but I couldn't bring myself to leave the scene. I couldn't help, either; I didn't have enough breath to issue a command, and I couldn't be sure that any command I gave would be good for Bella, or if anyone, especially Jasper, would listen to my command.
Only Carlisle remained calm. He hadn't even stopped breathing. I marveled at his control, trying to emulate him. I told myself to just get away from the room, the irresistible scent, but I couldn't do it. Jasper's snarls, echoing throughout the room, didn't help. They only made me tense up more, making it harder to resist the monster inside me.
"Emmett, Rose, Esme, get Cate and Jasper outside," Carlisle commanded. It took both Emmett and Rosalie to get Jasper out the door, though he was rational enough to not fight at his full capacity. I had no doubt that he would have been able to beat both of them combined, had he been really trying. Esme pulled me away, and I didn't fight her, as much as I would have wanted to. It was bad, wasn't it, that the best fighters in the family were also the ones with the worst control? But that was what you got, from the Southern Wars.
Edward was crouched in a defensive posture that, like Jasper's snarls, wasn't helping my control at all, but I knew he couldn't help it. Once we got out of the house, I started running. We all needed to hunt, and badly. I saw reason return into Jasper's eyes, as shame flooded him. I took down two elk, but their disgusting tastes, however filling, couldn't erase the wish for a real, human meal.
Edward and Alice, at last, came outside too. Bella wasn't in mortal danger, I guessed, so they couldn't focus on something outside of her blood when inside. I heard both of them find Jasper, to comfort him and tell him it wasn't his fault, that they didn't blame him.
I listened, for a while, to Carlisle and Bella's discussion, about Carlisle's control and reasons, and beliefs about an afterlife. After a while, Esme came to find me, her eyes the same bright gold as mine.
"You did amazingly, Cate," she told me.
"Right," I grumbled sarcastically. "Because not being able to leave the room where my sister lies on the floor bleeding is normal."
"But you did it," she countered. "You were able to leave. You didn't fight me."
"All of you did better than me, except..." I didn't finish my sentence. "You all knew your limits and when you had to leave, and you were able to do so on your own."
"But you did leave." She put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you for it."
I sighed, and walked away. Somewhere near in the forest, I heard Rosalie call, knowing I was in hearing distance.
"Don't make this all about you," she said. "Don't you know, some people are having a worse time than you?"
Esme hissed at the words, but I took them to heart. She was right. To make it all about me and my failures would be unbearable selfish. Jasper had struggled more, and would still struggle more. I should be grateful for the control I did have.
Still, I wished that I didn't have the second-worst control in the family. Jasper and I, we would always be the weakest ones, because even if our control improved over time, the others' would, too. Was the only thing we could hope for the ability not to attack a human the moment there was blood?
Until... until Bella became a vampire. A newborn's control was always minimal at best, and even after those first few years were over, she would always be the youngest, the baby, of the family.
I was disgusted with myself the moment I thought it. Bella was my sister! What kind of sister was I, to hope that Bella would kill a couple humans just to raise my self-esteem?
After a while, Bella and Edward left, and everyone came back to the house, but no one spoke. The atmosphere of celebration was gone, sliced away like Bella's finger by the accident.
…
At midnight, probably after Bella had fallen asleep, Edward came back to the house. His face was frightening, his eyes blank and dead. We were all waiting in the dining room for him.
"We're leaving Forks," he said, no room for argument in his voice. Even with my vampire mind, it took me a moment to process it. The others, though, seemed to expect it. Rosalie snorted, Alice closed her eyes delicately, and Carlisle spoke.
"Edward. I know you're upset right now, but you shouldn't make a decision you'll regret later."
"I'm fine. That's not the problem. It's too dangerous to have a human in our midst, too dangerous for Bella to be surrounded by vampires. Her life is in danger every moment she's near us. It's better to leave now. Carlisle, you can make some excuse at the hospital. School won't be a problem for Alice and I. But we need to leave now. If we wait…"
"What will happen if we wait?" I asked. "Bella will die? Good thing we have a fail-safe to keep her alive, as long as her heart keeps beating. You say that she's in danger, that we're in danger, because she's a human. Then change her!"
"I won't take away her soul," Edward replied.
I rolled my eyes. Were those outrageous beliefs the only thing keeping him from changing his soul mate? Noting the word 'soul' in the phrase.
"She's your mate. You're her mate. You love each other. You can't survive without teach other! Believe me, I know." Images of Delilah and my past life flashed through my head, but I pushed them away. "Remember how you were when Bella was in danger from James? Remember how you two got when you were separated? We're not leaving."
"Bella's human. She'll move on. She'll forget. But she deserves better than me. She deserves a human life, with her soul intact."
"You've seen the same things I have," Alice argued. I didn't know what she showed him, but I could guess. Bella huddled in a corner, unable to move from the grief.
"Maybe in the beginning, she'll be like that, but she'll move on eventually. All of them do."
Carlisle gave his decision. "Whatever you chose, Edward, I'll support you." His words seemed heavy, as if they contained some deeper meaning, some deeper reason for giving Edward this choice. I turned towards him, betrayed, and realized the sides of this. Esme would support whatever Carlisle decided, Rosalie had never believed in associating with Bella in the first place, Emmett would protest but, in the end, decide the same way as Rose. Only Alice and Jasper still stood on my side, and Jasper would side with Alice, in the end.
"Bella's choice will end with, and has always ended with, her eventual transformation. Isn't it her decision?" I argued. It wasn't our decision, whether she became a vampire or not. It had never been.
"She doesn't understand," Edward replied, then turned to Alice. "Every moment we stay, she's in danger. If it were Jasper in that situation, wouldn't you do whatever it took to keep him safe?"
Alice glared at him, and whatever she'd thought made him hiss.
"Not at the price of her soul! Promise me!" he begged her. "Promise that you won't look into her future. Promise me that you won't try to contact her again."
"You don't understand, Edward! Cate's right, you can't live without her!"
"And what happens if she dies? If we hadn't been able to stop Jasper in time? Because if we stay, that's what will happen." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper pull away, shame filling his eyes. That had been a low blow. Alice moved towards her mate - what hurt him hurt her, and Edward was willing to hurt them for Bella. I saw him cringe at that thought, but he didn't apologize. I could see the fight going out of Alice, as Edward plowed on. "You've seen it. If we stay, she dies, one way or another. I don't want that for her. Promise me that you won't go back for her. Swear it!"
There was a brief moment of silence, then Alice spoke. "I... promise," she whispered.
No. I wouldn't let it happen. I could imagine what the separation would do to the both of them, and I wouldn't let Bella suffer like that! Unlike Alice, there was no one I needed to protect, more so than Bella. "We're not leaving."
His eyes flared as he turned on me. "Well, what are you going to do, then? Use your gift on me? Force me to do something I don't want to do? You've done it to so many others, after all."
His words sent a shockwave through me. For a moment, I couldn't speak. Then, I was suddenly, ferociously angry. "I can't believe you just said that. I thought you knew me better than that." I almost hesitated, but the anger carried my words forward. "Go ahead. Leave Bella. Ruin both your lives. See if I care!"
He took a step back, his face remorseful. "Cate, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." But by that time, I was gone.
I fled to the forest surrounding the house. Out of instinct, more than thirst, I took down a fox. All the while, thoughts flooded me. Edward was a mind-reader. He knew my mind well, maybe even better than I knew it myself. Could he be right? Could I, would I, have forced them all to stay, forced them with my compulsion? What frightened me most was that I didn't know the answer. What I did know was this: I couldn't fight for Bella's sake anymore. It was horrible and selfish of me, but I just couldn't.
When I came back, I ignored the others' attempts to talk to me, heading straight to my room and closing the door. I put headphones on, trying to drown out the sound of my family talking, downstairs, but I could hear every detail. Stupid vampire hearing. I heard them plan to go to New York, to Cornell University in Ithaca. Even the idea of actually attending college didn't cheer me up.
Morning came, and through the clouds, the sun rose, lighting up the sky without even the tiniest direct ray slipping through. I couldn't go to school today. I couldn't stand to see Bella or him. When would he break the news to her? Today? At school? Or would he go on, acting like he wasn't leaving, until later? I wanted to get out of Forks.
There was a knock at my door. Alice.
"We're leaving today, in ten minutes. You, me, Jasper, Esme," she told me, her voice not betraying even a hint of emotion, so unlike her normal excited cheer.
I turned towards the sound of her voice. "Today?" I hadn't expected us to leave so early. Would we get the chance to say goodbye?
"Edward wants to make it a clean break. He'll stay for a few more days, as will Carlisle, to get everything settled."
A clean break. Was that how he thought of it? Did he think any of us would heal from this, ever? Our family would never be the same. We were leaving in ten minutes, or, nine, now. There would be no time to see Bella again, would there? Was that how he wanted to make it a clean break, by not letting us see her one last time? She was my sister, and he wasn't letting me say goodbye?
But what else could I do about it? I hated myself for it, but I just couldn't fight for her, not if it would get me hurt. There was no one else on my side, either. And going to Ithaca would get me out of Forks, at least, away from them. If I had to choose, between staying and leaving, I knew which one I would choose.
I stood up. "I'll come," I said quietly. I heard the soft brush of Alice nodding, before she left.
I'd thought that a vampire would never leave his mate, but Edward had just proved me wrong. Nothing could stand between a vampire and his mate, except her own safety. What he'd done to get us to move, though, only strengthened my conviction that a vampire would do anything for his mate, even hurt the rest of his family, even hurt her. He made the wrong choice, though, and everyone but him knew it.
How long was it going to take before he realized? Would things ever be the same in our family again?