Chapter 29

Clarke sat and smiled down at her sleeping son. Bellamy had come back from his outing and immediately asked her father to step out into the hall.

When Clarke tried to ask him what was the matter. She kissed her forehead and told her he would tell her everything once he got back.

While she couldn't make out any words, Clarke could tell what they were talking about was serious. The long pauses and the low deep voices talking back and forth.

When eight minutes later only Bellamy came back into the apartment, he walked over to the couch. From the vibe in the room, Clarke got to her feet and hugged Nate to her body.

Bellamy looked at her with slight disapproval. Clarke wasn't supposed to be lifting Nate yet. But Clarke made the argument that as long as she wasn't bending or holding him away from her body. She could hold Nate to her chest, using mainly her arm muscles.

So Bellamy kept quiet, taking Nate from her and placing him down in his playpen.

"What is it?"

Clarke assumed whatever information Bellamy had, it was coming from the base and Sgt Miller.

"They had a break on the case. Clarke, We-" He took her elbow and lead her into their bedroom like he couldn't say such a thing in front of Nate. "They know who's head it was."

Clarke shuttered, remembering the day when her son's namesake died. Remembered that damn box and the way it smelled even before they opened it up.

"Who was it?" She asked, keeping her voice and face naturally.

Bellamy licked his lips, as he looked at her. "Maybe you should-"

The blonde was already shaking her head. "I don't need to sit, I'm good."

He sighed harshly, rubbing the palms of his hands together.

"It might be upsetting-"

"With the way your acting and the fact that dad didn't come back in with you, I figured that. Just say who it was Bellamy."

"Scott Porter."

Clarke's forehead scrunched. "I don't know any Scotts."

Bellamy bit his lip. "I know. aah- he grew up overseas. When his mom died at 17, he was on his own. Until he found his dad- your dad."

Clarke's arms came across her chest as if to hug herself. Bellamy watched her closely as her brain tried to process the news.

"I don't-." She started and stopped at a new time. "How old was he?"

"27."

"My parents had been married for 30 years."

Bellamy nodded her along.

"I have had a brother."

"Yea."

She sat then, plopping onto the end of the bed, her hand moving to her stomach as she flinched slightly.

"Wait- No I. Oh my god." Clarke put her head in her hands. "They fought over him."

Bellamy sat beside her, placing a comforting hand on her thigh.

"Oh god. I always thought he was someone my mom was sleeping around with. I never thought he was- mean I was six or seven when my mom started talking about him. I just assumed."

"You were a kid, there was no way for you to know any different."

"It made me think of her differently, that she was the one causing all the problems. I was always close to my dad, but I was even closer to him because I was distancing myself from mom. I spent years mad at her for something that wasn't her fault. Even before she did I was-"

Bellamy could hear Clarke's breath accelerating. Her chest rose and fell as her eye lips fluttered.

"Okay, okay." He got onto his knees in front of her. "Just take a couple of deep breaths."

Clarke started to shake, she clenched her hands into fists, placing them at her sides. Her dad was a god, damn liar. Clarke hadn't realized a tear had slipped from her misty eyes. She swiped it away with the back of her fist.

As if sensing his mom was upset, Nate started crying loudly from the living room.

Clarke leaned forward, putting her head into her hands. Her brain was overloaded, and now Nate needed her. But Clarke was afraid to go to him like this, she didn't want to freak him out.

Bellamy was still sitting, on his knees in front of her. His hands gripped her calves tightly, trying to support her, after dropping another bomb on her.

Without looking up, Clarke muttered. "Can you go deal with him please?"

Clarke felt the squeeze of her calf and his warm hands disappearing, quickly pressure on the top of her head, from his lips. She waited till his footsteps grew lighter and he started talking to baby Nate before she uncovered her face.

With a shake of her head, Clarke got rid of the angry tears that had fallen to her cheeks. Jake was un-fucking-believable.

Grabbing only of Bellamy's big on her sweaters, she pulled that on over her head and grabbed her phone and wallet. Her sneakers were by the door, and she had showered that morning, so at least she was clean. No matter how tired and messy her hair was, at least she had that going for her.

Nate had stopped crying and she could hear Bellamy telling him a story as she emerged from their bedroom.

Bellamy looked at her immediately, his face worried as he took in her expressions. Then she watched his eyes harden when he took in that she'd put on a sweater and had her car keys in her hand.

Keeping his voice low, not wanting to startle Nate. Bellamy shook his head, walking swiftly across their apartment to her.

"You aren't going anywhere."

"I want to see for myself. I want to see the records and whatever else they found that says my father is a lying piece of-" Her eyes flickered to Nate. "- A bad person."

Bellamy shook his head. "You can't drive, you aren't healed fully yet."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "We have taxi's Bellamy."

He reached out for her waist, pulling her body closer to his. "I'm not ready for you to go out by yourself yet."

Clarke cocked her hip, "You know I'm technically a badass rogue operative. That makes me more dangerous than you buddy." Referring to her time with Lexa.

Bellamy shook his head, "You were a half-cocked, angry as hell nineteen year old, with stolen weapons. Plus a psychotic nut job stringing you along."

Clarke snorts. "Damn, tell me how you really feel."

"You had a lot of anger to fuel you, and a hell of a lot of luck that kept you alive."

"-I'm pretty damn angry right now."

Bellamy's hand tightened on her waist. "I can see that."

Nate wiggled against Bellamy's chest, his tongue poking through his little lips. A tell-tale sign that it had been two hours and he was hungry again.

Clarke pulled back from Bellamy, on her walk to the couch she grabbed her feeding pillow. Her Keys, wallet and phone were placed on the counter in the kitchen. She plopped down gently on the couch, getting into a comfy position.

Not saying a word, Bellamy's eyes had tracked her around the apartment. When he realized she was preparing to feed their son, he followed her over to the couch. When she was all set up, he placed Nate in the crook of her arm where it rested on the feeding pillow.

Clarke pulled up her shirt, enough to reveal her nipple. Nate was already nudging against her, his mouth looking for her nipple. When he found it, he started to suckle.

The first time Clarke breastfeed him, it was a little rough. She'd been worried her nipple was too big for Nate's little mouth. But after a little negotiating they figured it out. Clarke still needed Bellamy to move Nate from right boob to left, during feedings. She couldn't quite slide him around on her own yet.

Both adults were quiet as they watched their son. His brown curls, soft tan cheeks and beautiful blue eyes. Their friends had made a bunch of jokes about him looking like a little Octavia. Clarke did agree, he was beautiful just like his aunt.

When it was time to turn Nate over to the other side of the pillow. Bellamy leaned over them, getting him settled, as he again searched and then latched onto his mom.

"I want to see the research," Clarke told him, breaking the silence.

She looked him in the eye for good measure, wanting him to see that she needed that information.

Bellamy always had trouble denying Clarke, it's what got them into trouble in the past.

"I'll make a call to Sgt. Miller. If I explain, he may allow someone to bring the information off base."

Clarke nodded at him, she needed him to do that.

Bellamy let out a sigh, happy she seemed to reevaluate her plan to march over to the base and demand to see all their Intel. Whether it was for Nate's sake or his, Bellamy didn't care, as long as she would continue to be in the safety of their apartment.

He knew she'd leave eventually, but he hoped eventually was still a couple of weeks off.

After the call to Sgt. Miller, where he agreed to send over the classified information. Bellamy thought he heard Jake on the other line as well. He thanked him, making it back to Clarke in time to burp Nate and put him down for his nap.

Once Nate was fast asleep, Bellamy closed their bedroom and went back to the living room.

Clarke hadn't moved much, she'd put the feeding pillow back. Leaving her seated cross-legged and sideways on the couch. Elbows on her knees and cheeks in her hands. She looked deep in thought, not looking up when Bellamy sank into the cushion in front of her.

"Why'd they never tell me about him? I always said I wished I had a brother. I would have been so excited."

"I don't know." He told her.

Clarke leaned back on her arm on the couch. Cheeks slightly red from where they'd been resting against her hand.

"I mean- was he a bad guy or something? I mean he was" Clarke paused. "They beheaded him. Was it because he was doing something wrong or because Pine's a psychopathic ass hole?"

Bellamy looked at her pensive face, as she tried to figure it out. "I don't know."

Clarke squinted. "Didn't you read any of the research when you were there?"

He shook his head. "They debriefed me, but it was all surface level. Figuring out who Scott was, it wasn't my mission."

"When's Sgt. Miller sending the files over?"

"He said he could get something to bring them out in a couple of hours, but that they'd have to be back on base by midnight."

Clarke nodded understanding, she'd only have a limited amount of time to learn everything she wanted to know about her brother.

Why her father and mother wouldn't tell her about him, What events happened that could have led to his death. Did he know about her, had he wanted to meet her like she would have wanted to meet him?

"Why didn't my dad tell us who Scott was? I mean I was there on the base, I remember him seeing the photos."

"That'll be a question for him. But he was shocked, Clarke. I was pissed when I got back earlier. I knew him keeping something like this from you, another secret was going to be upsetting. When I confronted him in the hallway, he looked stupefied. He took off for base before I could get anything real out of him."

Clarke shook her head, pressing her fingers into her eyes. "Uhh. I am never lying to Nate, ever."

"What about when he's five and December 25 is creeping up?"

Clarke glared at Bellamy. "You mean when Santa comes to town and I kiss him under the mistletoe?"

Bellamy chuckled, leaning over Clarke, kissing her soft lips. Giving a little flick of his tongue pulling back an inch.

"Not unless you expect me to dress in a Santa costume, you aren't."

Clarke laughed, pushing Bellamy's chest. He let her plop him back on his butt.

"I mean about the big stuff. If anything happens with you and us, in our lives. I don't ever want him to feel like we're keeping things from him." Bellamy looked at her seriously. "I'm also not about to tell him the bender we both went on for half a year. But I think it's important for him to know who we are, to be honest with him."

Bellamy nodded, they could do that.

"Whatever you want Princess."

What she wanted was for the next five weeks to fly by, that's how much more time it would take for her to fully heal.

"I want to kick my dad's ass."

Bellamy snorted, "Not till you 10 weeks is up. For now, you could watch as I kick it for you."

Clarke smiled, then it dimmed a little. "He's grieving for his son. How am I supposed to be mad at him, while he's grieving over the loss of his child?"

"Hey." He put a hand on her thigh. "You're allowed to be mad at him."

Clarke shook her head, she was feeling exhausted.

"I'm going to go take a nap while Nate's down." She told him, standing from the couch.

"I'll join you in a minute." He told her.

.

When a knock on their apartment door came a couple of hours later, Clarke was up and out of bed.

"Roan." Clarke was shocked to see him.

Of all the guys to run this information over to her, she didn't expect Roan. Someone from IT or something, but not an agent.

"You're glowing." He told her, with a smile.

Roan walked past Clarke, into the apartment. Choosing to put down the two boxes he carried on the kitchen island.

Clarke closed and locked the main door. "Uh pretty sure that saying only applies to pregnant women."

"Well, you look beautiful regardless. Happy."

"Thank you." She gave him a simple smile. "So these are all the files on- on my bother?"

Roan looked at her, head cocked to the side. "Everything on Scott is in these boxes. Sgt Miller said you can have them for a couple of hours. Someone will be back later for them."

"We appreciate you bringing them over." Bellamy joined the conversation.

Roan nodded, "No reason for you to come all the way into work for just a couple of boxes. Besides, I'm on my way out. Getting deployed."

"How long?" Clarke inquired.

"2 years."

Nate started to cry, from his baby bed in Clarke and Bellamy's room.

"I'll get him."

Bellamy shook his head, "I'll go get him."

Clarke rolled her eyes, Roan looked after Bellamy. "I'm not supposed to lift Nate until two months after my surgery. I've been cheating a little."

"Bellamy's always been the best at looking after his people. Now with you and your baby, I'd expect nothing less."

Clarke nodded fondly. "Thanks again for bringing this over. After everything this past year, I need the peace of mind."

Roan started to walk with Clarke toward the door. "I'm not sure if that information will bring you peace, but you can find that in your family."

"Be safe." She told him. "Where ever you're going."

Roan leaned down, kissing her cheek in a sweet goodbye gesture. When he pulled away, Clarke tried to keep the shock from her face.

He agreed, "Who says I'll be in any danger."

They both chuckled as she shut the door. They both knew from experience, danger can come from the closest ally or a stranger on the street.

Turning around to face the apartment, Bellamy was leaning against the wall. Without Nate.

"He went back down easily."

Good, Clarke thought. She wanted to spend as much time as possible looking at those files on her... Brother.

"I'm going to start looking on those files. Any word from my dad."

Bellamy shook his head. "I don't think we'll hear from him tonight or the next few days."

Clarke nodded, getting up on one of their kitchen stools.

"Do you want me to move those boxes to the couch or the floor? Those stools aren't comfortable." He asked, his concern bleeding through.

Clarke shook her head, she wanted the bright light of the kitchen to keep her awake. She had a lot to get through, and she didn't have a lot of time with all the files. Well, she would if she went to the base. Bellamy was right though. Nate needed her here.

Bellamy didn't push her. But he kept a close eye on her, sitting beside her. He wanted a chance to look at this information himself, see who the hell Scott was and decided if he was worth all the anxiety that was coming off Clarke.

.

With head in hands, Clarke broke the two-hour-long silence of their apartment. Well aside from baby Nate's cooing in the background. She also took a break when he woke up, so she could feed him.

"He was amazing." Clarke's voice breathy. "God, he looks exactly like dad."

Bellamy looked over at her, eyes soft. After everything he'd managed to read, there was not a single bad thing about Scott.

"His poor family. They probably have no idea what happened to him." She muttered. "He was an only child, god he died all alone."

"Okay." Bellamy soothed, reaching out for her thigh.

Clarke looked away from the papers, her eyes focusing on his face.

"I should have been there-"

Bellamy shook his head, "Don't, Clarke. You didn't even know he existed."

"But I did. They fought about Scott all the time, I never once thought to ask who he was. I just assumed my mother was a cheater. I hated her for it and now she's dead."

Bellamy turned Clarke's stole so she was fully facing him.

"Stop." He demanded. Hands rubbing up and down her thighs. "Listen to me. You are taking on guilt that isn't meant for you. You can be sad that your mom was killed. But she wasn't killed because you two didn't get along. You didn't know you had a brother out there, that's not your fault Princess."

Clarke looked down and muttered under her breath. "Yeah, it's Jake's."

Bellamy shook his head. "You can't put everything on him. He'd made mistakes that hurt people."

"This isn't just one mistake Bellamy."

"I know." He nodded. "I'm sorry babe."

Clarke swiped a tear that landed on her cheek. "Me too."

Turning her stool back around, Clarke took the rest of the time she had to learn about her brother. She found out he was involved with a lot of positive change in his community. Her fingers twitched to reach for her phone and find his Facebook, so she could contact Scott's family. Give them closure.

When a knock came on the door, Clarke slipped one of the pictures of Scott into her pocket. She wanted to remember him, even if all she knew about him she learned from a case file.

"Hey, Josh." Bellamy greeted his co-worker, handing back the boxes. "Thank Sgt Miller again for doing this."

"I will." He nodded.

"Is my dad on base?" She questioned him over Bellamy's shoulder.

Josh looked at her, his face masking emotion. "Yes ma'am."

Clarke wanted to roll her eyes at the formality. But instead, she pursed her lips and gave him a nod, which he returned before leaving.

.

Jake stayed away for almost a full week, only to show his face late one night when Octavia and Clarke were alone with Nate in the apartment.

"Hi, Clarke." He said. "Can we talk?"

"Are you going, to be honest?" She questioned back.

Jake just looked at her, his eyes sad.

Silently Octavia scooped up Nate and headed into the kitchen. She wanted to be nearby in case Clarke needed her.

"There are things your momma and I kept from you over the years." Jake took a seat on the couch, where Octavia had just been. "Keeping my job from you made sense, not telling you right away when uncle Joe died, you were only three. He was your favourite. But Scott, my son, was amazing. I wanted to tell you about him so bad."

Clarke shook her head. "Don't pin that on mom."

"I'm not trying to." Jake back-peddled. "I know I've hurt you, Clarke. I never meant for my life to impact you like this."

"You're my father, what you do inevitably impacts me."

Jake's face became masked with pity. "I saw the file, Clarke. I know all about your time with Lexa."

Clarke's face dropped, "That is Classified. How the hell would you even know to look for that." Angry he was trying to lecture her and embarrassed he now knew horrible things she'd done.

Jake shook his head. "Bellamy's guard detail of you was my doing, those case files are not off-limits to me."

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. Lips pressed together.

"I am not trying to scold you. I'm just trying to show you. You wouldn't have been running around with a dangerous person, like Lexa, if I didn't have the kind of job I have."

"Why didn't mom want me to know about Scott?"

"Appearance is everything to your mother, you know that. She is a prideful woman, and I guess a husband with another kid, it wasn't the kind of image she wanted. Scott didn't live around here, so I agreed for him to be swept under the rug. I have had a large rock in my stomach every day because of it."

"Did you know Pike killed him?"

A head shake. "If I knew Pike had become aware of Scott as he had of you. I would have brought him here, protected him."

Clarke nodded, "I saw his severed head dad, I- we lost Miller that day. When you came back, you saw those files. Didn't you ever think that it might have been your son they killed?"

"I thought it must have been a trick, they wanted you to think I was dead. Pike wanted you to stop nosing around and looking for me. To be honest, I didn't think the severed head was real. I thought it was a model made out of my own likeness."

A tear slipped down Clarke's cheek. "I'm so sorry dad."

Jake leaned forward and pulled her into a hug.

"Me too."

They spent the next hour, Jake telling Clarke all he could remember about Scott. How he was funny and loved to do street art. How they never spent much time together, but he always tried to send a letter on his birthday.

By the time Bellamy got home, Jake had left. Clarke had fallen asleep in their bed, and Octavia was playing with Nate on the living room floor.

"She asleep?"

Octavia nodded, not looking away from the baby in front of her.

"She was pretty tired after Jake came by."

"Shit, I wanted to be here."

Octavia shook her head, standing up.

"She's alright. I think she's just tired of losing people."

Bellamy nodded, so was he. But that was a part of his life. What his job could sometimes entail.

Taking Nate into his arms. He kisses Octavia goodbye, before heading back into the living room to play with his son.

Nate grabbed his feet and pulled them into his mouth. Bellamy chuckled, watching him.

Not too long later, Clarke emerged from the bedroom. Hair tied back in a messy braid, but her eyes weren't red or swollen like he expected.

"HI."

"Hi." She gave him a smile.

Clarke looked down at the baby between Bellamy's legs. Nate smiled a gummy smile up at her. Clarke laughed, joining her family on the floor.

"He's adorable." She said, resting her cheek against Bellamy's shoulder.

"He has your looks."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "That was cheesy."

Bellamy snorted. "Yeah well, I love you."

The blonde smiled, "Did you ever think during our time in the bunker, that we'd end up here?"

"You were a pain in the ass."

Clarke gasped, "I was not."

Bellamy pulled away, looking at her with wide are you crazy? eyes.

"Maybe I was a little screwed up. My mother had just been murdered ya know."

Bellamy nodded, "I'll give you that. But man, keeping you safe was not easy."

"As I remember, I got hurt out in those woods."

"You ran away on me!"

Clarke broke out into a beautiful smile. "Somehow you always managed to keep me safe."

"You don't make it easy."

Ta-da! We've got a prologue to go!