A/N: Hey guys, I've decided to write an Obitine fanfic as they are one of my absolute favourite yet heartbreaking ships. For those of you who don't know, I lovee the Clone Wars, so this is one of my ways to show appreciation! Hope you enjoy :)
Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore walked out onto the marble balcony that conjoined with her room, letting herself smile as the light spring breeze tickled her cheeks. Walking over to the massive marble railings that were built all around the edge to prevent her from falling off, she curled her hands around the smooth rock, letting out a sigh of relief. She'd finished dealing with a few foreign ambassadors only moments ago, and she was exhausted. Usually she was excited to meet ambassadors from foreign systems, but these ones were difficult; they never let her talk, and they constantly criticized everything about her planet. The palace is rundown, the food here is terrible, the city looks rundown, is what they'd say, and then some. Satine wanted nothing more than to slap them across the face for putting down her hard work; and who were they anyway, to judge her beautiful planet that was finally prospering after so many years? So arrogant.
Satine sighed. As much as she wanted to stand up for her home world, she knew that it wouldn't be proper, and that it would reflect badly on her reputation. Satine groaned, dropping her head to her hands. How she wished to have a calming presence; how she wished to have someone there that would just comfort her and tell her that she was doing everything right.
I wish...I wish Obi-Wan was here, Satine thought, smiling sadly. It had been so many years since she'd last seen her beloved Jedi Padawan. Or, actually, most likely Master Jedi by now. She chuckled to herself. Obi-Wan definitely was the sort who could become a Master within a few short years. Satine let out a breath, turning her gaze towards the sky. It was beautiful today; the sunset painted its normally light blue colour with streaks of red, orange, pink, and gold, creating a swath of milky colours that looked like a wound bleeding across the sky. It reminded her of a sky she'd once seen with Obi-Wan; a sky that they'd lain under together, smiling and joking in those last few moments before they parted.
It was strange...she never usually thought about Obi-Wan, unless it was in fleeting moments like these that stirred her memories. But lately, she couldn't stop thinking about him. In the past few weeks, not a day had gone by that he hadn't crossed her mind at least once. Could it mean something? Could it be an omen?
Satine couldn't help but wonder if Obi-Wan ever thought of her either. Between running hither and yon as a general wielding his lightsaber and carrying out all of his other Jedi duties, Satine was sure he rarely had time to think of anything but fighting, anything but taking the next step forward in a war that was seeming to become more and more impossible to win. She knew that she probably never did cross his mind, but she hoped all the same.
Watching some fat, fluffy clouds drift lazily over the horizon, Satine leaned back, closing her eyes and letting her mind fill with the memories that she'd tried so desperately to keep locked up all this time, tried so desperately to shove down to prevent her heart from breaking.
Memories of her and Obi-Wan filled her mind, some making her smile while others made her choke on a sob. She remembered the first time they met, their personalities so different and yet also perfectly complimenting each other. She remembered always picking a fight with him, their yells echoing over hills and through trees as they fought about anything and everything, their stubborn streaks and pride forcing them to never back down even when they knew the other was right. She remembered the first time she'd cried when she'd felt scared and overwhelmed, and how Obi-Wan had merely pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and holding her as she cried, a steady force at her back that she hadn't known she'd needed or deserved. She remembered how they'd both noticed their feelings beginning to blossom like a spring flower, their attraction so strong they couldn't keep away from each other even if they wanted to.
She remembered that they hadn't acted on those feelings until the day he'd dropped her after the swarm of venomites, tears streaking down her face as pain overwhelmed her from the gushing wound on her knee, and Obi-Wan apologizing so many times she'd lost count as he held her and tried to stop the bleeding, tried to do anything to ease the pain. She remembered that she'd tilted her head to yell at him, tear him apart for dropping her because even though it wasn't his fault, she didn't know what else to do. She remembered Obi-Wan merely chuckling and telling her that she was hopeless before cupping her cheek and leaning in, his lips meeting hers with a fire she'd never felt before. She remembered that the pain had completely faded away in that one moment, time freezing for a couple of perfect seconds as they became completely enveloped in each other. She remembered feeling completely breathless after, her legs like jello, and having to get Obi-Wan to carry her to a warmer spot in the cave they were hiding out in because she couldn't move herself.
She remembered so many more nights where they'd been completely wrapped up in one another, stolen kisses and touches flickering between them as they tried desperately to hold onto the achingly beautiful thing they'd found. And finally, she remembered those last few moments before they'd parted, her sobbing so hard she was shaking as Obi-Wan held her, whispering soothing words and telling her that it would be alright. She'd wanted to ask him to stay; she'd wanted to ask him so badly. But she'd known that she could never keep him to herself; she'd known that she could never be that selfish, known that she would eventually hate herself for holding him back from the life he was so obviously cut out to live. She'd wanted to tell him how she felt too; wanted him to know just how much he meant to her. But she knew that that would make it all too real, that then she wouldn't be able to let him go no matter how hard she tried, so she held herself back. Held herself back, and felt the greatest pain she'd ever felt as she watched him fly away with Master Jinn, far, far away back to Coruscant, where he would continue to become a Jedi.
After many more nights of endless crying and pain, after many more nights of trying to let all of her feelings out, Satine eventually decided that they wouldn't no matter how hard she tried, and instead shoved them down so far she could barely remember what they were, locked them up so tight that she could barely breathe. It was the best way to keep that pain from influencing her; the best way to let that scar on her heart keep from breaking open. So she'd carried those feelings, buried like a tomb underground. She'd felt flickers of that pain many times before, yes; she'd felt it so many times before when she'd seen something that reminded her of him, like the sunsets, or when she was feeing so discouraged and broken that she wanted nothing more than his warm embrace. But as much as she'd yearned for someone, she'd never taken another lover; she could never bear to be in anyone else's arms but Obi-Wan's. After a time, however, that pain ebbed away more and more. She found that losing herself in her duties and new friendships with the other senators she could forget about him. It was sort of a truth, the saying that time heals all wounds; hers were far from healed, but they were at least scabbed over. So she had thrown herself into her role of Duchess, put everything she could into forgetting him. And she had, for a time. But now... now, time was starting to reverse itself, and she was finding that her tightly locked feelings were escaping their cage.
Satine opened her eyes, their bright blue colour glazed over with sadness as she stared once again at the sky, feeling that same familiar, aching pain spread from her heart through her body, its grip tightening like a vice on her as it thrummed through her blood, her soul. Satine finally let out a muffled sob, looking down as the pain overwhelmed her. It had been a while since she'd looked back like this; a while since she'd let herself open that box of eternal pain again. Feeling hot tears spring to her eyes, Satine could only watch as one, then two, then three drops sprinkle her skirt, then a fourth as she began crying, truly crying.
Why? she thought as she held her chest.
Why does my love have to be so painful? Why does it have to be so utterly enveloping, so soul-shattering?
Satine took a breath, trying to calm herself even as the tears just fell faster. She cried for a moment, cried as the pain built and built and built, until sh realized what she needed to say. What she should've said the day he left. What she had to say right now if she wanted the pain to stop, although uttering those three tiny words would be the sharpest stab of all.
"I love you," she finally whispered.
"I...I love you, Obi-Wan. So, so much." A final tear fell from her eyes, and she sank to the floor of the balcony, sobbing harder than ever now as a final stab of pain embedded itself right in her heart. Those were the words she'd been yearning all this time to say; the words she'd needed to say to truly feel relief from her pain. It was still there, but it was nowhere near as strong now; it was merely a light thrumming, a light pulse to always remind her of how much she loved him. How much she missed him.
Realizing that she probably looked very unladylike, and not wanting to draw the attention of her guards, Satine quickly stood up, snapping out of her stupor as she hastily wiped at her eyes and brushed off her skirts. How juvenile of her to lose her emotions like that. She should know better. Glancing one last time at the sky, Satine smiled a sad, silent goodbye as she turned back toward the palace, back towards her ow battleground. As she shuffled inside, however, she couldn't help but leave one last thought to the wind to carry on its wings: I wish that we could go back to that time again, Obi-Wan. That time when we were younger, so much more innocent. When we thought the galaxy was good, that it could be changed. I wish we could go back to that time when I wasn't a Duchess, nor you a Jedi, a time when we could just be us. I wish that we could go back to that time when we were so hopeful, when the galaxy's problems didn't seem so insurmountable. I can only wish. Wherever you are, I can only wish.
Finally sweeping inside, Satine breathed one final sigh as she walked back into her room, the pale walls now glowing a soft golden yellow from the setting sun. She smiled again, suddenly feeling exhausted as a yawn climbed its way up her throat. She couldn't wait to get to sleep. Making her way over to her bathing chambers, Satine decided she wanted to take a short bath before changing into her night robes, but she barely passed over the threshold of the bathroom before a messenger burst through her bedroom door.
"Duchess!" He shouted, and she jumped, nearly hitting the doorframe as she whipped around in a fright to face the young, skinny, blond-haired boy before her.
"My goodness, you scared me, Tern!" She scolded lightly, a laugh burbling past her lips as she began to giggle. The boy smiled a little, still huffing from his run here as he quickly pulled up a message on his sleek tablet he held.
"Sorry, Duchess, my bad. I apologize for not knocking before entering, either, but I have an extremely urgent message from the Republic." Satine's eyes widened in disbelief.
"The Republic? What they could possibly have to tell me?" Tern bit his lip, looking uncomfortable as he pulled up the message again, his fingers twitching nervously.
"They said that there's been a suspicious rumour going around about you being in league with the Separatists. They're very worried, so they decided to send a Jedi Knight in to investigate." Satine's blood immediately turned to ice-cold, unrelenting, frozen ice. No, there was no way, no possible chance; there were so many Jedi Knights in the Jedi Order, there was no way they'd send him-
"And who is this Jedi they're sending?" Satine finally calmed down enough to say, barely able to keep her voice from trembling. Be calm, be calm, be calm, it's not going to be him, it's not going to be him, she said over and over to herself in her mind. But Tern confirmed her worst fears when he squinted at the message again, eyes scanning over a few lines before he finally said questioningly,
"Obi-Wan Kenobi?"