It had been a failure. Again.
Despite all of the promises she had made to convince her father to let her leave the castle, leaving her usual routine behind for so long, all of the times she had assured him that she was sure she had found a way to reach the goddess, to communicate with Hylia and finally be able to manifest her powers, it had proven to be nothing but yet another failure to add to her considerable experiences of having to turn around and with a solemn nod declare that, no, she still did not feel any different.
The worst thing was that they tried to pretend that there was still hope. Whether it was hope that she would one day be able to use the powers that had supposedly been given to her or if they were really hoping that her father would realise that they were wasting their time by relying on a mystical sealing power, Zelda did not quite know, but she was certain that it was one of them. And that was what hurt. The way Urbosa pulled her closer when she returned from the spring, telling her that it was fine, they still had time, and that her mother would have been proud of her no matter what, was meant to make her feel better, Zelda knew that, but rather than achieving that, it simply reminded her of how many times Urbosa had already had to repeat the words to her and how many more times Zelda would give her the opportunity to remind her of the stories again, before she would finally figure it out.
If she ever did figure it out. Zelda's chest tightened at the thought, like her entire body was trying to resist going down that path, but she was not able to ignore the all-too-real risk of her not unlocking her powers in time. If that were to happen… well, then there would be no one left to tell her that it had not been her fault. Not that Zelda would be able to blame herself either.
But it was not only Urbosa's reaction that had a different effect than what had been intended. Although Revali had, all things considered, been kind to her when she returned from the mountain, only commenting on how they might soon have to try something new if they wanted to see new results, Zelda still had to stop herself from agreeing with him. He might have been right—no, there was no 'might' about it, Zelda knew that he was right—but she was not only there as Zelda. Out here, with the Champions, while on a quest to the springs, she was the princess of Hyrule. She had to act like it.
"Princess?" Zelda tried to stop herself from flinching as someone sat down next to her on the tree trunk. From the way Mipha withdrew her hand, having otherwise been just a second away from placing it on her shoulder, Zelda could tell that the movement had not gone unnoticed. Almost to prove her right, Mipha's voice grew softer as she continued. "Are you all right?"
Biting back a sarcastic comment about how there had not been a need for such a question—how was she supposed to feel after she had just proved to be a failure yet again—Zelda straightened herself up, careful to look straight ahead. There was no need for her to look at the princess sitting next to her, she already knew exactly what kind of glance Mipha was sending her way, pity, disgust, and disappointment combined to form the same emotion she had felt sizzling in the air between her and Link all those times he had had to witness how Princess Zelda was powerless to do any of the things that had been expected of her.
"Yes, I am feeling great, thank you for asking," Zelda said, careful to add just the right amount of frosty distance into her tone to let Mipha know not to ask again.
It worked. Zelda heard how Mipha stood back up, and although she waited for several seconds, far more than what Zelda would have expected of her, in the end, she did turn around, the sound of her footfalls slowly turning fainter as she made her way back to the campfire. Zelda could easily imagine how she would sit down next to Link, telling them all that Zelda had gone to wallow in self-pity.
She didn't know just what she feared the most, that Mipha would one day stop doing this, stop coming over to see how she was feeling, or that she would continue doing it until they finally ran out of time.
A flower stood next to where she had dug the tip of her right boot into the ground, her fidgetiness having finally found that rapidly hitting the ground with her foot was a way to give vent to her frustrations. A Blue Nightshade, Zelda realised. Not exactly a Silent Princess, but beautiful nonetheless. Besides, considering how she had convinced her father to let her go to the spring accompanied by the Champions only to let down everyone, Zelda was not sure she was the one to complain that she would rather have seen something other than the flower in front of her. With a sigh, she reached out to touch the petals. They were softer than she had expected. Too soft. If she applied just a bit too much pressure, they would surely tear, and even if she let go of it, Zelda knew that it was only a matter of time before someone would walk by, overlooking the flower and stepping on it, continuing towards their destination without a second thought.
Zelda doubted she would be able to make her father grant her this amount of freedom ever again. Even though this journey had only required four days' journey, it had taken her months and Urbosa confirming that Zelda's mother had always seemed much stronger when she had been allowed to travel to convince her father that the possible advantage they could gain if this was the thing to awaken her powers was worth the risk associated with Zelda not being able to train at the castle for the duration of the trip. And now… Zelda knew what the result of returning to the castle only to inform her father that she still had not figured out how to use her powers would be; the declaration that, unless she would soon show signs of progress, she would not be allowed to come with the rest of the Champions the next time.
She would have loved to say that the reason the thought of that happening terrified her was something selfless, that she truly believed this could be what would finally remove the barrier between herself and her powers, but that would have been a lie. To tell the truth, as much as Zelda hated the constant reminder of what kind of princess she should have been, how she should already have figured out how to use her powers for the good of those around her, those few seconds where Mipha would come to talk to her were among her fondest memories. It was perhaps not the healthies sign that those few moments before she had finally regained the strength to remind herself that she was a princess and make Mipha leave were some she looked forward to each time she would spend time with the other Champions, but Zelda did not care. There were no signs she would ever be able to figure out how the goddess had intended for her to stop the apocalypse, so how could anyone have expected her not to seize any opportunity she had to feel better, even if it only lasted for a second?
Although she could go back to them, simply turn around and head back to the little tent and campfire, letting Urbosa tell her how her mother had also struggled with her powers at first, Zelda got up and began moving in the opposite direction, towards the forest. No particular destination in mind, Zelda let her feet carry her, enjoying how the grass had to give way underneath the soles of her boots. A breath of air reached her, pushing her hair into her eyes, and by the time Zelda had managed to regain control, forcing her hair back into its place, the sight of the nature around her had all but succeeded in taking her mind of just what would await her once they would return to the castle the next day.
In front of her, the threes shook slightly, the force of the wind making the leaves struggle to hang onto the branches, and somewhere deep in the forest, Zelda thought she could hear a bird chirping. Just what kind of bird exactly, she did not know, but the sound was still beautiful, even if she could not figure out exactly which of the pictures from the books in the library it would match.
Before long, she came to a halt, simply shifting her weight back and forth, abandoning the fight with her hair. If the wind wanted to make it escape from the braids, she would let it. If her dress, still heavy with water from the spring and the shade still slightly darker, showing just where the water surface had reached while she had both prayed to the goddess for advice and cursed the very idea of the mystical sealing powers she was supposed to possess, made her shiver as the cold air hit her, then that was how it was supposed to be. Zelda would not try to fight it.
It was not quite like the ballroom back at Hyrule Castle. The ground beneath her was uneven, nowhere near as hard as the tiled floors with the patterns of swirling colours, and there was no system to when the birds would continue their songs, but despite all of that, Zelda found herself repeating the steps her mother had taught her back before she had grown too ill to leave her bed. Her steps were unsure in the beginning, but slowly, Zelda began to relax, letting her body lead her around, forming a circle in the grass as her movements slowly became quicker, more confident.
Her father would not have approved if he could see her now. As it was, she was not supposed to leave Link, and she could only imagine what he would say to the sight of her messy hair and how she moved around, no particular rhythm to her steps. Maybe that was also why she continued even as she began to pick up on the smell of roasted fruit coming from the campfire. Although he might have power over her, right now, her father was not there, and Zelda was going to enjoy every second of freedom she could get before she would inevitably have to go back and face the consequences of her failures.
"Princess?"
For the second time, the sound of Mipha saying her title made Zelda have to fight the urge to let out a surprised yell. Heart beating quickly against her rips, she forced herself to stand still, praying to a goddess she already knew had never listened to her that Mipha had not seen what she had been doing.
"Yes?" her voice sounded shrill, but Zelda did not want to give away her feelings by stopping to clear her throat, so she continued, doing her best to make her tone appear deeper as she turned around to face Mipha.
It felt like her heart sank to rest in her stomach as she spotted the other princess. With how Mipha was looking at her, chin raised just a bit, eyes slightly wider than usual, and with her lips forming that tiny smile that always managed to both make Zelda feel even worse about herself and to beg Mipha to stay close to her forever, there was no doubt in Zelda's mind that Mipha had seen everything.
Evidently not having the same need as Zelda to appear to not having been surprised, Mipha coughed slightly. "I came to tell you that Link is beginning to wonder where you are." from how Mipha stepped closer to her, hand already reaching out for her, Zelda could tell that she had not managed to scoff as quietly as she had hoped to. Of course Link was wondering where she was, that was all he ever seemed to do. Follow her around, figure out where she had gone when she finally came up with a plan to slip away from him, and then report all of her failures back to her father.
But even if Zelda would have given everything for Mipha to instead have said that she had come to talk with her again, to give Zelda another chance to find someone she could share the burdens of being a princess with, she knew that Mipha was not to blame for the problems between her and her knight, and although her pride begged her to stay quiet, Zelda nodded at her. "Thank you… for coming to tell me that, I mean. I appreciate it. And… if I made it sound like I did not, I apologise for it."
Proving just how much better she was at being a princess, Mipha simply brushed her apology and the guilt behind it aside with a flick of her wrist, continuing towards her. "Oh, there's no need to apologise for any of that. I think we both know just how heavy a burden you are carrying on your shoulders. I don't know how you are able to not lash out at everyone."
It felt like her entire body became twice as heavy as it had been before. So Mipha had noticed. She had watched and seen how quick Zelda was to let her temper get the better of her, turning to the nearest person in an attempt to make herself feel something.
"I am sorry—"
But Mipha did not even give her the chance to finish. Closing the gap between them, she shook her head. "No, I did not mean it like that… I just—" the inhale was loud, Mipha clearly struggling to find the words, "I think I just wanted to let you know that we understand. We know how much time you have already spent out here or in your room searching for a way to save everyone, and if you would let us, we are here for you."
Her stomach twisted, a painful reminder that here Mipha was, having just witnessed how Zelda had shown nothing but contempt for Link, and yet she was still willing to offer Zelda her help. "I don't need your it. I am fine on my own." Hylia, Zelda hated that she could not keep her voice from breaking. "I am a princess; I have been raised to do this for my entire life. If you think that I am so weak that I cannot even—"
"No one said anything about you being weak," Mipha interrupted, her hand stopping mere millimetres away from Zelda's. As Mipha's glance flickered and she quickly withdrew her hand, holding them up in front of her chest, Zelda could not quite ignore the pang in her chest at the realisation that Mipha had been so close to doing both what Zelda feared and wished for.
With a shrug of her shoulders, Zelda did the best to shove the feeling away from her. She had other things to worry about; thinking about the kind of flutter in her stomach and how her heartbeat sped up was something a girl who did not hold the powers to save the world could dedicate her time to, not her, not Zelda. "I am sure that Link will not agree with you."
"You know, he really is not that bad once you get to know him." Mipha said, not completely able to hide the sigh. For some petty, childish reason, Zelda could not help but feel relieved at the sight of Mipha's annoyance. So she was not the perfect princess after all. "The two of you actually do have more in common than you might think."
"If you are going to tell me that he does not think that I am a failure, please don't. I have seen the way he looks at me when he pulls me up from the water; he knows that we are doomed and that I am powerless in all of this."
Mipha did in fact refrain from trying to assure her that Link was not aware of her flaws. But as she tilted her head and opened her mouth to continue, Zelda found herself almost wishing that she had not asked her to. "And how does he look at you then, princess?"
"You know…" Zelda glanced to the side. She had not prepared for having to explain to Mipha how she had come to know the kind of look that usually followed her wherever she went, having grown used to it over the years until she could now recognise it in her sleep. Gesturing at Mipha, she decided that there was no use in trying to hide why she was so scared that every conversation between them might also become their last, "he looks at me almost like you are doing now. Like he pities me while also feeling disgusted by me."
The effect was immediate. Stepping back, Mipha pressed a hand to her heart. The hurt expression that flickered over her face before being replaced by one of sadness hurt more than any of the times her father had reminded her of how she would surely fail them all. "Is that what you think I feel when I look at you? You think that I am disgusted?" Link and their earlier argument seemingly completely forgotten, Mipha added. "You really think that?"
What was she trying to achieve by hiding the truth? Zelda knew that Mipha was the better person. Of the two of them, it was always Mipha who stayed behind to talk with the other Champions, maintaining the friendship that Zelda could easily imagine might give them a chance against the Calamity even if Zelda proved to be unable to manifest her powers, but even then, Zelda could not think of a reason that would explain why Mipha tried so much to stay close to her. So she shrugged, the movement perfect for hiding how she was shaking, struggling to keep back the tears that threatened to spill. "Yes. Don't try to lie to me and tell me that I have not given you every reason to be."
Despite her plea that felt more and more desperate the more time passed, Mipha silently formed the word 'no', shaking her head to emphasise it. It only lasted a couple of seconds before she had regained the ability to speak, but Zelda still wanted it to last forever and end immediately, the conflicting emotions almost making her dizzy.
"Princess," Mipha began, but Zelda cut in.
"Zelda. Please, just Zelda." it did not feel right for Mipha to continue to use her title, not when Zelda had not done anything to deserve that respect. At least that was what Zelda tried to convince herself was the reason for wanting to hear Mipha use her name just once.
"Zelda," Mipha began again, "believe me when I say that no one feels that way. Not Link and certainly not me."
She moved closer again, and only the sense of hurt that Mipha was still lying to her kept Zelda from stepping backwards in response. "Do not try that. I saw how you looked at me. I know what you think about how I still have not found a way to access my powers. And I can hardly blame you. While you have been using your powers for years, I am still as untrained as I was the day my father first sent me to one of the springs." Zelda wanted to turn away, to run. She was not exactly sure in what direction she would try to leave, only that she would not be able to stay there for even a moment longer and have to ignore the way it felt to hear Mipha try to lie to her about how they did not find her weak. But Mipha's quick reactions stopped her.
"I saw that you were dancing earlier," Mipha observed, and with only those seven little words she had made Zelda spin around, once more facing her.
"What?"
"Here," Mipha gestured towards the patch of grass that was slightly shorter than the rest, the blades of grass having had to give up underneath her, "you were dancing just a moment ago."
"Oh," Zelda said, hoping that the feeling of warmth in the tips of her ears was just something she was imagining, "I suppose I was. I did not even think about how I was moving, but I can see now that it might have looked like I was trying to dance."
Mipha smiled at her, and it felt like her heart should not have been able to continue beating the way it had done before, not with how the smile was enough to light up the world around her. "You looked at ease. I haven't seen you like that in—well, for a long time, so forgive me, but I did stay silent for a while. I did not want to end your moment of peace just yet."
So she had seen her. If that was the case, then she had surely also seen all of the times Zelda had stumbled, not quite able to finish a twirl, having to pause to regain her balance. Zelda knew that she could not stay quiet, and already before the words had left her mouth, she could hear how they were simply another attempt to justify herself. "Yes, I might not have been as focused as I should have been, but in my defence, I am used to dancing in a ballroom. This," she stamped her foot, "is both a softer and more uneven surface than what I am used to."
"Zelda, I was not trying to say anything bad about how you looked. Quite the opposite, in fact." somehow Mipha managed to make it all sound so honest, like she truly meant every word. When Zelda stayed silent, she held her hand out towards her. "Will you teach me?"
She could hear the surprise seeping into her tone as she replied. "What?"
"Can you teach me the dance?" for some reason, it would seem that Zelda had not been imagining things, and even after she had blinked a couple of times, halfway convinced that all of this was simply the product of her mind clinging to the hope of her not having managed to ruin everything yet, Mipha was still standing there in front of her, waiting for her to take her hand.
Zelda could feel how the warm feeling spread from her ears, mirroring the feeling of a thousand wings fluttering around inside her stomach as she allowed herself to picture what it would be like to accept Mipha's suggestion. But she fought back against the voice telling her to accept.
"I meant it when I said that I am not used to dancing out here. I know that I would only end up ruining it or stepping on your feet."
"We are also a good day's journey away from the Zora's Domain," Mipha answered, gesturing in the direction of the cliff where Vah Ruta was once more ready to watch over the domain below, "so I would say that we have that in common." she must have seen how Zelda's determination faltered, for she continued to push. "Please? Just show me the steps once, and then, if I am so bad at them that you decide that I am never going to be able to learn it, we can stop."
It was a laughable idea. For as long as Zelda could remember, Mipha had always been the one to grasp everything the first time she heard it, always so quick to figure out how to use what she learnt. But seeing her there, waiting for Zelda to reach out, standing like she was going to wait for hours if that was what it would take, Zelda could not imagine how anyone possess the strength necessary to say no. Zelda certainly did not have it.
"Just once then," Zelda mumbled, trying to ignore how quick she was to place her arms around Mipha or how Mipha had already stepped closer to her even before Zelda had gotten the chance to ask for her to do so.
For a few minutes, they were quiet, Zelda for once being able to teach Mipha something as she silently pointed towards her feet while making sure that they spun and moved around along the circular path she had already created. But already by the time they had repeated the movements twice, it seemed that Mipha had memorised it, or at least she began talking once more.
"You do know that you can talk to me if you want, don't you?"
Maybe it was because she had been moving around in the same way for the last several minutes. Maybe it was the slightly dizzying feeling of knowing that Mipha had wanted to talk with her, had wanted her to teach her something. Fact was that, for once, Zelda was perfectly honest, not only with Mipha, but also with herself. "I know that you tell me that, but… I just can't seem to convince myself that you meant it."
Mipha lifted an eyebrow, and if Zelda tried her best, she could almost ignore the hurt that flashed in her eyes. "Why not?"
"Because it doesn't make sense."
"What doesn't make sense?"
"This." Zelda looked at the centimetres of space between them and hoped that Mipha would think she was merely referring to the dance. "You are a princess. You know that it is my duty to serve Hyrule, and you have seen me fail that duty repeatedly. So, forgive me, but I cannot figure out what reason you have to not think that I am a failure you will merely have to tolerate because my father claims I might have some power."
"Is that really the only reason for someone wanting to get to know you that you can think of?"
Mipha's words caused her to pause for just a second, long enough for her to let go of Mipha with one hand, still making sure that she helped her stay upright as Mipha twirled around a couple of times before coming back to her once more.
The moment they continued the dance, Zelda knew that she would have to be vague. She had already said so much, and if the conversation would move even closer to her, Zelda was not sure she could continue to silence herself. "It is all I can allow myself to think of without also risking that I will only end up even sadder than before."
"So there are other reasons you can imagine as well?"
It felt like years had passed before Zelda had mustered the courage to nod at her and form an answer. "Yes. There are other reasons I might hope to be true as well, but they are not ideas I can allow myself to dwell on."
"But what if there were real? What if you were right?" Mipha spun back towards her, but as she threw her arms around her once more, taking Zelda's arm and placing it around her waist, Mipha did not continue with a step to the right like she was supposed to do. The fault that was so clearly not a mistake at the very least gave Zelda a way to explain her jittery to herself. She was merely surprised that Mipha, ever the perfect example of how a princess should act had just broken the rules for the dance.
"Then I suppose I would feel quite foolish for having done my very best to deny the truth for all of these months," Zelda answered, and if she sounded just a little bit angry at herself, she could honestly say that it was because she had not even bothered to attempt to hide the feeling. If this meant what she thought it did, it would seem that she had wasted her time all of those times she had thought about all of the excuses she could give if Mipha ever were to bring up the subject.
"If it helps," Mipha said, interrupting her thoughts as she positioned herself, leaning even closer towards her, so close that Zelda could catch the hint of the smell of saltwater that seemed to follow her around, "I think that you might not have had any real reason to deny it."
Before Zelda got the chance to respond, Mipha had turned the couple of centimetres between them into none at all, capturing her lips in a kiss that was over by the time Zelda's brain had had time to catch up. And maybe that was for the better. for instead of worrying about what was happening, about how the other Champions might come to look for them any moment now, about what her father would say if he ever discovered that she was wasting her time rather than dedicating every second of her life to praying, she existed only in the kiss, allowing herself to move even closer to Mipha and simply enjoy the way joy could feel as Mipha brought a hand to rest against her cheek, beaming at her.
"Was it what you had expected?" Mipha asked, her voice breathless, and, to Zelda's surprise, with just a hint of something unsure hidden underneath.
Zelda was happy that she was finally able to give an honest answer to the question. "It was better than what I had ever dared to hope for."
If she could, Zelda would gladly have asked the goddess to pause the world right then, letting the two of them continue to live in that moment rather than to have to face their destiny. But for now, Zelda could accept that, as cruel as time was, it was also what had made her able to stand there, with Mipha reaching up push a strand of hair to the side, feeling like her heart should have made its way out of her chest with how quickly it was beating as the sense of pure elation bloomed inside of her.
But of course, as all things had to do, the moment came to an end, Mipha taking a step backwards, her smile not as wide and brilliant as it had been at first as she glanced in the direction of their tent.
"We should probably get going. I think the others will come to look for us if we don't get back to them soon," Mipha said, and although it felt like there was nothing she would rather have done than stay out there with Mipha, hiding from the knights her father would no doubt send to look for her, Zelda knew that she was right, As tempting as it was to ignore the fate that had been handed down to her, she could not escape from it.
But as they made their way back to the rest of the Champions, Mipha not letting go of her hand and even sitting down next to her as they made up a lie about how it had been difficult for her to find Zelda, the burden that had been given to her felt just a little bit lighter than it had done when she had set out for the spring that morning.