A/N Hey guys and gals, here is the sixth chapter, I hope you like it and please review (remember, no reviews = no story) :), recommended song for this chapter: Too Far Gone by Sir Sly -boundless
WARNING this chapter contains graphic content and self-harm, please don't read if it might upset you or if you really don't like that stuff
Chapter 6
"Who are you, Alex Vause?"
Alex chuckled "I could ask you the same thing, Piper Chapman".
They looked into each other's eyes, blue staring into green, and forgot the world around them.
Piper's POV
Piper set to making dinner and was still thinking about how Alex's side felt. She had been leaning against it after the brunette had stopped tickling her and was more relaxed than she had been in a long time. Alex's arm was warm and soft, and her shoulder was nice to lean her head on. Then, when she looked up at Alex, they had made eye contact, Piper couldn't help but wonder who the woman was.
She took the pot of spaghetti off of the stove and set it on the island in the kitchen, she then poured it into the two bowls in front of her and added the alfredo sauce and courgette to the meal. Piper brought the two bowls to the dining table and set one in front of Alex. After earlier, they seemed to be more comfortable around each other.
"Thanks for the dinner, Pipes." Alex looked at her from across the table and Piper felt her chest flutter.
"No problem" Piper smiled back at Alex and continued with her meal. The rest of the dinner was filled with mild banter and comfortable silence.
When Piper went to wash up, Alex stood to help as well. Piper dried and Alex washed. When Alex was busy trying to clean the pot she had used for the sauce, Piper kept stealing glances at the brunette. The water was running down her arms and there was a bubble at the end of her dark hair. As Alex worked the pot with her fingers, Piper couldn't help but wonder what else she could do with them. She started to feel a warmth in her cheeks and the pit of her stomach so she quickly tried to snap out of her trance. Piper continued to dry the dishes, trying to calm down, but Alex must have noticed. "Are you ok there Piper?"
"Yep, definitely, totally." Piper knew she couldn't lie to save her life so she hoped Alex would buy it.
"O-kay then." They did the rest of the dishes in silence.
After washing up, Alex went to have a shower and Piper decided she should finish off some Popi orders.
Popi was a company that Piper and Polly had made about 3 years ago. They sold artisanal soaps and bath products as well as a few perfumes. Originally they had made all of the products in Polly's kitchen, but because the commute for Piper was too long, they had decided to make the products in their own kitchens via FaceTime and sell them online. When the demand got too big, they opened up a store in Connecticut for Polly to manage while Piper ran the online business. Now, three years on, they had 6 stores, a place at Barneys and demand was through the roof. Unfortunately, because Piper and Polly were no longer on friendly terms, Piper had to manage most of the financials herself. Piper didn't mind, it gave her something to do.
As she was working away at the financials a little voice came to the back of her head "You're not worth it" She shook it off and tried to continue with her work but it came back again, but this time instead of a voice, it was the lack of determination. Piper pushed against it, knowing that she had to finish the job but after she posted the credit she was working on, she closed down the laptop. She couldn't be bothered, "It's not worth it," She told herself "Nothing really matters anyway".
Piper stood up and out of the little office and into the kitchen, she reached for one of the top shelves and brought down a little orange pill holder. She poured out some Anxiolytic and Antipsychotic pills, then washed them down with water.
Piper had had depression since she was 17. At the start, it was mild and seasonal, but as time went on the worse it got and now she was fighting against severe anxiety and major depression. She had tried everything, counsellors, group therapy, physical therapy, medication, even hypnosis, but here she was, trying not to take her own life. She never used to be suicidal, it was only when Larry left her that she had started to want to take her own life.
Her thoughts were interrupted when Alex opened the bathroom door. Piper had just started to read on the sofa when she looked up at the dark-haired beauty. Her hair was wet from the shower and her clothes hung close to her body, Piper knew at this point that she had a small crush on Alex but didn't want it to get in the way of the bond they were slowly forming. This didn't help. Piper stood up to help Alex to the couch and couldn't help but notice how nice the brunette smelled as they walked the way there.
When they sat down Piper asked if maybe Alex wanted to watch a movie or play a board game, Alex replied with her usual charm: "What is this? A slumber party?"
"No, I was just asking what you wanted to do" They stared each other down. Piper wasn't offended by Alex's constant use of sarcasm and dark humour, and Alex seemed to be okay with the blonde's need to be constantly doing something.
"Alrighty then, I guess we'll play a board game. I gotta warn you though, I'm pretty good"
Piper accepted Alex's challenging undertone and selected a classic, Monopoly.
As they started to play, it was pretty even over who was winning so far, it was only in the 8th round when Alex started to slowly clean up. By the 20th round, Alex had the brown, orange, red, yellow, and blue sides of the board, she also had three train stations and the electrical works. Piper was determined not to lose but always ended up in jail. "Oh my gosh, this is the seventh time I've been in here!"
"Pipes, it's just a game" Piper knew that Alex was trying to be helpful but was frustrated over how bad she was losing. After only a few more rounds she was bankrupt and Alex was the winner.
"How are you so good at this game?" Piper wanted to know the brunette's secret.
"I'm good with money." Piper thought it would be an easy way to get to know more about Alex by continuing this conversation.
"What, are you a banker or something?"
"Ha, not exactly." Alex didn't seem to be opening up to her just yet. Piper didn't mind though, they still had about 9 days together. Wait, is she counting now? That was sad, but 9 days together isn't a very long time. Piper reminded herself not to get too attached to Alex.
Together they packed up the game and Piper helped Alex up the stairs and into the guest bedroom.
Piper went to close the door behind her when Alex said "Goodnight, Pipes"
Piper turned and smiled at the brunette "'Night, Al."
Piper closed the door behind her and walked into her own bedroom. She cleaned up the mess and put her washing into the basket, Piper then got changed into her pyjamas and went into her bathroom to clean her teeth. She looked in the mirror and recognised a younger version of herself. A happier version. She knew that this must be because of Alex, whenever she was in the room with her, her mood increased tenfold. Piper didn't even try to deny that at this point she had a crush on Alex. Piper didn't know if it was the brunette's perfect features or that she could hold a decent conversation with Piper, but something about Alex had the blonde reeling. Piper knew that feeling this way about her was dangerous, but some sliver of hope inside of her said that maybe they could at least stay as friends after this whole thing.
Piper finished cleaning her teeth and spat into the sink. The blonde walked back into her bedroom, turned off the lights, got into bed, and checked her phone. Two missed calls from her mother. As much as Piper would have liked to ignore her mother forever, she knew that she should phone her back to avoid getting completely chewed out. So the blonde reluctantly pressed the dial button and waited for the phone to connect the call. After two rings her mother picked up.
"Piper, honey, I need to talk to you"
Piper inwardly groaned "Hi mum, how are you?"
"Don't get smart at me, this is important"
"Okay, I'm sorry. What's the matter?"
She heard her mother take in a deep breath "Polly phoned and said that you two had a fight early on this week. Why would you instigate such a thing? Polly is such a nice girl, you should know better"
"Mum!" Piper was sick of hearing the woman's droning voice "It was Polly's fault!"
"Well you should blame yourself, Piper, if you had been nicer to Larry none of this would have happened"
"Wow, you haven't even asked to hear my side of the story but your first instinct is to blame me, your only daughter, because I'm never good enough am I?"
"Piper, sweet-"
"No! I don't want to hear you tell me any more bullshit excuses mum! Unless you are phoning me to apologise or check up on me, I don't want to hear from you ever again."
Piper ended the call and cried. She cried for the family she wished she had, she cried out of loneliness, and she cried because she had no one but herself. Piper wanted to go into the bathroom and end her life right there, but Alex was in the next room. Piper needed to stick around for at least 9 more days, but hopefully, if she stayed in contact with Alex after all this, she might stick around for a while longer.
She turned her head to the side and saw the book on the bedside table that Alex had asked her about earlier. She hated the book. It was filled with everything she had wanted to say but never did, it also acted as a reminder of how many times she had tried to leave her life.
Piper went to sleep dreading waking up in the morning.
Piper woke up to Alex's shouting and got out of bed, knowing that the brunette must be having another nightmare.
When she came into the bedroom she laid down next to Alex, held her and stroked her face. "Alex, you're having another nightmare, wake up" She tried to calm her down but Alex kept on shaking "Alex, Al, please wake up!" It was no use, Alex was in a deep sleep. Piper tried several more times to wake Alex up but it was to no avail. So the blonde stayed there, with a shaking brunette in her arms, and waited for Alex to wake herself up. This made Piper feel worse than she had already, she felt useless not being able to help Alex when she seemed to be in so much pain.
After what must have been twenty minutes, Alex finally stopped shaking. Piper moved so that she could see the brunette's face, her eyes were squeezed shut and there were tears flowing down her cheeks. The sight made the blonde want to cry with her. Piper brushed the tears away from Alex's face and the brunette let out a loud sob which shattered Piper's heart into millions of little pieces, Piper held Alex tighter and waited for the brunette to wake. "Pipes?" Alex's croaking voice caused Piper to look into her eyes.
"Hey, Al" Piper smiled and saw a flash of relief go through Alex's eyes.
"What are you doing here?"
"You were having a nightmare so I tried to calm you down but nothing worked, so I just waited for you to wake up" Piper didn't know if she had overstepped any boundaries but wanted to make sure that the brunette was okay.
Alex looked at Piper for a moment before responding with a sad smile, "Thanks".
The two stayed quiet for a moment and Piper laid her head down on the pillow next to Alex. "Are you ok, Al? You've been having nightmares ever since you've been here."
Alex turned her head to face Piper and the blonde wished that she could see what Alex was thinking behind those eyes. "Piper, I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" She wanted Alex to know that she could trust her.
"I'm sorry" This took Piper by surprise.
"What? Al, what are you talk-"
"No, Piper please listen for a moment" Piper did as she had been asked to do and waited for Alex to continue. "I am being followed, I really shouldn't be here, I could be putting us both in danger"
"So you're having nightmares about the people chasing you?" Piper felt a panic attack coming on.
"Yes"
Piper had to process this before she could say could say anything else about the topic. Alex was running away from something that could put her in danger. Who? and Why?
She voiced these questions aloud. "Who and Why?"
She heard Alex take a deep breath before continuing. "As to who, probably a hitman. Why? because I made a very powerful person very angry"
"Alex what the fuck did you do?!" Piper was freaking out and was sure that her voice had risen an octave.
"I was doing some illegal stuff and-"
"No fucking shit Alex! Who would have thought that doing something illegal could get you into trouble?" Piper had definitely lost her head, she can't believe that she actually had feelings for this woman who obviously was a criminal. "Why are you really in this mess, Al?" Her voice had softened out of tiredness and thinking about how she felt for Alex.
"I used to import drugs, but when things got too risky I quit and probably made the head of the ring very angry"
"Wouldn't they have understood that you quit?"
Alex sighed "I may have stolen $10,000 from him"
Piper couldn't believe what she had gotten herself into. A drug importer living in her house with a Kingpin's hitman following her to end her life, she had to sort this out, fast. Piper stood up and started to pace around the room "Who knows that you're here?"
"No one that I am aware of."
Piper thought for a bit then rushed into her room to grab her laptop. She wasn't too worried about the fact that she could be killed at any moment because she had been looking after Alex, it was how worried about the brunette Piper felt that scared her. She knew that if she couldn't get these feelings under control soon, she would be in more pain than she had ever been before.
Piper grabbed the laptop and then ran back to Alex's room. The brunette was now sitting up with her glasses on and had a worried look on her face. "Piper I'm so-"
"Not now Alex, let me think" Piper put her laptop on her bed, turned off location services, and looked up maps of the area she lived in. She then wrote down in her notes the time it took to get to popular spots in Ithaca and main roads that lead to hers. After plotting down routes and possible ways to get to her house, Piper had come to a logical conclusion. "They can't find you here."
"What? Piper, these guys are trained professionals."
"No, I'm being serious. My house is about 30 minutes away from any recognisable landmark, the road is private and can't be accessed on Google Maps, and barely anyone comes to visit me anyway. You're safe here."
Piper gave Alex a few moments to think about her proposal and decided to throw in something else that might take her mind off of deciding. "I know that it's not a permanent solution but it could work in the meanwhile."
Alex shuffled around on the bed and Piper could sense the brunette's hesitation to stay, it tugged at the heartstrings of Piper's heart and questions came flooding to her mind. What if Alex left and Piper never heard from her again? What if Alex left right now? What if they found her here? What if Alex left and Piper found out that she had been killed? Piper felt a sudden wave of nausea come to her and closed her eyes, trying to regain some form of control over her body. Why did she care so much if Alex left? She thought that she had only developed a small crush on the brunette, she thinks she might have been wrong.
After what Piper thought was years, Alex finally had something to say. "How many days until the doctor says I'll have recovered?"
Piper looked at the clock, 02:17, "About eight days".
Alex thought again and Piper wished that Alex would just say "Yes Piper, I would gladly stay here with you because I think it is what's best" But of course that wish didn't come true.
"I'll stay for the eight days but then I'll go."
"Al-"
"No Piper, I don't want to put you in any more danger than I already have"
The blonde felt the last bit of her hope leave her body. "Okay"
"Okay"
The air thickened as the tension rose "Goodnight Alex" Piper left the room and shut the door behind her. She stormed her way into her own bedroom, shut the door behind her and lay on her bed with a feeling of hopelessness coursing throughout her body.
Hope was like an old friend of Piper's.
Piper had needed hope when she left her home in New York City and moved to Ithaca.
She needed hope when she ended her relationship with Larry.
She needed hope when she ended her working at the Popi store with Polly.
She had needed hope when she tried to end her life.
And now, like the rest of the people and friends in her life, hope had left Piper.
The blonde lay on her bed with no tears for she had forgotten how to feel, so she did the only thing she knew to do so that she could feel again.
Piper stood and walked into her bathroom, closing the door behind her. She took off her shirt and ran her fingers across the skin on her sides under her ribs, she then ran the tap and wet a flannel before dabbing her right side with the cloth. Once her side was clean, Piper reached for the towel on the cabinet next to the sink. She picked up the stained fabric to reveal what was underneath it, three shiny blades danced in her vision, begging her to pick them up. Piper obliged.
She held the closest blade up to her eyes and watched it reflect the light in the bathroom as she turned it around between her fingers. She knew the blade had enough power to take away her own life but did not intend to use it for this purpose. Instead, Piper took the blade to her side, right underneath the rest of the scars she had made, and pressed it against her flesh. At first, she felt nothing but when she moved the blade across her, she sharply inhaled as she felt the first line of blood trickle down her side. The water that she had put on her side before dripped into the wound and made it sting so greatly that a lonesome tear fell down Piper's face. It wasn't enough though. Piper kept slicing at her side, trying to make her thoughts run of her like the blood from the wound, but it wouldn't work. Every time she cut she saw Alex's eyes, begging her to stop.
She kept at this for a few more minutes before grabbing the towel and pressing it to her side, applying pressure to the wound and soaking up the blood. She had practice at knowing how to clean up cuts. After putting her top back on, Piper climbed back into bed. She knew she had to stay alive for eight more days until Alex left, it was for the brunette's sake, but after that time was up... Piper didn't need an answer to something she already knew. She would be dead in nine days.
A/N Hey, sorry for giving you a sad chapter after a happy chapter but don't worry! Content is still to come! Just a note from me to you, if you are depressed or suicidal PLEASE SEEK HELP! I don't know a lot of hotlines but here are a few:
New Zealand: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Australia: 08 93 88 2500 or 13 11 14
Germany: 08001810771
Canada: 1-866-APPELLE
USA: 911
UK: 999
Sorry if I missed out your country, but if you need help please seek it out or talk to someone!
Anyways, on a lighter note, I will post the next chapter this time either next week or two weeks from now. What's going to happen? Will the people chasing Alex find her? Will Polly stop being such an asshole? find out next time on Behind Closed Doors!
Stay alive for me :) -boundless