If you read this shit tell me your favourite colour in the review.
He watched the smoke curl away from his face with a special sort of irritation he really couldn't remember feeling ever before, and Tala got irritated often.
He wanted to prance around and sigh dramatically like his Chinese friend, or maybe scowl at the wall and then end up punching it like his Russian boyfriend, but despite being irritated easily and regularly, Tala also retained this magical organ called a brain that everybody else but him seemed to have lost at some point in their frankly insignificant lives, so naturally he couldn't select either of the options. Going for cigarettes, hoping the narcotic could salvage his sullen mood and help him put his literal game face on, all he had helped himself to, was rapidly rising heat in his stomach and a parched and tingling throat. Then again, if he really was that brainy, why would he smoke seventeen damn cigarettes in half an hour?
… Was he high now? He couldn't really tell.
What he could tell you with absolute certainty was that he really didn't like the amused expression on Kai's face as he leaned against the wall opposite him and watched his face go through a wide and colourful range of expressions before he schooled it into a heavily disappointed frown. That bastard was enjoying this and it was just another thing to add to his steadily lengthening list of things that just weren't fair!
"You're such a drama queen.", Kai muttered before leaning over and slipping his hand into Tala's shorts pocket, retrieving his pack of smoked, or the measly few left inside at least.
"Oh that's a huge fucking help, Kai! Thank god you're continuing to be the absolute fucking delight you always are, cause really what would I do without my angel of a lover! Probably lose a dozen headaches on a daily basis and lord how I'd miss that!"
Kai just laughed. Tala could feel a pout steadily growing on his lips, which he suppressed with all his might because Tala Ivanov just didn't pout, thank you very much.
Tala could see Kai's shoulders sag with the massive sigh he released before he stepped closer to him, running a hand down his forearm and entangling their fingers together.
Kai's eyes flitted from side to side, which was his equivalent of fumbling for words and Tala knew Kai didn't know what to say to help his mood at all. It was unfair on him too, and realising that, the redhead allowed his fingers to close around Kai's palm.
"This is not fair.", Tala moaned for the millionth time that day, sick of hearing himself whine but unable to help it.
A hand cupped his face.
"I know, wish I could knock their heads around but I can't. And its too late to back out, now. You have to, you have no choice so quit complaining already."
As much progress as Kai had made in the art of communication, Tala's behaviour seemed to have eroded through all of that and brought out this weird mixture of Kai's irritated brush-off and natural concern. It still made Tala's heart skip a beat, though.
Kai's hand had travelled away from his cheek to grip the nape of his neck, squeezing it and running his blunt finger nails through Tala's hairline. It made his spine tingle.
"How can I help?", Kai asked.
They had been suspended, not only from their classes, but all their sports practices as well which essentially meant Tala hadn't stepped into a court, or touched a basketball for about half a month now. He was out of practice and as much as the administration thought sports were a thing you could just magically excel at out of natural talent, basketball was a sport that depended heavily on your aim, the strength of your shot, a quick calculation of height and your momentum on court. All of which became doubtfully variable factors when they had been allowed to sit and catch dust for over two weeks. Tala was no longer confident on how he'd perform.
… because for some reason the school administration thought it was perfectly reasonable to bar him from so much as looking in the direction of a court, and then ask him to play in the Zest tournaments as the captain of the school team.
If he didn't have a previous record so loaded with charges of violent outbursts that he could easily be put into a facility for having more, he definitely would have given the fucking principal a piece of his fucking mind.
This was insane.
The Zest tournaments were annual tournaments for various co-curricular activities that happened on inter-school level, but the points scored up there were known to give you a heavy advantage in college applications. Tala was above average in studies but he wasn't a fucking nerd like Kai, so he needed to sell his basketball-prodigy point as much and as far as he could. This would wreck his otherwise perfect record on court. Honestly, given how great his performance had previously been, it was preferable to have to write up a few sentences explaining why he couldn't participate in the tournaments then muck up horribly where it counted the most.
Not that those bastards cared.
Tala's shoulders sagged as Kai continued to massage the nape of his neck. Underneath all that irritation, a deep sense of dread had been building a few minutes ago, a feeling of rooted desperation he hadn't felt since he became friends with whom he had dubbed as his three personal musketeers one drunk night when they all got overly emotional.
It was before Kai and Ray started sleeping together, or he realised his feelings for Kai or Bryan found he really couldn't deal with his friends on a daily basis if he didn't have outside influences to distract him most of the time. It was before they stopped listening to each other.
Tala knew he was having a depressive episode, but everything seemed bleaker just then. It was like every aspect of his personality that he had bottled up to make sure he never lost his only friends in the world was coming out to play all at once. His thoughts were torture just then, scattered needles he couldn't see and couldn't avoid stepping on. This one fear of being horrible in the game had branched out into every corner of his conscious, gripping his attention till he found himself heaving behind the school building, eyes stinging and palms sweaty.
He had felt the ever familiar urge to hurt people, things, himself whatever came to mind first. It wasn't new, this feeling, and it was nothing as intense or demonically dark or special as people assumed it to be. It felt almost mundane, like thirst for water or the need to take a shower after a sweaty and gross practice. It was ingrained in him like a natural reaction to situations and his body recognised it with rapt willingness. That terrified him and he had quickly lit a cigarette with trembling fingers to introduce some sense of normalcy back into his life, schooling his expression with precision only years of experience afforded. He couldn't break down now, not over something so ridiculous. He couldn't relapse over a game he was afraid of flubbing when he had gotten through so much in life already. This couldn't be happening to him.
When Kai found him, Tala had stopped shivering and was mostly just smoking, his expression collected, faintly angered yes, but nothing causing alarm. So he had sidled up to stand opposite him and shared a cigarette, before resorting to just observing him smoke. Tala didn't know if it was the effect of Kai's ever familiar red eyes trailed on his face or something else, but those despicable feelings had cowered away in the face of this breathing reminder of what his new life looked like. He was still anxious, which he chose to blow off as frustration, but his fist no longer clenched and Kai's jaw no longer reminded him of how easy it would be to crush it with a punch, so he figured he was better than he was minutes ago.
He just needed to get rid of these nerves and psyche himself up for the game that would start in about half an hour now. Tala knew he performed best when he was confident. He was never a do-or-die, shine-under-pressure sort of player. He was at his finest when he was comfortable in his element, sure of himself if not bordering on cocky. He knew his skills, and so long as he had faith in them, he could single-handedly slam-dunk his team's way onto the podium. Today? He was just not feeling it. His jersey was felt like it was causing his skin to itch and his legs felt incapable of supporting his weight. He felt jittery, and that wasn't good.
"Talk to me, what is it you need?", Kai questioned him.
"I just… I don't feel very comfortable right now."
Kai smirked, though his eyes held no mirth. Tala could tell his mind was jumping around trying to figure out how to help him.
"Well I don't see how that's a bad thing. You shouldn't be too comfortable before a competition. A hunting dog never runs fast with a full stomach."
Tala rolled his eyes.
"I don't want somebody who never learned to dribble a ball telling me how I should be feeling to fucking beat it. I have been doing this shit for ages, Kai. I know what I need."
"Comfort is what you need, then? What would make you comfortable? A cheer from your fangirls, team bonding in the locker rooms, a geeking session over your manicures with the magenta maggot? What?", Kai leaned forward.
Tala licked his lips, once again mindful of how powerless he would feel if he stepped out on the court now, specially with the emotional turmoil he had just gone through.
"Control, I need a sense of control, Kai. Everything is just happening and I am not used to being swept up with it. I want to feel powerful before I step out there."
"How can I make you feel powerful?"
Looking at that face, he couldn't help but think of when he felt the most powerful around Kai.
When I watch your expression crumble after I leave you a subtle reminder of how you were nothing more than a fuck toy to sink his dick in for your first love. That, that gives me power over you.
He wasn't going to hurt Kai.
… and there was something else that gave him a rush of adrenaline when it came to the Russian, something that made him feel like he possessed every thought Kai had and every feeling Kai felt, like he was in control of every act of Kai's even as his usually self-assured red eyes fluttered in a mad display of submissiveness and his sighs caved into moans that would spill out of him between shuddering breaths that made Tala's head swim.
"What do you need, Tala?"
Tala leaned back and licked his lips, watching Kai zero in on the action immediately. His eyes darkened and when they rose to meet Tala's, slight hesitation coloured the frenzied madness that was rapidly growing in both their expressions.
"Tala,", Kai repeated, but his mouth was curling into a smirk. "What do you need?"
"You. Need you."
Kai leaned closer to him, pressing their bodies together.
"You have me. What do you want me to do?"
"Just…"
"Do you want me on my knees for you? That shoe lace is coming undone, could tie it up for you while I am there. You'd like that."
"I would like…"
"Or do you want me tying up your hair for you? Could help smooth down that jersey over you. Looks crinkled right here…" The Russian's fingers were now ghosting up his side, slowly, carefully, maddeningly making his heart race.
This was supposed to make him feel powerful why was Kai teasing him?!
"Stop that." Tala found it within him to bark at Kai. "I need- I want to touch you. And you're not allowed to refuse."
Slowly, the pale features of his boyfriend became inflamed with a rising desire that made Tala smirk. Bewildered and aroused was his favourite look on Kai.
"Whatever you want."
"I just- just a little, okay?"
Cocking a brow, Kai leaned closer and very mockingly whispered a 'please' against his lips.
Tala's hands shot out a second later and framed Kai's face. The Russian pulled back, and stood still in anticipation. Tala drew his palms down Kai's cheeks and cupped his neck, curling his fists once and squeezing lightly, then moved down to his shoulders and collarbones, popping a couple of buttons along the way to give himself access. His breathing sped up. Almost shyly, Kai reached up to help, undoing a button before Tala pushed his hands aside. The redhead's fingers changed direction abruptly, thumb dragging along the contours of Kai's lips. His fingers dipped with the cupid's bow and glazed roughly over the plump and soft bottom lip. Kai parted his lips in a sigh. Their eyes flew to each other, drinking each other up in silent agreement.
Slowly, Tala slid a finger inside Kai's mouth. Kai licked it gently, tongue curling around it in a moist massage and Tala's breathing grew heavier, eyelids lowering. His other arm coiled around Kai's waist, palm pressed possessively to the small of his back. Kai's mouth felt so hot as he sucked softly on his finger, moaning slightly in enjoyment causing Tala to gasp- the soft hazy feeling now peaking into arousal. Suddenly, Kai grabbed at his hand and pulled his finger deeper inside his mouth, his teeth scraping against his skin, to which he responded with a tug of Kai's hair. Kai hollowed his cheek, sucking harder, his red eyes staring Tala down.
"That's enough.", Tala's finger pulled out of Kai's mouth with a wet pop and he pressed his palm against his lips.
His free hand trailed lower, and then underneath and up Kai's shirt as he pulled him close as he could go. All the while, they never managed to look away from each other.
"You want to suck my cock? Is that what you were trying to tell me just now?" Tala asked, his voice heavier with arousal. "If I said that's what I need to feel in control would you do it?"
"Mmm!", mouth still covered, Kai nodded.
Tala smirked.
"I have imagined that once or twice. Having you down on your knees in front of everyone in that godforsaken court, everyone who knows you, respects you, hates you or even wants you. I imagined forcing you down on your knees, fucking your mouth and cumming all over your beautiful face."
"Mmmph." Kai groaned, voice muffled against his hand.
Tala removed his hand and raised a brow.
"Let me do it, I will do it now."
Kai was blushing now, and Tala watched in fascination as his eyes grew needier.
"I want to do it now, Tal."
He sounded wrecked.
Tala could feel his lips curling. They couldn't fuck, obviously they couldn't fuck but this was the high he needed to ride. Kai was close to begging for him and he felt so powerful, it was crazy.
"Not now, baby. I got a match to win."
…
As the two walked back towards the court again, people scrambled to get out of Tala's way. He could only imagine what he looked like, but he felt pretty badass and Kai's adorable pout that he could practically feel, wasn't doing anything to discourage the giddy sense of invincibility. Tala knew this mood would evaporate as soon as he touched the ball but till then, he was pretty damn fine.
The feeling was only intensified when Kai took a seat in the stands with Bryan and Hilary to watch his match instead of heading towards the track field to watch Ray's race, that was happening right then, as he had always been wont to do. He blushed and landed a loud smooch against Kai's mouth, then stormed off towards his teammates.
…
Their team won and nobody could deny Tala's performance was pretty good that day. He had only managed to land one basket, which wasn't his overall best, but he had been pretty good as a defender. The other team hadn't even managed to score once and a huge part of that could be attributed to Tala and this other junior Eddie.
Satisfied with the result and biased against sweaty group hugs by birth, Tala marched off the court after exchanging some congratulatory pats and handshakes with their opponents, even as the rest of his team had transformed into a pile of squirming bodies that made Tala think of plagues, people dying in plagues, and dead people's dead bodies stacked around town during plagues.
He shuddered, then grimaced at his thought process.
Right outside the court, he could recognise the sweaty but jubilant face of his Chinese friend. His grin was huge but that could be attributed to the shiny gold-medal around his neck. His results must have just been announced, even though Tala didn't see the point of stalling because it was usually clear who had won the moment a race ended. Clearly, Ray had kept his steak going. That boy hadn't placed any lower than at the top in any race ever. He really was incredibly fast.
Grinning and throwing his arms around his friend, Tala heard the first few words of congratulations that actually meant anything to him.
Mariah was next, who had followed Ray from the field moments ago and was now draped around him in a loose embrace. Tala found himself grinning and leaned closer, nose identifying a sickly ripe scent. Vodka.
"You drunk, Mara?"
She didn't respond, just nuzzled his neck. She always became very cuddly when drunk.
Tala stared at Ray in judgement, making the Chinese grin as they walked away from the path and to the side, closer to the wings of the stand. A water bottle Tala hadn't noticed in Ray's hand was offered to him.
"You got her drunk? Here? Really?", Tala questioned as he took a swig of the foul liquid.
Ray raised his hands in surrender. "I gave her a sip, I promise. It's not my fault she's such a lightweight!" His left hand rose further to wave at someone behind Tala's back, as the redhead took another long gulp, cringing immediately after.
"You are already suspended, Tala.", Bryan reminded him as the other three walked up behind him. Tala immediately placed the bottle into Hilary's outstretched palm from under Bryan's disapproving glare. The brown-haired girl thanked him. She still wasn't completely at ease around them.
"Nobody will find out.", Ray called out to them. Newly aware of his presence, Mariah pulled away from Tala and skipped back into Ray's embrace, content to silently nuzzle his neck now.
"Not if she keeps behaving like that.", Kai remarked. The bottle had reached him now.
"And definitely not if you keep doing this here!", Bryan snapped, before snatching the bottle out of their hands and thundering off, one arm secure around Hilary, the other holding hostage the one thing that would make sure the rest of the dumbasses he called friends followed.
Well, thank god they had the women's and junior division matches to go through before they held the award ceremony.
…
One of these days, one of them was going to bust a liver.
They weren't supposed to have gotten wasted but they called them celebratory drinks and poured shot after shot, hailing both Tala's and Ray's victories. Once Tala had made it through the award ceremony they drank themselves to literal oblivion and upon waking up Tala was traumatised to find Bryan's knee snuggling up against his crotch.
The first memory he recalled from the night before was him and Hilary performing a rendition of Hakuna Matata in their underwear. Kai had drummed along on somebody's bed post. The second seemed a lot like Tala, fully clothed mind you, pretending to jack off his imaginary dick while a very plastered Ray skidded towards and came to kneel in front of him with his tongue out pretending to take a facial of his imaginary cum shot.
Why?
He groaned. Did they have a life outside alcohol, sex and alcoholic sex? No sir, they didn't.
Around their room, other drunk bodies were visible. Hilary had passed out on the floor but Mariah had been carefully tucked into Ray's bed and a glass of water had thoughtfully been placed on her bedside table. He himself was on the floor at the foot of his bed though.
Their boyfriends were nowhere to be seen.
…
Whipping his head from side to side in a frantic search for them, Tala's heart raced as he looked around their dormitory. He hoped they hadn't, but he won't be surprised if they had.
Laughably enough, while he was convinced of Ray's loyalty to Mariah he couldn't say the same about his own partner.
They hadn't been in the room, nowhere in the entire dormitory. He was roaming the grounds now, looking for familiar shades of blue and black that he had grown accustomed to spotting close together.
He knew he should have more faith. Recently, Kai's eyes made a point to not wander and he was putting in efforts in this relationship and yet every moment they spent together, Tala was aware of the feelings he had experienced for Ray. Now that he finally had Kai for himself, he wasn't going to give him up. So it was best to catch them and stop them before they could go ahead with it. It'd look a little spineless if he made himself forgive Kai, which he knew he ultimately would, after he stepped out on him. Burning the infidelity out of him was a better option than letting him go. Tala wasn't letting him go.
A few years down the lane he would find himself looking back and gritting his teeth at his own lack of self-respect. He wouldn't understand how he had been broken down to this. Was he addicted to Kai? Maybe. Was he going to do anything to help the situation? He didn't think he could.
Rounding the tennis court to the side of the building, Tala found himself running up to the racing tracks. Immediately, his eyes traced the two, sitting a respectable distance apart, right in the middle of the track. They had the day off, so nobody was practicing in the early hours of the morning. The two seemed snug in the privacy and silence of their surroundings. Tala heard himself breathe a sigh of relief.
He jogged up to the two, but he made out Ray standing up from quite a few paces away. Smiling down at the still seated Russian one last time, Ray started running towards him instead. They met each other half-way and the Chinese passed him by with an uncharacteristically somber smile. It made Tala's brow furrow.
As he reached Kai, he saw the Russian's expression was crumbling in its stoicism. His lips trembled and tears he seemed to have struggled to hold back were lending a feral shine to his crimson eyes. Kai was angry, but Tala would bet a limb he was angry at himself rather than Ray, no matter what may have happened.
Eyes downcast, Kai didn't acknowledge Tala.
"I told him.", he whispered, softly. "I told him I loved him. I blurted it out last night and he brought me out to talk about it."
"Oh, Kai." Tala dropped down beside him, an arm wrapping around the Russian's shaking shoulders. Abruptly, he became aware of the fact that he and Ray were the only two people in the world who had ever made Kai cry. One whom Kai loved, and one who claimed to love Kai.
The second thought, quick on the heels of the one above, was that Kai said 'loved' not 'love'.
With a mocking and hateful little chuckle, Kai snuggled closer to Tala.
"He told me he was sorry Tala. Like I am some dumb slut who saw him twice in biology class and couldn't help confessing to him, somebody who didn't matter enough for him to say anything more to. He was sorry he couldn't be with me and that's it."
As the shivering in Kai's frame increased, Tala's hold tightened around him.
Yes, the Kai-Ray chapter was officially over now.
…
"Isn't it weird that you guys can't talk to each other about anything of importance unless drunk out of your minds?", Mariah questioned.
"Isn't it weird that you, being someone who blindly ran away from the guy you loved because you had zero faith in his words, think you're qualified to tell others how they should communicate?" Tala bit back. The pink-haired girl stood up from in front of him and walked off to a different section of the library with an audible huff. Tala sat back.
His heart was racing and he struggled to push her words out of his mind.
Two days later, he found his nipple piercing was starting to go bad, and had to take it out.
…
Tala shifted a little, sliding his leg underneath Kai's and making them tangle together. Sighing, he sat back against his chest and a soft smirk spread across his face when he felt the Russian's sturdy arms tighten around him.
Picking another strawberry, he dipped it into the bowl of chocolate, before holding it up to Kai's lips. 'Dinner and Diatribes' played around them, and with every chord struck Tala felt himself liquifying.
Kai's soft lips brushed his fingertips and set them tingling as he took a bite of the strawberry and then leaned down to lick up the syrup from where a little of it had trickled down Tala's finger, before leaning his head back under Tala's jaw to nuzzle the skin there. The curtains drawn around the bed isolated them from the striking emptiness of the rest of their dorm. This wasn't a moment anybody else could intrude on.
"My turn." Kai muttered before grabbing Tala's phone from his hand. Searching through the songs, his brow finally eased as he found something he liked, and hit play, the speakers choking to a stop for a second before soft r&b tunes flowed out and filled the silence around them.
Tala had been very surprised when he first found out Kai liked indie music. He had always assumed he was a rock/metal sort of person.
This piece didn't seem to have lyrics but the beat was beautiful, fast-paced but calming. Tala turned around in Kai's arms to find enchanting red eyes pinning him down. He placed a hand on Kai's cheek and brought their lips together in a fervent kiss.
Kai smiled against his mouth.
When they parted, Kai leaned forward and brought back a strawberry to nudge Tala's lips with, which he readily opened, allowing the Russian to place the fruit inside. As a spicy sweetness burst in his mouth, Tala grabbed onto Kai's palms and placed them on the swell of his butt.
Immediately, the air shifted.
Kai's brow creased and he pulled back a little. He didn't remove his hands from Tala but his grip was lax.
"I am not in the mood."
Tala felt a tingle of disappointment rise up in his gut, and with a snort he extracted himself from Kai's arms.
When was he ever in the mood these days?
Ever since that day he confessed to Ray about two weeks ago, Kai had been rejecting all of his advances. He had gone from begging to suck his cock out in the open to refusing to touch him so quickly Tala couldn't even adjust to it. He didn't get the point. Kai hadn't been stand-offish or upset, not as far as he could see, so what was with this sudden bout of celibacy? What would killing their sex life get him? Ray? It boggled Tala's mind.
Kai watched him, wordless. Expectation sizzled between them, but in actions akin to pouring petrol on a raging fire, Kai turned away and slipped under the sheets.
Tala gaped, then gnashed his teeth, baffled at how quickly the calm and loving mood had snapped to pieces around them.
"Bet if it was Ray you'd do it."
It was mean and Tala knew he'd regret saying that the moment his anger died down, but for now, it helped the sting in his chest.
…
As it turned out, the confession business had been a lot messier than the redhead had previously assumed because Kai had been avoiding Ray and it had thrown the entire group dynamic off again.
First, avoiding Ray meant Kai had absolutely no reason to be nice to Mariah. They spent hours screaming at each other every day. Secondly, them not talking literally translated into both being in incredibly snappish moods, so everybody was reduced to walking on eggshells around them. Third, Ray kept giving Kai betrayed kitten eyes whenever possible and Tala wanted to gouge them out.
Fourth, and the worst part was that this meant the drama was going to stretch on.
As much as he tried to keep calm, he didn't understand why they were dragging this out more than needed. They were both in relationships with others, happy and supposedly uninterested in each other romantically at present, so why did Kai have to be a total dramatic bitch and ignore Ray like that was ever in any universe possible, considering they shared a dorm room? Plus, why did Ray not understand this behaviour would eventually be weathered out?
When he ranted to Bryan, he received a silent nod and a loaded look, so Tala swore to never serve his hot take on the matter to anybody else.
In some corner of his mind he knew he was being petty but despite everything that had happened, it was a very real possibility that Ray would one day, typical to his incredibly fickle nature when it came to relationships, decide he wanted Kai after all and the Russian would so easily drop him and leave. It was also quickly becoming obvious that no matter what, he was going to be insecure about those two for a very long time.
Consequently, every second that they spent fighting with each other over this was one more second they spent viewing each other in a light other than pure friendship. As much as he wished Kai and Ray would maintain their distance from each other, he knew it wasn't going to happen. Even before they started fucking they had been thick as thieves. They had known each other since they were kids. They weren't ever going to cut contact and he knew and accepted that, but this? This wasn't them trying to get over that entire mess they couldn't handle, this was them stretching it out, giving it space, letting it feed. This won't blow over, this would need to be addressed.
… And he was afraid of what that would entail.
He recognised it was sick of him to want Kai to internalise and repress whatever he had felt after the confession, and judging from his own example he knew it won't lead to anything good. For the first time, it had been put in perspective how similar he and Kai actually were. They just couldn't let go of hopeless causes, no matter how much it hurt them. He knew the healthiest thing here was to let Kai go through the full circle of grief, which had only just begun but that didn't mean it didn't irritate him.
He had lost count of how many nights he had spent wide awake, Kai's head cradled in his arms, just wondering if the next day would be the tipping point and what he'd do if Kai decided to walk away. Smile and hold the door open and tell him it was okay and they could stay friends, in order to still have some part to play in his life, most likely and it made him tear up.
These thoughts, these doubts, all routed in his anxiety were still fairly new to him. He had spent so long pining behind Kai and making sure the expression on his face never gave that away, that his mind still wanted to continuously believe he was chasing behind Kai and feed into his fears, ultimately. The emptiness left behind by his previous fixation only offered space to darker demons.
The more he thought about it, the more he got lost in his head, in more senses than one. He was starting to realise how little he understood himself, because for the better part of his life he had been focussed on veiling his natural instincts and thoughts, coaching himself into expressing this carefully moderated version of his inherent tendencies that would always work best to keep things perfectly balanced.
Just how afraid had he been of confrontation all this while?
Consequently, he knew himself even less than he knew Hilary. He knew what his favourite colour was and he knew he hated Taylor Swift and he knew he had no control over his morbid fantasies involving far right wingers and guillotines, but that wasn't all it took to define a person. He couldn't answer any complicated questions about who he was, that went anything beyond the mundane preferences and routines of his life. It was something that terrified him.
…
One morning in late February, the four of them were hanging around the dorm room. It was a Sunday, but they had nothing planned. If anything, Tala knew he would have to sit his ass on his desk and start studying for the impending finals, since he wasn't a born-and-bred genius like his boyfriend, who was presently amusing himself with some good old cyber-stalking. Whom he was stalking, Tala did not want to know. Kai had a habit of digging up controversial figures all over the world and stalking the shit out of their social media to get kicks out of it. For someone who pretended to not give a shit about anyone like he was getting paid billions every day to do it, Kai enjoyed digging up dirt on people he'd never meet in life a little too much.
Bryan was hanging half off the bed and texting someone, one of his multiple someones. He was cheating on Hilary, everybody but her knew.
"Hey, you wanna get started on the algebra?", Tala called out to Ray where the Chinese was mindlessly staring at nothing from on top his bed, making him jump and come to his feet.
"Sure!", he called out, in a voice too high, tone too rushed and pitch too squeaky.
Tala frowned.
"You okay there, bud?"
Oh, so now Kai wanted to pay attention to them.
"Perfect! Why?!" Ray rattled off, and Tala exchanged a glance with Kai. Given how frequently and shamelessly this guy lied to people, this behaviour was alarming.
"Why are you screaming, then?"
"I am not!"
Tala merely raised a brow. Kai scoffed and went back to his laptop screen, but his brow was pinched now.
Just then, somebody knocked on their door. Bryan looked up in alarm. Who in the world wanted to knock?! They knew nobody with manners.
"Mariah!", Ray squeaked and dashed to welcome her in. She never knocked.
One look at her face and it was obvious she was just as jittery as Ray.
Tala came to his feet.
Bryan straightened up, locking and putting his phone away.
Kai, on the other hand, slammed down the lid of his laptop and stood up. Shuffling around to adjust his feet in his shoes, he threw Mariah a poisonous glare and started to walk out. Oh yeah, he hated her coming to their dorm room.
Tala suspected it had something to do with how this room had seen most major markers in his 'relationship' with Ray and he felt her presence defiled it.
"You can't leave." Immediately, Ray was blocking Kai's path. For the first time since the confession, the Chinese boy dared to touch him, lifting a hand and placing it on his chest. Kai paused.
… Then sneered at Ray's hand and grabbed it to throw it off of himself.
"Kai, please, we'd like it if you heard this directly from us.", Mariah pleaded. What she hoped to achieve Tala didn't know. Kai would never listen to her.
Ray took a step closer, forcing Kai to back up a couple of steps himself.
"Just listen to this, and then you're free to leave."
Something inside Tala flared up and he walked over to Kai, wrapping his hand around the Russian's wrist.
"Come on." He gently pulled him away from where he was locked in a stare-down with Ray, who immediately let out a sigh, eyes thanking Tala for the breathing space.
"This better be fucking important.", Kai growled, pulling away from Tala and crossing his arms across his chest.
Ray and Mariah exchanged a nervous glance, the former gulping before he turned to face his friends, took a deep breath, chickened out and turned to give his girlfriend a pleading glance. Mariah rolled her eyes, but only looked more panicked.
"Just fucking say it, Mariah!" Bryan didn't usually cuss at Mariah but it seemed like them being so nervous was making him nervous now.
"Yeah, yeah, right. Sorry. Okay so, I am pregnant and I'm keeping it.", she said, voice even like she hadn't just confessed to being with child at 17, with a 17 year old guy who was an overgrown child himself at the best of times.
Nobody blinked, nobody spoke, nobody so much breathed out loud.
Till the penny dropped and a cacophony of voices assaulted the couple, making them both cringe into themselves. Bryan was waving his arms around in disbelief and screaming something about how Ray's dad would kill him. He accidentally knocked Mariah's cheek. When he had crossed the room to stand in front of them, Tala hadn't registered. Ray was shouting something back about how it really wasn't his fault and beer, so Tala felt it was safe to assume this happened when they were both pissed out of it. Mariah was trying her best to calm the friends down, while simultaneously trying to avoid Bryan's fists. Kai was frozen to the floor with his jaw lying uselessly next to his shoes. He seemed to have forgotten how language worked, altogether.
Tala felt a blood vessel pop in his head.
If it wasn't clear already, Tala here is basically at the same level of emotional unawareness as Tala fresh out of the Abbey because that is the level of pasty I associate with him in general. Just kidding, it is very fascinating to me how difficult it must have been for the Blitzkies to reacquaint themselves with feelings after they were freed from the Abbey and I am just trying to tweak that trope a little. He has only just started to realise it though, so…
I had to split this chapter in two parts because. I have no explanations, I just did. Roll with it. Unedited, we die like heathens. Review.